Rain

Today

I stare down at my screen in a daze, the blueish glow a sharp contrast to the darkness of my childhood bedroom. My blankets are tangled beneath me in warm, gentle layers, but I don’t register their comforting feel. I barely pay attention to the pings of messages flitting onto the top of my phone, and instead, I shut my eyes, leaning my head back against the coolness of the wall behind me.

With trembling hands, I slowly lower my phone, dropping it into my lap. I don’t even have to look at his messages to remember what they say. I’m sure I’ll have his words seared into my mind for a long, long time.

“I’m sorry, Alice.”

“Please, please, please. I’m nothing without you.”

“She meant nothing, I promise.”

I force myself to break off the last bit of that thought, squeezing my eyes more tightly closed. His messages continue to vibrate in my lap despite the late hour, but I continue to ignore them, not able to even fathom dealing with him right now. Talking to anyone would be an effort.

I switch my phone onto “do not disturb”, and drop my head into my hands. All of my memories of him flicker through my mind, and I press my hands harder against my forehead, my fingers threading through my hair. I try to shove away the images, but it doesn’t work.

Two years earlier

“Excuse me,” a male voice said. I looked up from my computer to see a boy about my age standing over me. He was tall, at least six feet, with tan skin, bright eyes, and dark curls. He smiled and then gestured around us at the bustling coffee shop. “Do you mind if I sit here?” he asked, pointing towards the empty seat across from me.

I nodded, and offered a polite smile. “Of course.” I moved my stuff closer to me, making room for him on the small table. He settled in and pulled a laptop with a weathered plastic case out of his bag.

“I’m Danny,” he said, grinning. He offered a hand over the table between us. I hesitated, then took it, blushing.

“Alice.”

“Nice to meet you, Alice.”

One and a half years earlier

We stood on the porch, a bright blue door in front of us and freshly mowed grass positioned at our backs. I swatted at his shoulders, brushing invisible lint off of his white button-down shirt. He smirked down at me, grabbing my arms.

“It'll be fine,” he said with a laugh in his voice.

“We should have brought white wine, not red.” I glanced at the front door. “Red feels too–”

“Hey,” he interrupted, but I shook my head, still not looking at him.

“Their opinion means everything, Danny.” I bit the inside of my cheek. “What if—”

“Alice!” He cut me off with a laugh. “You’re going to make me nervous. Don’t worry about it.” He smirked. “If anything, I’m the one entitled to the stress. I’m the one with parents to impress.”

I sighed, forcing a smile. “Right,” I nodded, rolling out my shoulders. “You’re right. They’ll love you, anyway. I don’t know why I’m worried.” Danny grinned, leaned down, and pressed a gentle kiss to my forehead.

“You ready?”

I offered him a hand, and he took it, twining our fingers together. “Yes,” I breathed. “Let’s go.”

One year earlier

“Alice?” Danny called from out of the other room.

“Hm?” I said, not moving from my spot in my kitchen—I was focused on stirring my tea. The weather had been cold and gray recently, creating the perfect opportunity for some chamomile. I trickled a spoonful of white sugar into the mug, splashing some non-fat milk into the whirl-pooling liquid.

“Alice,” Danny repeated, walking into my cramped kitchen. His socked feet padded softly on the tile, and he moved to circle his arms around my waist, hugging me from behind.

“Hey,” I whispered, leaning into him. “What’s up?”

“It’s raining,” he whispered back.

I stopped stirring and spun around to look up at him, not missing the glint in his eyes. “Really? It’s raining?”

He laughed at the obvious excitement in my tone, and nodded. “Go see for yourself.” I grinned, and left my tea forgotten on the counter. I was dressed only in leggings and an oversized t-shirt, but I didn't bother grabbing anything but my flip-flops as I rushed down the second-floor-stairs, into the lobby, and then ran outdoors. Once I left the shelter of the apartment, the rain hit me immediately.

The water showered over me—sprinkling my hair, clothes, and skin in dewy droplets. I was soaked in seconds, and I spread my arms out, laughing. The apartment’s lobby door closed behind me, and I spun around to see Danny standing under a red umbrella.

He smiled at me, and I laughed again, running over to him and grabbing his hand. I pulled him towards me and he dropped his umbrella, letting the water run over him too.

“We’re going to get sick,” he said ruefully. His hair was plastered to his forehead, the color becoming a deep black.

I shook my head. “Worth it.”

He grinned wickedly, pulling me closer to him. “I guess,” he said, leaning down towards me. I smiled, and stood up on my tiptoes, meeting his mouth with mine. The kiss was warm against the cold of the rain.

Two months ago

“Alice,” Danny said from the entryway of our apartment. “We’re going to be late.”

“Just a couple more pages,” I called back, glancing up from my book only for a moment. “I’m almost done.”

Danny walked up to me, leaning against the living room door frame and crossing his arms. “Babe. We have to go.” I barely registered his words, my attention drawn into the plot twist I had just read. Danny walked closer, crouching in front of the couch. “Hey,” he said, pressing my book down and away from my face.

My gaze darted up, and my mind ran through the last couple of seconds. I shut my book, raising my eyebrows. “Did you just call me ‘Babe’?” He knew that I hated that pet-name, and so he had never once called me that before.

His eyes widened. “I—sorry, I don’t know why I said that.” My brows furrowed, and he laughed, standing with a stretch. “You know how tired I’ve been, must’ve just slipped.”

“I… Yeah.” I frowned, but brushed it off. “Right. Just let me grab my purse, and we can go.”

Today

His number breaks through my “do not disturb” mode, and I swipe his name away in a hurry. I have to remember to change that setting… I run a weary hand down my face, trying and failing to blink away the hot tears pooling in the bottoms of my eyes.

Suddenly, I hear a soft, familiar, pattering sound and I glance at my window. The curtain is shut tight, but I stand and pull it open. The moonlight filters through the glass, but I don’t focus on the moon or the stars. Instead, my breath catches at the sight of rain falling.

Without thinking, I leave my room and phone behind, walking barefoot through the dark, silent house. My parents are asleep in their bedroom, and I don’t plan on waking them. So I slowly unlock the front door, careful that the lock doesn’t clack too loud.

Then I’m outside. I’m on the porch, then I’m on the grass, and then I’m standing in the middle of the yard getting drenched in cool rain. I let out a long breath, and close my eyes. The water runs in rivers over my skin, and I turn my face up towards the sky.