I'm Still Here

Voicemail – 8:12 AM

Hey, it’s me. I know it’s early. I just… I found your note on the fridge. “Gone for a bit.” That’s not really your style. Call me back when you get this.

Text Message – 8:47 AM

You-

What does “a bit” mean?

Email – 9:03 AM

Subject- Did you leave on purpose?

I’m trying not to assume anything dramatic, but you took the good coffee beans. That feels intentional.

Also, your plant is still here. You never forget the plant.

Please just tell me where you are.

Missed Call – 9:25 AM

Text Message – 9:26 AM

You-

Okay, now I’m worried.

Voicemail – 9:40 AM

Hey. Sorry. I keep calling and hanging up. I don’t know what tone to use. Casual? Concerned? Angry? Pick one and call me back so I can match it.

Email – 10:15 AM

Subject- I checked the train station

You’re not there. Or at least not on the morning departures.

This is getting weird.

Text Message – 10:17 AM

Unknown Number-

Stop checking places I’m not.

Text Message – 10:17 AM

You-

Where are you?

Text Message – 10:18 AM

Unknown Number-

Somewhere quiet.

Text Message – 10:18 AM

You-

That could be literally anywhere.

Text Message – 10:19 AM

Unknown Number-

Exactly.

Voicemail – 10:32 AM

Okay, not funny anymore. If this is some kind of space-taking thing, you don’t disappear and send riddles. That’s not space, that’s a scavenger hunt.

Email – 11:02 AM

Subject- I’m coming to the lake

If you’re not there, I’ll… I don’t know. I’ll figure something else out. But it feels like a place you’d go.

Text Message – 11:45 AM

Unknown Number-

Warmer.

Text Message – 11:46 AM

You-

You’re exhausting.

Text Message – 11:46 AM

Unknown Number-

You love puzzles.

Text Message – 11:47 AM

You-

Not when the prize is a missing person.

Voicemail – 12:10 PM

I’m at the lake. You’re not here. There’s a guy feeding ducks who looks like he might be you in twenty years, which is unsettling, but not helpful. Call me.

Email – 12:42 PM

Subject- I think I get it

Quiet. Coffee. Not the station. Not the lake.

You went somewhere we talked about but never actually went.

If I’m right, I’ll see you soon.

If I’m wrong… please just come home.

Text Message – 1:03 PM

Unknown Number-

Bring the plant.

Text Message – 1:03 PM

You-

Seriously?

Text Message – 1:04 PM

Unknown Number-

You said I never forget it.

Text Message – 1:05 PM

You-

I’m on my way.

Voicemail – 1:52 PM

I think I found you. There’s that little bookstore café, the one with the crooked sign. You said once it felt like a place people go to start over. I’m outside. I see your bag. I don’t see you.

Text Message – 1:53 PM

Unknown Number-

Turn around.

Audio Call – 1:54 PM (Connected, 00:03)

You-

I—

Call Ended

Text Message – 1:54 PM

You-

That wasn’t funny.

Text Message – 1:55 PM

Unknown Number-

You turned too fast.

Text Message – 1:55 PM

You-

Where are you?

Text Message – 1:56 PM

Unknown Number-

Inside.

Voicemail – 1:58 PM

I walked in. Your bag’s by the window. Coffee’s still warm. You’re definitely here. I don’t know why you’re hiding from me in a room this small, but I’m about two seconds from asking every stranger in here if they’re you.

Email – 2:06 PM

Subject- This isn’t cute anymore

I checked the back room. The bathroom. Even behind the stupid poetry shelf.

If this is about needing space, say that. Don’t make me chase you through clues like I did something wrong without telling me what it is.

Text Message – 2:07 PM

Unknown Number-

Sit down.

Text Message – 2:07 PM

You-

No.

Text Message – 2:08 PM

Unknown Number-

Please.

Text Message – 2:09 PM

You-

…fine.

Audio Call – 2:10 PM (Connected, 02:14)

You-

I’m sitting. Now what?

Cassidy (quiet, close)-

Don’t hang up.

You-

I won’t.

Cassidy-

Look at the plant.

You-

I brought it like you said. It’s right here.

Cassidy-

You kept it alive.

You-

Barely. I forgot twice.

Cassidy (small laugh)-

Still counts.

You-

Can you just — where are you?

Cassidy-

Right table. Blue jacket.

You-

There’s no—

(pause)

You (softer)-

Oh.

Cassidy-

Yeah.

Call Continues – Transcript

You-

You cut your hair.

Cassidy-

I said I might.

You-

I didn’t think you meant today.

Cassidy-

I needed to feel like I could change something.

You-

So you disappeared?

Cassidy-

I needed to know if you’d look.

You-

That’s not fair.

Cassidy-

I know.

(pause)

You-

I went to the train station.

Cassidy-

I figured.

You-

Then the lake.

Cassidy-

Too obvious.

You-

You said that place felt like starting over.

Cassidy-

It does.

(pause)

You-

Is that what this is?

Cassidy-

I didn’t know if I’d come back.

Call Ended – 2:12 PM

Text Message – 2:13 PM

You-

I’m coming over.

Text Message – 2:13 PM

Cassidy-

Okay.

Voicemail – 2:21 PM

I’m recording this because I don’t trust myself to say it right when I sit down. You can’t just vanish to test if I care. I do. I showed up. I always show up. But if you’re trying to leave… just say that. Don’t make me solve you like a puzzle.

Text Message – 2:22 PM

Cassidy-

I’m not trying to leave.

Text Message – 2:22 PM

You-

Then what are you doing?

Text Message – 2:23 PM

Cassidy-

Trying to stay without disappearing first.

Text Message – 2:23 PM

You-

That sentence makes no sense.

Text Message – 2:24 PM

Cassidy-

It does to me.

Text Message – 2:25 PM

You-

Explain it to me in person.

Text Message – 2:25 PM

Cassidy-

I’m still at the table.

Text Message – 2:26 PM

You-

I know.

Audio Call – 2:27 PM (Connected, 00:41)

You-

I’m standing in front of you.

Cassidy (quiet)-

I know.

You-

You’re still texting me.

Cassidy-

It’s easier.

You-

We’re literally two feet apart.

Cassidy-

I said it’s easier.

(pause)

You-

Okay. Then don’t hang up.

Cassidy-

I won’t.

Text Message – 2:28 PM

Cassidy-

If I look at you I'll say the wrong thing.

Text Message – 2:28 PM

You-

Then type it.

Text Message – 2:29 PM

Cassidy-

I thought about leaving for real this morning.

Text Message – 2:29 PM

You-

You already said that.

Text Message – 2:30 PM

Cassidy-

No, I mean not coming back.

Audio (Call Still Connected – background noise- cups, low music)

You (softly)-

Okay.

Text Message – 2:31 PM

Cassidy-

I packed a bag. Not a “take a walk” bag. A “start over somewhere no one knows me” bag.

Text Message – 2:31 PM

You-

And?

Text Message – 2:32 PM

Cassidy-

And I couldn’t decide if leaving would fix anything or just make me someone who runs.

Text Message – 2:33 PM

You-

So you decided to… what, test me?

Text Message – 2:33 PM

Cassidy

No.

Text Message – 2:34 PM

Cassidy-

I decided to stay for one more day and see if it felt different.

Text Message – 2:34 PM

You-

And the scavenger hunt?

Text Message – 2:35 PM

Cassidy-

I needed to know if I’d still want you to find me.

Audio – Call

You-

That’s a dangerous game.

Cassidy-

I know.

Text Message – 2:36 PM

You-

What if I didn’t?

Text Message – 2:36 PM

Cassidy-

Then I would’ve gotten on a train.

Text Message – 2:37 PM

You-

You don’t get to make that decision based on a puzzle.

Text Message – 2:38 PM

Cassidy

It wasn’t about you solving it.

Text Message – 2:38 PM

You-

Then what was it about?

Text Message – 2:39 PM

Cassidy-

Whether I hoped you would.

(pause – 1 minute, no messages)

Voicemail – 2:40 PM (left while still sitting across from each other)

I don’t like that you almost left without telling me. But I also don’t like that you felt like you had to. If something’s breaking, we fix it or we admit we can’t. We don’t disappear and wait to see who notices.

Text Message – 2:42 PM

Cassidy-

I notice.

Text Message – 2:42 PM

You-

Then look at me.

(pause – 12 seconds)

Audio – Call (no longer whispered)

Cassidy-

I’m looking.

You-

Good.

(pause)

Cassidy-

You really went to the lake?

You-

Yeah.

Cassidy (small smile in voice)-

You hate that place.

You-

I know.

Text Message – 2:44 PM

Cassidy-

Why’d you bring the plant?

Text Message – 2:44 PM

You-

Because you asked.

Text Message – 2:45 PM

Cassidy-

That’s it?

Text Message – 2:45 PM

You-

And because it felt like proof you were coming back.

(pause)

Audio – Call

Cassidy (voice unsteady)-

I didn’t know if I was.

You-

Are you now?

(long pause – background noise fades)

Text Message – 2:47 PM

Cassidy-

I’m still here.

Text Message – 2:47 PM

You-

That’s not the same answer.

Text Message – 2:48 PM

Cassidy

It’s the only one I have right now.

Audio – Call

You-

Then we start there.

Text Message – 2:49 PM

Cassidy-

Okay.

Text Message – 2:49 PM

You-

No more disappearing.

Text Message – 2:50 PM

Cassidy-

No more puzzles.

Text Message – 2:50 PM

You-

Good.

Text Message – 2:51 PM

Cassidy-

Can we just sit for a minute?

Text Message – 2:51 PM

You-

Yeah.

Call Status – Connected (no dialogue, 6:12 and counting)

Draft Email – 3:07 PM (unsent)

Subject- Not leaving

I almost did.

That’s the part I don’t know how to say out loud yet.

But I’m still here. And you are too.

Maybe that’s enough for today.

Call Status – Connected (no dialogue, 9:48)

(background- cups clinking, a door opening, someone laughing too loudly, then fading)

Text Message – 3:09 PM

Cassidy-

My coffee’s cold.

Text Message – 3:09 PM

You-

Mine too.

Text Message – 3:10 PM

Cassidy-

We should’ve just talked.

Text Message – 3:10 PM

You-

We’re getting there.

Audio – Call

Cassidy (quiet)-

I hate that I almost left like that.

You-

I hate that you felt like you needed to.

(pause)

Cassidy-

I didn’t know how to say “I’m not okay” without it turning into something bigger.

You-

It already was something bigger.

Text Message – 3:12 PM

Cassidy-

I know.

Text Message – 3:13 PM

Cassidy-

I think I thought if I disappeared first, I wouldn’t have to watch anything fall apart.

Text Message – 3:13 PM

You-

That’s not how it works.

Text Message – 3:14 PM

Cassidy-

I’m starting to see that.

(pause)

Voicemail – 3:16 PM (recorded accidentally, sent anyway)

You don’t have to make it easier for me by making it harder for yourself. If something’s wrong, you say it. Even if it comes out messy. Especially then.

Text Message – 3:17 PM

Cassidy-

I’m scared I’ll say it wrong.

Text Message – 3:17 PM

You-

You will.

Text Message – 3:18 PM

Cassidy

That’s not comforting.

Text Message – 3:18 PM

You-

It’s honest.

Audio – Call

You-

We say things wrong all the time. We fix them after.

Cassidy-

And if we can’t fix it?

You-

Then we know it broke for real. Not because we avoided it.

(long pause)

Text Message – 3:21 PM

Cassidy-

Okay.

Text Message – 3:22 PM

Cassidy-

I’ve been feeling like I’m disappearing even when I’m still here.

(no immediate reply)

Text Message – 3:23 PM

Cassidy-

Like I’m quieter. Smaller. Easier to ignore.

Audio – Call

You (soft, steady)-

You’re not easy to ignore.

Cassidy-

You say that.

You-

I’m saying it now.

Text Message – 3:25 PM

You-

Have I made you feel that way?

(pause – 38 seconds)

Text Message – 3:26 PM

Cassidy-

Not on purpose.

Text Message – 3:27 PM

Cassidy-

But sometimes it feels like you already know who I am, so you stop looking.

Audio – Call

You-

That’s… fair.

(pause)

You-

I didn’t realize I was doing that.

Text Message – 3:29 PM

You-

I can pay more attention.

Text Message – 3:29 PM

Cassidy-

I don’t want you to try harder like it’s a task.

Text Message – 3:30 PM

You-

Then what do you want?

(pause)

Text Message – 3:31 PM

Cassidy-

I want to feel like if I change, you’ll notice. Not because I disappear, but because you’re already looking.

Audio – Call

You (after a breath)-

Okay.

Text Message – 3:33 PM

You-

That I can do.

Text Message – 3:33 PM

Cassidy-

You don’t have to promise it.

Text Message – 3:34 PM

You-

I’m not promising. I’m choosing.

(pause)

Text Message – 3:35 PM

Cassidy-

That’s better.

Audio – Call

(chairs shift)

Cassidy-

Are you still standing?

You-

Yeah.

Cassidy-

Sit down.

You-

I thought you liked distance.

Cassidy (small laugh)-

Not that much.

Call Status – Connected (voices now closer, clearer)

Voicemail – 3:42 PM (saved intentionally this time)

We’re sitting at the same table now. No clues. No guessing. Just… talking. I think that’s what this was supposed to be all along.

Text Message – 3:50 PM

Cassidy-

Thank you for coming.

Text Message – 3:50 PM

You-

Next time, just invite me.

Text Message – 3:51 PM

Cassidy-

Next time, I will.

Text Message – 3:51 PM

You-

Good.

Text Message – 3:52 PM

Cassidy-

Also… I wasn’t kidding about starting over.

Text Message – 3:52 PM

You-

Here?

Text Message – 3:53 PM

Cassidy-

Not a new place. Just… differently.

Text Message – 3:53 PM

You-

Yeah. I’d like that.

Call Status – Connected (14:03, no silence this time)

Draft Note – found later, written on a receipt

We stayed.

Not because it was easy.

Because we finally said the things that made it hard.