Awake

Cohen - 3:14 am

I didn't usually spend this many nights in a row thinking about the same girl. Let alone any girl in general. Most nights it was just thinking of what I could have done different. How could I have helped, what I should have said before it was too late.

I picked up my phone, 3:17 am, god.

I was a goner.

This was night four, of waking up thinking of her.

The way her laugh would fill an empty room. The way her soft skin would glisten underneath any sort of lighting. How her eyes perfectly revealed just how she felt. Her dark hair unlike any night, ocean-depth, or space. That's how mesmerising she was. Like a goddess sent back to earth, merely to punish me.

I rolled over, the mattress was cold and empty. The weeks before she had been there, lying next to me, deep in slumber. Now I lie alone. My thoughts swimming with images of her face.

"Just tell me Cohen. Did you feel it too?" She pleaded, I could almost hear her heart breaking inside of her. Tears began building in the corners of her eyes. I resisted the urge to wipe it away.

I took a deep breath, "No Isabel, this" I said, gesturing between the two of us. "was just work. Any emotions were just brought upon by sleep deprivation." I said coldly. Just like that, her face went blank as one singular tear rolled down her cheek. Like some part of her knew what I was saying wasn't true, I wanted to tell her it wasn't. But I couldn't bring myself to it. I can't let myself get close to someone like that...again.

"No. It can't be." Her breathing intensified. "It can't be. Do you remember that night at June's?"

Of course I did. How could I forget it?

"You told me you would always care about me! How no matter what, you would always be there for me!" A quiet sob left her. I forced myself to look away from her, I couldn't bare seeing her like this.

"I lied."

"You-" Her shoulders began to shake as she cupped her face in her hands. Sobs and sniffles filling the once vibrant room around us.

"I'm sorry Isabel." I straightened myself, letting out a loud exhale. "I need you to leave now, I have a meeting." I opened the door for her.

"You know what," She rubbed her nose, mascara running down her face. "I hate you Cohen Yung." Somehow those words hit me harder than any bullet ever could or would.

I had just let her walk away like that. I was an idiot. A stupid, tired, idiot. And I missed her. I had hurt her, there was no way she would ever forgive me in the end. I wish I could just take it all back, run to her and hold her close to me, telling her all the things I wanna do with her, all the places I wanna see with her by my side. But all I wanted right now, was to see her. I only needed to look at her.

I rolled over again, taking deep breaths to ease myself. After ages of waiting, I slowly fell back asleep, thinking of my time with her. And how much I deeply missed it.

Isabel - 3:30 am

I hate him. Or at least that's what I wanted to think. Some part of me just wouldn't let me hate him. He looked so sad and exhausted when he told me it wasn't real. Maybe I was just crazy, in fact I probably was. We had so many good memories over the last few months, so many secret moments, late night conversations, he had to have felt something. Right?

I tossed and turned, trying to get comfortable. But it just wasn't the same without Cohen there to hold me. When I would wake up from my nightmares he would hold me and tell me I was ok, instead of yelling at me for waking him. As I would cry, he would rock me back and forth, lulling me back to sleep. He would laugh at all of my extremely unfunny jokes, yell at the stupid people in my TV shows with me. He was perfection wrapped up into a six foot four, asian american, dream boat.

I wanted to text him so bad. Go back to sending each other endless GIFS and cat memes at two in the morning when we both couldn't sleep. Should I just send one? Just because he said we weren't romantic, doesn't me we couldn't be platonic. I mean so many people were friends with their exes, or old crushes. So why cant I?

Me: OMG js saw this super funny tiktok!

Unsend! Unsend! Unsend!

Relief coursed through my veins, imagine if he had seen that.

*Read at 3:41 am*

Crap

Cohen: Stop texting me Isabel. This isn't profesional.

What. A. Jerk. I was trying to get past the fact he literally called the past few months of us freaking dating "nothing", when it most definitely was something. We had kissed on multiple occasions, in all of which he had initiated the kiss. So when I attempted to pretend it hadn't of happened, Cohen just had to be Cohen.

Me: Just because I hate you Cohen doesn't mean I don't still think of you.

Sure, he sucks. But my brain seemed to really like the thought of him, and the look of him, oh plus the sound of him. Maybe just him in general?

Three dots appeared at the bottom of my screen.

Then disappeared.

Then they were back.

Cohen: So you think about me often?

He always knew how to make something sweet into something annoying. That's what Cohen did best, thats what we did best, get under each others skin. Or at least I was under the impression that that was what we did best. But maybe we just weren't the best pair.