Restless Thoughts

Nadia Snow

To: Nadia Snow 8/18/25

Subject: Touch Me

Touch me like you need to make sure I’m real.

Touch me to tell me you want me.

Touch me when you don’t have the words to describe how you feel.

Touch me like you’re afraid it’s the last time.

Touch me when you need me to be there for you.

Every touch builds another pillow for my soul to rest on knowing it’s safe in your love.

Nadia Snow

To: Nadia Snow 9/7/25

Subject: Too Much

I wake up and you are the first thing on my mind.

I immediately check to see if I have a text, a missed call.

I think about you all the time, I crave your touch, your attention, your voice.

I think it’s too much, I think I’m becoming too much for you, for the space you have for me.

It makes me sad, when I don’t hear from you, wondering if you are having second thoughts.

Then I feel bad for doubting you and needing so much.

I want to be your partner, I want to make you whole.

I never want to be a bother, only to complete your soul.

Nadia Snow

To: Nadia Snow 10/9/25

Subject: Racing Heart

My mind is racing, things feel off.

I think I’m going crazy, is this really love?

Are you busy or are you bored, the possibilities swirl,

I fear I’ve ruined this before it even had a chance.

I want to say something, to ask for your truth.

I can’t bring myself to do it, afraid of losing you.

Nadia Snow

To: Nadia Snow 10/14/25

Subject: Read Receipts

I think the worst invention was the “Read” line in texting.

You know they see the alert and that it’s you. They can even preview and that fact can hurt too.

Worst of all is counting the minutes then hours between when the message was read and a response returned.

It feels like bearing your soul and it being left in the sun to wither and burn.

Nadia Snow

To: Nadia Snow 10/17/25

Subject: I Can’t

I can’t stop.

I think about you all the time, there is a constant voice in my head going “I love you, I love you, I love you.”

It has a physical pull to speak the words aloud, to accompany them with a kiss, to shove the feeling into you.

There is a tug in my chest pulling its way to you, all the time.

I need you, I crave you, and I’ve never even met you.

The power this love for you has is consuming.

I fear being eaten alive by it the longer it goes unsatisfied.

I need to know I’m yours as much as you are mine.

I need your soul to want to possess me body and mind.

I care so much for you I’ve made myself sick, my worry for you, your future, our future.

I can’t eat.

I can’t sleep.

I panic and I wait.

I wait for you to come back to me, to find the present, to remember there’s someone waiting for you on this side of the veil.

I’m desperate to reach out to you, to tell you my thoughts, share my smiles, ask for your compassion when I’m feeling low.

I know I can’t.

I know you don’t have room for me right now.

I’m trying to stay small.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

I can’t stop.

Nadia Snow

To: Nadia Snow 10/22/25

Subject: Hope

I don’t want to but I’m losing hope.

I crave you like a drug, all day, everyday. Need for you crawls beneath my skin.

It feels like I am less to you, that I was a trip that was fun while it lasted.

It will be ok if that’s all I was.

That’s what I tell myself.

It will be ok, I’ll be ok.

I’m not so sure.

You filled me with so much hope.

Hope that I could be a mom.

Hope that I could have a loving, supportive partner.

Hope for a future I’d given up on.

Hope for love I no longer believed in.

You say we’re fine, that everything is good.

But my clenching heart tells me otherwise, the way I can’t breathe when I think of not getting to have you in my life, the hibernation of my soul when you don’t message or call.

You don’t answer me anymore.

Have you realized?

Is it on purpose?

You used to address every message I sent, even if you had a buildup when you got to your phone.

Now you skip around and only answer sometimes, or wait for a closing statement… it hurts.

I want to share everything with you.

There are so many things each day I want to send your way but I hold back now, it doesn’t feel like you want all my thoughts, all the events that happen to me.

I’m not sure what you want from me anymore, but I’m here.

I’m waiting.

Hopelessly yours.

Nadia Snow

To: Nadia Snow 10/29/25

Subject: Who is she?

You told me you were in a funk, that you didn’t want to hold me back… hold me back from what I wonder, who do you think you have left me available for?

While I was dealing with the sorrow of giving you space, you befriended a new woman to send you new material… What am I to make of that?

Are we exclusive? I suppose not.

Am I trying to be that person for you and you are ignoring me?

Yup that’s a real thing.

While I have been attempting to turn you on and receiving no acknowledgment or reciprocation, you’ve just moved on to another woman that doesn’t want you. She just wants your money.

Why is that ok?

Why is that safer for you?

And why does it fucking matter so much to me?

Nadia Snow

To: Nadia Snow 11/7/25

Subject: …

Always.

You said always.

You lied.

Nadia Snow

To: Nadia Snow 11/10/25

Subject: Sorrow

I don’t have any anger or bitterness tonight, tonight is just sorrow.

Sorrow for you and all you are missing out on in the world.

Sorrow for me for thinking I could be one of those things you’d miss.

Nadia Snow

To: Nadia Snow 11/16/25

Subject: Barely Hanging On

I miss you.

It’s barely been a week.

I feel dead inside.

I'm distracting myself. But I don’t mean it. My sincerity lives with you.

I hold out hope. Hope you find your way back to me so we can be whole.

We, babe. From the moment I met you it’s been we.

I don’t want this life without you in it.

I miss your voice, your smile, your eyes!

Thinking of you.

Always.

Nadia Snow

To: Nadia Snow 11/29/25

Subject: Holiday Dreams

I hope you had a nice holiday. I hope you spent it with family and were able to watch football, relax.

I’m out Christmas décor shopping, I keep seeing things I’d love to have for us.

Matching Christmas pajamas for all 3 of us, special plates and mugs, crafts to do with little man.

I hope that next year we can celebrate together.

I miss you. I miss you so much.

I wish I could bring you to my family’s. I think you’d really love it.

I think you’d fit in so well, and little man too. He could’ve been learning pool with the boys last night while you played poker with my cousins!

Nadia Snow

To: Nadia Snow 12/20/25

Subject: Moving Forward

I’m trying to try new things, to put myself out there.

Babe I hate it.

I don’t want anyone but you.

I don’t want to pretend to be cool, collected, interesting.

I want to just be me.

I want to feel like I do with only you, like I don’t have to hide any part of me.

I keep reading things that say “if you wanted to talk to me you would”.

I really hope in our case it’s not true.

I selfishly hope you miss me as much as I do you.

I love you.

A morte e ritorno.

Nadia Snow

To: Nadia Snow 12/29/25

Subject: It Hurts

I’m sad today.

Like deep down under it all.

It’s there, the weight.

Are you thinking of me?

Do you miss me too?

I’m probably dumb to hold out hope.

I’m trying to move on, I’m trying to keep myself busy.

Really busy.

But I just want you.

I want to share things with you, not all these other people.

I only want to be yours.

Nadia Snow

To: Nadia Snow 1/10/26

Subject: Breakdown

I need you.

I need you to be there for me while I’m falling apart.

I’m trying to be strong for you but I don’t know how.

You won’t let me in, you can’t take on my pain.

We suffer silently apart when we should be helping one another together.

Nadia Snow

To: Nadia Snow 2/17/25

Subject: Attention

You’re back.

Sort of. In this awkward time we find ourselves in.

You, still healing, me covering the pain in affection.

Attention?

It matters more than I care to admit. I have an incessant need to know I’m always on someone’s mind.

If I would’ve known… even if we didn’t talk, knowing you were thinking of me.

It would’ve changed things for me.

Then again, maybe things are going the way they should because I wouldn’t have pushed myself to go to therapy without that night.

I think my feelings for you are too much, even for me, it’s no wonder you feel like you’ll heal better without me.

The difference in how I feel knowing you are thinking of me too vs when I thought you were trying to put me behind you… the urgency crawls beneath me.

I have a painful longing to touch you, to be touched by you.

I wish I could cut the feeling out of me, bottle it up and put it back on its shelf until you are ready.

I want to meet you where you are, but I don’t know how.

What should I say?

How should I show up for you?

What do I do about my relationship when the only person I have capacity for is you.

I want to be fully yours, but I’m selfish and I also don’t want to be lonely until that’s possible.

It sickens me to see myself so insecure that I need someone to love me more than I can love myself and prove to you that you are the end game.

Nadia Snow

To: Nadia Snow 3/11/26

Subject: I Love You

You said “I love you” again today. It’s the first time in months.

I asked you why, you said “It’s been a while since I said it and I wanted you to know.”

I’m confused

I’m elated

I love you. I love you. I love you.

Is there meaning behind this? Or am I wishing too hard for you to be ready.

Do I keep waiting for you?

Do I keep going on with someone offering stable and constant love?

I’d drop it all for you.

Nadia Snow

To: Nadia Snow 3/13/26

Subject: He’s Just Not That Into You

Maybe I need to pick up my pieces, start over again.

I thought I was your exception.

Maybe I need to accept that I’m the rule.

If you wanted me, you’d make it happen. You’d read my messages, you’d respond, you’d call.