Just I and I

I don't know where this place is or how I got here. It's too surreal to be a dream, yet too bizarre and physically improbable to be reality. If this was a dream, it would be classified as a nightmare.

I think I'm in a castle of some kind. The most peculiar and mind-boggling part of this place is that there are mirrors everywhere…literally! The walls, the ceiling, even the floor were completely made of glass. After gaining consciousness, I walked gently on the floor, fearing it would give way under me. After pacing around a dozen times, I realized the glass beneath my shoes was as tough as the kind they use for industrial skyscrapers or walk-through aquariums. Paper-thin linings segmented throughout the glass walls, ceiling and floors, forming an even tile-like pattern throughout the massive kaleidoscope structured hall I stood in. Each square held a reflection of myself, and all of them showed my face, regarding me with my own expression of fear and astonishment.

I found myself turning around, looking for a hidden corridor. Or a sign. Something! But all I was met with were rows and columns of mirrors holding reflections of me in my manic state. For a moment, I felt like I was being mocked. I swore one of them winked at me at one point. She did it so subtly that if I'd blinked, I would've missed it. I stood facing that particular mirror, waiting for another glitch. But instead, it did nothing. I turned away, ignoring what was likely a telltale sign that I was losing my shit.

“Hello!!!” I called out through cupped hands.

A part of me begged to hear footsteps or a reply from somewhere in the room. Instead, the only response I received were my own echoes.

I studied each mirror intently, waiting for the slightest abnormalities. For a while, I stood rotating around both mortified and yet eager to spot anything out of the ordinary within the mirrors. There had to be a corner or a doorway in the room. How else would I even get here?

When I looked out of the corner of my eye, I froze when I detected movement that was slightly more hasty and panicky than my own.

I scanned around the room, looking deep into every mirror, one by one. The room was round and almost cavernous like a lecture hall made completely of polished and reflective glass. It wasn’t until I slowly walked to the far corner of the room when I saw movement from one of the mirrors.

It was from a reflection of myself; she had the same autumn red curls, my hazel eyes, the silver ring piercing in my left nostril, along with my black hoodie and blue jeans. I was able to see that she had the same pink nails with the black tips like me, but only because she was waving at me. As for me, both of my hands were by my side and were balled up. My fists tightened from fear, and I felt my fingernails dig into my sweaty palms while watching my own reflection wave at me, begging desperately for my attention.

“You. Hey, you. Stop staring at me like a deer in headlights and get your ass over here!”

I squealed and froze where I stood. I tried telling myself that this was some sort of illusionist party trick or holographic trickery. But my reflection waved at me again, gesturing for me to approach her. Against better judgement, I walked over. My mind spun when I stood face to face with myself. The reflection looked me up and down with disbelief, as though she was just as baffled to see me as I was to see her. Then she blinked and took a deep breath. This was the same thing I often do while collecting my own thoughts. I realized she was stressed.

“Are you real?” I asked her.

“I…I was gonna ask you the same thing,”she stammered,”But I guess I’m only as real as you can be. Can a shadow be any more real than the person who casts it? Or vice versa?”

“I guess. But shadows and reflections don’t talk on their own.”

“Yet, you are talking.”

I retorted,“You’re talking! You’re not supposed to talk unless I’m doing it. You’re the reflection, not me.”

She shook her head stubbornly. “No. I’m not the reflection. You are. You’re in the mirror, and so am I.”

“I’m literally looking at you! How can I be the reflection if—”

“Unless we’re both reflections," she said, placing a finger on her cheek in thought. This was also something I did while pondering something.

“None of the above!” I snapped.

“Don’t do that,” my reflection said.

“Do what?!”

“Crash out. If you are an extension of me, then you think like me. And knowing myself, I’d probably want to break something if I was in your shoes. But I need you to listen to me. DO NOT BREAK THE GLASS!”

The idea of this…thing posing as me while instructing me was insane. It had to be a demon or a shapeshifting fiend. Maybe if I did break this mirror, I’ll find a pathway. Or maybe I’ll get rid of whatever witchcraft is at work here. Or maybe—

“STOP!”

“What?” I staggered back after my thoughts were interrupted by my look-alike.

“I know your thoughts, okay. The doubts and questions you’re having. I’ve had them too! They messed me up and I got turned around and distracted at the worst time possible. That’s why I had to start over.”

“Start over?”

“Shh! Shut up and listen to me for once. Please!” She hollered, as though ignoring her words would mean immediate danger. So I listened.

“See those three tunnels?” she asked, pointing at something behind me

I hesitated, but looked in the direction she was pointing and saw that she was right—there were three tunnels. ‘How did I miss them before? Wasn’t I just standing there?’ I wondered.

An abrupt snapping of fingers made me turn my head back to the other “me”.

“Pay attention,” she said,”If you’re wondering if those tunnels were there before, the answer is no. Don't worry about that. This place is made of lies and half-truths. Everything will try to trick and trap you in here.”

“Trap?” I asked.

“Yes. We’re both trapped! God dammit. Just listen to me and take the center tunnel. Once you go through, there'll be another room that looks like this one, but it'll be different. I’ll give you more instructions when I see you on the other end.”

I looked at the tunnel again, grimacing at a lengthy hall made from segments of glass squares and rectangles aligned together like a geometric web system. The two adjacent tunnels looked exactly the same as the center, yet the being in the mirror was so adamant about taking the center route.

I turned and asked her, “Why should I trust you?”

She thought for a moment, as though realizing that I probably didn’t have a good reason to trust her. Then she said,"Because I already made the mistakes so you don’t have to. Don’t trust the other reflections. They’ll lie to you. Some might tell the truth, just not the kind that’ll help you.”

“Then how will I find you again?”

She looked around herself. The room she stood in looked precisely like mine, but when she did a full 180, a glass square was revealed behind her with a massive hole and hanging fragments. It was a completely demolished mirror.

‘Did she do that?’ I wondered.

She bent to pick up one of the broken glass shards off the ground and let out a long, trembling sigh. Then, without a moment of hesitation, she pressed the sharp end into the palm of her right hand and made a deep cut. I gasped just as she shrieked in pain. When she was done,she turned back to me, showing her right hand that now had a glistening slash of red in the center. She breathed heavily as drops of blood trickled from between her fingers and onto the ground.

‘She's nuts!’ I realized.

“Now you should be able to recognize me. Just remember my right hand. Now go!”

I took one more disturbed look at her hand and then at mine just to make sure I didn’t get the same injury. Both of my palms were scarless.

I entered the center tunnel cautiously. The mirrors came to life when I walked past each of them. Everywhere I looked was another version of me that mimicked my every step to the very last detail, including the gentle flop of my shoelaces and the ever-shifting wrinkles on my pants.

I kept shifting my attention to each mirror. Suddenly, when I started to question my own paranoia, I passed a mirror on my left in which my reflection was walking with the same cadence as me, but in the opposite direction!

“You’re going the wrong way,” she said sharply without even looking my way. I stopped abruptly, causing my sneakers to squeak across the glass floor.

“Shit!” I cursed, looking back at the now empty mirror. I took a few slow and steady steps backward, until I was in front of the mirror again. I saw the new reflection again and just as before, she was facing the opposite direction.

“D-did you say something?” I asked. It was aware of me, but she never changed her footing or made eye contact.

She muttered, “You’re going the wrong way.”

“How’d you know?” I asked.

“Don’t you see me,” she said with a hint of sarcasm and annoyance, ‘I’m coming from that way. That’s no way out.“

I looked at her hands. No blood. No scars. I realized that this was one of the “others” the first sentient reflection warned me about. Without another word, I snatched my attention away from the deceiver and walked off. Out of my peripheral, I saw that the reflection didn’t walk away when I did. She was facing the same direction motionless like a mannequin. But I kept walking.

“You’ll die here!” I heard her say. I ignored her and went on. I saw another reflection of myself but instead of mimicking my pace, this one was sitting and huddled in the center of the frame, rocking back and forth like a disturbed mental health patient. She was muttering something to herself. I leaned in close to listen, but I regretted it.

“I shouldn’t have listened to her. I shouldn’t have listened to her. I shouldn't have…” the look-alike repeated non-stop.

This version of me was facing me, but her hair looked unkept and frizzled, like she rolled her head around on a carpet. She was so distraught that she didn't acknowledge me. I wanted to speak but when I noticed her fingers, I refrained from saying anything to the mad woman. Her fingernails were ripped off! They were reduced to bloody nubs on the tips of her fingers. Deep streaks of blood traced along the floor around her, like some morbid graffiti made with her bloodied fingertips.

I left that broken reflection of me behind and walked on until I reached the end of the tunnel. The new room looked exactly like the last. I walked to the center of the room and turned to face the tunnel I came from—only to find that it had vanished!

‘What the hell?! Did I even leave the room?’

“You. Hey, you. Stop staring at me like a deer in headlights and get your ass over here!”

‘Those words again,’ I thought. I followed the direction of the voice and there she was; a reflection of me stood in a mirror in the far corner of the room. One of her hands had a fresh, deep cut along the palm.

“You!” I exclaimed, rushing over to the look-alike. “I followed the tunnel. Now what?”

The look-alike tilted her head and had a look of disappointment. Something was wrong, but I just couldn’t put my finger on it.

“You're almost there. But you need to trust me and do exactly as I tell you. Got it?”

I scoffed,”Okay… I mean, I listened to you before didn't I? That tunnel you told me to go down just vanished into thin air but I'll trust you”

“As you should. But there's one more thing you gotta do: you need to break this mirror.”

I paused. Then I asked,”Break what mirror? Yours? I-I thought you said to not break—”

“Do you want to leave this place or not?!” She snapped suddenly with more venom in her tone.

“Y-yes. But I thought you said—”

“STOP! DON'T LISTEN TO HER! SHE'S NOT REAL!”

I turned to the direction of a new voice coming from across the room. There was another reflection whose stance didn't align with mine. My attention drifted to her hands, and I noticed one of them also had a deep red cut on the palm.

‘Wait..’

I looked back and forth at the two. The reflection on the far side had a cut on her right hand, while the other had it on her left hand.

“She's a fake!” said Right-Hand. “Don't break anything. It's a trap!”

Left-Hand said coolly,”She is trying to keep you here. The tunnel you just walked through just disappeared. Do you see another one? Of course not. There are no tunnels. No doors. This is literally a glass house. Just make a hole and walk out. It's that simple!”

The logic made sense, but the uncertainty was so great that it petrified me. Then more movement started to erupt all around me, followed by more voices.

“Just break it!” Said a new voice from the corner of the ceiling.

Another exclaimed, “Find another tunnel! There are others, trust me!”

Both Left-Hand and Right-Hand's voices were drowned out by all the other voices. Some barked orders to follow with promises of an escape. There were others who said sentiments of hopelessness and insults. My sanity crippled from the assault.

“You should've stayed in the first room, you moron!”

“This is a dream! Just wait and you'll wake—”

“Don't listen to her! Do you wanna die here?!”

“Death isn't real. Life is a lie.”

I heard over a dozen different versions of myself with different suggestions and demands all at once. I doubled over, and held my hands over my ears. At the peak of my rage and madness, my fists tightened and I swung at the mirror in front of me, the same one where Left-Hand stood. As soon as my fist collided with the glass, spiderwebs of cracks sprouted all across the frame, making a sickening sound of the surface breaking. Left-Hand's face twisted into a devious smile as she shook her head in amusement.

“You’re so fucked,” she chuckled as the mirror continued breaking.

The rest of the reflections clamoured and hollered. Some applauded with laughter, while others begged for me to run. Through the madness, I could hear the voice from Right-Hand's mirror saying,”No. Not again! Not again!”

Before I could scream, the cracking glass made a monstrous groan and I felt a powerful pull on my arms and legs, like an invisible suction was pulling me into the breaking mirror. I tried running but I fell as one leg was yanked toward the broken mirror, followed by my other leg. I tried gripping the floor but the flat glass surface gave me nothing to grip on to. Before I knew it, I was flung into the cracking mirror and saw everything tilt and erupt into shards of glass and disembodied voices—along with sinister laughter mocking me as I spiraled into a void.

I awoke next to a completely broken mirror and a mound of clear powder and shards. I groaned as I stood up and shook off the fragments of glass out of my hair and off my clothes. I looked around, only to find that I was back in the same room, surrounded by my reflections. The voices stopped and the only change of scenery was the broken mirror. Behind the hanging shards was just a black solid wall.

I wandered aimlessly around the room for what felt like an eternity, until I passed one mirror that was empty. When I got up close to examine it, I saw her; a version of me wandering deep into another version of the room confused and frustrated as I was. She didn't notice me.

‘Was this me from when I first arrived? Is this place tampering with time like it did with the tunnels?’ The answer was obvious: the place was a lie, and it will always rearrange itself in order to deceive me. But there was a way out. I could feel it. If I can't find it, then another version of me could. Afterall, if we are all just reflections of one another, and if one of us leaves, maybe all the reflections could leave, including me.

I waved my hand at my look-alike, trying desperately to get her attention. I was pissed about having to start over, but maybe this was just another step in a plan that was already set in motion. The new look-alike and I had to retrace the steps that were already taken and proceed. This was all just trial and error, and it was our turn to correct it.

“Hello!!!” I heard the version yell in her room over cupped hands, desperately looking for another person to help guide her from the glass hellscape. Slowly, she turned her head and saw me waving. Her eyes widened in shock, but I already expected that.

I then yelled,“You. Hey, you. Stop staring at me like a deer in headlights and get your ass over here!”