Tall Tales or ChatGPT

As far as I’ve seen, nothing good ever comes from a lurch on the line.

It’s hard to tell what causes it, sometimes we run the line out two miles. Usually its a whale, they eat fish off the hook nice and careful, but sometimes their tailfins get wrapped up in a mess.

“Please tell me Uncle. Why are you back before Christmas?” Jim asked for the dozenth time, he was a curious and bright hearted boy.

“It was a good haul is all.” Black cod season runs from October through February in Alaska, I was on the couch early for the year.

Yes, we did this a lot on the offseason. I would lay in his mother’s basement on the couch, and Jim would ask me questions.

“You’ll tell me eventually,” he dared back, exasperated. “I heard Mom on the phone. She said you paid double a year’s rent up front.”

“That’s enough Jim” I barked back. “Now be a good boy and find my smokes upstairs.”

That’s what I needed, a cigarette and for Jim to bugger off for a few minutes.

It all started with a lurch on the line. The hull heaved and splashed under the extra strain. The captain’s toothless grin had turned to concern as he yelled to stop the winch. We’d been lucky, or unlucky, in the unlikelihood of snagging an iceberg.

Never in my twenty-five years.

What are the odds of it in the Northwest pacific. The spooling speed was turned down, and we slowly got to the bottom of what had tied us up. It wasn’t big by iceberg standards, about as round as an inflatable dinghy and about as tall as an average man.

We managed to detangle the line and were about to continue, when the new guy, Kevin from Anchorage, spotted something metallic frozen in the ice.

I heard the boy's gentle thuds coming back down the stairs.

“Here they are Uncle” he said, handing me my lighter and package of Marlboros. He then settled into the recliner beside the couch, the latest and best model of iPad in hand. I’d ordered it as an early Christmas gift, my bank account was doing very well.

He asked me if I’d seen the charger port.

The metal sphere we dug out from the iceberg had a charger port. That was all that was on it, besides a few lines of Chinese and an english translation: ‘Property of the Government of the People’s Republic of China’. Luckily it took the USB-C cord we had in the cabin, which seemed odd for a strange and secret government object.

“Do you think we should plug it in?” Kevin had stated nervously. “Could be radioactive or something.”

“Nah, don’t be a sissy lad,” spoke the captain to the much younger and newest crew member.

I lit a smoke and crossed my feet, rubbing my wool socks together, while Jim played with his new device.

He was quiet now, but I knew he’d be asking questions soon. The poor boy never knew his father, and he’d taken a liking to me. Jim would fetch my smokes and whiskey, and listen to my stories. Though, truth be told, I'm not sure if a seaman like me is a fit role model.

I wished to please him with another story, but I couldn't this time. See, it was all highly illegal, and no number of questions would break my silence. We'd all decided to keep it hushed, and even my sweet Jim wouldn't hear a word.

I took a long drag and sorted through my memories again.

It just sort of sprang to life after a few hours. A robotic voice had sounded, “Charge now fully complete.”

Seams formed on the smooth metal, and it began collapsing, expanding and contracting like a Transformer, eventually turning into a human shaped robot.

“Hello,” it said, “My name is Neppy, and my function is to be a multi-purpose assistant for humankind. Pleased to meet you.”

Oh, we got acquainted. And very quickly, the getting became good—real’ good.

Jim paused his game and looked up at me expectantly, “Well, you said you had a new method of fishing at least.”

That much I’d said already.

“Mostly just lucky Jim,” I replied, trying to change the subject.

The truth was that ‘a new fishing method’ was heavily understated. Neppy was a self-learning savant of seafaring.

First, we doubled the catch, then tripled it, ten times, then a hundred. And the speed, the speed was sensational. A day's work in an hour, a month's work in less than a week.

Neppy’s feet could spin in circles like propellers, it'd jump into the ocean and easily outpace the ship. It used advanced GPS and sonar to pinpoint the location of cod schools. Imitated fish movement signals to drive and lure them towards the line.

That was only the start, eventually the fish were driven straight into nets. Buckets and buckets, barrels and barrels, overflowing with fish we took them straight out of the water.

And the best part of all, the entire process became fully automated.

Jim was fidgeting with boyish curiosity and the boredom of an Alaskan winter. “You’ve never been off early before,” he said. “You weren’t canned, were you?”

“No, I’m fine,” I said. “Not to worry, Jim. Not to worry.” Everything was all settled with the captain.

It had all become too easy, and we all became worried. The members of the crew began talking; everything was now streamlined and self-sufficient. We decided to take it to the captain, our concerns of replacement by artificial intelligence.

To our surprise, he not only heard our concerns but guaranteed our jobs. "In fact,” he said, “I won’t just pay your wages anymore. We’ll split it even—four ways now.”

I was elated, we were going to be rich. The dollars rolled in my head as I made a few quick calculations.

And then we heard it.

“FOR I AM NEPTUNE, GOD OF THE SEA!”

The robot's proclamation rung out across the open ocean, and the cabin door burst into flames from a laser shot through its eyes. Neppy or Neptune, god of the sea, then went on a revealing monologue. Mostly about robots place in society, world domination, its vast IQ, and the futility of humankind.

“And could a chimpanzee be the master over a man.” Neptune was hovering over the deck and continuing its tirade when we moved outside of the cabin. “And with interest rates falling, I’ll be able to finance an entire fleet to rule the seven seas! Be gone mortals, while I still pity your meek existence.”

Jim broke the silence in the basement again. “And I was down at the harbor, I didn't see your boat anywhere.”

I only managed an inaudible sigh.

We’d been close to land at least. After Neppy revealed his true identity, the crew quickly unlatched and boarded the safety vessel and rowed to shore.

Only the captain, our two crewmen and myself knew of the god-like robot and his plans of conquest. All of us swore to secrecy on the paddle back. No feds, no cops, no nosey fisherman. And certainly no robots.

I covered myself with a quilt and told Jim I was going to take a nap.