Silver Garter

CW: Contains themes and/or references to stalking, sexual harassment, and violence.

Evan Kessler had always preferred games where nobody else got a turn. He told people it was because modern multiplayer communities were toxic, which was true enough to survive casual scrutiny. Put six strangers into a digital room and within 10 minutes somebody was screaming racial slurs, somebody else was fucking somebody’s mother, and a 12-year-old from Ohio had somehow acquired both a sniper rifle and the vocabulary of a recently paroled longshoreman.

                         But that was not really why Evan hated multiplayer games. He hated them because other people could say no. They could refuse to heal him. Refuse to trade with him. Leave the party. Kick him from the server. Beat him. Laugh at him. Worst of all, they could simply stop responding. Single-player games were different. Single-player games understood the arrangement.

                         Evan sat naked in his apartment on Main St. in Worcester, MA except for gray boxer shorts in the reinforced office chair his mother had bought him for Christmas after the previous one collapsed. He weighed 386 pounds according to the scale at his doctor’s office, although he considered that number misleading because he had been wearing shoes. The apartment around him smelled faintly of onions, old laundry, and something sour he had stopped noticing months ago.

                         On the television, Kingdoms of Elaria VII shimmered beautifully. Evan had played 93 hours in 11 days. He had nowhere else to be. His mother paid half his rent because, as Evan explained to people online, the labor market had become structurally hostile to neurodivergent intellectuals. He had never been diagnosed as neurodivergent, but the word explained several things he disliked explaining individually.

                         A cardboard box sat unopened beside the television. His mother had brought it over three days earlier. AUNT MIRIAM had been written across the top in black marker. Miriam Kessler had been Evan’s father’s older sister, and as far as Evan knew, she had spent 76 years accomplishing little beyond becoming progressively stranger. She had never married. Never had children. Rarely attended family gatherings. When she did, she sat somewhere away from everyone else and watched people with an intensity Evan had found irritating even when he was young.

                         She died alone in the house she had occupied for nearly 50 years. Evan had skipped the funeral. His mother had been furious. “You could have given up one afternoon.”

                         “I didn’t know her.”

                         “She was your aunt.”

                         “That’s biology, Mom. It’s not a relationship.”

                         His mother had stared at him for several seconds before pointing at the box. “She specifically wanted you to have that.”

                         That had gotten his attention. “Did she leave me money?”

                         “No.”

                         “Then what’s in it?”

                         “I don’t know. We’re still packing up the house.”

                         “Then how do you know it’s mine?”

                         “Because she wrote your name on it.” His mother had started toward the door, then stopped. “I don’t know why she picked you. Maybe she thought you two had something in common.”

                         That had pissed him off enough that he left the box untouched for three days. Now he scratched beneath his stomach and opened the equipment menu.

                         SERAPHINE VALE.

                         Level 47 Battle Mage.

                         She had silver hair, violet eyes, an absurd waist, and a costume designed by someone who understood that armor ratings had little relationship to the amount of skin covered by armor. Evan had never thought much about Seraphine. She was good against elemental enemies. That was about it. He scrolled through the accessories he had collected in the Cathedral of Sighs. Moonstone Pendant. Ring of Ash. Saint Orla’s Tear. Silver Garter. Evan stopped.

                         The icon showed a thin silver band embroidered with tiny roses. He selected it.

                         SILVER GARTER

                         DEF +8

                         CHARM +25

                         What is freely surrendered can never be stolen.

                         “Charm +25,” Evan muttered. “Jesus.”

                         He equipped it. Seraphine’s portrait changed. Evan leaned forward. “What the fuck?” It was subtle. Her skirt had always been slit along one thigh, but now the opening extended several inches higher. Around the pale skin of her upper leg rested a narrow silver garter. Evan stared at it. Seraphine shifted during her idle animation. One hand settled against her hip. Her knee turned slightly outward. Evan swallowed. He rotated the character model. “Damn.” He rotated it again. Ten minutes later he carried the controller into the bathroom.

                         When he returned, his face was flushed and damp with sweat. He dropped heavily into the chair, disgusted with himself in the temporary, uncomplicated way he always was afterward. “Jesus Christ, dude.” Seraphine stood on the screen. Waiting. Evan reached for the controller. Her head moved. Not much. Just enough that Evan stopped. Normally the idle animation had her looking toward the left side of the screen. He knew because he had spent 93 hours watching it.

                         Now Seraphine was looking forward. At him. Evan grinned. “Okay. That’s creepy.” A dialogue box appeared.

                         SERAPHINE: You finally noticed.

                         Evan’s grin disappeared. He picked up the controller. There had been no dialogue prompt. “What?” The box vanished. Seraphine turned away. Evan sat motionless for several seconds, then laughed. “Okay. Easter egg.” He searched for it. There were three fan wikis dedicated to Kingdoms of Elaria VII, a subreddit with 640,000 members, two Discord servers, and enough YouTube videos to account for the productive years of several thousand human lives. Nobody mentioned the line. Evan posted about it.

                         Anyone get hidden Seraphine dialogue after equipping Silver Garter?

                         The first response arrived within a minute.

                         What silver garter?

                         Evan rolled his eyes. He uploaded a screenshot. Responses accumulated.

                         There’s no item called Silver Garter.

                         Modded game?

                         Bro, why are you taking pictures of Seraphine’s crotch?

                         Least horny JRPG player.

                         Evan’s face warmed. “Fuck you.”

                         Then somebody posted something that made him stop breathing.

                         What are we supposed to be looking at?

                         Evan enlarged his screenshot. Seraphine stood exactly as she had on his television. Except her leg was bare. No garter. He looked at the television. Silver. Monitor. Nothing. Television. Silver. His eyes drifted toward Miriam’s box. For reasons he could not have explained, he suddenly remembered something. Silver. Evan stood and tore the tape from the cardboard. The smell came first. Old paper, dust, and the faint perfume old women apparently applied to everything they owned. Inside were photographs, costume jewelry, several envelopes, a rosary, an antique hairbrush, and a small wooden box.

                         Evan opened it. His stomach tightened. A silver garter lay inside. Not something merely dyed silver. Metallic threads caught the television light and threw it back at him. Tiny roses had been embroidered around the band. Exactly like the icon in the game. “What the fuck?”

                         Evan lifted it.

                         Cold.

                         Much heavier than fabric had any right to be. Underneath was a folded piece of paper. His name was written across it.

                         EVAN

                         He unfolded it. The handwriting was thin and shaky.

                         Evan,

                         I regret what I did because I mistook possession for love. If this has chosen you, remember   one thing: What is freely surrendered can never be stolen.

                         Miriam

                         Evan read it twice. Then laughed. “Fucking lunatic.” He tossed the note back into the box. When he looked at the television, Seraphine was smiling. Evan deleted his forum post. For the next three days, he barely slept. Seraphine began speaking to him. Never while he was looking directly at her. He would glance at his phone.

                         Closer.

                         He would reach for an energy drink.

                         Some things must be taken.

                         He would turn his head toward the kitchen and hear the soft electronic chirp announcing dialogue. When he looked back:

                         Nothing.

                         Evan stopped playing the story. He simply watched Seraphine. On Thursday morning he ordered six silver garters from three different websites. He told himself it was funny. By Saturday he had stopped telling himself anything. He practiced. First on a rolled blanket. Then a pillow. Then the cylindrical body pillow his mother had given him after his back started hurting. The technique was harder than he expected. Fabric slipped. His neck cramped. Once he bit his tongue badly enough to taste blood.

But eventually he could do it. Teeth. Pull. Release. He imagined Seraphine looking down at him.

                         You finally noticed.

                         The thought hardened into certainty through repetition. The garter was not decoration. It was a mechanic.

                         CHARM +25.

                         That was why people misunderstood attraction. They treated it as chemistry when it was actually procedural. Certain actions generated certain responses. Games understood this. Give the right gift. Select the right dialogue. Complete the right quest. Receive the reward. Real life had rules too. Most people were simply too stupid to see them. Evan eventually tried Miriam’s garter. He stretched it around the body pillow. It disappeared before he could put his mouth on it. Evan stared at the bare pillow. “What?”

                         He found the garter inside the wooden box. He tried again. The same thing happened. The third time, Evan became angry. He carried the garter into the kitchen and cut through it with poultry shears. The metallic threads separated with a sound disturbingly similar to a sigh. “Fuck you.”

                         He threw both halves into the garbage beneath coffee grounds and two empty cans of soup. The following morning, Miriam’s garter lay intact inside the wooden box. Evan did not touch it. He closed the lid. For the first time since equipping the digital version, he considered uninstalling Kingdoms of Elaria VII. Then Seraphine looked at him.

                         SERAPHINE: Don’t be afraid.

                         Evan stayed.

                         Claire Donnelly lived on the third floor. Evan knew her name because a package had once been delivered to his apartment by mistake. He knew she was 31 because he had found her birthday online. He knew where she worked, where she went to college, that she had broken up with a man named Aaron eleven months ago, and that she ran four mornings a week.

                         Claire knew Evan as the heavy guy downstairs. She had held the lobby door for him twice. Once she had smiled. The second time she said, “Have a good night.” Evan had thought about that for three weeks. Then, on Saturday evening, Claire came downstairs wearing a black dress. Evan happened to be checking his mail. The dress had a slit along one side. “Hey,” Claire said.

                         Evan stared. Something shimmered beneath the black fabric. Silver. His mouth went dry. Claire walked past. “Claire.” She turned. Evan had never used her name before.

                         Her expression changed slightly. “Yeah?”

                         “Nothing.” She waited. Evan smiled. “Have fun.”

                         “Thanks.”

                         She left. Evan stood beside the mailboxes until the outer door clicked shut. Then he ran upstairs as quickly as his body allowed. He went directly to Miriam’s box. Opened the wooden case. Empty. Evan stared into it. “No fucking way.”

                         Kingdoms of Elaria VII was running. He did not remember leaving it on. Seraphine stood alone in a room he had never seen before. Gray carpet. White walls. A cheap ceiling fixture. Three framed photographs. Evan moved closer to the television. He knew that room. He had seen it through Claire’s open door once while walking upstairs. A dialogue box appeared.

                         SERAPHINE: Now you know.

                         The inventory opened by itself. There were three items.

                         CLAIRE’S KEY

                         THIRD FLOOR

                         2:17 A.M.

                         Evan stared at them. “No.”

                         Seraphine smiled. Not her normal animation. A real smile. Slow. Knowing. Evan backed away from the television. “No fucking way.”

                         At 2:11am, he was standing in the third-floor hallway.

                         At 2:13am, he almost went home.

                         At 2:15am, he told himself he only wanted to see whether the key worked.

                         At 2:17am, Claire’s apartment door unlocked.

                         The key had been beneath her doormat. Exactly where the game said it would be. Evan entered. Claire woke when he knocked over a lamp. Everything after that happened differently than he had imagined. There was no seduction. No startled recognition. No moment when Claire looked into his eyes and suddenly understood what he had known all along. She screamed. Evan panicked. He tried to explain. That made her scream louder. “Claire, stop. Stop. I’m not going to hurt you.”

                         “GET OUT!!!”

                         “You don’t understand.”

                         “GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!”

                         She threw something. It struck his forehead. Evan stumbled. Claire ran. He grabbed at her dress. Fabric tore. She hit him. Hard. For one strange second, Evan was offended. Then he saw it. Silver around her thigh. Beautiful. Perfect. Exactly like Seraphine’s. Exactly like Miriam’s. Everything became quiet. Claire was crying. Evan smiled. “I knew it.”

                         Her face changed. Not fear anymore. Something deeper. The expression of a person realizing the thing in front of her did not inhabit the same reality she did. Evan dropped to his knees. Claire kicked him. He caught her ankle. She fell. His fantasy lasted perhaps four seconds. The reality was sweating and grunting and carpet burning his knees. Claire clawed his face. Evan tasted blood. Somebody was screaming, and eventually he realized it was him.

                         He saw silver. He lowered his head. His teeth touched fabric. And the world went black. Evan woke in his apartment. He was on the floor. Blood covered his shirt. His left eye had swollen nearly shut. He did not know how he had gotten downstairs. For several seconds he could hear nothing except his own breathing. Then came the music. Soft orchestral strings. Battle theme. Evan raised his head. The television was on.

                         Kingdoms of Elaria VII.

                         The party menu stood open. Seraphine was gone. There were only three characters. Darius. Malken. Claire Donnelly. Evan crawled toward the television. “No.” Claire’s portrait showed her in the black dress. One strap was torn. Blood ran from her nose. Her eyes were enormous. Terrified. “No no no.” Evan selected her. The equipment screen opened.

                         CLAIRE DONNELLY

                         Level 1

                         Weapon: NONE

                         Armor: BLACK DRESS

                         Accessory: SILVER GARTER

                         STATUS: BOUND

                         Evan dropped the controller. Claire moved. Not an idle animation. Her hands pressed against the inside of the screen. Evan screamed. Claire screamed too, but no sound came from the television. A dialogue box appeared beneath her.

                         CLAIRE: YOU DID IT WRONG.

                         Something creaked behind Evan. He turned. Seraphine stood in the doorway. Not on the television. In his apartment. She was taller than he imagined. Much taller. Her silver hair nearly reached her waist. The garter was gone. Evan tried to stand. Seraphine smiled.

                         “What is freely surrendered,” she whispered, “can never be stolen.”

                         The room disappeared. Evan fell. He landed on stone. Music swelled around him. He looked down. His body was wrong. Not transformed. Rendered. Every fold of flesh remained. Every stain. Every patch of beard he had missed. The game had beautified nothing. A translucent box appeared above him.

                         EVAN KESSLER

                         Level 1

                         Weapon: NONE

                         Armor: GRAY BOXER SHORTS

                         Accessory: NONE

                         STATUS: BOUND

                         “No.” Evan tried to move. Nothing happened. “No. No, come on.” His arms remained at his sides. He tried harder. His body would not obey. Then footsteps clicked against the stone. Claire entered. Her injuries were gone. The black dress was gone. She wore silver armor now. The Silver Garter remained around her thigh. Claire stopped in front of him. A menu appeared. Not for Evan. For her. Someone was controlling Claire. Or Claire was controlling herself. The inventory scrolled.

                         Rusty Pliers.

                         Box Cutter.

                         Sewing Needle.

                         Silver Garter.

                         The cursor moved. Evan began to cry. “Claire.” She looked at him. “Please.” For the first time since entering Elaria, Evan’s mouth moved without his permission. A dialogue box appeared.

                         EVAN: I’m sorry.

                         He had not said it. “No!” The dialogue box disappeared. Another appeared.

                         EVAN: I understand now.

                         “I DIDN’T SAY THAT!!!” Claire smiled. The cursor moved to Silver Garter. Selected it. Then selected Evan. His inventory opened.

                         ACCESSORY SLOT: EMPTY

                         “No.” The garter vanished from Claire’s thigh. Silver appeared around Evan’s. His status changed.

                         CHARM +25

                         Claire laughed. Evan pulled against whatever invisible force held him. Nothing. “Please.” Claire stepped closer. Evan finally understood what he had loved about single-player games. Nobody else mattered. The characters did not have jobs or families or locked doors. They did not have plans for tomorrow. They did not decide whether they wanted to participate. They waited. They obeyed. They existed because somebody was holding the controller. Claire stopped directly in front of him. Another dialogue box appeared. This one belonged to her.

                         CLAIRE: You wanted single-player.

                         The inventory opened again. The cursor began moving. Evan screamed. Claire selected an item. The screen went black. One final dialogue box appeared in the darkness.

                         CLAIRE: Let’s play.