Nonames

It definitely came to me much too late, I've spent most of my life being serious and asking serious questions that I never really get any answers to. It seems to me like everything that has ever happened to me, and the people they have me meet is a series of planned events to fit into a cyber attack story. It might as well have been the death blow, and I would’ve said more about it on the phone if I was talking to anyone I could trust, there aren’t any I can think of. The name, the voice, and who I saw were all different. How would I even sum up 27 years of my existence when I only remember bits and pieces, I cried a lot and I still do and I don't always know why. I suppose it’s harder when you can’t speak very well, and are unaware of immediate danger, and every time you try to get better at talking they always try to ruin it. My “friends” taught me to talk to people online because they were tired of talking to me. I trust my pets, I try to tell them everything, that’s why they know english. My best friend, Daisy, my faithful dog companion was also trained to follow the story. They have been watching her too, she's torn between pretending to kill me, or pretending to be dying in these holes she's been digging. I was never allowed to have a dog before, my parents said no. I suppose it's because they didn't want me to have any protection at all. I was lucky to even get a cat of my own, I loved her. Just like I loved the other family cats, my 5 gerbils, and my goldfish.They're all dead now. I tried to leave and take her with me but he wouldn't let me, years went by and she got old. I told the vet to just do it, and she looked me in the eyes as the vet killed her. She was not happy without me, she laid with me every time I was sick. It was a tragedy, it made me sick to let her go. I'm glad she met my dog before I left, I snuck her in. That way she knew I was being taken care of. We all lived as a family for awhile but as soon as my sister left, my mom decided to leave and I was hurt because I don't understand things, and not a single person in the world explains anything to me. I lived with him for a bit, then was passed back to her, and then she decided she wanted a new family so I left. I moved to another city, and they both knew where I was. He wouldn't leave me alone there, and she grew distant. If I knew then what I know now, I wouldn't have told either of them where I was going. I would’ve just updated my address like I always do and been done with it. I was just extremely unhappy, I just wanted to leave. My sister is not much better than them, I believe she led a lot of the older ones to me. The guys I knew all they do is mess with me, and I don't know what they're allowed to do to me or what they aren't allowed to do to me. And it's hard when there are nights I don't remember, and they all lie so I wouldn't know what to say about it anyway. It seems like they're allowed to touch it, and some people call that rape but I'd imagine that's what touching it leads to but I don't see anything being done about anything anyway. All these other men act like they know so much about it but they don't treat me much better either. I don't like it that much. I try to enjoy my time. I have been tired since I was a child, it has been hard for me to wake up for a long time. It's hard being raised knowing you have no future because you aren't good at many things, and you can't tell when people mean what they say, if they're just joking, or saying things to see where it comes back from. I almost died in the new city, and honestly that would've been better than this. I would've been fine with it, I'm tired. I feel sick after what they all did. I did not want to be forced back here with him again, where I've been robbed again of my little life. Everything costs so much and people make so little, and they take everything that's mine anyways. Harass me over keys when they had the keys to my home to do vile things to me. Again if I would've known then what I know now, I would've holed up in there with my pets and not have talked to any of you at all. Places that I've been to don't exist, or they change their names. And I'm tired of you all, I'm really sick to death of you all coming to me and setting all these things up when you know I have no idea what's been going on. And I'm tired of trying to save them from making really poor choices as human beings. I'm tired of women coming at me over men they don't even really want, and sending their brothers to beat me up and steal from me. I'm tired of being harassed for sex from both sides, and them wanting to know what I like. I don't even know what I like to do nonsexually. I just like to dress up, I like feeling pretty sometimes too. I'm not the sexual being they all wanted me to be. I liked going to work because it got me out of the house, but they send attacks there too, and I am in disbelief. I have no idea what some of these people think they are doing. They threaten me, and my life, and my pets and my jobs and I'm sick of it. There's not much I can do right anyway, I couldn't even wash a mirror the right way. It has been too hard for me for a very long time, and I haven't had anyone I could tell. What do you do when everything in place fails because there's too many of them having problems, and I didn't know it was that bad until it was too late. I tried getting help, I've paid for help but it doesn't help. Life would be too hard for you too if it was everybody, and they get rewarded for following you around. I don't even know what to call them now after what I heard and found out. I found out about life too late because I didn't have anyone that would explain the real ways of the world to me, they just like to make fun and use me. I found out too late how pointless my entire existence has been, and a lot of times I just remember being there. I'm tired of the quiet. I wish I could help people more but sometimes I think I'm the one that needs help too. I often wonder why you all needed to break me down, all I did was repeat things. And see what people do, and believe. I learned an awful lot, and most of it isn't good. There was no point raising me up for this. You blame me for not helping “her” but I could barely help myself. Did it make you feel good raiding my apartment for my things that I purchased or wrote, did you like my true fanfiction story that nobody asked me about? I could've used help when I was 15, and I probably could've used help when I was much smaller but what would I say or do that wouldn't make my life even worse. I see how some people like to make my whole life about themselves, and if that's what you want then maybe you should be stuck in here, not me. Life doesn't get better, it gets worse and honestly I don't know how to stop people from being so horrible. I haven't done much of anything to any one of you except try to be helpful. Maybe that's what I learned too late, people aren't kind and they only think about themselves. Some people want to be evil so badly they don't care who's life they mess up in the process. I wish I hadn't met a lot of you, I'm tired of people trying to beat me down to be a horrible person too. If I knew then what I know now, I wouldn't even be here. I'm very worried that there aren't any good people left in the whole entire world. So thanks I guess for all of that, it was eyeopening for someone that already struggled with a lot of things. I use to love people, and after all of that I no longer know why.