35% Off

Subject: Re: Availability of Tooth Fairy Model

Resented Human Buyer,

You woke up today in a world built on limited offers. Even the wizards use promo codes these days, ribboned with automated empathy emails. Today, a simple question:” Is this economy tooth fairy still in stock?” You hit send. You don’t overthink it. Not yet. For your enchantment never comes with a discount. And you have a milestone party to organize.

Your world is small. Confined. Contained, if you will. Not unpleasant though, you do follow the guidelines. Similar to others. Yet unique, according to your list of preferences. Atheism. Catechism. You juggle and joggle as if you were a street jester in front of a kindly master. But, never in a way that requires commitment. Never for confession, either. The list goes on. Fragments of small transactions only for you to consume. You upload images, your circle of acquaintances. Bites of greasy fries, sips of warm beer, hollow presence ordered on the side. You do it often with people you know. And a stranger. At the bar or at your table. You forget the name. Presence is enough, you barter it with coupons.

A stranger is a person unknown to you. The way you are unknown to someone else.

We wrap faith like that: measured, with POS material. The shelves are full, carts are logging in. You don’t mess it up. Heads have rolled for less. You are being goofy scrolling for whimsical faces. Camouflaged in decorations. Hunting for a tooth fairy. Offspring duty or not, if you buy, you get points, you gain a smile. I can award you with a star. It brings a digital pat on the head. You do good in evil. You do evil in good. It’s beautiful. Living when nothing is soft to touch. You procure it, accordingly. It’s appalling, really. You don't consider make-up or role play, you leave that to the other bestowers. You want the real deal.

Answering your seamless question is wearing the system off. Our stock of fairies varies in both quality and price, types of long hair and various policy notes. To each distaste. Scroll for more with your crooked knuckles and you will find the super basic lullaby presence, then the minor dream insertion with clink of coins, which is our economy edition, and at last our very special tooth-removal charisma diva. The minor dream insertion edition has satisfying one minute appearance, basic wings, and – hear hear – a 35% discount today. Only today. You can adjust the coughs from the inventory system.

You wander through options. The hair colour you want? Unavailable. The “no-special-charm” clause? The fine print. You ask about alternatives. Your piggy bank is reddish, even sorcerers can do nothing about cash. They stop by your cart to offer chic potion bottles. Don’t trust them. Why buy the bottle when you can’t afford the potion? I know. I don’t need to see you. I was a demon before I joined customer service. Now I have metrics. I know you are making a move. Your fingers touch the lip, the teeth, the spit. The filter’s glint cannot be unseen and not billed.

Bonus Pet Add-On. You sit back and select cat.

Free pet. Non-magical, basic: an ordinary cat with no charms, vaccinated, age guaranteed. No returns. No breed. No fleas. No training.

Silver pet. One magic, regular: carries one minor enchantment. Option 1: a coin at the collar, renewable after each use. Allowed to be used only once per day. Option 2: ability to read minds of your in-laws for dinners. A common cat, though its fur seems to shimmer in reverse. The tail is perpetually shifting for protection or malice.

Gold pet. Three magics, advanced: Bakeneko meets Grimalkin. It purrs three small miracles: a hair lost in the drain returns; a childhood memory reappears in a photograph; a neighbour starts saying “hi” for a week. It can walk you home, and creatures on the street will stop to pet it. Mostly because of dual-toned eyes: gold like candlelight, and silver like a bullet. Warning: They can exchange hues when it crosses realms. Do not call wizard or vet. Its shadow often moves after it does, not before.

Yes, you can opt out. And watch another Dracula reboot nobody asked for. But the upsell tells a truth: people will pay for the small impossible. They always have.

The delivery is fast and free. Our standard courier is two to four business days, no weekend drops. Unless you are in a hurry. Hey, the faster you want to slay – the more you got to pay. You worry about allergens. We recommend silver, even though you want the gold. But silver adds weight to your piggy bank. Besides, a tooth rotting without a fairy is so boring. And can be misinterpreted by the brood. No magic and endless gum healing. No decay. Just a standard human healing.

You scan bios of different fairies, pixies or other household magic ladies, no tooth, reasonable price. You have one in mind, do you? You stopped scrolling. She is born in a fancy little castle, 15 km south of North Vineyards. Self-taught. She lives nearby, close enough to charge at home. You look for a tooth pendant. She can wear it. You focus on the review, ticking “see more” in the notes. If item is damaged, please follow returns protocol. This policy works only for ghosts and grief. The tooth in the photo is real enough to rot. You do a collar mock-up by putting it on the regular fairy. Your history of buying discount amulets is impressive. The return procedure asks for description. You copy and paste: “Mostly harmless, made me worse”. Countless times. If you need the number, send me an inquiry. You are busy. You see your fairy packing up in the preview video. She is leaving her home for warmth she may never get in return. No tooth duty or other assigned. You will put a few extra coins in her pocket before she leaves. And you’ll throw in the tooth, as a bonus, like a travel souvenir gift. Practical, also. She can use it later.

Too human.

Good at disappearing. No hard feelings. No soft ones either. She’ll leave you just like they all left you before. Short footsteps, long streets. Limbs and limps. In Limbos.

Too human.

You know it, we both do. I am a legion, not the human clerk. You want, you need, you seek. You ask in return. You sacrifice and obtain. Don't get disrupted. Your druid sends you a measles warning mail, recommends preventive stardust, you are resistant to glitter gel. You’ll heal. Like the kidney stones. In your shoes, in your body. Pain, then nothing. You bought an under-the-counter potion at the plasma smoothie fair and it worked! Like a charm. Evolution stopped at martyrs.

Look what the cat dragged in.

Bandages. Special offer. Exclusive one-minute healing.

You skip it, you opt for herbs and prayers. The mortal among immortals. The immortal among mortals. Doesn’t matter. Garlic wafts from across the hall. For a thing. Or a neither. Foreign, but not necessarily from abroad. Someone’s son. Or daughter. Or a three-headed dog. Maybe royalty but expired. A name without weight.

You’re flagged. The algorithm knows why you buy the pendant.

Checkbox available.

Your fairy is a goddess. A queen. No wolverine. By clicking on the checkbox, you confirm to accommodate and provide food and shelter. Fairy – yes, cat – yes. Skip cat box. Understood. Skip fairy. Understood. Check cat. Understood.

Yours unfaithfully,

X

Delete. Retype.

Subject: Re: Availability of Tooth Fairy Model

Dear Valued Customer,

You are a foreigner, not a stranger.

Unsend. Retype.

Dear Valued Customer,

We regret to inform you that the Blonde & Pale Tooth Fairy model is out of stock. This is our best-selling item and is no longer available.

However, we are pleased to offer the Modern Green Fairy, currently at a 35% discount—available today only. Tomorrow, the discount will be 15%, after which the offer expires. You can pair it with a cat. See models here.

If you are still interested, we encourage you to take advantage of this exclusive deal.

The Modern Green Fairy maintains the same charming quality as the Charisma diva—just at a better price. No special charm.

Order now and secure your discount! 35% OFF!

Yours faithfully,

X

Send

Subject: Re: Re: Availability of Tooth Fairy Model

Open. Read. Write.

Unbeloved Customer Servant,

I don’t really, truly mind the available saint model of the Modern Green Fairy. As long as someone else disbelieves in it.

And I want the cat. The free pet suits me best. Though I hope it’s promised to someone else... Then you’ll have to replace it with the coin bearer. Silver—I believe. Your policy states the pet replacements are for free. Does it come to me with a basic curse?

Either way, please ping me before midnight.

Send.