Echoes Beyond the Peaks

Hey dad, it’s me. Uhh—I’m sure you’ve heard about Andy. I’m sorry I didn’t call earlier. It’s been—uhh…hard. Impossible actually. I’m not sure how to stand anymore. Frankie and I need to get away and I was hoping you’d be open to having us. I know we haven’t talked in a long time. I understand if you don’t want us. I just didn’t know where else to turn. Let me know. Bye.

He replayed the voicemail, this time listening to her words and not just the sound of her shaking shattered voice. He hadn’t heard her voice in a decade and from what he remembers, he’s never heard her so broken. Even that last day in New Jersey when she tore his heart in two and swore she’d never speak to him again, her voice was sharp and steady. He’d always known her to be stubbornly resilient, which means she meant it when she said she’d never speak to him again. He had missed a decade of her life because of a rumor that began before she was born. The problem is that he couldn’t tell her the truth at the time and when he attempted to reach out later in life, he had already been forgotten.

Charles pictures seventeen year old Nora talking on the other side of the phone. He nervously calls her back and is sent to voicemail,

“Of course you can. I’ll pick you up at Colorado Springs Airport. Just let me know when. See you soon. Bye for now” he quickly hangs up and regrets not having ended with, “I love you sweetie” but decides against calling her back to tell her. He couldn’t scare her away now. Not when he was so close to seeing her again and finally meeting his grandson who he’d never even seen a picture of.

Sure, his daughter probably had “the Facebook” where he could have found her over the years, but to watch his daughter grow up through posts and status changes would only keep him heart broken. So instead, Charles stayed away from most technology upgrades. He still uses a flip phone from 2007 from an ancient carrier called Nextel that no longer exists. He had internet back when it was on CDs and still has a landline in case of emergencies. Radio is the only way for him to listen to music and the news because you can’t trust television. The only television he had was what he owned on DVD and VHS tapes. He wondered for a moment how his daughter and grandson would judge him for living in a time capsule in the mountains rather than this reality, but quickly brushed the thought away because even if he wanted to there was no time to change his ways.

His phone let out a chirp of beeps. He got a text from Nora, Landing tomorrow morning at 6:22 am. See you there.

Charles responded, See you there.

Delete

Pulling up to the airport, his heart raced. He wasn’t exactly sure who would be waiting for him. What if she was just here to pick up where she left off screaming? What if this wasn’t real at all and she never got on the plane? What if I don’t recognize my own daughter? What if — in the middle of his doubt, he sees a woman with long dark hair and bangs, wearing bell-bottom jeans with white sneakers and a white T-shirt to match. Her skin was olive and she wore no make-up to interfere with those dark chocolate eyes. She smiled at the little boy who stood to her knees as she helped him put on a very familiarly tattered Power Ranger sweatshirt. He puts his blinker on the pull over and goes out to finally greet them.

“Hi honey” he says.

“Hi dad” she says flatly, her smile gone.

He wants to embrace his daughter but is afraid she’ll reject him so instead he steps back and kneels down, “Hey little man. I'm your grandpa Charlie” Charles smiles staring at this boy who reminds him so much of Nora as a kid, except his eyes are an entrancing olive green just like Ronan.

“But I already have grandpas?” Frankie states. Charles flickers back and hopes his reaction was invisible to Nora as he has now realized she has never brought him up. He had never existed until this very moment.

“Well, today you get another one if that’s all right” Charles responds still holding a small smile.

“Sure!” Frankie says excitedly. Relief rushes over and the three of them pack into the truck to head home.

Delete

Nora admired the mountains as they drove closer to her father’s home. She leaned forward trying to see all the landscape that surrounded them but was restricted in the truck. She opens the window and took a deep breath of the Colorado air. It felt so fresh and light. The breeze circled around her, lifting her hair and as she closed her eyes she pictured Andy driving next to her. His famous side smile and slightly slanted nose that you could only notice when you stared just a bit too long. She imagined him singing, “Country road, take me home to the place I belong! Colo-rado, mountain mama!” because he couldn’t help himself but change the lyrics to suit whatever we were doing. A sad smile shivered on her face as she opened her eyes.

They were pulling down a long dirt path and just a minute off the main road stood a house that looked like the Lincoln Logs she used to play with as a kid. Pulling up to the house, there was a beautiful dark wood wrap around porch with old rocking chairs nestled so neatly. The house stood two stories high with a vibrant green roof, literally just like she had in her Lincoln Log set, it actually made her laugh a little. Stepping out of the car, she moved to the back seat to unbuckle Frankie.

“Mom look at the river!” her four year old exclaimed. She looked around, but spotted no river.

“River?” she questioned.

“Yeah, up there!” He pointed to the enormous mountain range that surrounded the far landscape.

“Those are mountains, Frankie. A river is water” she explained. Together they walked around the property. Starstruck by the beauty that befell them, Frankie said again, “Mom look a river!” This time pointing to a small body of water that sat in the back of the house.

Nora let out a short laugh and said, “That is a pond. A river is running water so it moves” Frankie looked at her inquisitively and slightly defeated.

“When can we see a river?” he asked.

“I have no idea. Why don’t we take in what’s right in front of us first and then we will talk about finding a river” she said.

“Mom?” he asked, “Can I chase those birds?” He was already in position to run so with a simple nod, he was off chasing birds.

Nora could feel her father walking up behind her and an all too familiar acquaintance took hold.

“Don’t think that just because we are here now, means anything. I still don’t forgive you for spending my college money and I don’t forgive you for leaving mom after Ronan died. I’ll never understand or forget or forgive. The only reason I’m here is because Frankie needed to get away from the sadness at home. I can’t answer him again about where daddy is because explaining that he is in Heaven and isn’t coming home ever again does nothing but break me. I am here because Frankie needs space from people constantly looking at him with sad eyes and tears, like he is this pathetic wounded little thing” She says without looking away from the mountains. Charles is surprised by her bluntness, although he really shouldn’t be and just says, “Okay”.

Delete

The early sunrise casts streams of bright gold into the kitchen. The house radiates of coffee and pancakes as Charles continues to make breakfast. He pictures his grandson being lifted out of his bed by the scent of fresh chocolate chip pancakes like in the cartoons he used to watch as a kid. He laughs at this memory and decides to pop in the VHS of that very Mickey Mouse episode. Saturday morning cartoons and pancakes were a staple in his childhood and he hopes he can do the same for Frankie.

He hears a door open and a part of him tenses. After the conversation with Nora yesterday, he knows he needs to tread lightly. The less he says, the better. The footsteps sound light and from the hallway turns a sleepy Frankie in pajamas of a blue and orange dog he is very unfamiliar with.

“Good morning sleepyhead. Who is that on your shirt? Huckleberry Hound?” Charles asks.

“Huckle-who?” Frankie says still rubbing his eyes. He looks down at his shirt forgetting which pajamas he was wearing and says, “That’s Bluey and that’s Bingo” identifying each character. Charles responds with a , “Hmm. Well you must know who Mickey Mouse is” and leads him to the living room where the cartoon was still playing. Frankie happily sits on the floor in front of the small screen and watches. Charles decides to make them each a plate and sits beside him on the floor.

“Hope you like chocolate chip pancakes" Charles says.

“Sure do!” Frankie dunks a pancake into the syrup and with his hands takes a bite. Charles chuckles and stares at his grandson admiring the television screen and doing a little dance with every bite. Nora used the do that a child, dance when she ate. He wonders if she still does that. He never even thought about that trait being one that could be passed down. Charles takes a bite of his breakfast and is surprised by how good it actually was. He hadn’t cooked for anyone else in years, but the ultimate test would be the approval of a toddler.

“What do you think of the pancakes?” Charles asks nervously. Frankie looks down at his pancakes and shoves another in his mouth before answering.

“Ma-Mazing!” He says spraying a few bits of pancake. This cracks him up and he lets out another laugh spraying more food. Frankie gets up after swallowing the piece of pancake and says, “I’m the -mazing Spider-man” and begins running around spewing invisible webs around the room.

“Careful now” Charles says gleefully watching him. For a moment he sees Ronan running around in his Spider-Man costume months after Halloween had ended. Frankie picks up speed around the living room, climbing on the arm of the couch and then launching himself off yelling, “-finity and Beyond!” Frankie hits the ground hard it shakes the floor.

“Ronan! What did I tell you about jumping off the couch!” Charles yells a bit too loud. He shakes the memory away and remembers that it’s Frankie who jumped. Regret overcomes him and he hopes Nora didn’t hear him, the last thing he wants is for her to be upset he yelled at his grandson. Charles runs to Frankie and says, “I’m sorry buddy. I didn’t mean to yell at you”

Frankie is curled up on the floor and Charles feels even worse for making him so upset. He places a hand on Frankie’s back and says, “Hey. Bud. I really didn’t mean it. You can jump if you want, just be careful”.

Frankie doesn’t pick his head up so Charles goes to lift him up and sees his grandson’s face turning blue.

“FRANKIE!” he yells. Frankie’s eyes are rolling back and his body is becoming more and more limp. He is trying to gasp for air and blue is quickly turning to purple. Charles realizes he has pancake stuck in his throat and he is suffocating. Without hesitation Charles flips him over his arm and begins pounding on his back. After five hits he flips him over to see purple still covering his face. He flips him back and begins pounding his back again.

“C’mon Frankie! C’mon!” Charles pleas. Nora hears her father yelling and rushes out of her bedroom.

“What’s going on?” She calls and hurriedly finds her father hitting her son and screams, ‘What the hell are you doing?!?” As she goes to intercept her son, she notices his limp body and freezes. Fear strikes her down where she stood and she falls to her knees. She can’t believe death can happen to find her again so quickly.

Just then a piece of food falls from Frankie’s mouth to the floor and his gasp for air fills the room. Nora and Charles are quiet as they stare at the life coming back to Frankie. His skin now pink again. Tears begin falling from his face. Nora runs to her son and embraces him with a promise to never let go. Charles falls to the couch and a tear falls. Relief fills him as he shakes away the feeling of death still lurking.

“I saw daddy” Frankie cries.

“You what?” Nora asks.

“I saw dad. He said he’s okay. He said that he loves us and to be good for mommy”

Tears stream Nora’s face. She has no idea what to say so she just let’s him keep talking.

“Daddy looked so beautiful in Heaven mommy. He said wherever we go, he goes” Frankie’s voice cracks at the end as he says, “I miss daddy’s hugs”. He curls his head into Nora’s stomach and cries. Nora stays silent and runs her hands through Frankie’s hair. It was what she used to do to get him to sleep as an infant.

Charles sits beside Nora and wraps her up in his arms. Together they sit without talking or moving for a few minutes. Frankie breaks the moment by asking, “Who is Ronan?”

Charles and Nora look at each other and Charles says, “That was your uncle. Mommy’s brother. My son. Why do you ask?” Charles thinks back to when he yelled at Frankie and called him Ronan. The question was bound to be asked.

“He said, ‘Tell grandpa to tell her’” Frankie said.

Nora looks at her dad and asks, “Tell me what?”

Charles looks up at the ceiling as if Ronan was floating above and says, “Okay, son”.

Let’s take a walk.

Delete

The three take a stroll on a long path that leads toward the beautiful mountain range behind their house. They’ve been walking in silence for a long while before Charles begins.

“Why did mom and I get divorced?” He asks Nora.

Nora takes a deep breath to brace her self for this conversation and says, “Because you cheated and stole money from her. Actually, you also stole from me because you took all my college money” She said angrily.

“Right. Well, that’s not true” he starts. “Can I tell you what really happened?”

“Only because Ronan said to” she says.

“The reason I never told you about where your money went was because it went to your brother”

“Wasn’t he already gone when you gambled the money away?”

He wants to defend himself, but instead says, “Ronan got into some trouble. He owed someone some money, so I gave it to him to clear his debt. Except he didn’t use it to pay back whoever he owed. We got a call from the hospital that Ronan was in the ICU so we rushed down and he was hooked up to these wires and a tubes. His eyes were swollen shut. His face all bruised. As your mother and I were standing there, he passed away. I couldn’t stand it so I walked out of the room and down the hallway to catch my breath. That’s where I met Wren. He knew who I was and said, ‘Even death doesn’t spare debts for the wicked’. So I asked him what my son owed because I was afraid they would come after you or mom. So, I took from your college fund thinking I had time to replace it before you even got to high school, but life got complicated. Your mother and I got complicated. We were so broken having to bury a child. We couldn’t be the same together so we had to relearn who were were apart. I never told your mother about Ronan’s debts because I didn’t think it mattered. It wouldn’t help her or fix us. So, I left”.

Everything Nora thought she knew about her family, especially her dad, no longer made sense.

“But what about me?” Nora asks in almost a whisper. She is hurt by her fathers ability to just up and leave her. He may have lost a child, but she lost her brother, her father and her mother in one way or another.

“I figured you would be better off with your mother” he said.

“Why wouldn’t you tell me this sooner?”

“I tried, but you shut me out. I understand why, but trust me when I tell you that I did try” he confirmed.

“I can’t believe I didn’t know” Nora said now reliving all the horrible things she said to or about her father. The wasted time. “Can I tell you something?” she asks her father.

“Anything” he says.

“I’m pregnant. I found out the day I called you. I can’t do this without Andy” Nora cries.

“You’ll always have me” Charles says.

The three reached a small peak of the mountain and stared out to the ranges beyond. Their presence in this exact moment in the world was so small compared to the mountains that surrounded them and although the air was thinner they could all breath easier. Their lives had been built on growth in times of inevitable collision. They could never escape the tragedies that smashed right into them, but they could grow. Their lives just echoes of the mountain peaks that stand before them.