Ghosted

I haunt myself. Accepting it didn't come easily, still doesn't. Stuck somewhere between the before and after, I'm able to sit at my dining room table and have conversations with the ghost which lives in my guest bedroom and the doll who naps on his bed.

"Sydney, I need my own room. Why do you keep putting that scary looking thing on my bed?" Anthony's head faced my direction, although I couldn't tell if he was making eye contact since he has no eyes, at least that I can see.

"Your bed is the most comfortable, and I am tiny! Where else would you suggest Sydney put me? I'm delicate!" Effy's head could barely be seen poking above the table top, but her voice was loud.

"Oh please, your hands and feet, and most of your body is made of unused potato sacks! You'd be comfortable in an onion bin!" A light mist formed around Anthony as his words flowed.

Effy's head slowly turned in Anthony's direction, "At least you can see my facial features! And what do you need a bed for? You don't sleep!" Her painted face showed slightly upturned lips on her mouth.

"Let me ask you both, is this conversation productive? Anthony, I thought you'd enjoy the company. I apologize. Effy, how about I make up my old bassinet with a pretty blanket and put it in the living room by the piano." I offered a possible solution to my roommates with raised eyebrows.

"Why can't I sleep in your room, Sydney?" Effy shot back as her head popped up slightly higher.

"To be honest, you scare me sometimes Effy," I answered quietly.

"Oh, I scare you?" Effy's painted on lips curled further into a smile.

"Oh gosh, Effy, I don't know...maybe the time I let you sleep at the end of my bed and I woke up with a pillow on my face?!" My words grew angrier as I relived the moment from a few months ago.

"I keep telling you that was Anthony!" Effy's voice quieted as she lowered her head slightly.

"With what hands?!" Anthony retaliated.

"I promise you it was not me. How would these cloth hands lift your special Asian pillows that support your neck in a way American pillows have let you down? I'm weak," Effy raised both arms as a surrender to my words.

"It was me. I'm sorry son. I only meant to scare you because you pissed me off so much when you were growing up! It was kind of a joke!" Mom spoke, still dressed in the clothes and apron she died wearing.

"Jeez mom! You scared me! We buried you! Why haven't you shown yourself sooner? I've been asking you for signs that you're still nearby for a year!" My voice was a mix of annoyance and anger.

"I threw a rock at you once," Mom said excitedly.

"That was you?" I was genuinely surprised by her statement.

"Sorry," Mom looked away.

"Is dad here too? Can you see him, because, I've never picked up on his presence," I asked, genuinely curious.

"Dear, I do believe your father is...somewhere else," Mom smirked.

"You mean -" I began until interrupted.

"Look, I hate to interfere in this beautiful family moment, but I'd like to know about the outcome of my room request. I find it to be very reasonable, even after unreasonable objections," Anthony interjected.

"Oh, relax and eat a sandwich," Effy yelled in her miniscule voice.

"Effy, you know I can't eat anymore! You're just being mean!" Anthony misted water from his head like a sprinkler.

Effy's faced turned slowly in my direction, "Where's my apology, Sydney, for your unkind accusations? Actually, you don’t even need to say the words. A bassinet in your room would be sufficient. I like yellow blankets and sunflowers."

"Excuse me, Sydney, are you thinking of putting that thing in the same precious place you spent your first year sleeping in? And will you please tell Casper to stop spewing waterworks all over me? I don't want that goo seeping in!" Mom's hands began fanning her translucent face.

"Mom, I think you're forgetting Effy belonged to you first. I didn't have the heart to give her away. I felt somewhat attached to her," I stated as they both stared at me, then at one another.

"I don't recall that memory, " mom softly spoke.

"I've always belonged to you, Sydney. That woman was basically my landlord. You found me in a thrift store when you were very young and begged your mom to bring me home. We would play for hours when you were young, but as you grew, I sat on a shelf more and more. I became depressed for years, but even back then, I knew my patience would pay off someday," Effy had a visible sparkles in her eyes.

"I don't remember any of this, Effy. Are you sure you're recalling it all accurately?" I said, searching my memories for anything familiar.

"We tend to try to forget our mistakes, Sydney. It makes life more liveable," Effy said as mom slowly nodded her head.

"I hate to be a wet blanket in this beautiful family reunion, but, am I getting my own room?" Anthony questioned.

Suddenly, my eyes shifted sideways as my fists clenched tight enough to pierce the skin on my palms. "Have you forgotten your place Anthony? I did make it clear you'll go back with the others if you test my patience, didn't I? You are the lucky one for now, but I can change that in a heartbeat, not that you remember what a heartbeat feels like!"

"I see you are your father's son Sydney. I was hoping you wouldn't continue his horrific legacy. Those teens all had families who will never know what happened to them! You do recall your dad always picked a favorite to have close by too. It's a sick reminder. Oh, and all those bodies in the basement! What will people think someday when this house falls completely apart and they're all found?" Mom's eyes didn't stray from mine as she spoke.

"Shut up, mom. I have to show Anthony to his new room with the others," I said with a smile.