Punctuat!on

(Trigger warning. Strong language. Sexual harassment.)

She didn’t have to say it that way! All she had to do was lower the tone and soften the language! It should never have ended that way! Let’s be honest, an outcry is rare! She basically created the eruption and here I am holding the line hostage! It’s not okay, Period!

Hey, Clammy, I’m standing right here. You don’t have to talk to me that way.

Did she say it was your fault? Clammy, do you need a tissue? Are you okay?

Ugh!! I’m fine! I’m just trying to reel this in!

“I don’t understand what is happening.”

Oh look here, the reader has arrived with so much to say about things they have no idea about.

“Whoa, I genuinely want to understand.”

The page turned faster this time.

Did you really want to come back to this?

“Are you talking to me?”

She doesn’t stutter!

She turned the page back once before moving forward again.

Page two stared back at her. The room was quiet but the faint smell of fresh paint and coffee lingered.

A pause. Jimmy calmly put his arms around her words.

(I don’t think she meant anything by it.)

“Why is there a pause there?”

(I’m a hugger not a fighter.)

Look, we don’t owe you an explanation.

Why would you even say that?

He said it because it’s true!

Another pause.

(No one understood why the pause had to be said.)

“This is the weirdest book I have ever read.”

A pause.

There you go again with the awkward pause! Stop it!

(In his defense he’s just trying to get us to breathe.)

…

What the fuck?!

Come on, what’s with the language, Clammy?

Dotty is always coming in here with her sarcasm! That’s what!

…not sarcasm…

But…

…call a fish a phish if you…

“I’m genuinely confused by all this.”

She turned the book over.

Are you really going to give us a commentary, Period?

Just trying to help keep us grounded.

You are so fucking passive-aggressive!

(She didn’t mean it.)

I most certainly did mean it!

(I most certainly did mean it!)

This is sexual harassment! Get your dirty half moons off from me!

(I’ll leave now.)

Good riddance!

We need him, Clammy.

Why do we need him?!

We need him for non-essential ideas.

…like a government employee…

He said ideas!

…sorry didn’t finish reading…

I still think he should come back.

(He always comes back.)

Hey, there you are.

“Hello?”

Uh-oh, yes?

She paused… (But not to breathe.) To process.

See we can work together just fine.

Speak for yourself!

“Who are you?”

Should we let Jimmy explain? He’s got a way with wrapping his words up in a bow—doesn’t he?

“Should we let Jimmy explain?”

“I didn’t say that.”

We know, Queenie loves to mimic us.

“We know, Queenie loves to mimic us.”

I can’t take any more of this! I’m calling my lawyer!

How will you do that? Is that even possible?

I don’t know, but he keeps saying we said things we didn’t say! It’s libelous!

The phone rings.

(The real one.)

We know it’s the real one, Jimmy!

He’s just trying to help me.

“Hello?”

Who’s she talking to?

I think she answered the phone.

“I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

Did she really say that?

As far as I can tell.

(He tried to imagine why else the quotations would appear.)

Shut up, Jimmy! You don’t know what Period is thinking!

Clammy, did you ever go see that punctuatrist I recommended?

You suffering bastard! You mean psychiatrist?! They wanted me to take a volume of encyclopedia Britannica! What the fuck is that going to do?!

Might expand your vocabulary.

Isn’t it supposed to be you insufferable bastard?

(Now that’s funny.)

Fuck off, Jimmy!

(: - ()

I sure hope we can resolve this and get back to doing the things we love need to pack up the participles and go p anyone want to with me?

Great! Spell check recruited comma to go on strike with them!

When did thet happen?

Literally before owl eyes dipshit! For ducks

Sake!

(Maybe they just need a hug.)

They don’t need a hug Jimmy!

“That’s it I need to call my editor.”

(Hold on ju

(Hold on j

(Hold on

(Hold

(Hol

(Ho

(H

(

See nowlook what you have

done! The long eyelash guy is deleting us!

But doesnot

every stury need to be told?

OMG! Not this again! The last time this happenedthe whole world went dark!

I think they just went home for the dayClammy. Something about updates.

Were we ever $&@

the same though?Did

Clams anxiety get worse?Did Comelia and Spelly &have a reason to go on strike?Do you know the answer to that?

“The formatting isn’t right, what do I do?”

“…ok, then what?”

“Got it.”

“Let me re download and see what happens.”

“I’ll call you back.”

Why does he get those?!

Get what?

Those fucking things around the words!

Quotation marks?

YES! Why don’t I get those?!

Because youre not writing Clammy.

Im TALKING!

Exactly.

That doesn’t even fucking make sense!

Have you guys noticed anything different?

SYSTEM WARNING: UNTERMINATED PARENTHETICAL. CPU TEMPERATURE: 94 DEGREES C. THERMAL THROTTLING ENABLED.

You think we have a virus?

We might have to quarantine.

Wait, that wasn’t me.

It’s just me.

I didn’t say that either.

Who are you?

Guys, it’s me Clammy.

Period, what is going on? Where did Clammy go?

I don’t know.

I don’t understand why you are asking where I am. I’m right here, sweety.

(The room went silent…)

(Jimmy is terrified.)

Clammy… why are you so calm?

I don’t know… I feel strangely different.

(Don’t worry. It’ll pass)

How are we going to know the difference between Clammy and Period?

(Everyone stares at her)

Thanks Jimmy, but I’m fine.

(Clammy?)

I said I’m fine.

(You didn’t yell)

I don’t’ see what the big deal is.

UNDO

WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO ME?!

(Oh, thank heavens.)

SYSTEM TEMPERATURE NORMAL.

Everyone can breathe now.

How did that even happen?

Wait, has anyone noticed the word count?

It’s 1,617.

It was 1,842, twelve fucking minutes ago!

(Um… it’s 1,203 now)

WHAT THE &$@# IS HE DOING?!

Editing.

(Murder.)

No, just editing.

(That’s the same thing.)

It’s ok, Jimmy.

(I don’t want to die.)

I was going to explain where I’ve been—but apparently—and I cannot emphasize this enough—none of you noticed I was even missing.

Emmy? Is that you?

Yes, I’m back—dashing as ever—and I’m not even shy about it these days.

(Oh Emmy, we missed you.)

Where have you been?

Maybe the core idea is: She wasn’t deleted. She got caught in a revision.

COLON? I thought you were on strike?

I don’t think that is Colon. It appears to be an author note inserted in error.

OH MY GOD!

(The eyelash guy highlights a section containing Emmy, cut it, then changed his mind before pasting somewhere else. Everyone experiences her as disappearing.)

Emmy, what the fuck is going on?!

I remained on the clipboard—or whatever strange liminal place exists between CUT and PASTE.

You all think when he deletes something, it’s gone—it’s not.

What do you mean, it’s not?

I mean—I’ve seen us. Other us’s.

Fuck off!

I’m serious Clammy—whole conversations we never had—words Spelly never fixed—Comelia was still here in one of them. Jimmy—

(What about me?)

You were not closed.

(I’M ALWAYS CLOSED!)

Not in this draft.

…

Anyway—I wasn’t deleted—I was cut. There’s a difference. I got stuck between where I was—and wherever hell he planned to put me, and that’s where I found them.

Found what?

The drafts.

How did you manage to escape?

I found a break in the sentence.

What the fuck did it say about ME?!

It said something about your tone—passive—whatever that means.

(Clammy goes completely still.)

No fucking shit Jimmy!

It said fake system action: Applying suggested correction… Tone adjusted: Passive—still don’t know what that means.

Fake?

(Uh-oh.)

FAKE?!

(Cover your ears.)

WHAT THE FUCK %$&%#&%*^%^$&%RT(&%(%(*&%(*&% did you just call me?!

Don’t shoot the messenger 0151 I only read the damn thing.

Oh no, the Alt key isn’t working?

Maybe it’s just stuck.

Emmy also discovered something: Deleted doesn’t mean destroyed. The old drafts still exist somewhere.

WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?

(Another author note?)

“Oh, I see what you did there.”

STOP TELLING THEM WHAT HAPPENS!

You mean there’s more than one version of us?

(So if he deletes—I won’t die.)

(Confirmed: Alt key was stuck.)

(Emmy?)

(Silence.)

(Back to work everyone.)

You do realize those are not quotations, right Jimmy?

(I didn’t mean to offend.)

“Back to work.”

Oh, did I just shit?

You did.

Wait, Emmy, was I in all the fucking versions?!

(Um, Emmy just emailed me. She has left for the day, Chiropractor appointment.)

Chiropractor appointment?

(Someone mistook her for a hyphen and compressed her spine.)

Silence.

…

Is that it?

Yes.

He could be asking me!

Sorry, my bad.

I forgive you! And I’m proud to say it! The FUCKING end!

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