A Last Day

Ella heard her phone ringing from somewhere in the cramped studio apartment. The place was a mess, and there wasn’t much time left until everything needed to be packed or sold in time to make her flight to England in two days.

She finally found her phone wedged between the cushions of her lumpy, old couch. It was her best friend of nearly twenty years, Alyssa, calling.

“Hey, girl! What’s up?” Ella answered after letting the phone ring much longer than she should have.

“Hey! I just wanted to check on you. How are you doing?” Alyssa asked, already knowing the answer to her question.

“You know, just trying to finish packing before we have to stay at my parents’ place tomorrow. I think I may have procrastinated a bit too much this time,” Ella said with a mixture of frustration and sadness.

“Yeah, I figured,” Alyssa laughed, “But I know you’ll get it done. If you need help, I can come over soon.” This was a statement, but the way Alyssa said it made it sound like a question. Ella didn’t want to take up any of Alyssa’s time. Ella knew the help would be nice, but she also knew she wouldn’t accept it.

“I’ll be okay,” Ella sighed, “I just keep running into old shit that’s bringing back so many memories, and I end up crying for, like, thirty minutes over something as dumb as a Halloween card from my grammy.” Ella could already feel tears filling her eyes after admitting this. This dumb, little apartment held so many memories, and she knew she would never come back to it as a home. It was the first place she and her husband made a home of, together, and it was sad to be leaving. Even though it was her own impulsive decision to move to England with her husband and leave California behind, she felt like her home was being ripped away from her.

“Awww, El! Let me come over and help. We can cry together, if you want,” Alyssa said, almost pleading to not let her best friend spend the last day in her place sad and alone while her husband was working.

“Don’t worry, I promise I’ll be fine. I should get back to packing, anyways, though. Talk to you later?” Ella asked.

“You better call me later,” Alyssa urged, but she knew there wouldn’t be a call that day. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Ella said, then ended the phone call.

Now, Ella had to get back to packing, or trying to, at least. Ella was overwhelmed in more ways than one. Piles of clothes laid sprawled over the bed, half of the items hanging over the edges of it. She stared at the bed longingly- the bed where many late night snacks were eaten and spilled, crumbs most certainly hiding in the crevasses of the bedframe. The couch was no better, covered with old gift bags filled with unopened mail, a small wooden crate stacked high with forgotten congratulations cards from Ella’s wedding, and unwashed laundry from her last few days of work at a coffee shop she would surprisingly miss.

Ella decided to put some music on the T.V. so she could fill the silence she could hear ringing in her ears. She settled on a playlist of live music videos on YouTube, which was probably a mistake at that moment. Her mind flooded with memories of drunken nights with her husband- the two singing along to the music while stretched out on the tiny couch that somehow fit both of them perfectly. She realized, in that moment, times like that would never happen again- not in that exact way.

She felt like she was saying goodbye to nights like that- easy nights where she and her husband could get drunk at home, sing at the top of their lungs, notice they needed more drinks and walk to the local liquor store and back within half an hour. Things would never be the same because they wouldn’t be going back to the home they built. They only planned on staying in England for a couple years with her husband’s family, but knowing they wouldn’t be coming back to the same exact home made Ella feel like she was abandoning a huge part of herself.

Ella laughed at herself for thinking this way. She knew if she tried explaining how she felt to anyone, it would sound dramatic, but she couldn’t help but to feel this way. There wasn’t any reason to be this sad, but Ella could list a million reasons if someone asked. This wasn’t just a temporary move- it was an entire life-flipping decision. She quit her job a couple weeks after telling her husband she wanted to move to England, and there was no coming back from that- not for Ella. She was too stubborn to admit that maybe she had changed her mind.

Maybe she didn’t want to uproot her entire life and move to a country she had never been to before. Maybe she wanted to stay in a shithole apartment with the love of her life where her friends and family were no more than a thirty minute drive away at any given moment. Maybe she wished she hadn’t said anything about wanting to move away at all. Unfortunately, though, the decision was made, and she and her husband were too deep into the process of moving for her to change her mind. Visas were approved, nonrefundable flight tickets were purchased, a house was ready for them in England, and Ella’s husband was getting more and more excited each day to see his family after eight years of being away from them in California. There was no way she would take that happiness away from him.

So, she let the live music videos play in the background while she started sorting through the unopened mail, and there Ella was, left with nothing but a half-packed apartment and an empty feeling in her heart.