Returning

Maybe it was because she and Jason were scruffy and un-showered, or maybe the regulars always sat toward the front of the diner; either way, she was glad for the distance between the other patrons and the corner booth where she sat across from her boyfriend. Ex-boyfriend.

Jason waited until the waitress went back to the counter after refilling his coffee before speaking, gripping his mug with both hands.

“So,” he said. “This is it. Are you sure I can’t give you a ride out of here?”

“No. We’ve been over this. There’s a bus that stops right in front of this diner. Late afternoon. I’ll be fine.”

“Suit yourself.” He stared at her.

“What, Jason?”

“It’s just... I don’t know, I always thought we’d make it. Maybe it was just too much. All that time slogging through the woods. Expecting you to follow me as I followed my dreams.” He sighed. “Guess that’s another belief I’ve had quashed.”

“Oh, Jason.”

He met her gaze. Sighed again. “It’s okay. I get it. You’re done with me. And I’m done with Bigfoot hunting. You were right all along. There’s no such thing. He doesn’t exist. It’s time to move on.”

“But...”

“But what?”

“Nothing. Just surprised I guess.”

His eyes flared with emotion. “Really? Months of deprivation, backpacking thousands of dollars’ worth of equipment over remote terrain, and not one sign. Not. One. You’re surprised? All along you have doubted his existence. You’ve never believed.”

He abruptly stood up, paid for their meal, and stalked out to his truck. His words hung heavy as she followed him. He pulled her duffle bag and pack from the back then got behind the wheel.

“See you later,” she said weakly.

“Seeing is believing,” he retorted and turned the key. After watching him disappear down the quiet main street and out of town, she sat on the bench in front of the diner.

She could understand him taking a break from searching for evidence of Sasquatch, but she never imagined that he would stop believing in the existence of Sasquatch. Even as a staunch disbeliever she had admired his drive and determination. They used to joke about their opposing beliefs but agreed that because of it they made good science together. He claimed her skepticism kept him grounded and honest in his research, said her presence ensured that any evidence would not be conjured out of wishful thinking and would be rigorously examined. But even with all his equipment, he had found no evidence. He used to always say it was just a matter of time. Finally he admitted it was time to give up.

Finally she admitted she didn’t love him. They were finished.

That is what her friend wanted to know more about when she texted her from her cell phone.

Is there someone else?

Not exactly.

?! What does that mean?

??

It’s just me. I need space. In fact

I’m going to be off-grid for a while.

Just want you to know all good don’t

worry

You’re better off without

that freak. Bigfoot! Really?

LOL!

Batterys low. Later.

She gathered her things and looked for a quieter place to wait for the bus to arrive. Though a small town with little traffic and few people about, it felt overwhelming after being so long in the wilderness. She found a pocket park, a triangle of unbuildable space that harbored thin grass and a lone oak. She patted its trunk before sitting on the ground beneath the oak. She continuing her musings.

She had no doubt that she and Jason were not meant for each other. She was sad for Jason, but not sad about leaving him. Despite being away from civilization, from any other human beings, for weeks at a time, they had grown apart.

“Why did you even come on this expedition with me?” he’d demanded one night.

“Because you asked me to. Besides, I love camping.”

When they’d first set out she had no camping experience, had never slept outdoors before. She took to it immediately. She felt a growing strength and peace of mind in the simplicity of life in the woods.

“I could stay out here forever,” she had exulted, breathing in the rich smells of the forest. Jason made it clear that he only camped out of necessity. “The only way to encounter Bigfoot is to enter deep into his territory, remote areas like this, accessible only by hiking. So, we camp.” It was he that complained of inconvenience and discomfort, though she did what she could to mollify him.

Jason’s deepening frustration with his failure to find any sign of Sasquatch became harder for him to handle. More and more he’d snap at her, as if his failure was her fault.

“Bigfoot. Remember? The reason we’re here? Oh, that’s right, I forgot, you don’t believe and you don’t care. You’re just here to smell the wildflowers.”

She remembered when Jason got angry with her because she wouldn’t wear night vision goggles.

“They’re not necessary,” she had insisted. “It takes a little getting used to, but I can see fine at night. Maybe you should try it, see what you’re missing.” She might have said more, but he was so adamant that she let it go.

“Look,” he said, “Since you are clearly not into what I’m trying to accomplish, just try to stay out of the way and be quiet.”

She had taken to wandering the woods in the opposite direction he went. While Jason trudged along, forever fiddling with his equipment and becoming increasingly frustrated in his search for Sasquatch, she spent long hours exploring on her own, often just sitting quietly under the great towering trees. If she arrived back at the campsite after him he didn’t ask her where she’d been. When she started augmenting their meals with forage from the forest he did not ask her how she’d come to know these foods, just ate and regaled her with the details of another disappointing day. Curiosity and caring were, she felt, essential traits for a scientist and for a partner. His not demonstrating either convinced her that he was not worthy of an answer, should he ever think to ask. She would keep her silence. Her loyalties had shifted.

She looked back across the street. Afternoon shadows stretched towards the curtained windows of the now closed diner. At her feet, two sparrows chirped and scratched in the dirt. She smiled at the squirrel that watched her while it ate an acorn. Soon she would meet the bus then be on her way.

Was she obligated to tell Jason what she’d discovered?

Jason had believed, she had not. Jason had searched. She had found.

What if she had told him? If he didn’t see for himself, he wouldn’t believe her, would be suspicious of her motives. On the other hand, if Jason did believe her, he would remain in that area, causing untold disruptions and problems in his quest for absolute, indisputable proof. She shuddered to think of all the ways that quest could end. And for what?

No, she would not, had not, told Jason and was greatly relieved when he said he would not be returning to this area. Yet she was saddened when he claimed he no longer believed. She’d even reminded him that not proving something did exist was not the same as proving it didn’t.

“How come you seem to have more conviction now than when we started?” he asked, but it was rhetorical; he was more absorbed in cinching his backpack one last time than in any response she might have given.

She did have convictions. She knew Jason was not ready for the reality of the creature he had so wanted to encounter. Jason would never find Sasquatch, with or without her help. She had learned that the only way to see Sasquatch was to not search; the only way to get close was to not pursue. She learned that belief is one thing and trust another. She knew what it felt like to be trusted and to be able to trust.

The bus was just pulling in. She got up and crossed the street. Wading among the slack tide of people retrieving their luggage and those new passengers stowing theirs, she tossed her phone into the farthest corner of the baggage compartment, then shoved her duffle bag into the opposite corner. Her backpack held all she needed. She waited around the corner of the diner until the Greyhound pulled away, leaving diesel fumes in its wake. She walked in the waning light, anxious to get to the wooded foothills outside of town, eager to once again be beneath the trees.

She trusted her choice. She was ready to be found.