My Sister

It had been two months since Lucy went missing.

Every day without my little sister was a nightmare of fears that my darkest thoughts conjured up when it was quiet and calm. I couldn't stand not knowing where she was or what she was doing. It was my job to protect her, and I failed her. Not only did I fail Lucy, but I failed Mom. I couldn't admit it, though. No, I could never admit it.

I sent out a missing child report two hours after she didn't come home at her curfew, but even then, she could have been four towns away, maybe more. No one called the number, and so I sat here, alone in my house, waiting.

She had to come back. I couldn't live without her. She was the one who helped me when the voices all got too loud and everything got too crazy. Where was she? WHERE WAS SHE?!

I paced, something I'd grown so accustomed to doing. The musty floorboards of the darkened living room were imprinted with my feet now. The wood was stained dark brown from my tears, and the little space of light against the dusty wall in corner had an oddly familiar shape of someone who spent the last night chugging down a bottle of beer to make himself forget about his poor little sister.

Someone knocked on the door. It took me a moment to realize it, but when I did, I rushed to the front of the house and undid all of the locks I'd put as a precaution, praying that it was Lucy. It wasn't, sadly, and I was tempted to close the door, but I reminded myself to keep good company, no matter how hard it would be.

"Hello, Rudy," the man at the door said as he tipped his hat to me.

"Hullo, Officer Patrick," I answered. "Would you like to c-come in?"

"I would," he replied, and he came in behind me with his yellow-colored notebook and a clicker pen. He walked around the house with me and took many notes, which he kept hidden from me.

"Want a drink, Officer?"

"No, thank you, Rudy. I've got to work."

"Just a cup of water, sir?"

"Please."

I walked down the long, winding corridor of my house until I reached the kitchen with a sigh. It smelled of waste and time, something that would never have happened had Lucy been here. The dishes were stacked high in and around my sink, all covered in a thin layer of dust and mold from not being washed. The floors were dirty with mud and the fridge half-open.

I reached up into a cupboard and drew out a small, pink cup. It had been Lucy's when she was younger, when everything was better. I filled it with water from a jar beside the fridge and quietly padded back down the dark, windowless hall as the lights flickered over me.

"Here you go, Officer," I said, handing the cup to the man.

Officer Patrick took the cup and sipped it, then set it on a crowded windowsill. He didn't look much different than the other times he visited, which brought me some relief. The same bushy brown mustache that my father had, the same rounded belly that was a mocking opposite of my own, and the same warm flicker in his eyes. He was always a kind man, patient and understanding, too, and he never mocked me when I talked about Lucy.

"Have you had any luck, Officer?"

"I'm afraid I haven't, son."

I sighed and sat down in the center of the room, my knees folded to my chest. The pink wallpaper was peeling and revealing brown wood beneath it, and the walls were cluttered with books and dolls and figures of my dear sister's imagination. This was, of course, how her room had always been. I couldn't bear to see a change in anything that she brought to the house. Change wasn't much appreciated in my eyes - everything had to stay the same.

"Tell me the story again," Officer Patrick said, and I nodded.

"She told me that she wanted to go out instead of sitting in and watching a movie," I explained quietly, using the exact words from the last time he asked me. "I disagree with her, and we argued for a long time before she just left. I watched her walk off and went to run after her, but... I guess I just decided it might be best to let her wander and come back to realize that her place was with me - taking care of me."

"And why was that her 'place', Rudy?"

"Because Mom said it would be! She made Lucy swear! It would never change - Mom's gone, so Lucy's supposed to help me!"

"Rudy, calm down."

I whimpered and drew in a desperate breath as I gripped my arms tightly. I shook my head and curled into a ball on the ground my hands moving from my arms to tangle in my hair.

"She has to come back. She has to."

"Rudy, listen, son."

I looked up at him and those warm, kind eyes, though they now held a bit of sadness.

"Yes?"

"I'm going to help you."

"How? Why?"

Officer Patrick sighed and sat on the floor opposite of me. He pulled out his notepad and read through it inaudibly, then looked back down at me.

"The house is in much worse condition than when I last visited. You can't stay here, Rudy. It's dangerous for you to be alone."

I shot up like a bullet and desperately shook my head. "No! No, you can't make me leave! This is my house!"

"You have to leave, Rudy," Officer Patrick said. "We're going to bring you to a nice room with some nice people, and they're going to help you."

"Like Lucy did?"

"Just like Lucy did."

I sighed and shook my head. "I can't... I'd be abandoning my little sister. What if she comes home and needs me?"

"She'll be told where to come," the officer replied.

After a few moments of hazy contemplation, I held my head high and stood up. Officer Patrick put his hand on my shoulder and led me out of the only home I'd ever known, into the sunlight for the first time in months, and into his car. It was a nice car, his cop vehicle. Smooth leather seats and air conditioning to keep me cool, but also a heater to keep me warm at the same time.

We drove for quite a while before we reached a large building of brick and terracotta called the "H.R. Holton Hospital and Healthcare Building". Quite an unusual name that I couldn't quite put my finger on. Had I been here before? With a shrug, I got out of the car and followed Officer Patrick inside, where he signed a little piece of paper and gestured for me to follow him.

The nurses looked at me strangely as I passed by, as though they knew something that I didn't. They seemed sad. Why were they familiar?

I entered a room with Officer Patrick and sat on the corner of a bed that was set up in the center. A doctor woman with yellow hair and a gentle smile entered and put her clipboard down.

"Hello, Rudy. I'm Dr. Harper. Do you remember me?"

I shook my head. She smiled.

"That's alright. We're going to be good friends. I'm going to take care of you just like I did for Lucy."

I sat straighter. "You know Lucy? Where is she? WHERE?"

Dr. Harper sighed and looked at Officer Patrick, who shook his head. "That's another time's story, Rudy. I need to take your heart rate, okay?"

I shook my head again, this time in desperate need. "Where is my sister?"

"She's outside," Dr. Harper said. "I'll take you to see her after our checkup. Can you be patient for me until then?"

"I.. can."

She checked my heart and lungs with a special y-shaped thing she called a "stethoscope", then checked my eyes, ears, mouth, and spine. When we were all finished and Officer Patrick said it was okay, Dr. Harper led me outside to the back of the hospital.

A stunning garden was in the back, surrounded by high fences and lush trees. I breathed deeply and smiled at a sight of purple azaleas.

"These were her favorite," I said.

"I'll leave you with her for a moment," Dr. Harper said.

I didn't really hear the doctor as she left. I simply sat on the ground in front of the azaleas and hummed a gentle tune. A light weight dipped my shoulder, and I looked up with a gasp. It was Lucy, with her chocolate-colored hair pinned back and her skin as white as snow.

"Lucy? Lucy, is it you?"

"Yes, big brother. And... no."

"What do you mean?"

"Rudy, you need to understand why I'm not here for you," she whispered.

Lucy knelt beside me and kissed my cheek in a sisterly gesture, then pointed down at the flowers with her hand.

"This is where I am, now. And you can come see me every day, if you like."

I nodded desperately.

"Lucy, why'd you leave? Lucy, I need you."

She smiled sadly at me and laid down in the azaleas, but surprisingly, they didn't bend or sway under her.

"You don't need me."

"I do, I swear, I do."

Tears trickled down my cheeks as I watched her close eyes and turn on her side. Then she faded away. My precious little sister. My caretaker. My life.

"Lucy..."