A Glistening Invitation

There was something magical about the glimmer of light reflecting on the water, sunlight mirrored back up towards the sky, dancing and blinking in the early morning light. I watched as the water rushed back and forth over the sand, scraping over rocks that had been worn smooth over the years.

I knew better than to venture closer now, not sure I would still dare. But I could still feel the coolness of the water lapping at my shins, could imagine how it felt to float, feeling weightless while drifting on the waves. It was like a craving, a pulling from my bones, something I wasn’t allowed to taste, yet knowing the satisfaction of it melting on my tongue.

The waves and its enticing glistening were hiding dark depths, as if masking its danger to seduce one to come nearer, like a siren song. I wanted to believe I was stronger, that I could come to an understanding with this stretch of water somehow. But I had felt it overpower me, if only for moments, and the scene unfolding in front of me now made reality creep back in.

The reality that was the screams and the terror in so many voices, the chaos that unfolded as I rushed back onto the beach, boats searching, mama crying. I remembered how she held tight onto my sisters, as I stood by in shock watching the waves that had acted out in such viciousness. I caught the truth through the whispers carried over by the wind. Daughter, sister. A girl had been lost.

Between the faces of familiar townspeople, I looked for a face set in agony and grief, someone who she had belonged to. But every face around me seemed to wear the same expression. It was one of our own, that much was clear. I think we all believed that somehow, we who belonged here, had an understanding with the waters. That it kept a promise, a promise that it would never take from us, one that had now been broken.

The water had been unforgiving only moments ago, but now, and from this distance, it seemed calm, and it made me want to give in again. The ocean water song silently playing in the background, a glistening invitation. I wouldn’t give in this time, but it had lured me in so many times before, just like it had that girl, I’m sure.

As I looked around further I could see the town come alive, people leaving their houses as commotion slowly rose, people climbing onto the rocky shore left and right from me. Faces serious, arms crossed, as they too seemed to track the boats with wary eyes.

The sun rose further as the rush of people kept moving, some spectators slowly started leaving the beach, heads bent and shaking in disbelief. I looked over to my family, standing a few steps away, still staring at the scene in front of them. Nervousness filled me, anxiety creeping through my chest, and I let myself drift further back, distancing myself from the buzz of people that seemed to only grow.

Sitting between the large rocks further up the beach, hidden from the vicious strokes of the wind, I could see my sisters clearly, now moving closer to the water, feet moving through the sand that was already heating under the mid-summer sun.

I caught myself loosening a breath when they stopped, glad they didn’t venture further. And I watched as their heads followed the boats speeding over the surface from left to right. They were too far, but I could imagine the men atop it looking down, as if they could see through the water down below. I wondered how long they’d keep going, if they would persevere even if darkness took over the sky above.

There was nothing familiar about the picture before me, so unlike the usual quiet of mornings. Only the soft rushing of water as our town awoke, now replaced by the sound of engines, yelling and crying, and I swore I could almost hear the pounding of hearts if I listened closely.

My sisters and I spent most mornings here. Coming out before the sun did to catch the first waves. I spent those mornings chasing the twins as they snuck out before me, taking shortcuts in hopes of losing me, but I too knew this town like the back of my hand and I always managed to catch up with them. I then would join them as they trudged through sand and water, and the slight smile on their faces told me that they did not truly mind.

This morning, when I rushed behind them out of our small townhouse, just a little uphill, I chased them through narrow streets before turning left as the beach came into view.

Walking a bit further, looping around the sand below, I headed for the cliffside. Towards the dark rocks, which looked almost black under the early morning sky. They weren’t that tall, barely twice my size. But they seemed much bigger this morning.

Towering over the low tide. I knew where to stand, how big my steps needed to be, how far to jump, to clear the rocky wall spanning between me and the ocean. And like most mornings, I had taken the jump, and I remember the feeling of levitating, the leap felt like it lasted a lifetime, until my body hit the water and I got swallowed by the waves.

A moment of panic hit me then, as I was met by a current pulling me back towards the wall. Beckoning me backwards towards the rough wall of stone. Pulling at my limbs in a deadly embrace.

A voice echoed in my head urging me to stay calm, and I managed to regain some clarity, before relaxing my body and giving into the current, letting it drag me down further. Moments passed that felt like minutes before my feet met rugged rocks jutting up from below. Using momentum I pushed off, jagged stone digging in my feet before they came loose and my body rushed towards the surface. I emerged from the water, my limbs heavy. Breathing heavily as I swam back towards the shore, by then boats had already emerged, and there was a faint screaming drifting towards me, carried by the wind. Screams that slowly faded, but tension still thrummed in the air as I swam and swam back to the closest rocks I knew I could reach.

Now, as I dug my toes into the sand, I was grateful for the steady ground beneath me. I wiggled my feet, digging through the loose sand, meeting cooler slightly damp ground beneath.

“Oh no. No, no, no!” The crying startled me as I jerked my head up. I jumped back up on my feet and they moved before I realised.

The three of them neared the water, where a boat seemed to meet them. And I saw mama fall to her knees. “Hey!” I called out to my sisters, telling them to wait, wanting to be there, hold my mama as she cried out to the sky.

“Lola, Jess!” They didn’t turn, but slowly sank to mama’s height, folding their arms around her on each side. My pace quickened into a run, as I kept reaching out with my voice. No one turned, seemed to hear me, so I ran around the people as they stood frozen in my way.

A few figures on the boat moved around, carrying something in their arms. My vision blurred as I ran, not seeing the face as they pulled a small body off the boat.

“Mama, who is it?” I was close enough now, she could hear me, I’m sure.

“Mama!” No answer, and my feet kept pounding on the sand, “Lola! Jess?”

Then silence. No, a sharp ringing drowning out my own voice as it quieted into a whisper.

Frozen, now a few feet behind them. I couldn’t hear them, but could see their shoulders shaking, mama reaching out as they laid down the body before them. And I watched them stare, and I could feel their hearts shatter, as they looked down at the body of a girl who looked just like me.

I didn’t get it, didn't recognise her. I moved closer, just to see. Standing next to her, my eyes moving between the girl and the faces hanging over her, the faces of those who I loved so dearly.

This girls’ face was pale, her hair tangled, face distorted in an anguished look. Scrapes over her body as if it had been dragged over the ocean floor.

Then I felt it, like knives to my skin, a burning sensation, tendrils dragging over my body, carving lines matching the skin I saw before me. Over my back, my legs, down my arms and hands. It brought me to my knees, and as I caught myself I could see the jagged cuts. I opened my mouth to scream, but no noise could be heard.

As I stared at my hands, the shape of them blurring, I squinted, clearing my vision, forcing myself to sit up, holding them in front of me.

When I did I saw the three figures, still crying and shaking, held in each others’ embrace. Through the skin and cuts weaving between them, I could see them, becoming more clear as more of me faded. With it so did the pain, slowly dissipating into nothing.

Until I felt a lightness, like floating on the water, that feeling I was craving, I felt it now. And I knew I didn’t have to fear it, I knew now I wasn’t stronger, not stronger than the currents and the waves. But as I looked back towards that glistening invitation, I wasn’t scared to accept it now.