Joy to the World

JOY TO THE WORLD

“Come on, Janice! You can’t spend all your life moping around. It’s not healthy!’

Janice looked at her friend Joy and sighed. “Yes, Joy, I can spend all my time moping around. A good moping gives you perspective.” She let out a long, sad sigh.

Joy crossed her arms, looking at her friend. They were in Janice’s bedroom. Janice was laying on her bed, in the fetal position, sniffling. A box of tissues was on the bedside table, a scattering of wet, used tissues surrounding it. The room was dark, the curtains pulled tightly across the window preventing any light from leaking in.

Joy squinted and Janice. “Sadness was here, wasn’t he?”

Janice said nothing, just nodded her head slowly.

“Damn,” said Joy, not looking or sounding particularly Joy-ous at the moment. “What did he say to you?”

“Well,”said Janice. “He read me some headlines from the news—war, inflation, social unrest, gas prices. Then he talked about the growing alienation of Gen Z, and their lost potential.” Janice looked at Joy, eyes brimming. “They’re our future!” she wailed. “We’re doomed!” Tears streamed down her cheeks.

“But, there are good things happening in the world, too, you know Janice.”

“Like what?” she moaned.

“Well,” said Joy, wishing she had taken the time for a bit of research before jumping in with that statement. “There’s there’s this woman, Jen, The Good News Girl. She’s on YouTube, and reports only good news everyday—like animals helping other animals, and people coming together to help one another, and animals helping people, and generosity, and empathy. There’s even a reel about a cat with an emotional support potato. So cute! Jen has the best reels! They make me happy, and I’m Joy!”

Janice sniffed. “Sure, but it’s only one site” She blew her nose and curled into a tighter ball, tossing the soggy tissue to join the others. “And it’s still on the internet. Sadness said that the internet is the root of so much of today’s angst and worry.”

Joy really couldn’t disagree with that. She knew Janice was right. Before the internet, her job had been so much easier. Sure there were crappy things happening in the world, but she didn’t have the added responsibility of trying to counter the effects of online bullying and internet trolls as well as trying to mitigate all the chaos they caused. “Janice, the internet doesn’t have to be a morass of doom. There are cat videos. Talking husky videos. Laughing baby videos. There are squirrel videos. All kinds of fun things! You can learn things—how to cook, play an instrument. Watch people doing fun things. Play games. Even Insta and Reddit have good-news feeds. It’s worth a look—it’ll definitely cheer you up.”

“But I don’t want to look at the internet.” Sniff. Blow. “It’s the worst. I’ll just be scrolling some sites, and Anger ends up visiting, and I’m all pissed off, and stomping around the house.” She paused and took a quavering breath. “The internet is the devil,” she whispered.

“If you feel that way, then you need to put your devices down,” said Joy. “Have you tried getting out of the house? Just going for a walk outside?”

“What? And get run over by a hit and run driver? Or kidnapped? Or assaulted. Sadness said—”

Joy put up her hand to interrupt. “Janice, you have to stop listening to Sadness.” Joy leaned in, and asked earnestly. “Has he ever helped you? “

Janice shook her head.

“No! He just makes you feel sadder and more hopeless—that’s his job.” Joy looked at Janice. “You don’t want to be sad all the time, do you?”

“No,” Janice whispered, closing her eyes. “But there are so many things out there that make me sad.”

Joy was worried that Sadness’s tag-team partner Hopelessness was going to show up soon. Once Hopelessness arrived, Joy found that she had to work really, really hard to bring people back. A few times she’d had to call in reinforcements, Hope and Optimism, just so that the person could see that all was not lost. But with Janice, Joy was still hopeful. Hopelessness hadn’t visited her. Yet. There was still a chance that she could help Janice out of her funk before Hopelessness arrived. Fingers crossed.

“Okay, Janice, tell me what made you unhappy in the first place. What made Sadness come around?”

Janice sniffed and opened her eyes. “Franklin.”

“Franklin?”

“Yeah. This guy I’m—I mean—I was seeing. He texted me yesterday. He said he needed space. He said it wasn’t me, it was him.” More tears. “He dumped me over text!” She started crying harder.

Jerk! thought Joy. Vengeance needed to give this Franklin guy a visit, maybe have a discussion about the proper way to end a relationship. She knew that wasn’t very Joy-ous of her, but there were limits!

“How do you feel about that, Janice?” Joy asked gently.

“It’s so mean. Why couldn’t he tell me in-person? When I tried to call him declined the call. Then when I texted him he left me on read. He’s blocked me on all his socials.” Janice looked up at Joy. “Why does he hate me?” She broke into sobs. “What did I do that made him hate me so much?”

Joy crouched down to be at the same level as Janice. She smiled gently. “Janice, it really is him. He’s the problem. Not you.”

“Maybe.” Sniff, blow. “But it doesn’t make me feel any better.” Wail. Joy reached over and rubbed her friend’s back as she cried.

Joy knew she was going to have to Marie Kondo this situation—she needed to convince Janice to get rid of everything in her life that didn’t bring her joy—including Franklin. “Janice, you know that you’re better off without Franklin? That he doesn’t deserve you? That you’re the better person, right?”

Sniff. “Sure. I guess.”

“No guessing. You are a million times better than someone who’s too cowardly to discuss relationship issues face-to-face. Who uses a text message to break up with their girlfriend? A jerk, that’s who! You need to put Franklin behind you, Janice, and kick Sadness to the curb!”

Janice sat up, wiping the tears off of her face. “He is a jerk—a total jerk!” she said, her voice stronger.

Joy wondered which “he” Janice was talking about, but figured it was applicable to both Franklin and Sadness.

“That’s right, Janice! You deserve someone who treats you in the respectful way you deserve.”

“I do! I’m worth it!”

Joy felt hope. Janice was pushing Sadness away.

“And he was cheap!” said Janice, running her hand through her mop of tangled hair. “When we went out for food, he’d insist we split the bill fifty-fifty, and then he’d order all kinds of expensive food and drinks. Or he’d ‘forget’—” she used air quotes around forget. “—his wallet, and promise to ‘catch me later.’ Which he never did.” Janice wiped her tears away with the heels of her hands. “He forgot my birthday—said ‘I’ll get you later, Babe.’ He did not get me later. And he didn’t get me anything for Christmas—after I bought him a really nice watch. He said he didn’t ‘believe in the commercialization of Christmas’—” More air quotes. “But he never gave me the watch back, either. How can he not believe in gifts at Christmas, but still accept gifts?” She looked right at Joy. “I spent almost an entire week’s wages on that gift!”

“He was not the one for you, Janice! Not at all! You don’t want to be emotionally wrapped up with a person who only takes, takes, takes, and never gives anything back.”

Janice stood up, and started pacing. Joy stood up, watching her. “Do you know, he borrowed two thousand dollars from me? For a ‘sure thing’—” Air quotes, “—he said. Joy figured Janice’s relationship with Franklin was a series of unfortunate air quotes. “No sure thing, though. Just a new gaming chair.” She stopped pacing and looked at Joy. “When I asked him for the money back, he told me that we were a couple and couples share.” She put her hands on her hips. “But did he ever pay for a single dinner? No! Did he ever share anything with me? No!” He eyes flashed. “Did you know he wanted to move in! Here! In this house! The house I paid for it! By myself! He tried to talk me into putting his name on the deed.” She turned to Joy. “I said that I’d think about it.” Joy could almost see the lightbulb go off over Janice’s head. ‘Ahhh! That’s why he dumped me!” she said pointing her finger towards Joy. “Because I wouldn’t sign over my house.” She put her hands on her hips “What an absolute jerk!”

Joy looked behind her. There was Righteous Indignation, cheering Janice on. “You go girl! That man does not deserve a queen like you!”

“Exactly!” yelled Janice, a smile on her face.

Janice didn’t need Joy anymore. She turned, and quietly left Janice to the ministrations of others.

*****

Outside the law offices of Holmes, Bryant, and James, a man was leaning casually against the brick wall, watching. When he spied his quarry existing the front doors, the man pushed himself off the building and walked up to him. “Hey! You Franklin?”

Franklin stopped and looked at the hulking man now standing in front of him. He was sure he didn’t know him. “Yeah?” he said cautiously. “Who wants to know?”

The man ignored him. “You break up with your girlfriend over text?”

Franklin did not like the stranger’s tone. “Maybe. Why?”

“That’s a dick move.”

“You don’t know anything about why—”

The stranger put up his hand to stop Franklin from talking. “You owe that woman two thousand bucks. Plus interest, and pain and suffering, and every time you ‘forgot’ your wallet. Say, another thousand bucks. So total, three thousand bucks. You need to pay her back.”

Franklin’s mouth hung open. “I don’t have three thousand dollars.”

“You do. It’s in your account.”

“How do you know! That information is private!”

The man ignored Franklin. “You need to pay up. Now.”

Franklin stuttered and spit. “This is robbery. I’m going to call the police.”

“Go ahead,” said the man, arms crossed. “And I’ll tell them about the money you’ve been stealing from your clients.”

“How .. I … you can’t …”

“I can and I will.” He smiled at Franklin, the same way a shark smiles at its prey. “Try me.”

The two men stared at each other. Franklin broke eye contact first.

“Can I write a cheque?” asked Franklin.

The man literally guffawed. “”Whadda you think? Venmo her. Now.”

Franklin looked at the man and realized he wasn’t kidding. He took out his phone and sent the money.

“Lemme see the screen.” Franklin held it up and it did, indeed, say ‘sent.’ “Good. Now I need the watch.”

“What! That was a gift. You can’t—”

“I can.”

“Come on! My girlfriend gave it to me!”

The man just continued to smile that dead-eyed smile at Franklin. “The same girlfriend you dumped by text?”

Franklin said nothing, he just unclasped the watch and handed it over.

“Good,” said the man, as he took the watch and dropped it in his pocket for safe keeping. He walked over to Franklin and slung his arm over his shoulders. “Good man,” he said, still smiling. “ Now I need you to come with me,” he said.

Franklin’s eyes bugged out of his face. “No way! I’m not going anywhere with you!” He shook his head emphatically. “I gave you the money and my watch.” He tried to step back. “We are done!”

“I don’t think so,” said the man, tightening his grip on Franklin’s shoulder, and steering him down the alley.

Franklin tensed and tried to pull away. The man’s grip tightened was like steel, holding him fast. Franklin turned to look up at the man. The man was still smiling at him. “You know how I said I wouldn’t tell your bosses about the stealing?”

“Yeah,” squeaked Franklin.

The man chuckled. “I lied.”

“Who are you?” asked Franklin, fear writ across his face.

“Vengeance.”

*****

It had been an unusual day for Janice, to say the least.

First, out of the blue, Franklin had Venmoed her three thousand dollars. No note, no explanation. Just the money. Weird, but who doesn’t like to receive three thousand dollars, even if it was from a giant jerk like Franklin?

Then there had been a knock on the door. A man was standing there. Before she could say anything, he handed her the watch that she’d given Franklin, turned on his heel, and walked away. So second weird thing.

Then, while she stood there watching the man disappear down the street, her phone dinged—a text from Joy. She walked back into her house while opening the text, but stopped dead in her tracks. There was a photo of Franklin, “Broke Up Over Text” tattooed on his forehead, the needle marks still red and inflamed.

Janice didn’t text Joy back, she just stood there and smiled.