UNICORN RE-WILDING

No re-wilding programme has caught the British public’s imagination more than the recent plan to re-introduce unicorns into Scotland. People of our generation have long forgotten that the unicorn used to roam freely throughout Europe, particularly in the north of the British isles. It featured on the Scottish royal coat of arms in the 12th century and on 15th-century Scottish coins. In fact the unicorn remains Scotland’s most venerated animal, with April 9th designated National Unicorn Day. But, for the usual reasons – habitat loss and uncontrolled poaching, due to the supposedly magical properties of its horn – the animal became extinct throughout the United Kingdom and the mainland of Europe centuries ago. The last public display of a unicorn took place in the 17th century at the London Exeter Exchange. The unicorn was the star of the show, and in honour of his kingly status he was fed on champagne and truffles. Naturally, the animal developed severe indigestion and died from gastroenteritis.

To our delight, a small remnant of the unicorn population has recently been discovered in a surprising place: the fertile Huang Valley in North Korea. Early European visitors to Korea remarked on that country’s highly unusual topography, which resembled ‘a sea in a heavy gale’ because of the successive mountain ranges and deep valleys that crisscross the peninsula, allowing for the possibility of many hidden pockets of populations of animals formerly thought extinct. The country is unique in that it is united spiritually through a line of 487 sacred mountains, its north-south backbone, from which all of Korea’s major rivers issue. Acting as a spiritual bridge, where the life-giving energies of gi are concentrated (following the Korean principle of pungsu-jiri-seol, or wind-water-earth), recognition of these locations dates back to the 9th century Buddhist monk Doseon. All of the culture’s most venerated sites are clustered along this line.

Depending on its position, each sacred mountain has a corresponding animal force: the Black Tortoise to the north, the White Tiger to the west, the Azure Dragon to the east, the Vermillion Bird to the south, and – most important, as a thread running through all of these sites, concentrating and integrating their special powers – the Golden Unicorn. During its 500 year reign, the Joseon Dynasty sought its utmost to benefit from the earth’s natural energies, uniting the kingdom through royal palaces located in benevolent spots. To suppress the dangerous fire energy located to the south, outside the gates of the largest and most important palace were placed two enormous sculptures of haechi, or unicorn-lions. They have become Seoul’s official protector emblem, and visitors today can still see their representations at the entrance to the city’s Peace Palace.

Long assumed to be mythological, reported sightings of these rare beasts by visiting Buddhist monks have occurred regularly during the past millennium. Understandably, the recent scientifically documented discovery of a remnant unicorn population has been met with great excitement. Tragically, however, the known gene pool is now so small that genetic defects such as deformed tails or a kink in the horn are quite common. But there is still hope that other isolated populations will be discovered, and an intensive breeding programme may bring the animal back from the edge of extinction.

Although research into all aspects of unicorn husbandry is only now commencing, already some surprising discoveries have been made. One fascinating recent study has shown that when a unicorn’s diet is supplemented with Japanese knotweed its general health is improved, particularly the strength of its horn. The plant seems to activate the keratin element in the bloodstream, with many beneficial results. In this respect, a healthy population of unicorns could help control a pest that has plagued the UK in recent times: Japanese knotweed. It was first introduced into the UK in the 19th century as an ‘ornamental’ plant; Victorian engineers had the mistaken idea that knotweed would be the ideal plant to stabilize railway embankments. Unfortunately, they had no understanding of its extreme invasiveness: knotweed can grow 4 meters in just 10 weeks and its rhizomes can spread twice that distance underground, making it almost impossible to eradicate. Unicorns, however, have learned how to feed on a very similar plant in their North Korean habitat, and in the process they can inject the weed with a unique enzyme in their saliva which travels down through the labyrinthine root system and arrests the plant’s development. Studies are underway to isolate the active ingredient in the unicorn’s saliva in the hope that it can be synthesized and used throughout the UK to deal with the knotweed problem.

Since the discovery of their unique unicorn population, the North Korean government has been quick to engage in the first stages of unicorn diplomacy, taking a lesson from how the Chinese have enhanced their diplomatic position with their charismatic pandas. Unlike pandas, who require a minimum of 40 kg of fresh bamboo each day, unicorn dietary needs more closely resemble those of palominos. In exchange for a relaxing of sanctions and increased trade normalization with the West, the North Koreans are now finalizing details of a unicorn ‘adoption’ programme with certain favoured nations. Due to Scotland’s historic links with unicorns, their participation in the scheme has already been approved. It is hoped that three mated pairs of North Korean unicorns will be delivered to the Scottish Re-wilding Programme in the very near future.

In accordance with best conservation practice, it has been agreed that all unicorns adopted by the Scottish government will eventually be free ranging within a large, protected reserve. However, each unicorn will be tagged to allow monitoring for scientific and legal purposes. It is expected that the re-wilding programme will rapidly expand and that new unicorn breeding stock may be discovered in North Korea’s many deep and isolated valleys. Given the political incentives for the North Koreans, the likelihood of discovering new unicorn refuges is very good.

Re-introducing unicorns can revitalize an entire ecological system. Because they are a keystone species, they are able to create the necessary conditions for many other species to establish themselves. For example, their delicate hooves hollow out compact depressions, nestled into trees’ root systems, which form ideal homes for the lesser species of fairies and sprites which once thrived in this environment. It may also herald the return of the small tree dragons which used to populate the Scottish countryside and which are now very rarely seen. In addition, due to their release of unique pheromones into the atmosphere, an expanding unicorn population may well provide a more stable, tranquil and positive environment throughout the Scottish isles for all living creatures. It is particularly desirable that a small unicorn population be established on the outskirts of Glasgow to help ameliorate that city’s entrenched drug problem. Indications are good that a unicorn pheromone concentrate can be uniquely beneficial as an adjunct to treatment in drug rehabilitation centres. As always, more research needs to be undertaken.

It is important to acknowledge, however, that re-wilding can always lead to unanticipated risks. If you re-introduce one element into the ecology of an area, then the chain reaction of changes it sets in motion cannot be predicted. If, for instance, fairies and sprites regain a toehold in the landscape as a result of the unicorn re-wilding programme, they are unlikely to resemble the fictional characters popularized by Disney animation. Just as wild sheep are another species altogether from their docile domesticated cousins, whose brains have shrunk by 24% in the knock-on effects of making them essentially mobile meat and wool factories for humans, a wild fairy population is likely to exert needs and desires of their own and may well take an active part in refashioning the ecosystem in a way that may be initially disturbing to the human population.

With these caveats in mind, the Scottish re-wilding programme is being developed in line with the successful reintroduction of bison in Kent. In a similar manner, the initial funding for two unicorn rangers is coming from the People’s Postcode Lottery, which is also underwriting several unicorn research projects. Although they will initially be contained in fenced reserves where they can be carefully monitored, it is hoped that as the unicorn population expands the animals will spread throughout their ancestral Scottish woodland homes and help restore biodiversity. The rangers will be involved in gathering vital data which we hope will reveal an accurate picture of the effects of the programme.

With their platinum manes and golden eyes, unicorns are a very charismatic species. But we must remember that we are dealing here with real four-legged mammals with their own complex needs and dispositions which we are only slowly coming to understand. Although the area of unicorn studies is expanding rapidly, there is still a great deal to learn. Early genetic investigations into their evolutionary history indicate another branch of the family migrated into the oceans circa 20 million years ago and made their home in the far north, eventually trading their slender beauty for warmth and seaworthiness and becoming what we now know as the narwhal with its unique tusk, which can reach a length of ten feet. Like the polar bear, the narwhal is also on the endangered species list.

We realize that members of the public will be clamouring to see the unicorns in their reserves, but this process will need to be approached very gradually. As with the bison, unicorns must be kept in as wild a state as possible for them to display their natural behaviour and have the greatest positive impact on the environment, requiring careful management of eventual interface with the public. Initially, the two unicorn rangers will be involved in the management of compliance licences, health checks, safety regulations, infrastructure management, risk management and future planning – a huge responsibility. Thus we are hoping for a significant contribution from the public to rapidly expand our programme, and to facilitate this we will soon be launching a unicorn crowdfunding site which will let people know how they can get involved and will also offer a tasteful range of unicorn merchandise. We feel confident that many people will be interested in becoming involved. After all, how often does one have a chance to engage in making a myth a reality?

And our aspirations don’t stop here. Our next project will be focused on reintroducing the Liver bird, which graced Liverpool’s coat of arms in the 13th century. Liverpudlians are very keen on re-establishing a population of these much-loved avians who retain their presence on the heritage lamp standards in the town centre and which – most famously – stand atop the clock towers of the Royal Liver Building. Known as Bertie and Bella, Bertie guards the city while Bella keeps watch over the port. We have already located a small population of these magnificent creatures in a wildlife refuge in Costa Rica (how they got there is still a matter of conjecture, though some believe they stowed away on the many ships of exploration which set sail from Liverpool in earlier centuries). Plans are already being made to slowly begin a re-introduction programme in the UK.

All our re-wilding programmes are focused on one overriding goal: to restore British pride and dignity. Our magnificent isle may have lost its empire, but we are convinced that our efforts to restore our links to our unique animal heritage will contribute to the overall project of making our country a major player on the international stage once more. In short: Let’s make Britain great again!