Marriage Mirage (Pt 2 of TSoOS)

Friendship Teens & Young Adult Fiction

Written in response to: "Start your story with a character saying, β€œAre you coming tonight?”" as part of Introverts and Extroverts.

Note: Part twooooo!!! Please comment any feedback you have and check my comment for a longer note!



Lionel

β€œAre you coming tonight?” Bea asked, tugging on my sleeve. 

β€œSorry Bea, not tonight. I need to get some sleep, before tomorrow. Big things are happening in a few days.” 

Bea pouted and crossed her arms, β€œyou’re a terrible brother.” She spat. 

β€œI’ll work on it.” 

Bea scrunched her face to try and hide her smile.

I swallowed a laugh and shook my head, β€œyou have fun at dessert, ok? You better come back and tell me all about the new treats you have.” 

Bea grinned and nodded, running out of my room. 

Once Bea had disappeared out the door I collapsed into a nearby chair by the fire. The weight of the day piled onto my shoulders, keeping me grounded and out of the clouds. Staying grounded wasn't the worst thing though, kept me focused, getting everything done faster. 

β€œYour highness, a letter has arrived for you.” 

I nodded and the maid hurried forwards with the note. I knew immediately the note was from Eve considering it was scribbled onto the back of a napkin. 

𝙸 πš”πš—πš˜πš  πš’πš˜πšžβ€™πš›πšŽ πš™πš›πš˜πš‹πšŠπš‹πš•πš’ πšπš’πš›πšŽπš, πš‹πšžπš πš’πšœ πš—πš˜πš  𝚊 πš‹πšŠπš πšπš’πš–πšŽ 𝚝𝚘 πš–πšŽπšŽπš? π™½πš˜πš πšœπšžπš›πšŽ πš‘πš˜πš  πš•πš˜πš—πš πšπš‘πš’πšœ πšπš˜πš˜πš” 𝚝𝚘 𝚐𝚎𝚝 𝚝𝚘 𝚒𝚘𝚞, πš‹πšžπš πš’πšβ€™πšœ 𝚊 𝚏𝚎𝚠 πš–πš’πš—πšžπšπšŽπšœ πšŠπšπšπšŽπš› πšŒπš˜πš–πš–πšžπš—πšŠπš• πšπš’πš—πš—πšŽπš› πš›πš’πšπš‘πš πš—πš˜πš . 𝙸 πš”πš—πš˜πš  𝚒𝚘𝚞 πš‘πšŠπš πšπš’πš—πš—πšŽπš› πš πš’πšπš‘ πšœπš˜πš–πšŽπš˜πš—πšŽ πšŽπš•πšœπšŽ, πš‹πšžπš 𝙸 πš›πšŽπšŠπš•πš•πš’ πš—πšŽπšŽπš 𝚝𝚘 πšπšŠπš•πš” 𝚝𝚘 𝚒𝚘𝚞. π™Έπšβ€™πšœ πš˜πš” πš’πš πš’πš˜πšžβ€™πš›πšŽ πš—πš˜πš πšžπš™ 𝚝𝚘 πšŒπš˜πš–πš’πš—πš, 𝙸 𝚐𝚎𝚝 πš’πš, πš‹πšžπš πšœπšŽπš—πš πšœπš˜πš–πšŽπš˜πš—πšŽ πš’πš 𝚒𝚘𝚞 πšπš˜πš—'𝚝, πš“πšžπšœπš 𝚜𝚘 𝙸 πšŒπšŠπš— 𝚐𝚘 𝚝𝚘 πšœπš•πšŽπšŽπš™ πšŽπšŠπš›πš•πš’. π™Έπš 𝚒𝚘𝚞 𝚍𝚘 πšŒπš˜πš–πšŽ π™Έβ€™πš– πšŽπšŠπšπš’πš—πš πšŒπšŠπš”πšŽ πš›πš’πšπš‘πš πš—πš˜πš , 𝚜𝚘 πš‘πšžπš›πš›πš’ πš‹πšŽπšπš˜πš›πšŽ πš’πšβ€™πšœ πšŒπš˜πš–πš™πš•πšŽπšπšŽπš•πš’ πšπš˜πš—πšŽ. -π™΄πšŸπšŽ

I smiled at Eve’s note, crumbs from chocolate cake creased into the napkin. That’s Eve for you.

 Sighing I read over the note again. She made it seem important and it wasn't like I had anything else going on, so why not. 

I tossed my suit jacket into the corner and hurried out the door, hoping that if I was fast Eve would still have a little cake left. 

Eve must’ve heard me coming. I didn't even get to knock before the door flew open and she pulled me inside. Eve twirled in her dinner gown, the blue on her dress sparkling like Cinderella’s dress. She laughed before falling onto the floor out of dizziness.

I raised a brow, picking at one of the cookies on the dessert tray.

β€œYou seem giddy tonight?”

Eve beamed, β€œI suppose you could say so,” She said before she burst out laughing. 

β€œDid something happen? I’m lost.”

That made Eve laugh harder and I really couldn't understand what was so funny.

β€œAre you gonna tell me?”

She caught her breath, sitting up and quickly. 

β€œMy sister’s having her baby soon!” 

β€œThat’s great Eve!” 

β€œYou don't get it though,” She started, her face falling slightly. β€œScaip Cla babies are very rare these days. Indi has been super nervous the last few weeks because this is usually the stage the baby doesn't survive through. This is the stage when all of the women get sick and since we don't have medicine to help them they just have to push through and hope their babies will do the same.”

I stopped, watching as her eyes fell to the ground. 

β€œThere’s more, isn't there?” 

Eve nodded, refusing to look up. Her giddiness was completely faded as she walked over to her bed and sat on the end, tugging a blanket over her broad shoulders. 

β€œMy mother wants me home while Indi is in labor, plus some time after. She worries she won't be able to handle everything. Between handling my father's duties while he’s out of town, doubling as queen, me being here and Indi having the baby she doesn't think she’ll be able to do it alone.” 

A sigh escaped me and Eve glanced up worriedly. 

β€œIs that a no?” 

β€œEve, I-”

β€œI know we had the big plan and everything, and I still want to go through with it, but since you still have a few more weeks before you have to make your decision I thought maybe I could leave. Just for a few days and help my family at home. If not than you can drop me and find someone you will actually spark with. I’ll find a different solution. My main priority right now is my family, and Indi’s baby.” 

β€œEve slow down, I can barely understand what you’re saying.” 

Eve bit her lip and nodded for me to continue. 

β€œOn normal circumstances I wouldn't hesitate to let you go home, especially with what’s going on in your family.”

β€œBut?”

β€œBut, my father has placed in some recent…time restraints that makes my decision much more complicated.” 

β€œWhat are the time restraints?” She asked, playing with a loose string on her blanket. 

β€œI have to announce my decision for queen in two days.” 

Eve’s eyes grew wide as she stammered out a response. 

β€œLionel wha- why? Why in two days? What’s the rush?” 

β€œI’m not sure. I assume it has something to do with the Valles-Esten war.”

β€œWhat does that have to do with your search for queen?” 

β€œThe sooner I find a queen the sooner my father can step down and a new leader can step up, giving the people of Esten hope.” 

β€œAnd your father actually wants to step down?”

β€œDefinitely. He’s wanted to step down for years, since a few months after my mother passed away. And now that I’m old enough, the sooner the better, in his mind.” 

Eve stared forwards, not saying a word. 

I moved away from the wall and plopped down into the arm chair in the corner. 

β€œI’m really sorry to put you in this position Eve. You’ve got a few options but none of them are ideal.” 

β€œSo I can either go home and help my family and leave you to find a different queen or stay here to worry about my family?” 

I bit my lower lip, β€œthere is one other option I can think of.” 

Eve cocked her head, sitting up straighter.  

I exhaled shakily, resting my head on my hand. 

β€œWe could also continue with our plan and I could propose to you tomorrow.” 


Eve


I gaped, shaking my head. 

β€œYou can't actually be suggesting that?”

Lionel looked away, shrugging. 

I buried my head in my hands.

β€œThis is going way too fast, and we’ve basically planned nothing. What if the plan doesn't work? What if I can't get you troops? How can you be considering this? Haven't you sparked with anyone? You don't even love me!” 

I didn't realize I had shouted those last words until after Lionel winced and stood up. 

β€œEve I think I should go.” 

β€œI’m sorry Lionel, I didn't mean to yell. This just- it’s not going according to plan.”

Lionel stopped, and turned back to me, a spark of curiosity in his eyes. He sat back in the arm chair and leaned forwards.  

β€œWhat was your plan Eve?” 

β€œMy father wanted me to pretend. To win your heart and then reveal the truth and leave you after we had gotten what we needed for Scaip Cla to survive.”

β€œThat was your father's plan. What was your plan, Eve?” 

I sighed, pulling my hair over one shoulder. 

β€œI was hoping that if I was upfront during our first meeting you would agree and we could plan a fair trade. We would have weeks to figure all the small details out. How we would provide for the other persons country, how we would play a happy married couple.” I paused and met Lionel’s eyes.  

β€œIt surprised me when you agreed, but I just assumed you had to be super desperate or really anxious for the war to be over. Or maybe both. And then when it was time I would go home for Indi’s baby's birth and help my mother and then be back to sort out everything else here.”

A small laugh slipped out from Lionel’s tightly pursed lips.

β€œThis is definitely not according to your plan.” 

I shook my head, and Lionel stood up. 

β€œI really am sorry to put you in this position.” He said again. 

I sighed, frustrated that he was sorry. I wanted to have a reason to scream at Lionel and blame him. If I could blame Lionel, I could convince myself that this situation isn't completely because of me. None of what I wanted made sense anymore.

β€œIs there any way you could get an extension from your father? Do something else for him in return?” 

β€œAny ideas?” he asked and I could hear the sliver of hope creeping out in his smooth voice. 

β€œGive me the night and I’ll try to come up with something. Come back here before breakfast and you can escort me there after I’ve briefed you on the potential plan.” 

Lionel nodded, making his way towards the door. I fell back onto my bed, almost fully asleep before he even shut the door. 

β€œDon't stay up too late,” he added walking out, his shoes clicking down the hallway.  

I forced my eyes to stay open, getting up and taking my chair back to my desk before plopping down and pulling out a scrap piece of paper. 

β€œOk, Eve, all you need to focus.” 

I told myself it was like how I used to strategize with father and my cousin, Noam. Noam would come over on weekends and we would play Savior of Nations. Noam would go to one side of the grounds and plan his strategies with my uncle while I would do the same with father. 

β€œYou must think and consider every detail Eve. Think through all of your options and take small steps. Small steps will lead you to greatness. If you start with a leap there are chances you will fall. When you’re all the way back here there’s no way to see what’s that far ahead of you. Stick to small steps, to ensure you’re continuing on the right path.” 

β€œStay on the right path Eve,” I repeated. β€œConsider every detail and think through your options.”

I scribbled down different ideas, making multiple graphs as I tried to think up the perfect plan and by dawn coming up with any plan seemed impossible. 

After a number of hours of writing, crumpling paper, and nodding off I thought I had finally come up with something. 

β€œOh my god! That could actually work!”

I looked over my notes again, double checking. 

β€œThis is the best we can do,” I told myself, trying to reassure the anxiety inside of me. This felt like my only chance to have everything work out. To stay on the right path with my plan. 

I dragged myself to my bed hoping I could get a few hours of sleep before Lionel showed up. The sun barely peaked through the deep blue curtains, shielding me from the new day. 


β€œEve you have a visitor,” I heard someone say. I rubbed my eyes and recognized that the voice belonged to Liza, one of my maids.  

β€œYou might want to get ready quickly for this visitor,” She urged a grin lighting up her eyes. 

I shot up and cursed as I realized who the visitor was. 

I flew out of bed, realizing I had slept in my gown and I could see the disapproval in Liza’s eyes. She passed me a new dress, simpler and pastel colored for breakfast. I slipped in it as fast as I could before motioning for Liza to open the door. 

Lionel nodded at Liza before Liza glanced at me and slipped out the door. I went to the bathroom to fix my hair and makeup and watched Lionel in the mirror that faced out of the bathroom.  

β€œYou’re welcome to sit down,” I called out to Lionel who was awkwardly standing in the middle of my room. 

He sunk into the arm chair by the small fireplace in my room. That was my sanction, my safe place. Lionel seemed to feel the same thing. 

I pinned up my hair as best I could, spraying down the runaway strands. 

β€œDid you figure anything out?” He asked as I moved to my make up, picking out a light neutral. 

β€œYeah, I stayed up all night brainstorming and I think I actually came up with something decent.” 

I set down my palette and grabbed my notebook off my desk, passing it to him.  

Lionel crossed his legs, peering at my scribbled notes. 

β€œYou really think this will work?” He asked, glancing up from the notebook. I ran back to the bathroom, knowing I didn't have long before breakfast started and quickly put on a few layers of mascara. 

β€œYes. And if it doesn't than we will have to figure that out when we get there. Small steps lead to success.” 

Lionel set the notebook down, β€œOk, fine. I will talk to my father as soon as I can and get it all sorted out.” 

I smiled, β€œwonderful.”


As we arrived at breakfast and Lionel started towards his end of the table I grabbed his arm and pulled him closer. 

β€œThank you for all of this,” I whispered. 

Lionel flashed a smile. 

β€œMy pleasure.” 


Lionel

Talking to father about these sorts of things always got me super worked up. I had to do this for Eve and for myself. Having more time was going to be a giant relief. All I had to do was talk with father. 

The guards bowed as I walked through the open door to father's office. 

β€œAn unexpected visit?” Father immediately questioned. 

I felt for the paper in my pocket before nodding. Eve had given me her notes this morning before I left. 

β€œI fear that if I rush my decision for my queen I will make the wrong decision and Esten will suffer.” 

β€œAre you suggesting that you don't trust my judgment? I fully believe you will make the right choice tomorrow.” 

β€œThe thing is father, I have yet to spark with any of the women here. Therefore, I think it would be better to give me a little more time. Maybe two weeks?”

β€œLionel we need something to distract the public and give them hope. If they see that you have a queen and I will be stepping down soon they will have hope for this everlasting war to be over soon.”

β€œBut the public will not trust some random woman one of the guards picked up off the streets. I propose we do a meet and greet. Let the public into the castle and have them interact with all of the princesses. Then we take a poll and see who the publics favorite is. That way my queen will make the public happy and hopeful.”

Father raised a dark brow and thought for a long time. 

β€œIf you can organize this β€œmeet and greet” by tomorrow and have the event happen the day after then I will allow it and give you an extension.” 

I could tell from fathers sigh that my smile was too big for the occasion. I stood up straighter and smoothed my jacket. 

β€œI will send you all of the details by tomorrow night and the meet and greet will happen the day after.” 

β€œDo not disappoint me son.” 

I nodded, hurrying out. 

I basically skipped to Eve’s room, knocking over and over until I heard her grumble something to one of her maids. 

The maid from yesterday, Liza, opened the door and dipped into a deep curtsy, her red braids falling over her shoulders. 

I smiled back and walked through as Liza scurried away. 

β€œYou seem happier than I was last night,” Eve said, looking up from her book. 

β€œYou might want to put that down, you might throw it when you hear my news if you don't.” 

Eve furrowed her brows, closing her book.

β€œIs your news good or bad?”

β€œDefinitely good,” I said, trying to slow my words. 

β€œAnd the news is?” She pressed. 

I sat back into the arm chair by the fire, best place in Eve’s room by far. 

β€œMy father approved your meet and greet idea!”

Eve shot up from her bed and gasped. 

β€œNo way! Oh my god, no way!” 

She repeated her disbelief into those words for quite a few minutes before meeting my eyes. 

β€œThank you,” she said. 

I smiled, glad I could do something helpful for once. 

β€œBut since it was your idea you have to help me organize it.”

β€œOk. What do we do first?” 

I laughed at her excitement, β€œThat’s where my father's catch comes into play. We have to have it organized by tonight and it must happen tomorrow. Then we’ll poll to see who the public's favorite is and if all goes well, Father will give me a two week extension.” 

β€œSo I can go home the day after tomorrow?” 

β€œYes, but you must be back by Sunday. Four days is all I can give you, though I still need to discuss your departure with my father.” 

β€œI can't thank you enough Lionel.” 

β€œWe’re a team now, we have to work together.”

Eve’s smile grew, β€œSo, where do we start?” 

Posted Jul 28, 2021
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30 likes 109 comments

Dhwani Jain
August 01, 2021 05:07

I HAVE BEEN DOWNVOTED!!!!!!!
I HAD ABOUT 1100+ POINTS, AND NOW I AM LEFT AT 660+....
PLEASE HELP ME, MY REEDSY FRIENDS
STOP DOWNVOTING NOW!!!!!

Reply

August 01, 2021 21:10

awww I'm so sorry! I know how it feels to be downvoted and I'll do what I can, but remember your points dont define how good your writing is

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Dhwani Jain
August 02, 2021 02:48

Yeah, thanks a lot!
It just kinda makes me mad, that some people have been on the leaderboard for months and they have remained on their places and they are not letting new ones to join them....

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August 02, 2021 11:43

yeah, I totally understand that

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Dhwani Jain
August 02, 2021 11:56

Yup!

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November 30, 2021 21:05

Hi

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December 04, 2021 02:50

hiii

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December 04, 2021 15:25

How are you

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December 04, 2021 17:27

im good!! how are you?

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December 04, 2021 21:40

Good
But falling into an endless cycle of Hamilton obsession.

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December 05, 2021 03:24

been there- it's quite fun XD

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October 16, 2021 14:42

This was a great addition to the first part! Yet another cliffhanger, wondering what Eve and Lionel are going to do. There were a few typos I caught here and there, but other than that, this story was awesome!

the fourth Sanderson sister

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October 16, 2021 16:11

thanks so much!!
<3

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October 17, 2021 01:38

you're welcome! <33

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Dhwani Jain
October 02, 2021 08:28

The post is out guys! I can’t believe it the number of views it has gotten! Please do check it out! I am really happy with the response and would love it if you guys too check the post out!!!
~ Dhwani Jain {02-10-2021}

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August 07, 2021 23:58

AMEEEE

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HELLLOOOO
HRU
WHERE YA BEEN
HELLO

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August 10, 2021 03:55

HEYYYY
GOOD WBUUUU
IVE BEEN A LIL BUSYYYY
WHERE HAVE YOU BEENNNNNN

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IVE BEEN GRATE πŸ§€πŸ§€πŸ§€ ;D
how iz summer goinggg

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August 14, 2021 01:02

YAY THAT'S GRATE
it's going good! I go back to school in like less than two weeks which I am NOT excited for, but we go to the beach tmrw for a week and it's the last thing in the summer and I'm exciteddd!!
hbu? Done anything fun?!

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TJ Squared
July 29, 2021 00:12

oooooooooooooooooooooooooo definitely a surprise to see this mini series make a return!
You're soooooooooooooooooooooooo close to 20 stories! that's a great mile-marker!!!
I love the bits and pieces of emotion and details interspersed through this, like the characters are so developed that I can guess what they're going to say next.
The details are lacking a bit, but that's because the pace is faster (not always a bad thing).
I'll be looking forward to the future parts (cause that cliffhanger is just no good XD)!
I noticed some very small errors, very small...

"What if I cant get you troops?" --> 'cant' should be can't

"β€œOk Eve, all you need to focus.”" --> comma after 'ok'

"β€œDo not disappoints me son.”" --> no 's' is needed at the end of 'disappoints'

"β€œThank you,” She said." --> when there is a comma in the dialogue, the following word after the quotation doesn't need to be capitalized.

"β€œThat’s where my fathers catch comes into play." --> 'fathers' should be father's

"Then we’ll poll to see who the publics favorite is and if all goes well father will give me a two week extension.”" --> 'publics' should be public's, a comma is needed after 'well' , and then 'father' should be capitalized because you are using it as a name instead of with my.

"β€œI cant thank you enough Lionel.”" --> same as before, 'cant' should be can't

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreat job overall! :DDD

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hehe yeah, I have a bit of a track record with struggling to continue series/cliff hangers but this one felt like there was more to say
and yessss im so excited!!! I've been a bit slower to hit 20 than other ppl but it's fineeeee;)
yeah, descriptions arent my strong suit but I'm hoping now that I've used the first two parts to lay down the ground work I can take a bit of a slower pace and I'll keep in mind to add more details:)
omg thank you, you're a life saverrrrrr
fixing em now
thank youuuuu<333

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TJ Squared
July 29, 2021 01:16

I agree with that lol
Makes sense
Ofc, anything to help a friend of mine improve their writing ;)
<333

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Dhwani Jain
December 15, 2021 11:51

Hey again!
Please do check some of my latest stories/poems and comment on them.
I have a blog too, if you can check that out!
Hoping to read the Reedsycast soon!

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December 15, 2021 22:16

Will do!
Oh cool, I'll check that out as well!
Thanks, working on it! Love your character you sent in!

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Dhwani Jain
December 16, 2021 03:23

So, will it be a MC?

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December 17, 2021 02:29

not sure yet! gonna wait until I close the form to figure out characters:)
I'll keep you posted tho!!

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Dhwani Jain
December 17, 2021 05:23

Ok

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Dhwani Jain
November 15, 2021 12:33

Hello all!
https://wp.me/pd3y1A-fD
Please check out my latest post, THE VIRUS, YOU AND ME, a podcast.
I hope you all enjoy it as much as I did writing it!

Dhwani Jain
Dream DJ
{https://djdhwanijain.wordpress.com/}

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Elliana Ramirez
November 02, 2021 13:22

hii! <3
I need friendsss πŸ’•

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November 02, 2021 18:05

hi!!

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Elliana Ramirez
November 03, 2021 17:28

lol heyy!

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Akshaya Sutrave
October 24, 2021 15:34

LUNA it's been so longgg

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October 24, 2021 23:45

omg ikkkkk
how are you?!

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Akshaya Sutrave
October 29, 2021 14:13

I'm gooddd.
how are youu?!

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October 29, 2021 17:37

im great!

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Akshaya Sutrave
October 30, 2021 05:43

Noice!! Doing NaNoWriMo this year?

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October 30, 2021 17:31

yep! I actually tried planning this year and i feel kinda prepared and at the same time suuuuper unprepared lol
hbu?

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October 18, 2021 19:41

HIIIII

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October 19, 2021 00:26

hi!!!

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October 20, 2021 14:20

How are you?

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October 21, 2021 23:53

im good! hru?

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October 22, 2021 12:40

Great! My dad is sick but I'm not.

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October 24, 2021 23:44

aw sorry to hear about your dad but i hope you stay healthy and he gets better quickly!!

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Dhwani Jain
September 16, 2021 14:09

Happy Birthday (belated) to you, LUNANA!!!
Hope you had a nice day?!

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September 17, 2021 02:57

I did, tysmmm!!!

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TJ Squared
August 21, 2021 16:01

Hey Luna!
Ivy Carter is coming back sometime next week along with Abigail Cross, spread the word!

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August 21, 2021 20:48

omg yayyyy!!

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TJ Squared
August 21, 2021 20:51

yeah, I'm excited too :DDD
How have you been?

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August 21, 2021 20:52

pretty good, hbu?

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TJ Squared
August 21, 2021 20:55

doing alright.
do you/did you start school soon?

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August 21, 2021 21:52

I start monday:/
wbu?

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Sunny 🌼
August 14, 2021 21:47

man i wish i had your writing style luna-
it works so WELL
also i like where this is going
there's a perfect setup for both some romance and some dRaMa

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August 15, 2021 02:30

omg ur too kind-
tysm sarah!!
your writing style is amazing too tho, i need to reed more of ur stories

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August 09, 2021 12:27

Helloooooooo! It's been a while since we've talked! I was wondering if you wanted to join my Reedsycast. ;)

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August 10, 2021 03:57

heyyyyyy!!
And omg ofc I want to!!

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August 10, 2021 13:21

Thanks! I needed one more person, so here!
https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfGEWmL2BlUwEvt8kKxgV1zp5XgPsc4BKje3T0R3HLz3TeRMQ/viewform

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August 10, 2021 16:51

yayyyy!!!

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August 10, 2021 17:01

Do we put a made up name or our reedsy name for the reedsycast character?

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August 10, 2021 18:57

I'm choosing names, but if you hav a name you want me to use, you can tell me.

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August 10, 2021 20:03

ok, sounds good!

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Dhwani Jain
July 30, 2021 14:52

Hello Luna,
I am back, to read this story....
Here are some things that I noticed on the way:
--> Once Bea had disappeared out the door I collapsed into a near by chair by the fire. {NEARBY SHOULD BE A SINGLE WORD, ACCORDING TO ME}
--> She worries she wont be able to handle everything. Between handling my fathers duties while he’s out of town, doubling as queen, me being here and Indi having the baby she doesn't think she’ll be able to do it alone.” {TWO MISTAKES HERE, FIRSTLY, IT SHOULD BE 'can't' AND NEXT, IT SHOULD BE 'father's'}
--> That was your fathers plan. {AGAIN, 'father's'}
--> I told myself it was like how I used to strategies with father and my cousin Noam. {STRATEGIZE, maybe}
--> The guards bowed as I walked through the open door to fathers office. {'father's', I AM SORRY IF I AM BORING YOU WITH THIS, BUT THESE ARE JUST THE MINUTE ERRORS I SAW ON THE WAY}
--> ONE LAST THING, YOU MIGHT WANT TO CHANGE THE APPEARANCE OF THE FONT WHEN YOU SWITCH THE POVs, so that it is easier for the reader's to recognize the switch.

I feel this is a great addition to the series. The story is definitely unzipping here. I like the way you left it at a partial-cliffhanger sort of thing...

But I did notice that this was kind of rushed, wasn't it?

Well, I can't wait for further parts of this series.

=D

{P.S: I came up with another name idea ~ Marriage Mirage....I like the alliteration here and it suits the story so far too...}

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omg ty for those edits! I'll fix them now!!

thanks!

and yeah, I've had some people say it was slow at the end and got boring and some people say it was rushed so I'm getting the idea that this wasnt my best part two. Which is completely fine. Gives me an easier time improving my writing for part 3.

I love that titleeeeee

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Dhwani Jain
July 31, 2021 05:09

You're always welcome!!!
You can try out the quizzes I have in my bio.
Also, a feedback from your end on my stories will be appreciated!
:)
I'll appreciate it if you use this title.... ;)

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August 01, 2021 21:09

I'll try and do all of those!!

and yep, changed it a few days ago!!:D

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Dhwani Jain
August 02, 2021 02:46

Yeah...waiting.

Yup! Checked it.
=D

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Dhwani Jain
July 31, 2021 05:09

P.S: I just read, you changed the title ...
XD

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Sia S
July 29, 2021 07:08

EKEKEKEKEKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

LUNANANNAANNANANNAANANANANANNAAA

HILOOOOO SISSS WHERE HAVE YO BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN??????

*ahem ahem*

heyyyy, this was super sweet! the pace was a lilllll fast for me, but maybe thats just me, so yeah
it was a lil boring towards the end, (no hate sis i love this) soo, maybe add a lil thrill okie?

thats it from meee

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SIANAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

IDKKKKK IVE BEEN BUSYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

yeah, I've gotten that a few times. I'm hoping now that I've laid down the ground work for the series I can just focus on taking a slower pace and keeping things interesting. Thanks for the feedback and thanks for readinggggg<3333

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Sia S
July 30, 2021 00:57

YESHGHGGGGGHHHYYYHHGGGHHGG

ME TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Okieeee, thanks for a great story!!

<3

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I'VE MISSED YOU YOKIE SISSSSSSSSS

<33

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Sia S
July 30, 2021 03:51

YOKIEEE

:DD

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Heyyyyy
As always this is my long note section sooo yeah

1. *sigh* I dont think I've ever been good at naming things but I especially hate this one. The "Two Sides of One Story" is kind of growing on me but "Extensions"? Seriously Luna? Anyways this is me pleading for title ideas, yet again

2. This story was a bit of a surprise. I usually talk about my stories a lot and give an obnoxious amount of updates, but I was very motivated to write this week and just went with it. Hoping to get pt 3 and pt 4 out in the next week or two!

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Dhwani Jain
July 29, 2021 04:11

DEALing with Marriage....rest, I'll tell more if I can think of after reading this story...

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ooooh ok! ty for reading!

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Dhwani Jain
July 30, 2021 03:00

Yeah...

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Unknown User
December 14, 2021 13:48

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