The Halfway House for Disgruntled Characters

“Consider the rear suite of rooms in Cloudbank Cabin for Arthurian Studies occupied until further notice,” announced Imaginational Dabrowski, one of the five overexcitable Dabrowski Dogs, who were Little Plump Jo’s writing companions. “But you must not breathe a word to anyone!”

“I did not even know that there was a rear suite of rooms!” Jo replied.

“Every problem has a solution, if you apply some imagination to it!” Imaginational declared. “I think you will find this is a most satisfactory solution.”

“I do not know what the problem is.”

“Problems – plural!”

“Okay, what problems?”

“Problem Number 1: I am sure you are aware that by failing to control Elaine of Astolat and letting her choose her own story, that you have altered the character arcs of several other characters. Malory Tennyson was threatening to oust you from Cloudbank Cabin on account of that.”

“No, Malory said that Elaine’s adventures amused him and he could forgive that.”

“Problem Number 2: Other characters are now trying to avoid re-enacting their role and Malory is definitely not pleased about that.”

“Problem Number 3 : Malory Tennyson is holding you responsible for the glitch in the Fog Lake and Cloudbank which happened last week.”

“That is ridiculous, Imaginational. How could I possibly have done that? I was just an observer, on the porch of Cloudbank Cabin, watching the trial by combat. I could not possibly have caused any injury to the participants or a glitch in the operation of the Fog Lake and Cloudbank!”

“I am fairly sure that Malory does not really hold Jo responsible,” chimed in Intellectual Dabrowski. “And he is not planning to deprive her of her Artisan in Residence status. He probably does not understand the glitch himself and Jo was just a handy scapegoat. I believe that Malory Tennyson intends to keep Jo in the cabin until she writes the full Arthurian epic to his requirements.”

“If she is not capable of doing that, why doesn’t he just throw her out now and get in another artisan who can do it?” That was Psycho Motor Dabrowski.

“Oh Psycho, Psycho, Psycho!” barked Intellectual. “Haven’t you realized that we are the ace up Little Plump Jo’s sleeve? Because we dogs hear a different range of sound, we can hear Malory having his tantrums in his own fictional dimension about what colour hair and eyes a character has. And we can interact with the characters in the Fog Lake dimension. Malory has never had that connection with any of the Artisans who have used Cloudbank Cabin in the past. How else do you think T.H. White got away with depicting Lancelot as ugly?

“Yeah,” agreed Imaginational. “I can just visualize how he must have been jumping up and down and screaming ‘goodliest does not translate to ugly’!”

“Anyway, that is still Problem Number 3. So, Problem Numbers 4 to Whatever are corollaries.”

“If Jo had to leave the cabin what would happen to the writing she has done here? Would she be able to claim it as her own Intellectual Property or would it belong to Malory Tennyson because it was created here?”

“What would happen to the non-canon characters Jo has introduced – like The Exwyrminator and Portly Scribe Aforementioned?”

“What would happen to the characters who have sought an enlarged role – like Dagonet, the Jester?”

“And, most importantly, what would happen to the canon characters who have claimed autonomy – like Elaine the Fair, Elaine the Lovely, the Lily Maid of Astolat, who has transitioned to Lady Charlotte-Elaine, The Lady of Shalott, entrepreneur owner of Charlotte’s Web Weaving?”

“I guess they could all go with Jo,” suggested Sensual Dabrowski. “Though if Elaine left with Jo, it would definitely cut out a very important, often told and beautifully painted chapter of the Arthurian epic.

“Which brings us to the current problem for which I have the revolutionary answer!” yelped Imaginational, allowing a pause for effect.

“Well?”

“What would happen to central canon characters that are absolutely essential to the whole epic if they wanted to leave or change their plotline?”

“Wow! That is a really great question,” said Intellectual. “Malory Tennyson would not want them to leave with Little Plump Jo. So maybe he would hold one or other party to ransom. And then the character would have to decide whether they wanted to stay in the Fog Lake, re-enacting for Malory Tennyson or go with Jo and risk just fading away into oblivion.”

“So, what is the solution?” Again, Imaginational paused for effect.

“We open The Halfway House for Disgruntled Characters.

We give the characters from the Fog Lake the option of spending time in the newly imagined wing at the back of Cloudbank Cabin to consider their options. The characters would not be completely cutting their ties to the Fog Lake but have time away for some R & R. That might be all they need in order to continue in their role.”

“And best of all…”

“Yes”

“It would keep Little Plump Jo in Malory Tennyson’s favour. She would be offering a service rather than appearing to steal away the key characters. Win-Win I say. AND…” Another dramatic pause.

“We have our first Disgruntled Character in residence already. And it is a really major character - they don’t come much more important to the story.”

“King Arthur?”

“Don’t be daft, Psycho! It is not King Arthur!”

“It wouldn’t be Merlin. He loves visiting Cloudbank Cabin. And he seems to come and go as he pleases.”

“Keep guessing!”

“Tell us.”

“Before I tell you who it is, I must tell you, you cannot reveal it to anyone – with the exception of Sir Bors and Merlin.”

“Not King Arthur and Queen Guinevere?”

“Especially not King Arthur and Queen Guinevere! And not Elaine Whoever She Is Today either.”

“Tell us.”

“We have The High Prince of Benoic, Sir Lancelot du Lac, ensconced in the bed in the newly created suite of rooms at the rear of Cloudbank Cabin – the Halfway House for Disgruntled Characters. He is here to recover from a serious wound and contemplate his future.”

“How are we supposed to look after him then?”

“He won’t be any trouble. He is propped up in bed with his leg immobilized in a splint with his companion dog, Heureux, at his side. Unnamed Manservant 1 and Unnamed Manservant 2 will tend to his physical needs. Sir Bors and Merlin will call in often to check on him. If he needs further medical treatment The Hermit of the Forest can be consulted.”

“So why is he here then? Why isn’t he at Camelot under the care of King Arthur’s own physician, Morgan Todd? Is that because he does not have King Arthur’s Medical Benefits Scheme coverage?”

“No, King Arthur was footing the bill himself. It was the least he could do after Lancelot was wounded fighting to defend the honour of his wife.”

“You said Lancelot is considering his future. Why is he doing that? Is his injury so severe it will prevent him continuing as a knight? Or does he have other concerns ?” That was Emotional Dabrowski.

“We are back to that question of what would happen to central canon characters that are absolutely essential to the whole epic if they wanted to leave or change their plotline,” explained Imaginational. “Lancelot is finding it increasingly hard to re-enact his story in the Fog Lake for the benefit of the artisans in Cloudbank Cabin. He does not want to keep repeating the final chapters of the Morte d’Arthur where he causes the death of Elaine of Astolat and is instrumental in the downfall of Camelot.

The glitch in the Fog Lake and Cloudbank last week was caused by Lancelot going off-script intending to be wounded badly enough to not have to participate in those next chapters. He wanted to go his castle Joyous Garde to recover to prevent rumours about his affair with Queen Guinevere. But King Arthur, blissfully unaware, was insisting that he stay in Camelot, even telling him Guinevere would be coming to sit with him. He wants to get out; but he will not be permitted to leave the epic.

So that is when I saw the potential to solve all the problems with The Halfway House for Disgruntled Characters.”

“Well, you have certainly put a lot of thought into this, Imaginational,” said Little Plump Jo. “But what happens in Camelot when they find he has gone?"

"I assume,'' intoned Intellectual Dabrowski, "that they will have a typical knee jerk Morte d'Arthur Fog Lake script reaction and Queen Guinevere will spend one thousand pounds to mount a search for him."

"Does Malory Tennyson know he is here?" asked Jo.

"Not until we tell him" chuckled Imaginational.