Out of Time

Fantasy Drama

Written in response to: "Write about a character who’s stuck in an elevator when the power goes out." as part of Lights Out.

“THIS BLASTED ELEVATOR IS GOING TO GET US ALL BEHEADED!” The young boy hollers, kicking the sleek metal walls of the elevator. Worry and fury wrestle for control of his face, and it comes out as a yell while salty tears stream down his cheeks.

“Ow, ow, ow,” he whimpers, his blue eyes swimming with more tears as the kid holds his hurt foot. “That door was too hard….” 

“Then don’t kick it,” the only other passenger suggests. His blond hair partially covers his chocolate-chip eyes as he stares down at the child.

The younger boy snarls. “But we’re going to die!”

“Who are you?” The first boy asks, studying the other person’s face. The kid looks like a tween, with shaggy dark hair and tear-stained, flustered cheeks.

“I’m Miles,” he says, his voice shaky, “and this elevator is cruel.” He starts to pace. “Okay. Okay. The power went out. We’re stuck here. The Queen’s marriage starts in ten minutes. She ordered the whole Kingdom to be there. Even the River goddess will be there. If we’re not….” he gulps then shoots a look at the older boy. “Who are you?”

“I’m…Chase,” the blond replies hesitantly. Nobody knew the Queen had a son, so he was safe from Miles figuring out his true identity. “But my friends call me Ace.”

Not like he had any friends. Only his family, the Royals, knew he existed. And his baby cousin Bri didn’t count.

“Why the pause?” Miles asks, wiping more tears from his face with his robe’s sleeve. “And why aren’t you wearing the designated outfit? The Queen ordered all citizens of the Kingdom to show their loyalty to the Royals.”

Prince Chase inwardly curses as he scans Miles’ robe. It’s scarlet fabric draped over the small boy’s frame, embroidered with the silver outline of a star—the Symbol of the Kingdom. His own robe has a purple star in the center of the silver one, as a sign he’s a Royal. Chase’s not allowed out of the castle, as he’s a secret to the Kingdom, but he snuck out to watch the ceremony between the Queen and her fiancé, disguised as a Citizen. Chase couldn’t very well have worn his robe, because that would’ve given away his identity of a Royal, but he should’ve had a Citizen’s robe tailored to him. Citizens who don’t follow orders—in this case, to wear the Kingdom’s robes with the Symbol—would be beheaded, and disobeying an order didn't blend in very well.

“I have my Citizen’s robe under this,” Chase says, gesturing to his tunic and pants. “I’ll maybe sure the Symbol of the Kingdom is showing by the time we get to the ceremony, don’t worry.”

“I’m worried,” Miles says nastily, “because we might not ever get to the ceremony.” The young boy musters up his angriest face before it dissolved into more crying.

“I don’t want to die,” Miles says between sobs.

Chase pats his back. “How old are you?”

“Ten.”

“I’m fourteen.” The words fly out of Chase’s mouth before he can consider what to say.

Miles’ glistening blue eyes dart around the stalled elevator. The glossy elevator buttons of the Citizens apartment building are superstitious—they go 𝟏𝟏, 𝟏𝟐, 𝟏𝟒, no 𝟏𝟑 in sight. The entire Kingdom is packed in the one, huge apartment building, with the equally large castle for the Royals a courtyard away.

Miles slumps on the floor. He seems to realize he couldn’t do anything but wait for the power to go back one. “So, um…hi.”

“Hello.” Chase shifts his weight.

The word hangs in the air as an awkward silence covers the elevator. Miles’ tears have dried away, but his eyes are still watering as he inhales and exhales slowly. “Why aren’t you scared?”

“Of what?” says Chase.

“Of this elevator not hurrying up. If we’re not at the ceremony soon, we’ll be killed.”

“Oh, I am scared,” Chase says, “just not for that reason.”

Miles gives him the side-eye. “What reason is more important than life?”

Chase inwardly curses. He can’t very well say, “My mom is the Queen, I won’t die because I’m a Royal, but I’ll get an insane scolding and a grounding for a year”, but his mind comes up blank with new ideas. “Um….”

“Yes?”

“Urm….”

Spit it out, Chase-but-my-friends-call-me-Ace!”

“I don’t know,” Chase admits truthfully.

Miles’ hard gaze fixes on Chase’s face. “You’re hiding something.”

“No, I’m not!”

“Chase-but-my-friends-call-me-Ace, you most definitely are.”

“First, please stop calling me that. Second, why are you so barky all of a sudden?!” Chase snaps. “You were sobbing and sad a moment ago, and now you’re accusing me of something that’s completely false.” True, true, false. ⅔ wasn’t bad when your existence is a secret.

Miles’ mouth opens then shuts. “Sorry. I’m just a little…worried? I mean, did the power have to go out right now?”

“It’s okay, buddy,” Chase says, patting the boy on the head. “I’m sure the elevator will get moving soon.”

“And if not?” Miles sniffles.

Chase hesitates. “I’ll protect you from the Queen’s rage.”

“How would you do that? And why?”

“I like you, and nobody deserved to die because of a power outage that wasn’t their fault, much less a ten-year-old. And about how…I don’t know.” ….a way to protect you without revealing myself to my mom and the kingdom, Chase silently added.

“Thanks,” Miles says. “I feel much safer now.”

Chase cocks his head then realizes Miles is joking. The small boy sniggers. “But seriously, thanks. I just really hope it won’t come to that.”

He jumps up. “STUPID ELEVATOR!”

A moment later, Miles is back on the floor, not having enough hands to put pressure on all the places that were injured. “ARRRRRRGH!” was the attack with his foot. “I WILL DIE BECAUSE OF—” was him punching the elevator wall. The continuation of that sentence, “—YOUUUU!”, was Miles ramming into the wall at full speed, with his full body.

“Ow,” Miles moans. 

“Sorry,” Chase winces. “How much does it hurt?”

“I’ll be dead soon, so that doesn’t really matter.”

“Don’t say that,” Chase says. “I’m sure the power will be back on soon.” He glares at the sleek walls, like, Power, you better be on soon. 

“You know,” Miles says, his gaze fixed on 𝟏𝟒 taking the place of the button 𝟏𝟑, “It’s funny to imagine there’s a building that is completely made of all the level thirteens, and it has awful luck.”

“Funny indeed,” Chase nods, “but not possible. The other buildings don’t have levels. The school, the library…they’re all flat.”

“Yeah, but the castle has floors,” Miles says.

“Maybe so, but no level thirteen.”

Chase immediately regrets his words. Miles will find out he’s the unknown prince before the end of the elevator ride. He tries to swallow the hard lump in his throat as Miles glares. 

“How do you know that?” Miles asks, his brows furrowed and a frown painted onto his pale lips.

“Just a guess,” Chase lies, hoping the cover-up would be enough. “Anyways, urm, you must be pretty smart to think of that level-thirteen thing.”

“Really smart, or loves to daydream.”

“Hmm. What else do you know?”

“Digits and digits of pi, way too much mythology, and an insane amount of random facts and ideas, among others. But I know—”

Chase’s face flashes white. That sentence could definitely end “I know…you’re the prince that’s a closely guarded secret from everyone other than the Royals”.

“What?” Miles says, interrupting his own sentence as the sight of Chase’s paled face.

“Na…nothing.”

“Were you nervous about how I was going to end that sentence?”

Chase nods. “Yes.”

“How did you think it would end?”

“How was it going to end?” Chase counters.

“Hmm,” Miles says. He was going to say, “I know how to write in Hebrew, too”, but all of Chase’s behavior had given him a hunch that he needed to test. “The end starts with a ‘p’. Is that what you were afraid of?”

That could mean anything, Chase tells himself. “Yeah.”

“Then ‘r’.”

“Um….”

“‘i’.”

“Yeah….”

“Next is ‘n’.”

Chase takes a deep breath. “Yes. So you, know, don’t you?”

Miles smiles. He thinks he did, but he doesn’t know, and he was making his fast-friend-in-the-making nervous. “Yeah. I know how printing works.”

“Thank the Royals,” Chase burst.

Miles smirks. “What did you think I was going to say?”

“That. Exactly that.”

Miles sighed and glanced at his watch. “Well, it was nice knowing you, Chase-but-my-friends-call-me-Ace. We’re dead. Very dead. Extremely dead. In fact, we’re so dead we’re—”

Creeeeeak.

Miles jumps with joy as the elevator starts moving. “YES! The power’s back on!” He raises an eyebrow at Chase and says, “Why aren’t you celebrating?” before going back to hollering, “YES!”

Chase starts to celebrate too. He wouldn’t die anyways, but he was afraid Miles would. Besides, Chase’s cover would be blown if the Queen said she was going to kill them.

Miles’ face fell as he glanced at his watch. “We’re out of time.”

“Huh?”

“We’re out of time—the ceremony started a while ago—and we’re out of time as in, we’ll die because of that.”

Miles looks like he’s holding back tears as the elevator doors ding! open.

Guards, dressed in shiny armor fitted over red jumpsuits and armed with sheathed swords, stand in front of the way out. Ahead of the guards, the giant courtyard is packed with thousands of Citizens, staring ahead at the stage in front of the castle on the other side of the courtyard.

The guards grab Miles and Chase as they try to bolt out of the elevator. The men hoist the boys in the air. “What do you think you’re doing?” one of the guards demands in a deep voice.

“Trying to get to the wedding,” Chase answers, nodding towards the music coming from the stage.

“You’re late,” the other guard says. “Also, why aren’t you wearing your robe, young man?”

Chase winces and Miles whispers, “P-p-please spare us.”

“No,” the first guard says. “Actually, it’s the queen’s judgement.”

“Chase-my-friends-call-me-Ace,” Miles whimpers, “what are we going to do?!”

The boys struggle to get loose as the guards march towards the stage just as the wedding is ending. People are just started to disperse, and the Queen and the new King are still on the stage.

“What do we have here?” the Queen booms as Miles and Chase are dropped into the floor.

One of the guard bows. “These Citizens refused to attend your wedding. They were very, very late. Also, the older one isn’t wearing his robe!”

“The power went out in the elevator!” Chase protests. “And my robe isn’t on because—” 

The Queen pointed to the ground. “Bow before your Queen!”

Chase and Miles kneel on the stage for a full minute. Chase wonders when he should rip off his hood and reveal he’s a Royal—not yet, not now.

Eventually, the Queen says, “Rise, so we may address your punishment.”

The boys silently get up. The entire crowd has now returned to watch the sentencing. The tall Queen, dressed in a white robe with the Symbol of a Royal and draped in expensive accessories, glared down at the late kids. “You’ll die,” she decides after five minutes of sweat trickling down Miles’ neck.

Chase and Miles both scream and flail as the two guards pick each of them up and start in different directions. Miles freaks because he’s about to be killed, and Chase screams because Miles feels like a little brother by now. No. A friend. 

“STOP!” Chase roars.

Both guards stop and stare at the Queen. Her eyes focus on Chase, who thumps to the floor as the guard drops him. “Twice now you’ve spoken out of turn. Citizens don’t—”

“I’m not a Citizen,” Chase snaps.

He rises and pulls off his hood, smiling at the Queen. “Hi, Mom.”


There's a pause as Queen’s jaw drops, and the crowd’s jaws drop with it. Chase turns to the whole Kingdom. “Hello, Citizens of our Kingdom! I’m your prince, Chase. But my friends call me Ace. Anyways…yeah, hi!”

He beams at the shocked people then twists back his mom.

“You didn’t,” the Queen says in a hushed voice.

“I did.”

Miles’ eyes bug out as he looks from the Queen, to the guards, to Chase. 

“Well….” the Queen struggled for the right words. Finally, she points to the young boy on the floor. “That one will still be beheaded!”

The guard picks up Miles again and Chase says, “No.”

The guard stops again as the Queen says, “What?” 

“No. I said, no,” Chase repeats. “Miles stays alive. It wasn’t his fault the power went out and he deserves to live. You’re not killing him.” 

“Why aren’t I?” the Queen says innocently. 

Chase tosses his blond hair as he rushes over to the vacant guard. Before the metal-clad man can react, the prince grabs his sheath.

Chase takes the sword out and matches over to the Queen. He holds up the blade, then puts it at his own neck. Chase knows his mother doesn’t care if a Citizen dies. But a Royal? The prince? Her son?

Oh, the delicious way Chase’s action takes effect on the Queen.

“N-no,” the Queen stammers as she stared at the sword resting on Chase’s throat. “You wouldn’t.”

Chase doesn’t break eye contact as he presses the sword a little harder. “I would.”

“What—”

“Let. Miles. Go.” Chase says, gritting his teeth in determination. 

The prince’s brown eyes lock with his mother’s as she spits out the words, “Fine.” She motions for the guard, and the brown-haired ten-year-old drops to the floor. “We’ll discuss this later,” the Queen sneers.

Chase nods and Miles sprints over to him. The crown, once again, starts to disperse and the Queen and King leave the stage.

“I can’t believe you did that,” Miles breathes as he hugs Chase.

“Neither can I,” the prince admits.

“Thank you.”

“No problem!” Chase smiles. “Will you be okay?”

Miles’ features tighten. “Yeah.”

“I need to go now,” Chase says. “My mom will literally kill me and I need to be early for that. Goodbye, Miles,” he says as he starts walking towards the castle.

Miles sets off towards the apartment buildings, but not before pausing to say goodbye. He’s about to say “So long, Chase-but-my-friends-call-me-Ace”, but his own words surprise him.

“Goodbye…Ace.”

Posted Sep 11, 2020
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258 likes 1502 comments

B. W.
September 16, 2020 12:52

someone downvoted you again?? well i knew something was probably up when you were back in 2nd place or it was just a regular thing but now i know. you know what? i'mma go on a upvoting spree again for you like the last few times so you can get your points back

Reply

D. Shikha
September 16, 2020 07:27

There is a bad news, Aerin. The downvoter is back. It has taken 800+ of your points. He/she is downvoting everyone. He/she has downvoted mine and many others comments too.

I'm sorry!! We are trying to upvote you again.

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September 16, 2020 11:39

I saw...from what have figured out, the downvoted took 1000+ points of mine, gave 1000+ to Zilla, and, while downvoting my stories, also downvoted my friend’s comments on them...which means you and so many other people lost anywhere from 20-100+ points! I’m so sorry. NIEFNRIFNUDGED DOWNVOTER HOW DO YOU HAVE GHE DECENCY TO TAKE 1K POINTS FROM ME WHILE I’M SLEEPING, AND HUNDREDS FROM OTHER PEOPLE?!
Aw, thanks!

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D. Shikha
September 16, 2020 11:49

Yeah I know, he/she downvoted every single comment on your stories. But after I wrote that above one comment, he/she came to my profile and downvoted all my comments. I went down by 200+ points. 😔
WHY ARE DOING THIS DOWNVOTER??

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September 16, 2020 11:55

Omg, I’m so sorry...I’ll go upvote you now 😔

YEAH!

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D. Shikha
September 16, 2020 11:56

No need, Sia upvoted me a little and I'm fine with that.

MEANIE DOWNVOTER!!

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September 16, 2020 12:01

Still 😕😕😕
EXPECT MORE POINTS SOOOON

yeah...😫😫😫

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B. W.
September 15, 2020 21:07

Hey Aerin? if i ever finished my book and put it on amazon do you think you would wanna go and read it?

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Sia S
September 15, 2020 07:24

Aerinnnnnnnnnnn I NEED DA YELLOW SPLOTCHHHHH

Reply

September 15, 2020 11:42

Y-E-E-E-E-E-ET

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Sia S
September 15, 2020 12:17

Helpppppppppp

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September 15, 2020 12:34

ARKAFLARFLE

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B. W.
September 14, 2020 19:45

i finally found it :D and you keep mentioning something about some of your stories here not being approved or something? what do you mean?

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September 14, 2020 19:51

Found...what? CQ??? Yay!

Yeah, it’s sad...none of my stories are being approved! They follow all of the guidelines, so I don’t know what’s happening. I think it’s some sort of error. If you can see, none of my stories are on the contest page and I never get approved notifications. I think this means my stories aren’t even entered in the writing contests! Bonkers!

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B. W.
September 14, 2020 20:00

Yep i finally found it :D you were kinda right about having to look through all the coloring book stuff but i finally found it ^^ actually, i think thats happening to me as well. Some of my stories are approved so you could see them on the contest but some of them also aren't and whenever they are approved it was a long time after the contest finished for some reason. i still at least get the approved notifications i think so i'm unsure on whats going on tbh

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September 14, 2020 06:58

YAY COLOUR QUEST IS OUT! Although I won't be allowed to buy it... BUT STILL!

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September 14, 2020 13:01

HEHE, THANKS!!!

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D. Shikha
September 14, 2020 05:22

Hey Aerin!!
I spotted a little error, from the clip of CQ, in this line:-
"Whhhhhhhhy? The yellow snack asked, slithering forward..." I think it's 'snake' instead of 'snack'.

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September 14, 2020 13:01

Oh, yeah, I saw your quiz result and fixed that mistake before I published :D
I also fixed one more mistake Amany caught when CQ was already published, but I’m not going to touch the manuscript any more because I’m afraid I’ll mess it up. So thanks!

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D. Shikha
September 14, 2020 13:04

It's good that you fixed it. Np:)

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Avery G.
September 13, 2020 23:40

OMG COLOR QUEST IS OUT!!!!!!!! I SEARCHED IT AND IT LOOKS SOOO COOL! I just have a question:

How do you publish a story? Did you use a special website or something?

Thanks!

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September 13, 2020 23:48

HEHE THANKSSSSS! Although the physical book will be out soon.

I used KDP: Kindle Direct Publishing! You can look uo there website to learn more, but basically, and it’s a fast, free, easy way to publish on Amazon.

Thanksss for stopin’ by!(eeeee)

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Avery G.
September 13, 2020 23:53

You're welcome! Oh okay! No problem! Byeeeee!

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Avani G
September 13, 2020 23:14

Nice story! Do you mind checking out a few of mine? Thanks! :)

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September 13, 2020 23:46

Thanks! Sure!

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Skyler Grey
September 13, 2020 18:43

Aerin, yessss! You published it! I'm so proud &happy for you :)!!!!!!!!!! Oh my god, you must be so relieved. Also I'm bored too and need the yellow dot as much as you. Also Cookies and Cream.

Update: just bought CQ. veryyyyyy excited to read it.

Update Update: SO GOOD

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September 13, 2020 19:02

Thanksssss!

Update: I’m confused...color quest isn’t on amazon yet???? How did you buy it????

Update update: what book are you reading????

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Skyler Grey
September 13, 2020 19:13

Youre welcome!

Update: yes it is on amazon. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08HY78TLF/ref=sr_1_1?crid=23LI15Z5KDS5S&dchild=1&keywords=color+quest+aerin+b&qid=1600022935&sprefix=color+quest+%2Caps%2C230&sr=8-1

Update Update: Color Quest, and it's AMAZING.

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September 13, 2020 19:48

Omg, the ebook IS out!!! Wait, really, you’re reading it?! Cool! Wait, how? Is it possible to buy the ebook yet???? Wow, but thanks!!

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Skyler Grey
September 13, 2020 19:58

Yes, I just bought it! It's great!

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September 13, 2020 20:01

Thanks!!

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Skyler Grey
September 13, 2020 19:59

also if youre still bored, here's a quiz i made for everyone: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfCnOICSd_u6FKeq9htyjnXff9aawN3ddz35Oo5a0eSI_Ttqg/viewform?vc=0&c=0&w=1&flr=0

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D. Shikha
September 13, 2020 15:48

Hey Aerin!!

I wanted to ask you about Color Quest, well, not about Color Quest, about how you wrote it. How long did it take you to complete it? Did you hire an editor/proofreader? Or did editing yourself? You self-published it, right? How is self-publishing done? How you designed its cover? (I liked its cover so much) How much does it cost to self-publish? Will it be published internationally or just in your country?

Sorry, if I bothered you.

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September 13, 2020 16:20

Hey, Moon!
Answers:
1. Um...15 months from start to finish, although I hardly wrote the first half and wrote a bunch in quarantine.
2. Nope! My friend and casual editor Sarag edited, along with me. We went back and forth at least 15 times to catch typos and plot holes and grammar mistakes.
3. Yep, I’m self-publishing! Well, SP is pretty awesome. I’m using KDP, which publishes your books straight to Amazon stories, right next to big-name authors.
4. Hmm, well, I just picked out a sorta-relevant photo, added fonts and colors to make the title, wrote my blurb and author bio, etc. It’s super simple!
5. It doesn’t cost anything! Although Amazon takes 40% of paperback list price, and 30% of ebooks. Not bad, though!
6. Well, it’s on Amazon, so I thiiiink internationally. Although there are different Amazons for different countries, and CQ is English, so idk.
7. Haha, you didn’t bother me! Hope this helps :D

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D. Shikha
September 13, 2020 16:49

-15 months!! Amazing!! I'm also writing a book, well, kinda. I started writing it in like April-May, wrote about 40-50 pages, and then just left it there. But now I think I should continue it.

-Oh, I'll find an editor somewhere once I complete it.

-It doesn’t cost anything!?! Niceee!!

-I hope CQ is published internationally otherwise I won't be able to read it.

Well, how much does it costs? How you did the pricing of the book? And in what format it will be? Like e-book, paperback, or hardcover?

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September 13, 2020 17:45

I
PUBLISHED
COLOR
QUEST!!!
The paperback is only $7.49, actually. IT’LL LITERALLY BE ON AMAZON IN 48 HOURS
AHHHHHHHHH SQUEEEE

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D. Shikha
September 13, 2020 18:01

Niceeee!!! Congrats!!!!
Just 48 hours!! Let the countdown begin!!

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September 13, 2020 18:04

Hehe. Actually, as soon as it’s out, I need to change something really quickly then re-publish. Because I have a copyright, but I thought I didn’t so I put ‘public domain’. Which is REALLY bad. I need to change it as soon as I can, which is once it’s on Amazon. I just hope I change it because somebody buys it...😬😬😬

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Evelyn ⭐️
September 13, 2020 14:42

Loved this story Aerin! Also wanted to congratulate you on 20 stories! YAY!!!!!! *claps hands* This story was filled with detail which was good, and I also really enjoyed the plot. Is was fast paced, which I usually enjoy! I also liked the way you inserted the prompt. Overall I give you a 10/10!

If you have time could you please check out my new story?

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September 13, 2020 15:25

Thank you so much!

Sure!

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Regina Perry
September 13, 2020 13:30

This is really cute! I know the stopped-elevator-so-people-have-to-talk-with-each-other thing is a trope, but that was the prompt, after all, and you did a decent job with it. I love the way Miles teases Chase the entire time.

Two tiny edits:
At least once you slip into past tense ("Chase silently added"). At one other point you said "one" where it should have been "on". I don't recall the exact line now, but you should be able to find it easily enough with Ctrl+F.

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September 13, 2020 15:17

Thanks!

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Warrior C
September 12, 2020 23:42

This is wow! It brings me to the scene! Friends can be formed anywhere, anytime and it never chooses status in life. It's like a magic click and gotcha you're already friends. Thank you for the read . Really enjoyed this one.😊

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September 13, 2020 00:00

Thank you so much!

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Warrior C
September 13, 2020 10:44

You are welcome.

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KYRA ROBIN
September 12, 2020 14:55

This was so fun to read!! Very funny and the end was a nice twist!!

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September 12, 2020 16:17

Thanks!

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. .
September 12, 2020 10:36

Great story!

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September 12, 2020 13:19

Thanks!

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Jade Young
September 12, 2020 09:42

I love the blend between the old with the modern: how the people of the kingdom are citizens, not stereotypical villagers, and how there's an elevator, which people don't really associate with kingdoms. I love how you break these stereotypes in your writing. The little friendship between Miles and Chase was fire. It really encompassed how easily children can become friends. This was really enjoyable to read ;D

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September 12, 2020 13:19

Thank you so much!

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Josefin Björk
September 12, 2020 07:50

I love the fantasy twist on the prompt! It really takes you by surprise, what fantasy kingdom has an elevator?
The characterization is nice, too. Miles is a believable ten-year-old. Sassy, a little bratty, but still looking up to an older boy the reader knows is still a child as well. The gag about Chase's name is also one of those touches that hammer home just how much of a child Miles is; a ten year old would find that hilarious.

If I may offer some criticism, I would maybe use more "said"-tags. I don't think that you can never use a substitute, but most of the time the writing is more effective if you just use "said" and save other dialogue tags for special occasions. For example: “Then don’t kick it,” the only other passenger suggests." We already know that Chase is suggesting it, you don't need to tell us.
There are also some minor issues with tempus. You're mostly writing in present tense, but sometimes you slip into past tense. "Miles’ face fell as he glanced at his watch.” This is more a formalia issue, though.

On the other hand, there are parts of your prose that really work extremely well. One particular instance I took note of was "“Hello.” Chase shifts his weight." This is a great example of show, don't tell! We can tell the meeting is awkward, because Chase's body language conveys it to us. This really paints a picture.

All in all, I really enjoyed this story! I'll check out your next ones as well.

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September 12, 2020 13:11

Wow, thank you so much for all that feedback!!!

Thanksssss!

Ah, okay. I’ve read this in so many writing articles and books, but I just can’t seem to make myself use over 60% ‘said’-s. But I’m working on it!
Ohhhhkay. I’ll fix that!

Thank youuuu!!!

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Niveeidha Palani
September 12, 2020 06:41

OMG Aerin, you wrote this story format perfectly! Looking forward to more!! And yes, you SHOULD be proud of this story. It's one of your best ones. 🤩😍

Why don't you like this story? It's really good Aerin! It's not bad at ALL!

For your number two, I'll tell you exactly what I think of it. AMAZING. I found no grammatical errors, none at all, so you have nothing to worry about. And yes, people do tell me there's a couple of grammatical errors, and then I get a big headache trying to reread my story like a million times and I can't find any!

3. It's lovely and dramatic. That's how you end a proper story. 😁😁

4. Ahem, yes. We need a sequel on this. Pleaseee! Ya should, I'll be the first to read it.

5. I love (a) and (b) so far, but I like your current title the best! I have no suggestions, because if you do take a look at my stories, my titles are based on what's the obvious plot of the story, so, if I do tell you a title, it'll either be really bad, or it will be copied from someone else! 🤣😂😂😂

6. It's not weird, don't worry, and personally, I don't find it wonky at all!! It's just perfect Aerin..!

Okaay, so yes, I also came to comment for another reason. I really NEEED to know more about Colour Quest because I might be interested in buying ittt! Do you know how much (roughly?) is your book?

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September 12, 2020 13:07

WOOOOOO I LOVE GIANT COMMMEEEEENTS THANKSSSSSSS!

Really?! It’s one of my best?! Well, thanks!!
YAAAAAY NO GRAMMATICAL ERROS (-THAT YOU CAUGHT)!

3. Thank you!!

4. Idk....maybe.

5. Okidey-dokes!

6. Yippee!

Ahhhh yesss I saw your response to the ‘quiz’. I really wanted to answer, but u couldn’t find you account! Anyways, CQ’ll be under ten dollars, don’t worry. Or maybe that’s a lot. Idk. I think I’ll price the paperback at $9.99, and the ebook at $2.99 or $3.99. So yeaaaah

Thanks for stopping by!

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Niveeidha Palani
September 13, 2020 01:11

NO PROBELMMMM

Okay! No don't worry, it's not too pricey! ;)

😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😋😋😋

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Akshat .
September 12, 2020 05:07

Cool! Usually your stories have an ending that signals another part, but this one didn’t, so it was a nice turn!

I spotted a typo —> “ I’ll maybe sure the,” : It should be “make” not “maybe.”

But nice story, over all! I’m waiting for your next one! 😄

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September 12, 2020 12:31

Thank you so much! I’ll correct that :D But would you mind saying where it is?

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Akshat .
September 12, 2020 12:42

You’re welcome! It’s in paragraph 11.

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September 12, 2020 13:21

Thanks!

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B. W.
September 11, 2020 21:08

Aerin this is still a really good story ^^ why did you think that this was a bad story? all of your stories are amazing! 10/10 :)

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September 11, 2020 21:14

Thanks!

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B. W.
September 11, 2020 21:19

Though how did you make this story? the prompt you used for it was already finished today

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September 11, 2020 21:21

Hmmm? The contest doesn’t end for 6 and a half more hours.

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B. W.
September 11, 2020 21:40

Okay? and not really for a plot or anything but ya remember my demi-god spin off thing? i need some help with some names and genders

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Zatoichi Mifune
July 16, 2023 07:13

So, you don't like this story but it happens to be the one with the most likes? Cruel twist of fate.

This is great. Really enjoyed it, not the sort I normally read so a nice change.

Definitely relies on suspension of disbelief, because thinking it over it's really unlikely but then again, fantasy world, anything could happen.

(Sorry if I'm not as positive as I normally am, my moods change)

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AVAN SHIPECK
February 24, 2021 13:21

this story is so good and i felt the mood going on. this one is actually one of my favorites. you described the elevator scene very well, as well as Chase with the sword. Great job!
:)

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Coco Longstaff
January 03, 2021 22:58

Congratulations on your 10th story Aerin! I love the dialogue, pits got amazing descriptions and details. I LOVE IT great job!!!

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January 04, 2021 01:03

Tysm!!
P. S. Idk if you saw it, but I put you in my bio this morning XD

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January 04, 2021 01:03

Tysm!!
P. S. Idk if you saw it, but I put you in my bio this morning XD

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January 04, 2021 01:57

Aw thank you!

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January 04, 2021 01:57

Aw thank you! Means a lot :D

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Coco Longstaff
January 04, 2021 01:46

Oh Maya W. told me yes Omg thank you so very much I put you in my bio too hehe thank you!

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Elaina Goodnough
December 28, 2020 05:26

Randomly commenting on one of your stories because I read your bio! (LOL)

BTW, Congratulations for being #1 on the leaderboard! :)

(I was off for a bit so I don't know when you became #1)

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December 28, 2020 13:10

Haha, thanks!

Shank you :D

(Oh, lol, pretty recently, actually. I bump in and out of 2nd or 1st place as I’m upvoted or downvoted. I recently got downvoted a bunch but then upvoted, so now I’m #1. Thanksss!)

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Elaina Goodnough
December 28, 2020 16:34

Oh ok! Of course. :)

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Elaina Goodnough
December 28, 2020 16:34

Oh ok! Of course. :)

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