Medusa-Redusa, The People Got, “Stoned”

     Once upon a time in a huge metropolis called Lynchburg, Va. there lived a woman, but I forget what her name is. I’ll just call her Maddom. That should have been her real name anyway because she was so, “mad”-em at the world for the hand life had dealt her. Her name was Eva, but everybody called her, “Evil” because that’s what she was all the time. She lived in a huge pallace on the top of a mountain called Diamond Hill. That’s one of thhe 7 Hills Of Lynchburg. Most of her time was spent working on her evil magic spells because, “spelling” was her favorite subject. She would cast them on anybody who would try to investigate her house. They would never return, but then some kind of weird animal which sort of resembled that person who went up there would come back, begging for people to follow it, but they looked so weird nobody wanted to have anything to do with those strange- looking creatures. One of them had 8 legs like an octopus but had the head of a hideous-looking baboon, spots all over it’s body and a long tail which it used to whack people who got near it. Yet the cops couldn’t arrest it because it wasn’t doing anything wrong. Everybody knew that kind of weird-looking creature could only come from the curse Madame put on the poor, wretched, brave soldiers who would be that way the rest of their lives.

     Nobody could describe her, but she was related to Madam Medusa, meaning anybody who looked at her would be turned into stone. The Mayor of Danville, Alanzo Jones put out a warrant for her arrest and offered anybody who could bring her to justice a hearty $100,000,00 reward, plus the hand of his beautiful daughter in marriage. If that man was worthy, he’d give him access to the rest of her anatomy as well. Yet the valiant knights who went after that vicious beast would never come back. Their bodies would each be returned dead-as- a-door-knob which meant it was somebody else’s, “turn,” (in the same way their doorknob would turn).

     Mayer Jones could just, “may,” since that’s what they do, and would cry real tears, which was more than “tiers” of the Governor's Mansion, or, The, “woman’s-tion,” which is the feminine term for that. He was an excellent governor and everybody in town loved him and looked up to his authority. The reason was he always stayed on the top floor and he was 6 foot 10. He didn’t like guns, but loved “shooting hoops,” only that was all he ever shot.

     Legend has it that Madam had snakes instead of hair like Medusa and nobody ever found out the kind of shampoo she used, but it must have been some- thing extremely unusual such as, “2, ‘Snakes’ Of A Lamb’s Tail” and she used, “ ‘Copperhead’ Sun-Tan Lotion.” Some people say she was the devil’s sister.

     Each time she got bored she’d run through Danville so people could see her and end up like Steven in the Bible, meaning, “stoned,” only in a different way. It made many people say, “I regret chopping her head off, but all of those terrible, slithering reptilians on her cranium caused everybody else to turn and look at her, each with the same, sorrowful results. It seemed as if she had put a curse upon the entire gigantic city of Danville. Plus the owners of every museum in town had run out of room to put up all the stone statues of those un-named people. The jubilant sound of laughter and cheering were fast becoming screams from the people whose loved-ones were instantly turned into stone statues. The joyous sound of people laughing and calling their friends and family-members to come join in their fun-times had been utterly silenced. All those sounds of ecstasy were no more.

     The Maddulm’s plans were to fly up to New York, D. C. and other mega-metropolitan areas throughout the country, and then the entire world so she could start a whole new civilization, full of people like herself which would eventually rule the entire Earth.

     Just when it seemed like the whole planet was headed for destruction, an extremely cool dude named Cuz heard about that terrible woman who was causing such chaos across the city he lived in. He knew something had to be done right away in order to stop that fiendish devil-woman who would soon rule the entire planet unless something was done to stop her. Cuz quickly called his good friend and preacher, Bishop Fuller because he was much, “fuller” of the Word than anybody in town. They decided to wait until the terrible snake-haired woman had left so they followed her to the cave she lived in for they had to shorten her lifespan immediately if not sooner, like yesterday. They followed her from a distance to see where she lived. That night they crept up to her mansion, since Cuz was also a master lock-picker and a locksmith, although his last name was Roye, not Smith, and found her sleeping. Then without looking, Cuz raised the ax he was holding overhead then brought it down with full-force over that evil woman’s neck, severing her head from her body. She screamed out in pain, but since she had no blood pumping from her heart, which was almost non-existent in size, it couldn’t pump blood to her upper extremities. She was dead dead in 18 seconds.

     Cuz took her head to Mr. Jones. To say that he was way, way beyond ecstatic to see her head without the body would have been a gross under- statement. He gave Cuz the keys to the city and and his heart and insisted he be his second-in- command under him. He also offered a $1,000,000.00 reward for the terrific deed he’d done, but Cuz told him it would take away from his blessing to receive any kind of payment for that act, but Alanzo was so insistent he made him be second-in-command under him. With the money he earned from that job, he was able to afford the best kind of surgery for his t. b. i. To repair his damaged brain-cells which wiped out all of his problems. After that, the governor gave him his beautiful daughter’s hand in marriage, which was a noble gesture, but Cuz wanted her whole body, not just one hand. They were soon, like a mule to a plow, “hitched,” then later they brought future mayors into the world who were also quite good at, “maying,” (since that’s what mayors do, so like the best-written stories of all-time will officially finish up with,

“THEY ALL LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER !!!!” —------------------------------------------------------------

     The end.

By, Cuz Roye.