Accepting the Last Storm

A trip to the Utah mountains during a snow storm. That wasn't what Nicky considered a vacation.

“Evan, you’re not even an outdoorsy person. I’m shocked you wanted to come up here,” she laughed.

“Yea, well, I don’t know if you remember, but dad used to take us up here every Christmas break,” Evan stated while he handed her a cup of hot chocolate.

She grabbed the cup, and the smell instantly bought her back to those breaks. They had ended that tradition when she turned eleven. Roughly around the time their dad started his addiction. She took a sip, “yes, I do remember. Because I know this is dad’s recipe. It tastes so good.”

Evan mournfully grabbed her hand and gazed into her lugubrious eyes. They hadn’t experienced a doting moment like that since their mom passed away.

She had wished they didn’t have to have a moment like that again; at least not trailing a death of another parent. “I just miss him. I miss both of them.”

“I know, Nicky. I miss them too. I beat myself up everyday for not being there when they finally found his body.”

That day started to replay in her head. The twinge in her heart when the cops reported the news. But, oddly enough, the deliverance of having that certainty after going days not knowing where he was. Nothing will ever hurt me like the days when I lost my parents, she thought. It was a bittersweet situation for her. Yes, she lost both her parents, but there wasn’t any storms left to come. Whatever happened in her life moving forward couldn’t count as one. “Don’t beat yourself up. You were handling so much at the time. You’re divorce, losing your house, all those court fees.” She felt bad for her brother. He was still dealing with so much financially, she had to pay for the trip they were on. It didn’t matter to Nicky, she was just glad they had each other.

“Apparently I wasn’t there enough. Dad didn’t even put me in his will. He left everything to you.” Evan looked away from her. He bit his lower lip while his foot tapped the floor.

She narrowed her eyes, her head tilted to the side. Why does he keep bringing that up? They had already talked about this three times. It was like he was holding that against her at that point. “Evan, I already told you he left it to me because I was his primary caregiver. He lived with me and he felt like he wanted to give back to me for the time and money I spent. That was all.”

She looked out the window and seeing the snow build up drastically. I hope we don’t get blocked in. She started to feel unsure about the vacation. They were in a disagreement and now there’s a chance they would be stranded inside the cabin. She quickly wish she had asked for a rain check.

“Oh really? Are you sure it wasn’t because he couldn’t stand me?” Evan and their father were distant, they stopped talking for ten years.

Nicky always got stook in the middle of their “feud”, telling the both of them to just talk it out. They were both too stubborn. Nonetheless, their dad always bought him up to her. How much he missed him and what he should have done differently.

She knew he didn’t hate him, but she never could make Evan see that. She had yearned for them to just talk so their dad could tell him that right out of his mouth. But, it was too late now. So she continued to be in the middle by default, trying to reassure her brother every chance she got. “You both stopped talking to each other for something so dumb. You were mad at him for not putting you through college and he was mad at you for being inconsiderate.”

“Inconsiderate? I was inconsiderate?”

Nicky sighed deeply, “You knew he was blowing his money on his addiction. He couldn’t afford it.”

Evan widened his eyes and clenched his jaw. “Yet, he had no problem putting you through college. He always treated me different.” There it was, the real reason he kept bringing up the will.

She noticed that he had deep resentment, and who was she to disagree with his feelings and experiences? There was no rebuttal she could come up with at that moment. “OK, I get it. And I’m sorry he didn’t treat you the way you wanted him to. I’m not the bad guy here. Please know that.”

He nodded his head and another sip.

“I don’t want us to argue. We’re supposed to be enjoying this trip. We haven’t spoken to each other since the funeral. I’m glad to be here with you.”

He simpered, “You’re right. I carefully planned this trip out. Let’s just enjoy the time we have left.”

Instant relief comforted her. She couldn’t take being at odds with her brother, he was all she had left.

“Also, I’m sorry you had to receive the news from the cops all on your own. You never told me what all they said.”

She readjusted in her seat, and cleared her throat. The unease of recalling details from that day halted the alleviation she just felt. But, she knew it wouldn’t be fair to Evan if she left him unanswered. “They told me they found him in his car, in a random parking lot.” She stared down at the floor, “apparently he died of an overdose, it was an horrible way to die.” A few tears fell from her eyes. “I thought after losing most of his mobility from his stroke, he wouldn’t do drugs anymore.” She secretly beat herself up as well, for going to work that and not checking on him throughout the day. She was his caregiver, and she felt like she failed him. This was a vacation, not a pity party, so she didn’t bother to bring up her failure.

“That was an awful way to go. But, addiction is a disease, he could have relapsed at any point.”

That was something she kept hearing. From her therapist especially. But, she still didn’t understand. He vowed after his stroke that he would never do drugs again. Her dad was a lot of things, but a liar was not one of them. He always kept his promises. Then again, she knew he started his addiction immediately after their mom died. It still had bothered him deeply. He very well could have relapsed at any point, especially continuing to think about her. “You know what's weird to me? They found him not wearing his glasses. And, they didn’t find them in his car.”

“Maybe he just didn’t bring them with him. Why is that bizarre?”

“Dad always wore his glasses. I looked everywhere in the house, I even looked in his car myself. No glasses.” She sat her cup down. She had grown tired of talking about their dad. She hoped he would just change the subject.

“OK, that is weird. But, I’m sure it’s somewhere in the house.” He cleared his throat and looked over at the window. “Wow, the snow is really picking up.”

Finally. “Yea, I don’t know why you would pick this place for a vacation,” she replied as she rose from her seat. She started walking around the cabin, memories of their breaks flooded her mind. She needed those happy memories to override the sad ones.

“Because, I thought it would have been special since dad took us here.”

“That’s sweet Evan. But, I hope we don’t get blocked in. Because driving up here, I didn’t see anyone else. There won’t be anyone to get us out.” She made her way to the kitchen, reminiscing about her mom singing while she made pancakes.

“That’s a good thing. Nobody would hear you.”

Her eyebrows turned inward. She looked over at him, “what do you mean Evan? Don’t start being weird.”

He gave a smirk. His eyes fixated on her like a lion watching it’s prey.

She nervously chuckled. Going further into the kitchen, she noticed something behind the jar of sugar. She walked over and moved the jar aside.

Her eyes widened. Nicky gasped. She covered her mouth with her hand.

“Evan, why is dad’s glasses here?”

He rose from the sofa and strode over to her. “Because, I took him up here to kill him.”

Nicky looked down at his hand. He held a box cutter. Examining it further, there was dried blood on the blade.

“Now, it’s your turn.”

“W- what are you talking about? Stop playing around. Y- you’re scaring me,” her words trembled as they escaped her lips.

“Stop being dense, Nicky. You see his glasses, I’m not playing around.”

Her heart began to race.

“I needed that insurance money. I did the work to get it, but instead, you got to keep it all.” That same menacing smirk appeared on his face, twirling the box cutter with his fingers. “And that bullshit about you not being the bad guy. TUH. You absolutely are.”

Nicky looked around the kitchen for a knife. A plate to break on his head. SOMETHING. She was unsuccessful, so, she had to buy some time to come up with another plan. “How am I the bad guy, Evan?” Think Nicky, think, she thought.

“He put you on a pedestal. You got everything you wanted because dad set you up for success. An amazing job, a big, beautiful house, and I got stuck with a shitty marriage and the aftermath that caused me to go broke.”

Why is he blaming me? He chose his life path and he was taking it all out on her, just because of his resentment to their dad.

“I’m living in a freaking homeless shelter,” he blurted. Veins covered his forehead and his eyes nearly popped out of their sockets.

Run. That was the plan. She looked out the window once more. OK, we aren’t blocked in yet. I just have to make it pass him. There was no time to figure out what would come after making it out the door. She had to get away from Evan and have at least a chance of survival. There was no talking him out of killing her. He already killed someone, he would have no problem doing it again. “Evan, I told you I understand where you are coming from. Dad should have not-”

She took off.

She made it an inch passed him before he grabbed her loose, flowing curls and swung her to the ground. He got on top of her and held her down, she tried to wiggle her way from beneath him.

“You don’t understand. You never will. But, my luck will turn around. As soon as I get rid of you.”

He raised his arm up with the box cutter still in his hand.

Nicky turned her head away and covered it with her hands. Then, suddenly, she decided to just accept what was to come. She remembered the storms she had to endure when she lost her parents. She never wanted to withstand it again.

But, at least this was my last one.