almost dead

trigger warning! Physical assault, and lwk mental abuse.

I was speeding down the road, trying to reach the office before I was late, afraid of being fired. I was almost to my paycheck, almost about to be evicted, almost there. I blanked out, looking at the directions I had to go, going 20 over the speed limit. I looked up, realizing I was about to run a red light. I couldn't stop, or the other cars might start, and I could get hit.

I clenched my jaw, and my fingers tightened around the steering wheel as I slammed my foot on the pedal. I felt the force pull me back slightly. I glanced at the time; I had 3 minutes to go a mile, get inside, and clock in. I yelled out, "FUCK!" in frustration.

I sped by the red light, hearing countless car horns blaring at me, but I could hardly hear them over the sound of my heart pounding. I felt too still, despite going 80 mph in a 40. I heard the air wooshing by with every car I passed by.

Soon, I got to the parking lot, swerving in, the sound of tires screeching filled the air. I sped into a parking spot and slammed on the brakes, throwing me forward, bruising my ribs on the steering wheel due to my negligence in putting my seat belt on. I couldn't let it phase me. I practically slammed my body into the car door opening it, computer in hand. I sprinted towards the office, and slammed my badge to the scanner, unlocking the door, and shoving it open.

I got in, hair messy, suit ragged and wrinkled, breathing heavy, and sweaty. I clocked in, just barely in time, but then I heard my boss yell my name out from across the halls with a tone that was only used when someone was in trouble. "Mathew!" I felt my heart stop for a moment, before rising back to its rapid pace.

I turned to the direction of the voice, seeing my boss, his hair well-kept, suit clean, and straight, with eyes that seemed to peirce into my very being, "Explain yourself!" He yelled out, his jaw clenching and eyes widening in rage. I stammered, stuttered, "Wh-what do I need to ex-" He cut me off in a scream.

"The fuck do you mean what?! You come in here looking like a hungover druggy! Then you come in swerving in like a fucking high teenager who just got their drivers license!"

I looked down, avoiding eye contact in fear, and it only seemed to anger him further, "Look at me, Mathew! Dont you dare look away from me when I'm talking to you! This is the fifth time this month! What the fuck do you do with your life?!" I felt my heart pound in my chest, my ears filled with the sound of blood rushing.

I felt my computer slowly falling from the grip of my sweaty hands, "I'm sorry" I mumbled out, "Sorry isn't enough, Boy" I heard him walk forward, the sound of his dress shoes clacking on the hardwood floor. My shoulders tightened, and he chuckled at the sight, "Oh look at you."

I looked back up at him, now only 4 feet away from me. My eyes widened at the sudden closeness. I saw his fingers slowly clench into a fist, "You're lucky I don't beat the shit out of you for this." I blurted out, "I wasn't late this time!" I saw his head pull back an inch, his eyes narrowing, his nose scrunching in anger.

"Did you just talk back to me?" He muttered out, his tone deeper, quieter, colder, and dangerous. I shook my head, frantically, my jaw clenching tightly, and my hand re-adjusting the slowly slipping computer.

"Yes, you did." He leaned in slowly, "Do I have to give you another fucking lesson?" I shook my head in short, but frantic turns, "No ple-" He punched me in the cheek, sending me sprawling into the front desk, my head slamming into the corner.

I fell onto my hands and knees, my vision quickly turning double. I felt something warm flow down my forehead, and a red liquid fall onto the floor. All i could hear was the sound of blood rushing in my ear, all I could feel was my head pounding. All i could thing was how much I wanted to kill him.

I shook my head, the thought terrifying me. I didn't want to kill anyone! I stood up slowly, looking at him, he was screaming. But, I couldn't hear it, I couldn't hear what he was screaming. Everything felt slower, the sight of spit flying out of his mouth spraying onto the floor was nausiating.

I could only hear my heart pounding at the speed of light. My chest began to hurt, my head pounding in pain, the warmth slowly sliding down my neck, He threw another punch at me, and before I knew it, I was on the ground again. I heard him screaming, "You are worthless! A lazy nobody!" I felt blood running down my face, staining the floor, "Look at the mess you're making!" He screamed out.

I stood up, the pain fading slowly. I felt angry, a weird anger i've never felt before. I turned to my boss, his hair beginning to lose order of its slicked back symphony. I bent over to grab my computer, but he slammed his heel into the side of my chest, making me hear snaps of my ribs.

I fell to my hands again, The pain slamming back into me, my head pounding, my sides throbbing, my chest bruising, my ears being overwhelmed by the sound of my boss cursing at me. I saw my vision shaking, going double.

It felt like I only blinked, but when I did, I saw my boss on the floor, clutching the side of his head, parts of my computer on the ground. He looked at me, Fury written all over his face. I threw the rest of my computer right at his face as hard as my damaged body would allow me, knocking him down again.

He held his hands up, "Stop please! I'm sorry!" He said, immediately yeilding, "Stop?!" I yelled out, No longer feeling in control. feeling as if I was watching someone else do this from their eyes, but it was all my own.

"Why the fuck would I stop? Isn't the thing you always say is almost isnt ever enough? Whenever I am Almost on time?" He shakes his head, "That's different, Mathew! I'll give you a raise, I'll let you go home without losing pay! Please! Just don't hurt me anymore!"

I snapped out of the loss of self control, my heart pounding, my hands trembling, sweat and blood covering my face and chest, "Fine. But this won't happen again." I said with as much courage as I could muster." I walked out, touching my head where I was bleeding. A slit with blood pouring from it.

I reached my car, and grabbed a first aid kit, I always had an irrational fear of getting in a wreck that would be too far from a hospital. One that I would need to save myself or someone else.

The next day I came in to work, surprised by the silence from my phone, and when I got in. I saw my boss, his eyes purple, and cheek bandaged. I clocked in, and went to my cuticle. It felt eerily normal in a sense. I saw that one of my tax papers hadnt been filed, I had made a goal to do that yesterday, because i was almost done.

The phrase, "almost is never enough" Rang out in my head, painfully loud. My heart began to race, my palms sweaty, I grabbed my pen, and started scribbling down the remaining numbers needed. It was due last night at midnight, I was panicking. My heart pounding rapidly, my jaw clenched, my shoulders tense.

My clothes felt too tight around my neck, and too sticky, my socks getting in between my toes, my watch constantly sliding down onto my hand, my tie choking me out, the sound of the clock ticking was drowned out by the sound of blood rushing through my ears.

I felt myself beginning to hyperventilate. I reached my hand up to my hair, pulling it back, trying to restore order in any way. My hair poking my cheeks, my ears feeling weird. Suddenly I heard an alarm blare, I jolted up, my entire body tensing up for a mere second as I looked up, seeing a fire blazing out. My boss standing in front of it, standing too still to be normal.

I tried to gather my things but then someone grabbed my arm, "Come on! The entire buildings on fire!" I shoved him off me, "I almost have everything!" I cried out, grabbing my papers taking only 10 seconds, but when I looked up again, everyone was gone, except my boss who looked at me, "almost is never enough. I almost killed you, but held back, so you almost killed me."

He walked slowly to me, "Almost is never enough. Theres been several times where i almost killed myself. It was never enough. So now. It wont be almost, and I'm taking you with me." He lunged at me, his eyes filled with something almost animalistic, making a sound that almost felt like a growl as he grabbed me by the hair.

I slammed my pen into his side, but he hardly flinched, "Almost hurt!" He screamed, taunting me with that word, "almost" He threw me towards a fire, the biggest one at the center of the room.

I rolled towards it almost reaching it before jumping up, and lunging at him, "Almost got you!" He cried out, laughing manically. I grabbed him by the neck, I dug my thumbs into his flesh, making his eyes widen, and making him grab my arms, and ripping them off his neck.

He cackled, and kicked me in the chest, holding my arms tight. I felt ribs break, But the pain disappeared, "I'll kill you!" He screamed, I heard myself make a sound, a growl of sorts as I lunged forward at him, tackling him to the ground and slamming my forehead into his nose, making his cackle, "Not if I kill you first!"

I screamed back at him, he let go of my arms and I slammed my fist into his cheek, splitting his cheek open, and cutting my knuckles on his teeth, I felt my middle finger go limp. But I don't care.

"I almost lost it yesterday!" I yelled as He kicked me off him, closer to the fire once more, "Well today it wont be almost, and it'll be your life that you lose!" He yelled out, lisping, and garbled by blood. I saw him lunge at me, the room filling with smoke, making our throats burn.

I saw a piece of metal fall from the ceiling landing right behind him, embedding itself in the hardwood floor. I lunged grabbing his hair and trying to throw his head into the metal, but he countered by swinging his leg into mine, making me fall, my arm landing onto a fire.

All pain suddenly slammed into me again, I stood up feeling the heat, the pain, the fire. I grabbed his suit, and yanked him to me, jumping to the left, throwing him into the fire. he fell onto his stomach before jumping out of the fire, his skin slowly melting.

He looked at me, his face half gone. his eyes filled with nothing but hate, and determination. I grabbed a piece of wood that was on fire and swung it into his face, making him fall, lifeless, and limp.

I turned to the exit, seeing fire covering it. I looked at the windows, only on the second floor. I ran at one, jumping through it, and landing on a bush. I saw my co-workers look at me in confusion, and panic, seeing my right arm completely burnt, the fact i jumped out instead of runing out.

I stood up, the pain I had been feeling suddenly tripling, as if only now feeling the true extent. I felt blood dripping across my hands, my face, my chest.

"Holy shit! Mathew! Are you ok?!" I heard someone close scream out. I looked at my girlfriend who didn't even work here, "Why are you here?" I said, before everything went dark.

Eventually I woke back up. But thats a story for another time.