Love Like Yesterday

Love Like Yesterday

By Kate Valaris

I was staring at him again, like always, staring had always been our thing. We had grown up together, starting as strangers when we were eight and he moved in next door, then as neighbors at nine who would walk to school together, then as friends, then lovers at sixteen. We slowly grew closer and closer until we couldn’t deny our longing to always be close. Jason was always there for me when we were little, protecting me from bullies, helping me up when I fell, cheering me up when my dog died. He’s always been a constant, and I’ve never wanted for anything more. Then, one rainy day we were laying on my bed, and I kept catching him staring at me, I turned, naturally, and asked if I had anything on my face. That made him chuckle, he said no, so I looked back at the screen, but he kept staring. I looked back at him and said “What?” He told me I was ‘just beautiful,’ and he ‘likes to admire me.’ I rolled my eyes and pretended to hate it, but internally I was ecstatic. I loved that he looked at me like that, that he wanted to look at me instead of watch the movie. So, I shifted til we were face to face, and stared back. After a few seconds he asked me why I was staring and I said, “because you’re beautiful.” He burst out laughing, sitting up from his spot, telling me not to call him that. I said “guys can be beautiful too, and you’re the most beautiful guy I’ve ever seen.” That seemed to hit him hard because he immediately stopped laughing, laid back down, and started looking at me again. This time I was the one who jolted up when he started stroking his thumb across my cheek. I couldn’t hide my flushed cheeks so sitting up was the only thing I could think of. He looked at me, with that playful smile, telling me to lay back down, so I did. I decided this was the moment I was going to be brave, and tell him that I’ve been in love with him since we were twelve, probably before then, if I’m being honest. I looked him dead in the eyes and told him that I needed to tell him something, but my nerves got the best of me and I instinctually looked at the movie to avoid eye contact. He told me he also needed to tell me something, and guided my face, so that my eyes were even with his. I told him that I needed to go first because if not, then I would never say it. Intrigued, he said I could go first, and he waited patiently for me to talk. I looked him in the eyes, and uttered so quietly, I wasn’t sure he heard, “I’m in love with you.” His face changed, a mix between shock, knowing, and something else I couldn’t quite place. He whispered to me, “I know.” and something just took over me because the next second I was so embarrassed that I started burying my head under the covers. He grabbed my hands before I could though, and forced me to look at him. I couldn’t meet his eyes, so I kept squirming to get out of his grip. He told me to look at him, that it was his turn to say something. I slowly brought my eyes up to meet his. He started speaking, said “I can’t believe you beat me to it,” then in a quiet whisper, like he was trying to keep it between me and him, he said “I’m in love with you too.” And something in me broke and healed itself back together at that moment. The next thing I knew, he was kissing me with so much intensity that I could have cried. This was everything that I had dreamed of. After that, we were inseparable. We became official and did everything together. We had staring contests frequently, went on dates at least twice a week, would watch movies every night, and walked to school every morning. Jason was everything I could have asked for, he taught me to love, taught me what it meant to be loved, and made me the happiest I had ever been. We’d fight occasionally, but that never changed our feelings. At eighteen, he told me we’d get married one day, that it would be me and him against the world, just like always. We’re in our senior year of high school, and it's just like a dream. We walk to school in the morning, eat lunch together with our friends, then when we walk home we go to one of our houses, grab a snack, do our homework together, and then watch a movie. This particular night was different though. His whole body language was off, like he was hiding something. I could see the nervousness in his eyes, sensed the way he would pull away when I tried to get close. After school, instead of going straight home, he said we needed to make a stop. He brought me to a park, told me to close my eyes and trust him, because he was going to guide me. I did trust him, so I closed my eyes, and let him have full control over where we went. When he told me to open my eyes again, it took me a few seconds for my eyes to adjust to the sun, but when they did, tears were already welling up in them. There was a blanket on the ground with a bouquet of flowers resting on it, a box of chocolates, and the most amazing assortment of snacks. When I looked up at him, he was holding a sign that read, “Will you go to prom with me?” I ran towards him, threw my arms around his neck and said “Yes!” I couldn’t believe this was happening. I pulled my face away from the crook of his neck where I had buried my head and asked, “Is this why you’ve been so off today?” he shrugged and said, “I was nervous things wouldn’t be perfect, or that you’d say no.” I looked him dead in the eyes and said “I would never say no. I had assumed we were going together already. I didn’t need anything fancy.” He looked at me and said “You deserve the best, and I wanted to give that to you.” I kissed him, and I felt so much love through that one kiss. But when I opened my eyes he was fading away. At that moment, a hand landed on my shoulder, and when I looked up it was my dad. Just then, everything started to come into view, and as I looked around to address my setting I realized I wasn’t at the park, but at a funeral. My dad told me I had zoned out for a few seconds. That's when reality came crashing down on me. And as I looked forward again, I slowly realized that this would be our last staring contest. He was dead, laying in a casket only a few feet away from me, looking just as beautiful as the day I met him.