A Mother's Hand

FYI: contains some sensitive holocaust themes.

She quickly finds her mother’s hand and holds it close to her chest as they step from the crowded passenger train. The whispers she heard while on the train still linger in her mind, but she could not comprehend what she actually heard from the talk of the mothers. Many seem worried and quietly discussed their fears amongst each other during the long ride. She didn’t hear a lot, because the mothers were very secretive about their conversations and went out of their way to not upset their children. They were very good at hiding what they were discussing, but their faces gave away how they were feeling. When they boarded the train several hours before, they were told they were going to be resettled in the East where they would have the opportunity to find work. Hopes were high because many families she knew struggled just to keep food on their tables.

Her breathing was a bit raspy and tight within her chest. With every step the ground began to spin a little bit more as she felt herself force air deep into her chest. As the sudden rush of air helps calm her shakiness, her attention turns to the voices that are yelling commands over the large crowd that has now gathered outside of the train. As her mother pulls her toward the moving crowd, the pain in her legs from sitting so long in a cramped area causes her to reach down and rub her calves. There were seats on the train, but sitting was made uncomfortable with so many people pushed up against each other. Her mother urges her to keep walking as she reaches down for her hand. As she stands up, she could see her mother’s green eyes as they smile at her. She always thought it was amazing that her mother had green eyes while the rest of the family had blue ones. Her father always said that her mother’s green eyes made her fascinating and unique. She blinks several times as she tries to get accustomed to the brightness of the sun. While they sat on the train they didn’t get to see much light after they left their homes in Poland.

Several times during the ride she tried to look out of the windows, but she couldn’t remove the coverings that were put into place to keep people from looking inside or outside of the train.

As she and her mother moves forward, they can see a man standing near the tracks as he guides each person standing before him to one of the five groups now assembled a few yards from the train tracks. Cautiously, her mother pulls her close as they walk toward him. The man looks down at her mother’s feet and then toward her head. Her mother instinctively places her hand over her stomach like she has done several times before since she found out she was pregnant.

“Are you pregnant?” he demands.

Her mother slowly nods her head at him and said yes I am, then looks down at her and smiles as she squeezes her hand in assurance. Her mother always told her and her older brothers that they were going to keep it a secret whether the baby was a boy or girl until she gave birth, but her father, who was a part of the clergy, accidently announced that the baby was a girl during a service. She was so happy that she was finally going to have a baby sister instead of just having two older brothers.

“Group one!” barks the man, as he points to the left where many other women and young girls stand together.

For a moment she stands quietly beside her mother and watches each person leave the train. All the little girls look so pretty in their dresses. Some of them have bows in their hairs, while others have hair clips that push their hair to one side or the other over their ears. Even she felt like a princess in her new blue dress that her father purchased for her on her eighth birthday last month, exactly one week before the soldiers came and took away her father and brothers. She wonders if all these young girls have lost their fathers as well. Unfortunately, the beautiful dresses weren’t enough to put smiles back onto their faces or help them to overcome their fear. As she continues to look around she notices how the angry man picks the groups. Group two were older women; group three were those who were handicap; group four were those who were ill, and group five were those who were without family and healthy. She looks around at the group they were in and notices they were all women who have young girls or who are pregnant.

The uniformed men and women led the groups in separate directions. She can’t see which direction the other groups have gone, but her group was being led toward several large buildings. She remembers that her close friend and his pregnant mother went away on a train a month ago and she never saw them again. She asked her mother many times what happened to them, but her mother would say they were just sent somewhere else. Of course the whole town knew something was happening, because day after day trains would come and take away friends and family and just like her family they separated the male and females and placed them on different trains. As she walks toward the buildings she wonders if that is where her friend was brought as well. All she knew for sure was that she will most likely never see her father and brothers again and she’ll never go home.

All around her she can hear mothers as they sob quietly. She could even see the tears on her own mother’s cheeks as they roll down them and on to her mother’s shirt. She looks away from her mother and she could see that the other little girls were also confused and scared as to what was happening to them and they all clung to their mothers as well. The uniformed lady who led them toward the buildings told them all that they were going to the showers in order to make sure they don’t have lice. The lady asks them all to take off their clothing and place them in the large containers before entering the buildings and informed them that they were to have their heads shaven. She looks to her mother for an explanation as to what was being demanded of them. Her mother kneels down, kisses her on the forehead and hugs her. Tears roll down her cheeks as her mother takes off the beautiful dress her father had purchased for her. As she shivers from the cold, she tries to cover herself with her arms as they enter one of the dimly lit buildings and have their hair removed. She gazes around the big room and becomes frightened as to what she was experiencing. She squeezes her mother’s hand and buries her face into her side. Her mother kisses her once again on the top of her head.

She closes her eyes. What if she could just grab her dress and run out through the big door and get away from this nightmare? Then she could once again be outside where she could play with her friend. She opens up her eyes and quickly rushes toward the door as her mother’s hand slips away from hers. She runs past the men and women, who were yelling and making demands at the doors. She grabs her dress from the container and slides it over her head. As she runs far away from the building she can see her friend as he stood in the yard calling out her name. A smile comes across her face as she saw her friend once more. All she thought about was running up to him and hugging him tightly around his neck. She missed him so much. As she reaches him, he didn’t waste any time and tags her with his hand and told her she was it. She laughs as she chases him around the field and tries to return the tag he just placed on her. She loves how he laughs as she rushes to try and touch him. Just as always he pauses just long enough to tease her, then at the last moment turns away from her and runs off as he dodges her tiny fingers.

As they run around laughing and playing games, she has all but forgotten about her mother and the cold dark place where they were led. She doesn’t want to think about it. She just wants to stay there with her friend and not have to worry about anything except spending time with him as they play in the sun. She wants to ask him where he has been, but she’s not sure she really wants to know. What if something bad has happened to his mother? It’s then that she begins to worry about her own mother. What if she doesn’t see her anymore? Why didn’t she grab her mother’s hand tighter and bring her through the doors along with her? She finally catches up with him but he seems to be out of breath from all the running. It seems odd to her that he was so tired so quickly because he could run forever when she chased him. He reaches out his hand toward her and she grabs a hold of it. He begins to cough and cries out loud as if in pain. She looks into his face, and she saw the same fear that was on the faces of all the children she was with inside of the building. She closes her eyes once again, so she doesn’t see that look on his face. As she stands there she could feel his hand as it slowly lets go of hers.

She wants to open up her eyes, but she was afraid at what she might see. She doesn’t want to see him looking so scared. She loves his smile and his bright blue eyes and after seeing fear on his face it frightens her. She tries to keep a hold of his hand, but it slowly slips away from hers. Reluctantly, she opens up her eyes, but they immediately begin to burn. The pain is so intense that she rubs them furiously with her free left hand. Nothing she does makes it better. She screams out loud for help, but her cries are silenced by her friends screams. She franticly yells for her friend for help but doesn’t hear a reply from him. She looks through her watery eyes to see if she could see his hand but in shock she realizes she is still standing beside her mother holding onto her hand. She watches as her mother falls to her knees. She yells for her mother, but she doesn’t answer her. There’s a weird smell in the air that causes her to feel nauseous. Like all those around her she begins to cough and screams out as her eyes and lungs begin to burn even more. Through the pain and tears she could see her mother collapse onto the floor. There are fumes in the air and as it surrounds her she can no longer keep to her feet. She lowers herself to the floor alongside of her mother. Once more she reaches out and calls to her.

“Mommy, please help me!”

As the tears roll down her cheeks she struggles to take in a breath. Slowly she lays her head upon her mother’s chest. With one last gasp, she takes her last breath.