Replaced

“With huge apologies to A. A. Milne…” barked Border Collie, Intellectual Dabrowski, one of Little Plump Jo’s canine writing companions.

Whatever’s the matter with Our Elaine?

She is perfectly well and she hasn’t a pain

But she’s acting all bratty, like Mary Jane!

Oh, what is the matter with Our Elaine?

Whatever’s the matter with Our Elaine?

Her weaving is thriving; she’s winning again!

But she’s weeping and wailing and going insane!

Oh, what is the matter with Our Elaine?

What is the matter with Our Elaine?

She sponsored the Names and Backstories campaign

And won’t have to float dead down the river again!

Oh, what is the matter with Our Elaine?

“I’ll go and see whether I can find out. Where is my Therapy Dog coat?” That was Sensual Dabrowski. “Do you want to come too, Emotional, Imaginational?”

Little Plump Jo was the current Artisan in Residence in Malory Tennyson’s Cloudbank Cabin for Arthurian Studies. Fortunately, Jo had the ability to communicate with animals and fictional characters. She was able to appreciate the reenactments of Sir Thomas Malory’s Morte d’Arthur being played out by the Arthurian characters in the Fog Lake at the foot of Cloudbank Cabin.

Our Elaine, currently identifying as Lady Charlotte-Elaine, Lady of Shalott, entrepreneur owner of Charlotte’s Web Weaving, patron of the Arts, and founder of the charitable organization, Red Sleeve Care Provider Services, was sitting on a rock at the edge of the Fog Lake, pouring out her heart to Dagonet the Jester.

“It is nearly time for the Tale of Sir Lancelot and the Fair Maid of Astolat in this iteration of the Fog Lake stories,” she was saying.

“We did not have it last time because The Glitch in the Fog Lake happened during Sir Lancelot’s combat with Sir Mador de La Porte. My Lancelot nearly lost his life or his leg then and had to be taken to Corbenic to be treated by King Pelles’ physicians from the East. That was not supposed to happen. And King Arthur fought his final battle and then returned for the next iteration before my story could be told.”

“So, you have not had to replay your role as Elaine the Fair, Elaine the Lovely, the Lily Maid of Astolat, who dies of unrequited love for Sir Lancelot du Lac and goes floating down to Camelot, clasping a lily and a final letter to Sir Lancelot, since you made your decision to change your destiny?” asked Dagonet.

“That is right. I thought that I would still be able to perform the role now but not have to die. But I have been replaced!”

“Replaced?”

“Yes. I decided that I would not go home to Father before the Tournament for the Ninth Diamond. I would go straight to the Hermit of the Forest Aforesaid and get things set up for nursing Sir Lancelot when my brother, Lavaine, takes him there.

But I went to discuss my plan with the Hermit and I found a note attached to his door saying ‘Hermit of the Forest Aforementioned has relocated to King Arthur’s Hunting Lodge’. He would be better set up to offer hospitality there.

But I guess Lavaine would try to go to the old cave. If they arrived and found that they still needed to go somewhere else, my Lancelot might bleed to death before they could get there.”

“So, I realized that I would have to go to Father’s place first and tell Lavaine where he had to go. But when I went back to Astolat, Lavaine was away somewhere and nobody knew when he was due back.”

“Did you stay there to wait for him?”

“No. My father said he could not manage the household, after I left home, and he took in a live-in housekeeper. She is a very pretty young girl from the village, named Lily Blank.”

“And…?”

“And… She does not sleep in the servants’ quarters. He gave her my bedroom!

 “And… He treats her like a daughter.”

“And… She is being courted by Lord Bromwell, who used to court me!”

”And…It feels like doors are being closed to me!”

“Wow!” howled Emotional. “It sounds as if Our Elaine’s whole character has been replaced by this Lily Blank.”

“If you were not there at your Father’s place, before the tournament, you would not be able to give Sir Lancelot your red sleeve embroidered with pearls to wear on his helmet. He would not ride incognito. And he might not be attacked by members of his own family. And the whole sorry incident might be avoided,” Dagonet commented.

“Well, yes, I suppose there is that” Elaine conceded. “But I did want to have my scene, if you know what I mean. And I did want to have another experience of nursing my Lancelot and handling all those superb muscles.”

“There were several painters booked to paint my portrait for this iteration of the tales.

I would not have to die of unrequited love this time, because I have decided not to do that. I suppose they would pose me sitting up in the barge with all my weaving and embroidery trailing over the sides.”

“You could pose for those pictures anywhere, you know.”

“I suppose so.”

“It seems to be a good solution all round,” woofed Sensual. “No red sleeve disguise. No attacks by unknowing kinsmen. Nobody wounded. Nobody dies.”

“But I foresee major problems!” Imaginational Dabrowski, the dreamy little Bedlington Terrier declared.

“People will still gossip about Sir Lancelot and Queen Guinevere being together in Camelot while the King is away. They will still argue about whether Sir Lancelot should attend the Tournament for the Ninth Diamond. He will still end up going.

Lavaine will not know of Hermit of the Forest Aforementioned changing his address.”

“That will not matter. If there is no red sleeve, Sir Lancelot will just win the ninth diamond without being attacked,” barked Sensual.

“You really don’t get it, do you?” insisted Imaginational. “If Lily Blank meets Sir Lancelot, she is bound to fall in love with him and give him a token of some kind and…”

“Ooh, Ooh, Ooh” howled Emotional. “Our Elaine has been replaced by Lily Blank!”