The Kallikantzaroi- Attacks in the Night! A 2026 Christmas Story.

TRIGGER WARNING- this short story contains Graphic Violence and Nudity, Strong Language, Disturbing Content and Mature themes. Inspired by Greek folklore- I give you-

The Kallikantzaroi-Attacks in the Night- A 2026 Christmas Story. 

Introduction- Mother’s Orders! Fail Them If You Dare! She Will Fucking Eat You Little Bitches for Sweet, Fucking Fun!

“Go! Go now!” commanded Mother. “Humans. Humans! Get them all. As many as you can!”

As all the waters had not been cleansed and blessed yet, the creatures crept forth out of the steaming ponds and lakes which were to be blessed on the twelfth day of Christmas. 

“To the surface!” hollered one of the goblins. “Faster! ATTACK!” 

They wanted to believe they could kill off the whole earth, and everything that walked upon it. Hell, they tried to kill the Tree of Life all year round! They took turns trying to cut it down bit by bit, but they were too stupid to figure out how to cut it before it so smartly healed up right before their dumbfounded eyes. 

Part 1- Under the Earth in the Depths of Darkness.

Under the earth in the depths of darkness was a tree, and once it was gone, so would be humanity, and the beautiful creatures that strolled along the Earth minding their own business.

In a cave close to Hell stood a tree so tall that it reached the sunlight just above the rim of the entrance. The Kallikantzaroi sawed at that motherfucker for days with blatant disregard for our planet and its dependence on that tree. The tree of all life on Earth. 

Part 2- Thirty-One. Forty-Seven. Come Forth!

“Number thirty-one.” Read the emotionless lottery reader. “And number forty-seven.” The audience cheered as Kallikantzaroi’s Armand, and Salazar reached the beautiful stage that surrounded the tree of life. Then, out came the saw where Armand and Salazar would slice a limb off, but Salazar had no intention of doing such a thing.

To end humanity, and all creatures who walked the earth besides us? He thought- This made Salazar sad, so as the blade went in between the cracks in his left hoof, he slowly sawed off two of his own limbs. His left arm, and his right. Picture it for it is simply too unsettling to write about- as are most things from the depths of darkness. He used his teeth to sever nerves and tendons. He actually enjoyed the taste of blood, and for three hours, he sat on that stage eating at his severed limbs like a dog. 

WARNING- These mutant goblins are all different. Some appear like pigs. Some appear like goats. Some even appear to look like you and me! Now, back to the story.

Salazar would never have to chop again at the tree. He retired his number, and bled out on the beautiful stage right after he ate his last bite. 

Unfazed, Armand picked up the saw, and he chopped off such a large branch that a third of the world’s population died off in an instant. The crowd cheered! Now it was off to work!

Part 3- The Resurfacing!

As the Kallikantzaroi resurfaced through waters that had not yet held baptisms, they rejoiced in that they could find plenty of houses to terrorize.

“Mischief! Drink up! Urinate all over! Fill them with your filth, or I’ll put you all to death!” ordered Mother from down under to all of the goblins for when their toxic urine touched any living creature- plant or beast- DEATH!

Though some were hooved, and hairy little creatures, they wore clogs made of precious metals that were sewn up with horse hair for they feared hemp more than anything. Stupid creatures. You could hear the dumbasses coming from miles away. Minions of the devil, and servants of their mother, these creatures were gifted with souls by God a long time ago. The Kallikantzaroi would all end up in Hell, where, one day, their souls would be destroyed by their Heavenly Father. Down they would fall into the fiery pits along with billions and billions of other souls. 

Part 4- Pork! Thank the Lord Satan!

As Sunny prepared her famous pork dinner, Califate called from across the street. 

“Is it ready?! Oh, we simply cannot wait!” she said. 

“Oh my! It is! Come over as quickly as you can. I have dressed up the pig! It’s roasted, and ready to be served!” exclaimed excited Sunny. “Oh, I simply can’t believe you had Christmas twins! What a celebration this will be!”

Part 5- Mother!!!

“Is that pork I smell?! Bring it back! Bring it back to me or I’ll…” shouted Mother to each of her goblins for it was her favorite meal. “BRING IT TO ME, OR I SHALL EAT YOU TOO!”

 As the little shits shit in Califate’s empty house- they, too, could smell the pork roast. It wafted from across the street, but they could see smoke coming from the chimney- their only way in! 

“Get me that pork if it’s the last thing you do, or I shall kill every last one of you!” she shouted, and they all obeyed. They ransacked, and tore out diary pages. They laughed as they destroyed Califate’s past. They ate the dogs, and placed perfectly formed stool samples on Califate’s chocolate cream pies that she had forgotten to take to Sunny’s house that night for dinner. 

“Now, for the pork, and to piss right all over their pastries! KILL them!” said a goblin with a crooked nose and gravelly voice. “KILL THEM ALL OR DIE!” 

Part 6- Pronounce this with Me. “Kall-I-Can’t-Za-Roy!”

“Aren’t penises so much fun?! Their swollen little shafts! My hubbies gotta a great one!” And Califate’s twin girls were just tickled to tears. They always loved a drunk mommy. 

“Oh, well, that’s nice.” Was all that Sunny could think of to say. She had never seen one up close. Sunny the virgin. Sunny the great chef. Soon she would die, but not till the kallikantzaroi had pissed on each and every one of her homemade pastries before her eyes- then DEATH!

Armand took the lead, and he peed and he peed down the chimney to snuff the fire out. 

“Dear God!” Shouted Sunny. “They’re coming for our secret pork! They’ll piss all over the pastries, and my precious rug will be ruined!” Then she ripped off her sweaty sneakers and threw them into the fire to smoke those fucking goblins out. She threw salt on the sneakers, and the fumes went up high. They smoked out Armand who quickly died. He fell to the flames below, and his guts put out the fire. Then- in rushed the herd of goblins!

Part 7- No More Armand- That Dumb Son-of-a-Bitch. 

Dead. He was dead. No more Armand. 

Califate screamed as they entered through the chimney. 

“My babies!” And the twins tried to run to her, but it was too late for the ugly one. The smallest goblin in the herd was simply just too fast for her. He grabbed her by the pigtails, and he ripped them clean off. As her skull bled out onto his feet- he was a bit surprised, but then he smiled, and groaned a deep groan when he saw Califate’s cleavage that she had paid a pretty penny for.

“MILK!” said the smallest goblin, and he made a rush at her. She fumbled backwards, and he landed right smack on her chest. “I shit on your pies!” He whispered in her ear, and then he ate it. He ate her ear. Then it was down to her milky white breasts. She had breast fed well beyond the age to stop. She could not help it. She kept producing, and pumping was a sensation she also quite enjoyed. “MILK!” he shouted as she screamed in pain. Then the largest goblin burst through the front window, and he joined in on the suckling while the rest emptied their bladders all over the pastries.

Part 8- Sunny.

Sunny loved the twins. She loved Califate, too. She was next to Califate’s side on the day she gave birth which made her very happy. She played with the girls on roller skates in their driveway. At four years old- they were mad talented- she thought. She thought they would grow up to be successful, sweet girls. 

Sunny had her first blackout at thirteen, and they continued to happen every time she went into shock. PTSD. Ugh! It was tough. She was four at the time of her inappropriate touching. Sometimes just seeing the girls sent her into intense and scary flashbacks- then- BLACKOUT! But she had to be around them for she genuinely loved them so much. 

Part 9- Shock Mode! The Motherfuckers!

Sunny had passed out for roughly twenty whole seconds when the largest goblin mounted her. With one hoof on both sides of her head- he sat right down on her chest. 

“Tow or lead?” he asked, and she just stared at him wide-eyed and frantic. “Tow or lead?!” he repeated. She did not understand. She had been warned of the Kallikantzaroi at an early age, so she reached into her pocket to reveal some braided up hemp. His eyes literally grew two sizes, and he defecated in shock all over Sunny. The Kallikantzaroi do not like puzzles. Easily confused- he thought instantly to unbraid the hemp which could take hours to straighten out. Hours he did not have. Terrified- he managed to climb up the chimney- he only broke a few bricks, but this caused Mother to scream-

“NO! PORK!” And he heard her loud and clear. Sheepishly, he went back in, and finished off the old bitch Califate with his bare teeth as the boring twin- the one with some so-called talent- just sat and watched as he grabbed the pot of pork roast. 

Yum. He thought, and he took the forbidden bite, thus prompting Mother to scream,

“NO! Mine! IT’S ALL MINE YOU FUCK!” She snapped her fingers. Pain. Death, and an instant return of his corpse right at her feet- special delivery courtesy of the demon class. Then, he gasped, he said,

“Mother! Persephone!” Then she covered his mouth with the sleeve of her dress, and proceeded to stuff his face with it. 

“How dare you speak my name! AND HOW DARE YOU NOT BRING ME MY PORK?!” With that- he was gone, and Persephone ate him!

Part 10- The Boring Twin Who Hated Her Fucking Ugly Sister. 

It was a pleasure- a relief to see her ugly twin die. She was always one step ahead of her, and Sunny even made extra time on her schedule to make it to all of the ugly, little bitches neighborhood roller skating races. Then,

“Help… help me!” Was yelled out from behind the couch next to the Christmas tree. Sunny, thought the twin. So, she got up. She went to the butcher block. Took the best CutCo knife, and she ran it across Sunny’s throat. It was easier than she expected. Fun stuff. Then- she ran to the fire place and screamed at a rather fat goblin who was carrying away the rest of the roast stupid Persephone had so desperately needed-

“Bring me back my dinner!”

But it was too late. All had left. She had been spared. A Christmas miracle. Amazing. Whatever. She did not care. She cleaned off the knife, but, as hungry as she was, she saw Califate’s torn, tender breasts, and she went in for a slice. It was an easy cut, and she enjoyed every milky, bloody bite. Oh, happy day! she thought, and the rest of the Kallikantzaroi went from the next house to the next, and the next wreaking havoc, and terror till on their twelfth day- that is if they survive- they would return to the depths of darkness. They shall return for another year of sawing at that damn tree that had already healed itself. 

Part 11- The Final Chapter.

Gleefully, the only twin left- the one that used to be boring- kinda second-rate- removed her tight frock. She raced naked into the icy pond that had finally been blessed. Within minutes- she believed she would be magically restored and saved. Wonderful. She would get an even more beautiful body in Heaven. She wanted it so badly. She was new to music, but, “Heaven,” by The Talking Heads, was her favorite song. It played in her mind as she swam to a nearby island that had a baby willow tree. She curled up underneath it, and, slowly, she froze to death there on the spot. Then the next thing the poor twin saw was the boatman, Charon, all cloaked in black holding out his rather boney hand,

”Do you have coins for me?” asked the boatman.

””Am I dead?!” she asked.

“Yes. Do you have coins for me?!”

”No, I do not.” she said softly and teary eyed. “No one mentioned coins!”

”Then,” and he paused. Then he said, “No entry.”