1 sided

"It's time, it's been time to let go of this relationship." Anna sat crying on the floor about her decision to break it off with Tory. It had been 4 years since she last saw Tory. He got locked up shortly after they met and began a passionate love affair.

She had just been laid off her job, her mental health was in shambles and her best and only friend (her cat) Rupert had recently died. She gave up and did what she did best when life got too hard. She bought drugs and got high.

It was late night when she walked to the corner to cop her drugs. She'd been sober for over a year and didn't recognize any familiar dealers. But a dealer knows a junkie and Tory was that guy. He immediately approached Anna as soon as he saw her. "Hey beautiful, I'm Tory, you're far too pretty to look so sad. Do you like to party? "I could use a pill Anna replied defeatedly. "Here" Tory gave Anna a pill. "This one's on me baby girl." Next he ended up in her home, they partied the night away and the next day too. Anna forgot all her problems while with Tory. And 4 years later she still replayed the passionate time she spent with Tory, who she believed was her soulmate. She felt like she knew him all her life. They shared the same trauma and coped the same way. She felt safe and wanted by him. Sure he had a temper and got mad and beat her when he thought she stole his drugs. But sex drugs and abuse was all she knew.

But there love affair was stopped abruptly after about 2 months because Tory got locked up for armed robbery. He was sentenced to 8 years in prison. Anna was heartbroken but distance couldn't keep them apart.

She began watching tarot and became obsessed with Tory and their future. She lived in limerance and created a version of Tory in her mind that didn't exist.

She envisioned them getting married having children, 2 cats and a dog. Tory would get a job and change his life for the better. They'd share their story of redemption and true love with the whole world. They'd share vacation and holiday pics on social media. Make family content for YouTube. Take on the world and grow old together.

That wasn't reality though. They actually had 2 different realities.

In real life Anna was resilient. Always had been. Life forced her to be. She got a therapist, went back to rehab, got another job and went back to school. She was very beautiful and admired by many for her resilience. She made new friends but avoided dating because she was sure Tory was her life long partner. Her friends warned her about Tory and told her she's in too deep. The relationship is 1 sided and Anna was giving 99% while the 1% Tory gave was draining her. Although life had got better Anna was suffering emotionally. She was on a roller-coaster with Tory. He just wouldn't be who she wanted or needed him to be. The reality was different than her daydreams.

While Anna was obsessed with Tory, Tory was obsessed with money. That's the only reason he called. She was holding him down but all she got in return was a dry "i love you" and she only got that if money was sent. What was going on? Well obviously prison is hard on anyone and she knew he couldn't fully give to her because of his circumstances but she still held tightly to hope for the future. During the short time they spent together, Tory took care of Anna. Well he fed her, supplied all the drugs and they had the best sex ever. "He'll be more affectionate and show his love and support more when he gets home " Anna thought. In her free time she'd obsessedly watch tarot to confirm her plans for their future. But when a tarot reader told her "this relationship is not meant to last, he's a lesson, not a life partner. He's not allowed to come with you to your next chapter of life, she rebuked it and searched for more tarot stories to tell her what she wanted to here.

So what was Tory upto? What was his reality. Well prison life was not easy on him. In the streets. He sold drugs but in prison he was a junkie and a bum. Tory had always been an opportunist. He never took life too serious. He grew up hood rich. His mom was a prostitute and his dad was a big time drug dealer who was respected in the streets. Tory was attractive and popular. Always got what he wanted. What he liked most was to feel good and he wanted to be admired just like his dad. His dad taught him how to sell drugs but he started getting high at 11 years old. He did way more drugs than he actually sold. But it was okay. He was always taken care of. His only goal in life was to have fun. He'd been in and out of prison since age 15 because of his reckless decisions but it didn't matter. Somebody was always there to save him. Getting high and having a good time was all that would ever matter to him. Now it was Anna's turn to be his savior. And boy did she try really hard to save him. But to no avail. Tory didn't want to be saved and the consequences he received for his bad choices were not enough for him to want to change.

Tory spent his time in prison chasing pleasure. He just needed money to get high. He'd call Anna almost everyday to ask for money. "Bae I'm hungry, I need you". "Bae I owe someone money, I need you" "Bae I got beef with someone, I need you".

And sure enough Anna would come through for her man. She desired more, she felt like an atm but when she confronted him all he could say is "remember where I am". Sure enough she began to feel used and was drained but her love was too strong for Tory. If only he could show her a little more affection.

It was clear this relationship was a toxic transactional situationship. Anna was being used for her stability and empathy. Tory gave nothing only took. Her wishful thinking kept her stuck. When she came to her senses and made effort to move on Tory would pull her back in with a sob story about how hard it is in prison and how much he needs her. It hurt so bad because when she cried Tory wasn't there to wipe her tears. And when she told him her sob story he didn't comfort or encourage her the way she did.

This relationship took a toll on her already fragile mental health. It got to the point she couldn't even fantasize about Tory in peace without reality interrupting. Limerance kept her stagnant and obsessed. She began to journal to help with her mental health and see the reality of the situation. She even began to pray to a God she didn't believe in.

All she wanted was love. A reciprocal love. Someone to protect her and be by her side. And she wanted it to be Tory. But that's not who Tory was. He didn't want love, marriage, children, a real job. No Tory was for the streets. Married to the streets. He's not who Anna made him out to be. Anna could get what she truly wanted, needed and deserved. All she had to do was let go of Tory and new will come in.

Letting go is hard when love is involved. But the only love there was from Anna. She made Tory an idol put him on a pedestal and became blind to the reality.

It was time for Anna to love herself the way she loved Tory. So she sat crying on the floor defeated. It was time a long time ago to let this go. Just let this go Anna. It's okay to let this go. Detach now. The truth may hurt but the pain and loneliness of a 1 sided relationship is slowly killing you. Let go. I promise it's okay to let go. It will get better in time. Good bye Tory. I don't know why I love you but I do and I pray that because I loved you so deeply in this life just maybe our souls will meet again and you can love me like I loved you in another life.

So Anna finally let go.