Silver Car, Silver Fox

Lovely day, isn’t it? Your hair is looking nice today. Very… voluminous.

Thanks, love, I just had it done this week.

Have you had a busy week then?

Not overly. Went to bingo, the doctor’s surgery, the chiropractor… the usual.

Really?

No, I did not… how ancient do you think I am?

In body or spirit?

Careful… Would you like a cup of tea, love?

Aye, sure, why not. I can make it for us.

No, no, you sit down, it’ll give me something to do. How was your week?

Packed. I barely had time to get on top of my emails, never mind anything else. We are coming down with work at the moment.

Sure, it’s always the same. I don’t know why you don’t just leave that company. You don’t even really know what they do. Do something fun instead.

We can’t all just afford to have fun all the time.

You certainly could. You look like you’ve aged about 15 years since I last saw you last Tuesday.

Haha, very funny. Anyway, enough blethering… back to the pressing thing I wanted to talk about.

To be honest, I would much rather not talk about it. Not with you.

That’s the problem.. we never get to talk about it, do we?

What do you mean?

Well, every time I bring it up, you immediately change the subject

I know. You just get so critical. It takes the joy out of it. You always were a bit of a killjoy.

I don’t even get past the first sentence on the topic. (Thanks for the tea, by the way.)

Would you like a biscuit?

No, I’m cutting back.

More for me. Anyway, if the first sentence is that offensive, I know I don’t want to hear the rest.

Some things have to be confronted head on… otherwise we might as well lie to each other about everything.

Fine by me.

Look, I just think you’re getting a bit elderly to consider getting a convertible.. when are you going to use it?

I have more free time than you do. You’re in your desk chair so much you stay in the same chair shape even when you stand up, so you do.

Thanks… look… it might be hazardous…. You getting a convertible.

Hazardous to whom?

You and other road users… not to mention all pedestrians and dogs and public and private property

See, this is why we can’t discuss it… it’s a touchy subject … just let it go before we fall out.

Look… don’t take this the wrong way… but you’re getting on in years

Meaning?

You’ll be 90 next month Mum

So? Age is just a number.

Yeah. But numbers indicate things too… like your inability to see clearly at a distance… or reasonably close for that matter. I’m pretty sure the optician’s figures are correct. According to them, you can’t see.

That’s what my glasses are for, aren’t they?

Mum, I literally never see you wearing them. Last week I found them on the toilet roll holder in your downstairs toilet

I was keeping them handy for reading.

Very funny… I still think it’s a terrible idea.

Who asked you?

I feel it’s my responsibility to warn you of the dangers.

Why should I? You didn’t listen to me when I told you your first girlfriend was a piece of work.

She was my wife, Mum.. for 15 years.

And think of how much happier you could have been if you’d just taken my advice after the first time I met her.

Hindsight is 20/20.

So is my vision with my specs on.

I know our society can be ageist but you take it to the other extreme. If you get a convertible now what will you want to get when you’re turning 100? A jet ski? Where does it end?

With death I suppose… for all of us. We’ll see at the time… As I was saying, is it any or your business?

I think so: you’re my responsibility.

I think you just like having someone to boss around. Christine’s long gone so you can’t boss her about anymore.

Lovely, Mum. Any other insults to throw my way?

You could do with a haircut, but what do I know.. I’m old and irrelevant.

I never said that.

You’re trying to come between me and my dream car.

You’re almost ninety, Mum. Most people your age are already in the ground.

That’s a terrible thing to say. If that’s the case, why not let me enjoy my “declining” years, since I’m already on my way out? You know… You’re more of an old person than I am - it’s all in the mind. You have to stay sharp and excited about things.

How can I be excited about the mountain of paperwork on my desk.

That’s what I’m saying… you need to get out more… have a little fun.

Ok, enough about me… back to the car but I’m not having another argument about that.

Then just let me get on with it. It’s none of your concern. Just let me enjoy my new car.

I didn’t mean to be condescending. I’m just concerned.

Concerned? I can think of a better word beginning with “C.” If you learn how to bite your lip I might give you a lift on my first outing. Think of the gentle breeze in your hair… the sunshine, the envious looks of onlookers.

Delightful.

It will be - if you would just loosen up

I meant your choice wording - the C word…

You don’t know which C word I meant. It could be complementary…Anyway, back to the original point I was going to make.. I’m thinking of going for a silver colour… silver car, silver fox.

You’re a woman, Mum… you do realise?

I was talking about you. Maybe you’ll pick up someone new and interesting while we are out and about.

With my ninety year old mother in tow?

I probably get more action than you do

I really didn’t need to know that.

Well, I didn’t need to know your backward opinions on my dream mode of transport. Still, I got them. Drink up your tea. You need to be getting on the road.

Not with you at the wheel.

Shoo, get out of my kitchen!