To My Love

Hasan sits across from Dania, eyeing her curiously across the diner booth as the waitress pours him another coffee.

"I was surprised to receive your letter. I mean, I was excited. Then scared…and then happy. I've always thought to reach out, but I knew you moved to the east coast for college," says Hasan earnestly," I figured you would have moved on and started a family."

"You don't think you would have heard about that?"

Hasan chuckles and nods. "You're probably right."

"Why were you scared?"

Thunder boomed outside and Dania flinches. She looks up to see Hasan has his eyes closed as he takes deep breaths. His exhale catching when lighting flashes across his face. Dania flinches again, but doesn't remove her gaze from Hasan. He hated thunder, and yet he'd met her here today.

"Great timing," Hasan chuckles again, nervous. He studies his coffee cup. There's a brown ring, marking the old mug. Dania pictured the glossy ceramic mugs she purchased when she first moved into her college dorm that were now stained with similar rings. Marking how much time had past since she'd last seen him.

Dread crept into Dania's her throat, leaving it sore. Twenty-four years had past, but she swallowed hard at the thought of 17-year-old Dania sitting in her living room in her best shalwar kameez with an assortment of halwa, pani puri and papri chaat her mom had prepared set before her. Her dad had made his special zafrani chai and a classic dood patti as well, just in case. Dania sat there with her parents, waiting for Hasan and his family. She waited. And waited. In the end, he never showed. Neither her parents or her spoke as they cleaned up and went to bed. Everyone's appetite stolen by Hasan's broken promise.

In school the next day, Hasan avoided eye contact. He stopped showing up to the library. And when his parents' cars were gone from the house, Dania didn't walk over to watch him play video games. A few weeks later, Dania saw Hasan walking down the hall with a new transfer student from Bulgaria, Kalina. She had long brown hair, pearly white skin and a slender build. Dania tried not to stare.

When they graduated high school, Dania went to college across the country and started a new life.

"This is so silly. I was scared that it was a wedding invite." said Hasan, giving her her a teasing look.

Dania was quiet for a few moments.

"I would never surprise you with our wedding like that." Hasan bursts out laughing.

Dania smiled, but it didn't quite reach her eyes. The word wedding felt so strange on her tongue. It was a word her mother didn't even bring up around her anymore. Dania had always been annoyed in her 20s and then her 30s when her mom would speak of her marriage like an impending fate she couldn't evade. She didn't realize how much it would hurt when her mother wouldn't even try to bring it up anymore.

"You had a fiancée..." Dania whispered.

"I did," Hasan whispered back, furrowing his brows. "I'm sorry,"

"You don't need to be sorry. I didn't have my life on hold for you," says Dania.

"I know. Two masters degrees. I've seen your bungee jumping videos."

"Really? You don't follow me."

"Cards on the table. I look you up. Frequently."

Dania flushes.

"And I am sorry. I wanted to say it in person. I don't always have a way with words," says Hasan.

Dania rolls her eyes, knowingly.

"I'm sorry I didn't wait for you," says Hasan, holding her gaze.

"Not even a month," says Dania, gritting her teeth. Hasan frowns.

"If you're still mad at me, why are we doing this?"

"Doing what? Having a conversation?" says Dania.

"This isn't a conversation, it's an interrogation." A flash of lightning illuminates Hasan's face. Half electric blue and half funny, charming Hasan. Thunder and pouring rain follow.

"You could have written back," she says.

"I'm not much of a writer."

The waitress approaches.

"We'll take the check, please." he says.

"You're not going while it's pouring rain. Just wait it out," says Dania. She tries to not ask another question, while studying her own mug. There's a chip at the base. For a moment, she's 16 with chipped nail polish studying at the library, but really, waiting for Hasan to arrive.

"Just ask," Hasan groans.

"When did you end things with her?"

Hasan sighs.

"This morning."

The rain pours down faster, as if sensing Dania's blood start to boil. She gets up to leave and he grabs her arm to stop her.

"You came all this way." Hasan reasons. He sounds sad. Regretful. Just as Dania had hoped.

"Is he bothering you?" asks the waitress, eyeing Hasan, 5' 3'' and all bones, for any signs of danger.

"He is always bothering me, or stalking me, or ignoring me for anyone who won't actually hold him accountable!"

The waitress purses her lips. "This feels private. Call me over if you need more coffee." She walks off.

"Wow. Another restaurant we can't return to." jokes Hasan, trying to lighten the mood.

Dania squints at him, feigning annoyance, but quickly gives in and laughs.

"Oh god, the place that believed you were proposing to me with an onion ring!" says Dania, laughing.

"Well, remember, I told them it was where we had our first date." said Hasan with the same goofy smile from high school.

Hasan never actually called the time they spent together dates. He played video games and she watched, mesmerized, just happy to be there. They were only teenagers at the time, so she saw Hasan proposing inside local restaurants, cafes and bakeries for free dessert as his version of treating her. It sounded foolish, but she could stop her mind from racing when she was with Hasan. It always seemed like he had life on easy mode. And so, he allowed the people around him to relax as well.

All the accomplished, serious, rule-following people Dania tried to go on dates with saw everything she'd done and expected even more. And everyone who hadn't done as much, looked at her in fear. Wondering what they could do for her. Some even tried to take her down a peg, so they could feel worthy of dating her.

"Right, I remember," This time, Dania forces a laugh. Then sighs, reminiscing.

When Hasan stopped speaking to her, what she missed the most was meeting up with him at the library. They didn't have phones, so Dania got there right when they opened, just in case Hasan showed up early. He usually strolled in when it suited him. Dania didn't mind, she knew that she was really the selfish one. Using him as a reprieve from her parent's suffocating, controlling love and the pressure she felt to excel in every part of her life.

Dania never called the time her and Hasan spent together dates either. But she wanted to.

Lightning strikes again. The lights flicker, then turn off completely. Shrouding the diner in darkness,

"We'll have the generator up and running in a few minutes, folks," says the waitress, murmuring "I hope" under her breath. Thunder rumbles.

"This is not how I pictured us reuniting," Dania covers her face and groans, "Tell me when the lights are back on."

"Okay," says Hasan softly. After a few minutes, a collective cheer fills the room.

"It's a miracle, folks. Lenny actually paid the generator bill." says the waitress. The few regulars who sat at the bar of the diner howled with laughter.

"The lights are back on," Hasan says softly. Dania smiles and slowly removes her hands from her face. Blinking, so she doesn't shock her eyes.

Hasan is on one knee. A real ring in his hand this time. Diamond cut. Silver accents. He remembered, she thinks. Her heart flutters.

The diner patrons take notice and turn towards them.

"It's you, Dania. It's always been you."

Dania feels tears prick her eyes. The sun emerges from behind the clouds, reflecting off the ring. It's finally me. She had convinced herself she wasn't waiting for him. Collected degrees like badges of honor. Jumped off bridges with nothing but a rope and harness to feel the same rush he gave her all those years ago. None of it really mattered now.

"Fuck it. Yes! I'll marry you, Hasan." She took the ring from him and slipped in on her finger.

He cradles her face in his hands and kisses her. It was exactly as she'd imagined. The goosebumps on her arms, shockwaves down her spine and her legs felt light, like she could fly away with him. The entire diner cheered.

"This had better not be some free dessert scam," the waitress grumbled as she turns to the kitchen.

"Okay, here's the plan: I'm going to take a piss, we'll get out of here before it starts thundering again, and then we'll drive wherever you want. The beach, the city, heck even straight to the courthouse!" Hasan exclaimed.

Dania nodded feverishly.

"Okay. Yes. Okay."

She wasn't sure about the courthouse today. Dania wanted her parents to be there. Her mom would be elated. Her dad hesitant, but he could be convinced. Her Dadi would be over the moon. Her grandmother rarely left home anymore, but Dania was certain she would come see her only granddaughter get married.

Dania turned over her ring and admired it. A weight had been lifted.

Though, the ring was a bit tight. But if she was being honest, she'd put on some weight getting her last degree. Nothing I can't fix before the wedding, she thinks. Dania pulls the ring off, it was probably better off on her pinky for now. She held it up to the light. The sun so bright, she shades her eyes with her hand to see it properly. Definitely a real diamond. She couldn't stop grinning. Inside she saw an engraving.

To my Love, Razia

Dania's smile dropped. Her throat tightened. The bright sunbeams leaving her unable to open her her eyes more than a couple millimeters. The side of her face grew hot, but Dania sat there unmoving with her hands in her lap and ring on her pinky finger. She let her face sizzle in the now unbearable heat. But she would bear it.

"Here's a chocolate mousse cake! On the house. Wishing you a beautiful wedding and wonderful life together!" says the waitress lighting the candle and then walking off.

"I give it 3 months," she says to her regulars at the bar and they keel over in laughter.

Dania sits there for a few minutes. And then ten. Hasan shuffles back to the table.

"Sorry, D, important call," he slides into the booth. Hasan eyes the plate between them, the candle completely melted into the cake.

"Oh, shoot. Thanks for waiting. Dania? Hello? Earth to Dania?" says Hasan, jokingly.

Dania shoots him a sharp look. Hasan puts his hands up in defeat.

"Yes, okay, I know. I could have told them I was busy. I just…I want this to be our thing, at least for a little while, and they would have asked me to explain."

Dania is silent, biting her lip hard to keep the tears from flowing. The clouds return and it begins to drizzle, then pour rain. She looks away from Hasan, focusing on the raindrops dancing across the window and pictures what their wedding could look like. Choreographed dances. A decadent chocolate cake, much better than this diner slice she was sure, and an ornate turquoise lengha, The one she'd wanted since she first watched the little mermaid. Dania, snap out of it. She told herself she needed to focus on the present before she ruined this. Before Hasan changes his mind. Again.

Hasan looks out the window and then back at Dania, moving to hold her hand. She lets him, melting into his touch. Dania reminded herself this was her engagement day, and she wanted to remember it fondly. Dania turns to Hasan and smiles.

"We are exactly where we are supposed to be. We lived our lives, and ended up here anyways," she says, interlacing her hand into his rough, calloused hands.

Dania smiled and laughed. She remembered how Hasan always loved working with his hands. One time she tested a chair he'd built before it was screwed in and it completely fell apart. Leaving her on the ground, surrounded by splintered wood. It was unfixable. She thought Hasan would be upset, and that she'd finally see him fly off the rails. Part of her was always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Hasan walked in the room and laughed. And then Dania laughed. Hasan's laugh was infectious.

The chair stayed in the corner of the room the next few times she visited, Hasan saying Oh, I'll get to it. Eventually, Hasan turned it into a shoe rack instead. For Dania, it was the first time she'd been allowed to mess up and it didn't haunt her, but rather breathed life into their relationship.

"What's so funny?" asks Hasan.

"I'm remembering…oh, it doesn't matter." said Dania, giggling. "So, I'm thinking city over beach with this chaotic weather today. No courthouse, my parents need to finally meet you first," Dania says, giddy for an evening spent with Hasan.

Hasan bites the inside of his cheek. Again, looking guilty. Regretful.

"Why do you have to bring that up right now?" asks Hasan quietly, clearly annoyed.

Dania's smile falters. "No, I mean, I was just joking. It was so long ago Hasan. And we're here now. In the present. You fixed what you broke!" exclaims Dania, her voice cracking. Desperate.

Hasan's sighs heavily, avoiding eye contact. He grabs a spoon and starts on the cake. Dania watches him, confused. Maybe I shouldn't have brought it up.

Hasan finishes the cake and slurps the entire, now cold, cup of coffee to wash it down. He sighs again, and cracks his knuckles.

"Look, I know this is going to sound weird, but um, I think we may have rushed things. I just broke off my engagement. And I got excited. Maybe…maybe I can have the ring back and we start off slow?"

Dania opens her mouth to speak, but no words come out. She wants to yell at him, bang her head on the table, throw her coffee at him, but all she manages is, "The ring doesn't fit."

"Oh, yeah I mean I didn't have time… I guess if I'd written back a letter I would have had the time," says Hasan, chuckling nervously.

"Razia wants it back?" says Dania, the color leaving her face.

Hasan gulps, remorse in his eyes.

"I… okay, truth. I'm not sure we're completely over. I mean, I overreacted, and she was being crazy, but she just called me to say she's pregnant. And, come on Dania, she's only 25 and she didn't even finish college. She needs me."

Dania glances at the now empty plate in front of them. Hardly a crumb was left. Hasan had devoured their cake, wax and all. The waitress comes by with the check, casting a sad glance towards Dania, wordless as she returns to the kitchen.

"Okay." says Dania, solemnly. She puts the ring onto the table and walks out into the pouring rain.

Hasan watches with curiosity as she trudges past her car and turns the corner. Dania walks until her feet are throbbing and the rain lets up. She arrives at the pier and looks out at the crashing waves. There's no sign of life except the seagulls milling about, trying to see if anyone's discarded chips flew their way.

Dania lets out a guttural scream and the seagulls scatter.

THE END