Blown Away

CW: Mass shooting

Blown Away 

by Theresa A. Queen 

So I was driving Bailey home after the game, and we stopped at a gas station. There was a clerk there, and she was just balling her eyes out. I asked her (the clerk) I said, “Ma’am is there anything I can do?”

I mean, do you you wanna talk about somebody in the trenches? Who is on the front lines? Who knows how things are? I mean, that old lady has seen some things and she, she started wiping away her tears (her makeup was run all down her face). She looks up, and she says:

“I have never seen folks so angry. Never seen ’em so disrespectful.”

I guess some guy started yellin’ cause his credit card got declined and, well, that guy, he had just taken off. 

Anyways, I get back in the truck and, Bailey, she’s all hunched over her phone, and I hear it. That noise that a text message makes as it goes out. You know what I’m talking ‘bout? That ‘bloop” sound, and so I asked. I asked. I said: “Who ya textin’?” 

And she jumps. She jumps. Her blonde hair was hanging down. I guess she didn’t see me and she looks all startled and kinda strange, and she says. “Huh?” 

Like she didn’t hear me. Like I was interrupting her. Like she wasn’t doing anything. And I said, again, I said, “Who. Are. You. Textin’?”

And, she just says, “No, no one, Babe.” Then she laughs, and sighs and flips her hair and says. “Work.”

But you see, that, that got me thinking, that, that don’t make no sense - ’cause, it is Saturday, and she don’t work on Saturdays. 

So we’re driving, and her phone goes ping, and she looks down at it, and she smiles. Her smile is all lit up in the light of her phone. And that did it. That did it. 

So I said, “that ain’t work. That ain’t work.”

And then, she looks at me all annoyed, and she just kind stares for a sec, and she says, “Why you trying to get all in my business?” 

That’s, that’s when you know right?

So I slammed on the brakes - almost sent her flying through the windshield, and I grabbed her phone. And it says, it says:

“Friday.”

And she writes back, “Cool.” 

But that’t, that’s it. That’s all I can see, ’cause she snatched it back, and there’s no name. There’s no name. It’s just some number. Then, she yells at me. 

She says, “For fuck’s sake, it’s work. Ok. Damn it. It’s work. I’m covering for Jimmy on Friday. Jesus.”

So then we drive for a bit. Things are real quiet. I keep driving and the lights of the freeway are going by, and she’s testing, me, now. I know it. I know it. I know she’s testing me but finally, I asked. I asked. I said. “Now, who’s Jimmy?”

A nurse. She wants me to believe that Jimmy is some nurse. 

So I tell her, I tell her, I say: “You know, I am not a stupid man.” 

So she tells me I’m unbelievable, and that I, I have a problem. And then she just looks out the window for the rest of the ride. Now, it’s street lights shining on her face, but there is no smile. And she won’t talk to me. No, Sir. Not a word. When we get to her house, she jumps out of the car, grabs her purse and runs inside and slams the door. No kiss. No goodbye. No thank you. No nuthin’. 

Then for the next whole week, the whole week, she won’t answer any of my messages. She won’t pick up the phone. Won’t answer the door. I banged on it until my knuckles bled. Nuthin’.

Romans 12:17, says don’t repay no evil for evil. But damn, damn, that’s hard. 

Then, I got laid off. My boss, he said I was a hot head. He said my behavior was unacceptable. He said I needed to get a grip. So I come home from work that day, you know, and, I, I just got tired of being picked on. Tired of being disrespected. I decided I had to do something, I needed to stand up for myself. Looking back on it now, I can’t believe I actually did it. 

I just didn’t want to look weak, you know?

The gun? I just went out and bought it. At the store.  

Where was I? My brain is froze. 

Yeah, so I, um, I went to the hospital. I was in the main lobby, and I, I just fired. Um, just random. No. No. I didn’t know any of them. For the most part, people got out of the way real quick. 

Some people screamed. Some people hid. (I read about it later, that there were people hiding behind things and such. I didn’t know that at the time.) Then, this big, black guy in green scrubs just came running up at me, like I was in a football game or something. It felt like it was in slow motion, and so I shot him. And he’s lying there on the ground, panting and the floor, the floor is getting all red and slippery. I stepped over him and I noticed, this guy. His name tag - it says “Jimmy.”

So then, then, I did another lap, if you will. 

Then I walked outside, and I didn’t see Bailey’s car in the parking lot. So I realized she might be out. Realized it was Saturday, and she don’t work Saturdays. So I went to Patsy’s and there she was, at the bar, doing shots, with guys I didn’t know. And you know, I planned on, I planned on ranting and raving and, just, you know, just conveying what I was feeling, but the way she turned her back to me, like I was nuthin’ — well, that, that, that just blew me away. 

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