Dog in a cage

Yes, I understand that but you’re not seeing the other side and it’s difficult for me to see your side.   See I’ll never own an apartment basically throwing money down the trashcan every month for something I’ll never possess whereas you have a home a house and someday your mortgage if all goes well will be paid off and you’ll own your house and you won’t have to pay anything besides homeowners insurance and utilities is me I’m gonna be paying this rent until the day I die and then I can’t give it to anybody else because it’ll go back to the landlord and this isn’t even where I wanna live so why am I throwing all this money in the trash every month for something I don’t want can’t sell and I’ll never own. I may as well be flushing, the money down the fucking toilet it’s idiocy pure idiocy.

    I could never get married and have kids which is the American dream   but lately I say fuck America American dream is getting out of the reach of more and more people’s hands.  People are unable to retire and working till they die. I don’t have to work, but wish I could so I could make my own decisions about my money.   Hell I can’t even decide what I eat where I live who my friends are I’m not allowed to get married. Have kids or own a pet   I’m a dog in a cage. Yes that means I have no responsibility but I know I could literally sit on my ass all day and watch TV and get paid for, but I don’t wanna watch TV. I want a goal.

    Something to work towards.  You have children.  You’re married.  You can travel.   You can go to the grocery store anytime you want to get anything you desire with the money that you’re allowed to earn.  I have to wait every two weeks for them to go to the grocery store and tell us hurry, hurry everyone’s waiting and then realized I forgot something essential like toothpaste.  I can’t go back. Nope you should’ve thought of that before written it down or taking an inventory. It’s your fault that I’m in a cage.   I lost all my friends. I lost my family, but isn’t it great that I got these SSDI benefits so we can have no control over my own life   you think I’m lucky. I don’t have to worry about getting laid off or fired or paying insurance in a car because I can’t drive. I have to worry about utilities breaking down or the price of gas but gas prices do affect me because I have a budget which I have to stay within and higher gas prices mean grocery prices go up and my budget is not going up. I can’t get a second job because I’m not even allowed to have one job because I’m on SSDI which is limited income.   I don’t have to worry about paying for my kids college how many times I’ve heard people say the happiest day of their life was their wedding or the day their first or second child was born. Imagine if somebody took that away from you that was a fair trial, but by force.   I don’t have to imagine it that’s my life every day.  I don’t have to worry about the furnace breaking down because my landlord would take care of it. That’s true.   But I do have to worry about the Violence people that I live with about people stealing stuff because the government doesn’t want me to own certain items is what if it isn’t safe.  Imagine if the Wright brothers tried to play it safe or Elvis tried to play it safe.  I hate safety. I hate fire drills. I hate the United States of America, but I’m not allowed to leave even though the UDHR says I am.  I’m not allowed to have friends even though UDHR says I am.  The only right I have is the right to vote till they take that away from me.   I can’t decide what I eat or drink where I live when my friends are what websites I can and can’t go to. I can order things unless my legal guardian gives me permission.   Do you think it would be great to have someone looking out for you and keeping you safe but what if the person is keeping you safe is insane or disabled or more disabled than I am?   Bullying sucks.   Guilt trips yelling at least you can change the lock on your home. They have to have keys to our home to keep us safe fuck safety. Let me jump out of an airplane with a parachute.  Or no parachute.   You should get a goal then you’d be happier.   You have goals. I have a time capsule with no hope future goals plans and I’ve had to give up all my values to survive.  

   Another say no I have to listen. I had better listen when I say no nobody listens and nobody cares.   I read so many self-help books I could start my own library.   You don’t have to worry about the funding, cutting SSDI or anything because you have a contract with your employer.   Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to go to a place different than your where you work or where you live I live in work and eat in the same place every day with people I hate in a place. I never asked to move to because of “logic.”  logic is one-sided. It’s only logical when the government wanted when we wanted and it doesn’t make sense.  You have no idea how lucky you are to be in a place with the government can’t enter without a warrant I would kill for that.  Just tell me who the fire marshal the Department of Health or who?   They’re the ones who keep making these regulations so the paper pushers can get paid.  They defended the Department of Education and your and our local libraries.  So why don’t they defend the fire department in the department of health?  And why can I never own a home get married have kids or own a dog you see them as constraints to keep you from traveling and responsibilities as I see them as part of normal human development but then I remember nobody feels the disabled or Human.   Humans don’t randomly go and attack people or scream at the top of the lungs for no reason.  That’s what dogs in a cage do, but there are different levels of disability.  Every month we pay rent and throw our cash in the trashcan.   There are no values no goals no hope just a time capsule.   I used to stand for the national anthem and the pledge of agents I don’t anymore. Dogs and cages don’t stand.  They whine.