Tales Told At Night.

I always thought there was something so therapeutic about lying down watching the sun set and a sheet of darkness cover the sky and a cluster of stars appearing. 

That was what I always thought when I would slowly lay down with my 14 years old brother Zakir every day in our backyard talking about the most random things we could think about. “How is Zakir so happy and strong despite every pain he is going through?” I thought. An unexplainable pain crushed my chest as I thought about how one day, I would lose my brother to the hideous cancer that has been slowly sipping on his life for the past 7 years.

“Hey Malia, promise me something yeah?”

“Yeah anything. But before you even start, I will under no circumstances, promise to tell you my secret candy stash” Malia jokes.

His soft laughter echoed through the calm night as he said:”Don’t worry about that. I can get mom to tell it to me by pulling the sick card on her but no. I want you to promise me that even when I’m gone, you will still lay here, tell your thoughts and sadness to the stars like we always do.”

“You’ve been asking me the same question for the past 3 years Zak and I always promise you. I might change my mind if you keep asking me the same thing every night you know?”

“Hey a boy needs reassurance okay? I’m just making sure that’s it.”

I simply smiled at him as I turned my head back up and looked at the stars. I started to envision my life without my annoying,stubborn yet energetic and full of life little brother. As I started to ponder those thoughts,I heard a yawn escaping Zakir’s mouth which was like my alarm or might I say, a reminder that he had to go to bed.

“Okay kid time to get you inside and go to bed. I can literally feel your exhaustion all the way to here”

He groaned and started mumbling words under his breath which I knew were a bunch of complaints but still stood up and got inside. Well another night that I get to see him go to bed and be healthy and alive and well I guess I couldn’t be any happier.

1

The next day I woke up to the sound of pans, laughter and the smell of burnt eggs. I immediately knew my dad tried to make breakfast like he always tries every Saturday and immensely fails to do. I smiled and immediately ran downstairs, oh man making fun of my father never gets old. You could say it was the Hammani’s Tradition. Well Saturday tradition but whatever. As I reached the last stair, I saw my dad with furrowed eyebrows and a wheezing Zakir. My dad’s eyes immediately shifted on me,

“I just made a simple joke I don’t know why he is laughing so hard so hard” he grunted

“Ah you made a joke? With the kitchen in this state? Ha ha dad could’ve fooled me”

“Why is everyone so against me today? Don’t you all have anything interesting to do with your day?”

“What can we say dad? It’s Saturday” I said in a cheerful voice.

I weaved my way through the mess so I could start making breakfast. It was almost 10am and Zakir had to take his medicine and since it’s the first Saturday of the month, it means my mom is at work tending to the old people. I saw Zakir trying to steal some candies from the cupboard and sent him a glare but him being him sent me a huge grin and went on to stealing them.

“Malia, any news from college yet? I haven’t heard you ramble about it for like 3 days now and it’s safe to say I’m worried cause you never keep quiet about it.”

With a long eye roll, I turned to face my dad and said:”No dad I haven’t heard from Ryerson or Glendon yet but maybe soon.”

“I bet she sleeps with one ear glued to her computer in case it pings with an email from them” Zakir butted in, still munching on candies like it wasn’t 10 in the morning.

I ignored him and kept on making a small conversation with dad as I made breakfast and he swiped through his phone checking work emails. As we talked, I noticed Zakir had ducked his head for some time and when I called him, he didn’t move either way.

“Zak are you okay? What’s so interesting about the ground you can’t look at me when I’m talking to you?”

He mumbled incoherent words and that’s when I reached out and tilted his chin,only to be met with a pale face and nose oozing of blood. I gasped and could feel myself panic immediately. He pleaded with me through his eyes and I knew what he wanted but I couldn’t let him.

“Dad get up, Zak needs to go to the hospital now!”

“What why? Isn’t he-Zakir! Zakir are you okay?”

And that’s when I noticed his thin body slumped on the floor. I didn’t even hear him collapse. No sound, none at all. 

As I sat there three hours later, holding onto my dad’s hand like my life depended on it and looking at my mom trying not to fall apart, I couldn’t help but feel like deep down, all those tales and thoughts Zak and I threw to the stars would not end here.

2

I was awakened from my slumber by a soft hand shaking my shoulder. With eyes still hooded with sleep, I looked up to see my mom sending me a small smile then I realized where I was and all traces of sleep immediately left me.

“Is he okay? Is he awake? Can I see him? Is he-” 

“Relax habibi your brother is resting. He is okay...for now”

I let out a huge breath and hugged my mom. I knew she was trying hard to masquerade her pain and worry for our sake, but it was unnecessary in front of me cause I knew. 

“Can I go and see him now?”

“He’s still sleeping but I’m pretty much sure you can.”

I meekly stood up and headed toward his room. My hands lingered on the door knob, afraid of what I’d see. Like it was some sort of threshold and if I passed through, it would make or break me forever. I gulped and forced myself to open the door and what I saw sent a small smile on my face. Zak was lying there with a sheet covering his lower body while small snores were escaping his lips. I went over and grabbed his hand, slowly not to wake him up because he would be just grumpy.

“I thought for a second I lost you akhi. You swore to be there on my first day of college so you could get me away from mom and dad when they refuse to let me go. You swore to be there on my first college basketball team so you can get to see ‘hot college girls in shorts”. You swore to help me pull my first college prank Zak so you better wake up and suck it up like the tough boy you are because all of that hasn’t happened and we are not ready to see you go just yet.”

I placed a small kiss on his forehead and then left the room. I needed to go home and shower and simply just be away from everyone. As I rounded the corner, I saw my parents and went straight ahead to them.

“Mom, dad I'm going to head home. I have a headache and I want to have enough energy to smack Zakir when he wakes up.”

My parents let out a small laugh and hugged me.

“Text us when you get home yeah?” my dad said. I nodded and left the hospital with an increasing knot in  my stomach.

The second I got home, I went straight to the backyard and sat down. The sun had already set and soon, the stars would be making their appearance.

I lay there thinking of all the nights I spent with Zakir laughing and talking about everything. Tears started streaming from my eyes and I let them.

But as I lay there, sobbing while contemplating the stars, I remembered something Zakir told me once. He said:”One day I’ll be gone and you know it. It would be a tragedy if I let my sickness stop me from living such a happy life. But it didn’t. I want you to know that despite the pain, I was happy and I was extremely content with the life I had. I hope you find solace in that. I hope you smile and laugh for me when I’m gone because even at my lowest, I still looked up.”

As I lay there, I started laughing. I laughed because of the amazing childhood we had, the countless fights and unending banters. Maybe Zakir won’t make it back home. Maybe we won’t lay here and talk to the stars together anymore. But one day we did. One time he was here, he was happy, he lived with no regrets so if tomorrow he doesn’t come home, I would know I made sure to help him reach the pinnacle of existence even when his disease was sucking that same existence.

So I looked at the stars and started telling tales. Tales that were random, tales that were nonexistent, tales that only me and Zak could think of.Tales that we would tell at night, when both of us had nothing but the stars to listen.

                                                       END

Shaïfa Irakoze Hussein