Fighting Instinct

The chilled air captures my breath for a fleeting moment before dispersing into nothing. A moment that could never last forever. There was something poetic about the impermanence of it all. I wonder if I’m the outlier. The only thing that will last, even as the world around me crumbles. Will I still be here when everything else is gone? What torture that would be. 

This moment passed, like all things, as I smell a sweet delicious scent wafting towards me. My teeth ache for a bite. My stomach feels as if it was caving in on itself. Maybe if I ignore the hunger, I would wither away into nothingness too. Maybe I could end the permanence of this dreadful afterlife I live. But my will power is lacking, and if I ignore the hunger too long, all reason would be lost. Only the monster would be left. 

I slowly trail the scent until I see the source. A young man with tan skin and short brown hair dressed in a grey college sweatshirt walks down the street clutching his brown messenger bag. I snatch him into the side alley between two shops, my hand covering his mouth to muffle the scream. I slam him against the wall behind the dumpster out of sight and stare into his eyes. 

“Quiet,” my eyes become purple and my body hums as I hypnotize the student, “You are safe.” My hand stays over his mouth but with less pressure now as I feel my fangs elongate. My mouth fills with saliva at the anticipation of my meal. It takes every ounce of willpower I have not to tear into his flesh and drink him dry. I don’t want to kill. Not again…

My fangs lightly graze his neck, his vein pulsing with the flow of his blood, the warmth envelops my mouth, but before my fangs could puncture his skin, the deep gravelly sound of growling startles me. The young man’s eyes were golden and glaring at me. 

Werewolf. 

I messed up. I jump back but not soon enough to avoid the slash of his claws across my stomach. “Fuck,” I grit out.

“You’re dead, Fanger!” The wolf says in a rage.

“Tell me something I don’t know.” I quip. But just as he launches himself at me, I run back into the shadows and race away. A werewolf may be faster and stronger than a typical human, but their speed could never compare to a vampire.

I get to the other side of town, knowing there was no way the wolf could have kept up with me this far, if they were even following to begin with. I really messed that up. If I’d just taken a second to see the hypnosis didn’t take, I would have known he was another supernatural. If I didn’t wait until the point of starving, I may have noticed the smell of dog before acting in the first place. I was just too hungry to act properly. And now the local pack is going to know I’m hunting here. They’ll be a huge interference in my activities from now on. 

I feel my blood ooze down my stomach from the attack. My energy was draining and I would need to feed as soon as possible to heal it. Usually, injuries I sustain heal within seconds, minutes at most, but a scratch or bite from a werewolf takes an enormous amount of time to heal itself, assuming it doesn’t kill me entirely. 

I was desperate now.

I make my way to the back of a local bar where I smell cigarette smoke and hear the shuffling of footsteps. Hidden from the shadows, I see a man pacing back and forth on the phone with a lit cigarette in hand. I inch closer, waiting for the right moment to attack. 

“I know its tough but you’re a trooper. I know you got this,” he says into the phone, “I love you sweetie, sweet dreams, and tell your brother I said good night.” I stop, panic setting in. I can’t do this. I’m too weak, I may not be able to stop. I could end up taking some child’s father away forever. I have to get out of here. I run into a local park, still bleeding out. My body grows weaker and soon I have trouble standing. I collapse near a tree, somehow managing to crawl up enough to lean against it. My body weakens more, my heightened senses go numb.

So this is where my never ending life actually ends. I guess I wasn’t so permanent after all. I drift in and out of consciousness, not knowing how much time has gone by. Soon I’d close my eyes for the last time.

“What the hell? I thought you’d be healed by now. Couldn’t find any helpless victims to drain?” The wolf’s familiar voice startles me. I slowly open my eyes and notice confusion etching his features. 

“I didn’t want to kill him.” I mumble out.

“But what, I’m fair game?” He sneers at me.

I did my best to shake my head. “I’m hungry, but I wasn’t going to kill you.”

“Don’t lie to me, I’m not some fool. You’re about to die anyway, might as well admit it.” The wolf insists. “Why didn’t you feed to heal yourself?”

“If I fed now, when I’m starved and hurt, I wouldn’t have been able to stop myself. I won’t be a killer.”

The wolf paces in front of me looking conflicted and confused. He crouches in front of me, when I notice the wooden stake gripped in his hand. “Tell me honestly, have you ever killed someone before?”

I hesitate. I didn’t want to admit what I’ve done before, but I’m about to die. What’s the point of hiding my past now? I nod my head confirming his suspicion.

“Did you mean to?”

I scoff, “does it matter? They’re dead because of me.”

“Answer the question. Did you mean to?” His eyes were clear with conviction. I guess satisfying his curiosity will be the last thing I do. 

“No.”

“Fuck.” the wolf mutters. “Fine, but when you’re better, you’re going to answer all of my questions.” He puts his wrist to my mouth. “Drink.”

My eyes widen with surprise but I keep my mouth closed.

“Drink!” He insists.

I shake my head, “I’m alright with this ending.”

“Well I’m not.” The wolf flips open a pocket knife and slits his wrist with it. He holds the open wound to my mouth and drips his blood into it. “Now drink.”

I feel the liquid warmth flow down my throat. My wounds stitching themselves closed and my strength floods back into my body. I grip his wrist tightly as I bite into the wound and drink more of his blood. 

The monster begins to take over. I can stop now. I need to stop now. 

Instead my grip tightens. 

Please stop.

STOP!

Before I have the chance to drain him, he wacks me in the head with the back end of the wooden stake. 

“That’s enough.” He says, “Don’t get greedy.”

I forgot I was dealing with a wolf. Of course he wouldn’t just let himself be drained dry. Thankfully he wasn’t human. And I didn’t have to take the life of another person. But that doesn’t change the fact it could happen again. And I may not be able to control myself. The monster inside may take over. No. It will take over. And what will I become then? Just another killer. 

I’m still a monster. 

The End.