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Note: Hello everyone! Just FYI, I didn’t put a lot of effort into this at all, so it’s not that good. It wasn’t really my type of prompt, but I wanted to post a story anyway. Regardless, I hope you all enjoy it! P.S. Sorry about the ‘extra words’ at the end lol, I didn’t know what else to write and saw that someone else did the same thing.
The Baked Break-in
The day started like any other. I was on my way to the Greenville Police Department, where I worked. The area had been quiet lately; the calm before the storm, I suppose. I didn’t know it at the time, but that cloud-filled day would be the highlight of my career. Not long after I arrived at the station, and I heard my radio begin to crackle.
“Break in on 331st. Sweet Treats Bakery,” The voice said. After letting them know I was on my way to the bakery, I started my car and drove off. When I pulled up to Sweet Treats, it was a typical break-in scene. A glass window was shattered leaving sharp fragments on the grass below. Officer Brodinsky stood outside interrogating chef Callahan.
“Was there anything missing?” he asked
“Only my secret pie filling,” the man answered in distress. After thoroughly questioning the chef, myself and officer Brodinsky investigated several rival bakeries with no luck. The sun was beginning to set, placing an orange hue on the crime scene. We had checked everywhere with no fortune. That was when I realized the only place we hadn’t checked; Sugar Candy Pastries. They had been copying chef Callahan for as long as anyone could remember. My fellow officer argued that it was too late, and we should be getting home. I sighed and reluctantly approved of the idea. That night, I could not sleep. I tossed and turn in confusion about why anyone would want to steal a secret pie filling. With no such luck of falling into slumber, I put on my coat and made my way to Sugar Candy Pastries. After silently pulling in, I climbed out of my car. All was quiet besides the occasional hooting of an owl. I searched the property outside and didn’t hear a sound. As I made my way back to my vehicle, I heard a loud crash. Scrambling back to the door, I frantically pushed it open.
“Police!” I announced. I heard someone rushing around inside. When I peered inside, I was met with the most mind-boggling sight I had ever seen! Officer Brodinsky sat on the tiled floor, helping himself to a jar that said “Callahan’s pie filling” on a label near the lid. “Brodinsky?” I questioned. He sheepishly stared at the ground, avoiding eye contact. After turning him into the station, he admitted that he was the one who stole the filling so he could find out what was so secret about it. Shaking my head, I drove home to get some well-deserved sleep.
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Hello there Abby!
I really liked the entire story, (and the "extra" words, get it? No, it's fine...I'm TERRIBLE at jokes. This was probably a cheesy one >_<) But really, I liked the entire plot and the story of it. You did a great job on that! 😊
But I do have a few tips on how to lengthen your story a bit longer to make it actually fit the word count. I hope these tips help! 😁
1. Pacing
-Meaning slowing down your story a bit, and adding a lot more sensory details to make the story more dramatic and engaging to the readers. Also, don't spoil everything in the first few hundred words itself, make sure to separate it evenly and properly. It will make the flow of the story much smoother and better.
2. Add Tension
-Any author's goal when writing stories should be to make the readers have interest to keep reading the story, so add a lot of drama and effects to the story to make the readers feel engaged in the book/story. This also makes your story quality be a lot better. You'll notice it instantly.
3. Character Description/Setting Description
-To make any story longer, always add characteristics of characters, (ex. Who are they like? What are they like? Any explicit or implicit traits?) and setting description (ex. Where is the character? Is the place good or bad? Who is in the place with the character? Or is the character alone?) to make the story longer and still exciting to read.
4. Add Adjectives, Adverbs, and even Figurative Language
-You want your story to STAND OUT and be unique, at the same time be as descriptive as you can so that the readers can picture each scene and visualize them properly, so add usage of figurative language (ex. hyperbole, simile, metaphor, etc.) and adjectives and adverbs to make the reader imagine in their brain what they are reading.
5. Add backstories, flashbacks, and maybe even foreshadow
-You can add all or maybe even one of these elements into your story, and trust me, adding any, some, or maybe all of them will make such a big difference in the quality in your writing, as well as the readers interest in your story. I suggest the next time you write a story to include any of these to make your story that much better and longer.
I hope these tips help you in your future writing career! All three of your stories are just amazing and I know you put a lot of thought into all of them! I loved them so much! I look forward to reading more of your stories! 😄
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Thank you so much!
I see your joke lol 😆
I will be sure to apply those in future stories as well as this one! The tips were super helpful! Like I said it wasn’t rly my type of prompt and I wasn’t planning on posting it, but coincidentally, I was writing it for a homework assignment previously so I was like, eh, better then nothing lololol.
Thanks again!
~Abby
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Hello Abby!
No problem, I understand what you mean. But, thanks for taking the time to respond! It means a lot to me! I hope these tips help you into becoming an amazing author!! :)
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Of course. Actually I should
Be thanking YOU for your time. Have a wonderful night (or day depending where you live).
~Abby
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Thanks Abby! Also, it's currently 10:30 pm, where I live. :)
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Ah, good to know. Well I bid you a good night.
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Hey Abby! This was so short and sweet!
It reminded me of one of those little mysteries that were like on kids shows, and I mean that in a good way! It was interesting and just caught my eye, and also the plot twist was crazy!
I honestly enjoyed it, it was one interesting mysterious story! Soooo good!
Keep writing Abby!
PS! I heard about your little downvoter problem- I got you!
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Thank you so much!
Yeah, that was what I was going for.😉
I'm so glad you enjoyed it!
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Hey!!! I just got you to 193 point!!
Don't let the downvoting get to you, just do what you came here to do and the points will come on their own. Kay!!
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Omg, thank you so much! Honestly I'm.so confused that they were downvoting me cuz I already didn't have that many points lol. Thanks so so so much again!
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I think it might have been because of BW's page, ya know the spamming people? I'm not saying they are the downvoter but B, is pretty famous here and when you stood up for her you might have caught the downvoters eyed and it caused them to target you instead.
But hey this is a simple theory, but think about it. I mean you weren't known at all (no offense I'm seriously not trying to be rude) till you commented on B's page, and B's page is always being downvoted. Sadly.
But of course!! Anytime!
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Ahhh, that is a good theory. I was thinking about that as well
And no, that wasn't rude. I just joined reedsy a few weeks ago, so I wasn't known at all. It kinda makes sense tho.
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I didn't guess it was the officer! Well done.
A good idea about the extra words bit. With my most recent story 'The Algorithm' (contest #72) I struggled to get it to 1000 words as it was only 900 words after edits. I am wondering if Reedsy could consider shortening the required length to 500 words?
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Thank you!
Yes, that would be nice. usually, my stories are over 1,000 words but this was a homework assignment and it fit into the prompt as well, so I decided to post it and put 'extra words' (😉) at the end lol.
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Hey
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Heyyyy
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how are ya?
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Very good. I got a short school day lol. U?
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Im a bit bored and tired
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I'm tired cuz my dad had his workers here and their ripping tile of the floor with hammers :/
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Your stories out.😏
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It was cute! Just one edit, it is Brodinsky and myself...sorry I can't help myself.
I love that you respond to every single comment
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Thank you for the edit! And i love responding to Comments and talking to people lol.
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New thread, ya got any other questions for me?
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Yeah. Could you tell me a little about yourself. For the story. Like special traits, what you look like, what you're personality is like, etc. Along with anything else you want me to include in the story.😊
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What do ya mean by special traits though?
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Like any special talents?
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not really, i cant do that much :/
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LOl same here. Maybe just tell me the other things (appearance, personality, etc. And anything else u want me to put in it)
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new thread, me and some others are being spammed by the same person
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Oh really? Like good like and comment spam or like bad downvote spam?
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Comment Spam
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Good or bad comments? And is that a good thing or bad?
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i dunno how to describe it man, its annoying though
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Oh very weird..
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what do ya think of the new prompts?
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Eh they’re okay. I
Like them better than the last ones.
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do ya maybe have a favorite?
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Probably the one where someone inherits the fortune. U?
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I'm not really sure, though i do like the detective prompt and I might try to do that one later for another story
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Ooh ya I like the detective one too. I just dk what I would write about. :/
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i got a new story out, maybe you could check out "A strange lover" and leave some feedback?
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Absolutely
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thanks ^^ im excited to see what ya think
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So sorry but I don’t feel quite comfortable about the topic you were writing about so I don’t think I’ll be able to comment on that one but I will on a different story if you’d like.
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The LGBTQ stuff? do ya not support it or do you sort of do but your still not comfortable with doing it? Its just romance, I'm sorry if this sounds a bit rude though and you don't have to tell me.
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it’s just a controversial topic and I don’t really wanna get in to it.
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I liked your story very interesting
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Well, thank you Li
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I liked the story! ❤ I think it was well written
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Thank you!
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You're welcome 😁
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Hi, Abby~ I love how much extra words you put, lol~
I do recommend working on that exactly, though. The story is 4-5 paragraphs long, and this is a great story! I'd really like to see how this would look expanded :)
Instead of generalizing actions and processes, maybe go through them with more detail. That will help a lot with lengthening your story!
Other than that, the storyline was great :D
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Thank you! I will work on that for sure!
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Okay, so I saw your comment on Bee's story, and I tried to upvote you too, but just like she said, it doesn't look like it's doing anything. I'm really sorry about this, I'm apologizing for the downvoter because they're definitely either having a hard time or just hate their life. This is vicious. I can't apologize enough. Why are they doing this to you? I don't know, I tried to upvote you but it isn't working. :/
Update: OMG I UPVOTED YOU AND IT ACTUALLY DID SOMETHINGGGGGG I SAW 2 KARMA POINTS ON YOUR THING I'M GONNA UPVOTE YOU MORE
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Oh my gosh thank you! That is so sweet, I really appreciate it. I’m not sure what I did exactly I just know it started when I mentioned my point of view on something and it’s just been going downhill from there... still confused 🤷♀️.
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No problem, just trying to help out fellow Reeders. I'm sorry if I was being rude, because I kind of just stuck my nose into your business, but I really wanted to help. I would be down in the dumps if that were me, so I can't let that happen to others, ya know?
Oof, that's horrible. Don't worry, I'm gonna keep upvoting you tomorrow, you deserve it.
I mean, I hope the downvoter(s) get why we're doing this stuff. Stuff like this isn't okay, and it gets me so mad when I see this kind of stuff. I hate that people are like this. :/
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Thank you again. And I didn’t find it rude AT ALL. Thank you so much for your help. Your the sweetest.🤗
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It's alright. Thank you! You too! 😄
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Uh- im kinda interested and curious to see what you would do for it, and I hope its not that much, but could you please possibly make a story about me? I think you'd do that for people in your Bio.
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Ya ofc! I would love to!
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thanks ^^
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Np
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when do ya think you'd be able to do it?
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As soon as I think of what to write it about
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i got a new story out ^^
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I will check it
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thanks ^^
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I just read your bio again, you think I'm hilarious?? how? though thanks and again the things you say about me and the others is kinda cute ^^
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Awww ya np your like the funniest person ever lol 😂
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how am i funny though?
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See! You were just funny then! Cuz you thought u weren’t funny.
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How was that funny though? I only asked "how am I funny?" but thanks?- do I maybe have jokes in my stories that ya like?
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You asked “how am I funny?” And that’s funny because you obviously are hilarious
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I gtg to bed bye and may not be able to talk much tomorrow (church) just fyi
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new thread?
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Ok ya good idea
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I think the thing towards the downvoters looks great ^^
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Okay good, thanks.
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I'm getting a bit annoyed by something, could ya maybe help me real quick? I'll try and explain if ya want, I'm not getting annoyed towards you or anything like that though.
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Yea I'll help in any way possible. What is it?
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Oh, can you take a look at the last part in my bio (where I address the downvoter/downvoters) and tell me what u think?
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