Freddie and the Pretzel called Bigmouth

Prompt: Write a story from the point if view of a magical being or creature.

Freddie, and the Pretzel Called Bigmouth

Journal Entry, 06, 06, 6,666,666a (in an abyss where “flies” collect)

I think I’ll just let the kid write his story. This kid is a menace to me. I think I’ll buzz around him to ensure he captures the essence of our encounter. Maybe I can trick him later.

Journal Entry; June 6th, 1966 (my room)

Dear Diary,

Boy, this pesky fly in my room is driving me crazy as I write this.

I survived today but I looked into my mirror and I am still a kid. What happened to me today I will never, ever forget so I just had to make sure I captured it. 

Today is another summer day off from school. I am getting a little tired of the usual activities a kid my age does during summertime. Playing baseball, teasing my older sister and her friends, swimming in the lagoon, and stuff like that. I am twelve which means I am too young to get a part-time job. I refuse to do odd jobs because I only get a few pennies for my efforts. I can hardly wait until next year when I turn thirteen and people actually consider me a teenager. But now I am stuck on the festering end of a pimple called my tween years.

So, with nothing to do this day I was glum. Bored. Dissatisfied with the day and the lack of energy to do anything interesting. I was aiming to seek adventure from the humdrum of my life even if it meant getting into trouble. Well, just a little trouble.

I had no particular place I needed to be. So, I was aimlessly walking through the woods munching on a bag of chocolate pretzels, my favorite snack. I decided to head toward the only body of water in the area. My friends and I call it the Murky Lagoon. Of course, there were no monsters in it and it wasn’t a lagoon. It was more of a large, stagnant cesspool from the run-off of rain with steep sides bordering it. We just wanted to paint a scary picture for my sister and her sassy friends. It worked because it kept them far away from it, or so I thought.

My mindless walk along the edge of the lagoon ended when I tripped over the exposed roots of a large oak tree. Or perhaps a maple tree? Honestly, I am no dendrologist. I just learned that word the other day from my father who is an avid arborist. (a tree lover, yuck). Anyway, I slid down the steep embankment toward the water’s edge of the lagoon. 

I must have knocked myself out. I saw the scattered pretzels on the ground by the branches. A swarm of flies were feasting on them. I looked at my Aquaman Superhero watch. 

“Yikes! Two hours had passed! Oh creepers; ouch! My head hurts!” I said out loud. “That was not what I had intended. Now I am covered in slimy mud and I have a splitting headache. Hey what’s this pretzel looking thing next to me? It seems to be moving.”

I thought the pretzel started talking to me. Maybe I was hearing things because of the bump on my head. How could it be? The bump is on my head not in my ears.  Anyway, a branch had fallen on the midsection of the pretzel. It was the same tree whose roots caused me to stumble.

The pretzel began to speak to me.

(The fly in my room landed on my page and was still.)

“Hello Freddie.  You came around just in the nick of time. It seems like the two of us have suffered a nasty treatment from this old, rotten willow tree. I implore you to help me untangle myself from this large splintery piece of lumber.”

I was incredulous. With a tremor in my voice, “Wait a minute! So you can speak? I must have hit my head really hard and rattled my ear drums. You look like a snake. A big, long, ugly snake. Where did you come from? Did you just eat a human and now it is the person inside you talking? How do you even know my name?”

“Slow down Freddie. No need to be alarmed. No, I did not eat any human now. Maybe much later, but not now. I take umbrage to your comment that I am ugly. I find myself rather attractive as cottonmouths go. Yes, I am big and very long. As to your name, I saw the label inside your Seattle Mariner baseball cap that says Freddie. It fell off your head in front of me.”

I think the snake laughed because he hissed several times and his body twerked when it happened. I thought to myself he looked like a chocolate, dancing pretzel.

I asked him, or rather it, “Do you have a name? How do I know you are a true cottonmouth like you said? How is it that you speak anyway? What do you want from me? Are there more snakes just like you? Do you plan to eat me?”

“Oh, my boy you ask such good questions. Here are your answers: Number one: I have no particular name, but you can call me Bigmouth.  See the white lining in my mouth?”

The snake yawned showing the large white lining of his mouth. It just so happened his huge fangs popped out at the same time. 

The snake continued. “Number two: The Creator can do enchanting things. For instance, He made a donkey speak to protect the stubborn idiot, Balaam, from the angel of death. Here’s a recap from the Creator’s Book in case you don’t remember it.”

“(The) time when the donkey saw the angel, it lay down under Balaam. In a fit of rage Balaam beat the animal again with his staff.  Then the Lord gave the donkey the ability to speak. “What have I done to you that deserves your beating me three times?” it asked Balaam.

“You have made me look like a fool!” Balaam shouted. “If I had a sword with me, I would kill you!”

“But I am the same donkey you have ridden all your life,” the donkey answered. “Have I ever done anything like this before?”

“No,” Balaam admitted.

 Then the Lord opened Balaam’s eyes, and he saw the angel of the Lord standing in the roadway with a drawn sword in his hand. Balaam bowed his head and fell face down on the ground before him.”(1)

The snake continued.

“This was no fairy tale for Balaam. He was such a jerk. The donkey was only trying to warn the dude. For you skeptics, the Creator does make animals speak and I just happen to be another one. I am still wondering why, however, I’ve been gifted with the power of speech. Freddie, maybe our paths were meant to cross? Maybe we are meant to help each other out?”

I stammered back, “Ok, I remember that story in the Bible. But I remember another one where a snake tempts Adam and Eve with an apple. That got God really mad! The whole world changed because of it!”

The snake responded, “Well, I wasn’t around for that! Besides, I don’t think it was a cottonmouth. It could have been any serpent. A snake just gets bad press. Not many people like us. Like I said before, there could be others like me. Maybe there are more animals, reptiles, birds and bugs that can talk? Listen to all that noise on a fall night. A cacophony of whistles, squeaks, chitters, howls, chirps. It’s deafening after a hard day of slithering about on the ground.”

The snake had more to say. “Number three: Freddie, I need your help to entangle me.”

With nervous hesitation, I inquired, “Why? I think you might eat me. I haven’t even become a teenager yet.”

Bigmouth said to me, “As I live and breathe, I will not harm you now. Maybe later, but not now.  If you help me out of this knotted, twisted mess I, Bigmouth, will grant you one special wish.”

With my eyebrows furrowed to the top of my head, I looked at Bigmouth with shock. I countered by saying,

“I am quite leery about you not eating me. I need some assurance and how is it you can grant me a wish?”

Contorting his head, Bigmouth tilted his head sidewise showing me his huge fangs. Drips started to form and the venom drained from the fangs.  After several minutes the fluid stopped. Bigmouth reset his head saying, “My venom is depleted for now. My jaw is locked and I cannot swallow you whole. So, I beseech you to untangle my body from this willowy prison. Freddie, I will grant you a wish as a token of my appreciation. Give it some thought because my offer is irrevocable, non-returnable, and as the marketers say nonrefundable. So, what do you say boy? Let me loose, I implore you NOW!”

I grabbed my chin in deep thought. I could almost hear my thinking as actual spoken words. “Bigmouth talks a big game. If I trust him the worst could be that I’d be eaten alive because he has no toxic poison to knock me out. That would mean a massive stomach ache for Bigmouth. I’d be wrestling inside him to get out. On the other hand, if I did free him, I’d get a wish; any wish; a big super-duper wish.”

A few moments passed and I asked, “So what is the catch? How did you get wishes to give out anyway?”

Bigmouth replied, “No catch as I said. It’s a hearty thank you for rescuing me. My ability to grant wishes come from the fallout of those two knuckleheads who ate of the Creator’s fruit in the garden. After that fiasco, the serpent was blamed for mankind’s stupidity. The Creator felt sorry for the serpents squiggling around on our bellies, so He gave the master serpent and his subsequent generations the ability to grant a single wish in the case of emergencies.”

(The fly on my page fluttered its wings, almost like it approved of what I wrote.)

I scratched my head. “Something doesn’t sound right about your story. So you’re telling me all snakes can grant a wish whenever they are in trouble?"

Bigmouth defensively said, “Well, nearly all snakes don’t know about the wish. And they don’t remember or know about the fiasco of the stupid humans getting in trouble and blaming the snake. Only the smart ones know. And, eh, I guess I am one of the smart ones. Have you ever run into any other smart cottonmouths like me? Or for that matter any smart snakes that can talk? Of course not. It appears from the look of things I am the only one. Ha, ha,” hissing away in snake laughter.

I could almost feel the heat of my brain tossing about the idea of a special wish. I thought I would run a few ideas before Bigmouth before I committed to my actual wish. 

“Bigmouth, here’s a few ideas I am pondering. I’d like a little feedback before I let you go.”

I began with “How about you turn me into a teenager?”

Bigmouth hissed a laugh. “Well, that’s thinking really big, boy. You’ll turn into a teenager next year. Not much of a wish. Actually, that would be easy for me.”

I threw out another idea. “How about you turn me into Aquaman? My favorite hero of the seven seas.”

More hissing laughter. “Oh, that’s interesting. Save the world from pirates and man-eating sharks! You would never have any time for yourself. By the way, I hope you are a good swimmer, kid. I also hope you like to eat sushi. Your ground dwelling days would be over for the most part. No more baseball with you covered in scales and fins. The Seattle Mariners ball team would make you the brunt of their jokes. Let’s win one for the Aquaman, our hero trolling the seas for evil snails, clams, and strangling seaweed.”

More mocking laughter. I blushed in anger at Bigmouth’s mockery of my suggestions.

“Ok, here’s one, I said. “Bring peace to the world. Make everyone love another. All angry people, including my sister, would stop being bullies.”

Bigmouth paused. “No can do, but Freddie, I give you credit. You are starting to think bigger.”

Surprised, I asked, “Why? What have you against world peace?”

“It’s not possible! The Creator gave to each person a free will and soul to do whatever they darn well please. People are just going to end up being mean. Try as they might to be good, there is always some motive behind it: greed, pride, power, self-gratification, envy, laziness. No, I can’t do it! Too many hearts to change. How about something else?”

“Hmmm, I’m not sure I agree with you on that point. There is always hope and a change of heart. I guess you are not as special as I thought you might be. How about this?”

I got up some nerve to say, “I want you to make me live forever. I want to never grow old. I want to live where there is no more pain, no more suffering and no more tears. Could you do this for me Bigmouth? If you do that now, I will release you from the branch that holds you prisoner.”

“Freddie, first you must release me and I can do this! The process is simple. I would eat you. It would not be so bad. After I eat you, I’d later pop you out. Ta da! Here is Freddie boy ready forever and ever.”

With a wretched look on my face I said, “That sounds totally disgusting! No way Bigmouth! Besides, I realize that only the Creator can make people live forever in heaven.”

Bigmouth was growing very impatient. He said, “Let me throw this idea at you. I will make you the richest man to ever live! I will give you gold, silver, as well as control over the stock markets, and all the banks and financial institutions in the world.  I’ll make you so rich that people will put you up on a pedestal. I will turn you into a god!”

After saying this Bigmouth twerked in the branch with delight and hysterically hissed.

Bigmouth’s idea sent a shiver down my spine. In one way I was enamored (big word for a twelve-year-old) with the idea of being filthy rich. But in another way, I felt suspicious. I still doubted his offer.

More time passed. The afternoon sun was lower in the sky. I was deeply troubled by this offer, but it was much better than my ideas. I thought I would put him to test before I dare to release him from captivity. I challenged him with this wish.

I yelled at him, “Ok Bigmouth prove it. Give me a taste of that wealth now!

Bigmouth hissed at me with his fanglike smile. He burped and belched up two gold coins. “Ok my boy, here is proof. Now get me out of this arboreal mess. Honor me by releasing me.”

I took the slimy coins (yuck) and investigated their authenticity. There were flies stuck to the coins.

“Hmm. They looked a bit crusty and rusty. Wait a minute. There’s a picture of a snake on it. The coin says, ‘in serpents we trust.’ I was aghast. Mortified.You can’t give me any riches. Bigmouth, you are a liar! You are a fraud! I will not release you from your entanglement.” 

After I said that Bigmouth blew up into a frenzy. He was so mad his body began to fill up like a balloon. He looked like a huge twisted drainpipe.

He screamed at me. “Freddie you are a fool! I could have made you second in command of my serpent world. Now you’ll finish out your life like a stupid human and die! I could have given you an eternity in my kingdom.”

I fired back, “I know about your world Bigmouth. It stinks of dead rotten stuff. And it’s hotter there than being on the sun. And you don’t do fun things like play baseball!”

Bigmouth continued to expand in size. Then there was a deafening sound. Kaboom! Kaboom! I was covered in snake guts! Then I saw a tiny snake slither into the lagoon. Bigmouth was gone! Some flies hovered over the area where he blew up.

“Freddie! Freddie! Wake up! It’s time for supper. Everyone was worried about you, including me! Mom wants you home now!” said my sister.

I guess the force of Bigmouth exploding must have knocked me out. I was at the water’s edge. My mean sister Lilly found me lying in the water with a tiny garter snake sucking on my big toe. I looked myself over. There were no snake guts on me or anywhere. There was no fallen tree branch. There was just a rock where I think I hit my head. Could I have dreamed this? Not sure, but I am glad Lilly came to get me.

Three things I learned that day:1) Sisters do care about their brothers.2) Sunday school stuff is for real and has very practical applications.3) Too many chocolate pretzels can be hazardous to my health.

Journal Entry, 06,06, 6,666,666b

I almost had him in my clutches. I should have granted him his first wish to be a teenager. So much easier.  The boy is going to take a lot of work to get him in my clutches. (The fly flew out of Freddie’s open window.)

-END-

Numbers 22: 27-31 (New Living Translation)

Author: Pete Gautchier      Acknowledgement: Reedsyprompts.com