Adventure in Afghanistan

Roger is hunkered down under a desert tan tarp with his binoculars trained on a group of buildings carved from the stone of the desert itself. His partner Maria is working on a crossword puzzle, “Hey Roj, I need a five letter word for a snake.”

“Johnson has too many letters.”

Maria laughs, “That it does, but he’s more of a hemorrhoid than a snake.”

“He is a royal pain in my ass, but he can’t do anything to bust us, Colonel Wellerman has our backs. Do you have any letters?”

“The third letter is a pee.”

“That’s easy, think Randy Orton.”

Maria smacks her forehead, “The Viper, it fits, thanks. What are our friends doing?”

“So far, nothing, and a whole lot of it. It’s almost like they're waiting.”

“What could they be waiting for?”

Roger shrugs, “I suppose that’s why we are here observing them. I think we should just napalm the fuck out of the area and call it a day.”

Maria laughs, “That would be a blast!”

Roger groans, “That was not punny!”

Maria whispers, “Umm partner, is that a viper?”

Roj looks at the snake near the rock holding up the tarp, “It appears to be a viper, I wonder how they taste compared to rattler?”

Maria shakes her head, “You and your stomach. In case you hadn’t noticed, we don’t have a way to cook it, and a fire would make smoke.”

“Well fuck, I would about kill for some oak or mesquite.”

The sound of a twin engine plane approaching gets louder, Maria looks at Roj and does her best Hervé Villechaize impression, “Boss, de plane, de plane.”

“Look lively partner, this might be why we’re here.”

She pulls the charging handle on her AR-10T back slightly, ensuring there's a round in the chamber before removing the scope cover, “Safety is off, we’re hot.”

An odd looking high wing passenger plane is flying up the valley low to the ground, Maria points at it, “What the fuck is that?”

Roj shrugs, “It appears to be a passenger type of plane, where the Gomers got it is a mystery.”

“What’s it doing here?”

He checks his M-60E3 making sure there’s a round in the chamber and the safety is off, “Landing?”

Maria pokes him, “No shit Sherlock, tell me something I don’t know.”

Roger laughs, “Let me call this in.” turning on his satellite radio he calls in, “Viper’s nest to base, we have a twin engine plane landing, advise. Over.”

Smitty replies a moment later, “Viper’s nest, observe and report. Out.”

He shakes his head, “I really hate this waiting game.”

She chuckles, “If I had a nickel for every time you say that, I could retire.”

“You wouldn’t last outside the Corps, you would be too constricted by normal laws, you’re bad enough when you’re on leave.”

“You were there, that zombie kept pushing me, besides, I only broke his arm.”

“All he did was ask for a date chicita.”

Maria gives Roger an evil grin, “It was how he asked white boy.”

The sound of the plane engines stop, Roger looks through his binoculars, “Look lively, we have movement.”

Maria puts her crosshairs on the plane’s door, “Roger that.”

Roj groans, “It looks like they are unloading two of our chair force dudes.” On the radio he calls it in, “Viper’s nest to base, I have eyeballs on two of our fly boys, advise urgently. Over.”

Smitty replies, “Watch and wait, we have reinforcements inbound. Out.”

Roger shakes his head, “We are still on hurry up and wait duty.”

She looks at him, “Fuck that, we don’t have time for this shit! Those are our boys out there.”

He checks the bipod on his machine gun, “I’m ready to rock, Call it.”

“Don’t kill the plane, we may need it. Cover the door, I’ll drop the Gomers already outside.”

Roger points his gun at the door, “Time to earn our money, hit ‘em!”

Maria puts a round through the head of the soldier moving the airmen away from the plane, “One.” Before he hits the ground she picks off the enemy soldier closest to the airmen, “and a two.” As the enemy starts to react she fires a third time, “and a three.”

Roger spots three men starting to man a machine gun on the roof behind a parapet. He sights on the gunner and releases a short burst, one of the rounds hits the gunner in the chest as the rest send rock chips flying. The other two men drop out of sight. The viper rears up, hisses in Roger’s direction and slithers back into the desert.

The airmen panic and freeze. One of the guerrillas uses the plane for concealment and fires at Roger. The bullet hits the ground three feet from him, ricochets and puts a hole in the tarp. Maria manages to put a round in his leg. His scream gets the attention of the two on the roof, one of them pulls his dead comrade off of the Chinese Type 80 machine gun.

When he attempts to fire it, the gun jams. Before he can get back under cover a burst from Roger’s M60 hits him and the parapet. The airmen finally drop to the ground, covering their heads with their arms.

The door to the complex flings open and a soldier points an AK-47 out to look for a target. Maria shoots him in the head. One of the soldiers on the ground fires a burst in her direction. Maria calls out, “Roj, door, he’s mine.”

As he covers the door Maria manages to shoot the enemy in the shoulder, causing him to drop his rifle. From the rooftop a stream of bullets hits the rocks in front of them. Roger releases a burst at the gunner, one of the rounds takes the side of his face off. The gunner overcompensates and bullets tear through the rear of the tarp.

Taking aim at the gunner Roger releases another burst, the five rounds enter the gunner’s torso in a line from belly to throat. Two men rush out of the door, firing their AK-47s towards Roger and Maria. She yells, “Left.” as she fires another round. Roger rakes the man on the right with a burst.

As Maria scans the area around the plane she sees the two injured soldiers attempting to stop the blood flowing from their bodies. She dispatches them both with head shots, “Watch the machine gun partner, I have the door covered.”

Aiming at the machine gun he replies, “Roger that.”

“Odele white boy, why do you groan when I say that, but not when you do it?”

“Your name ain’t Roger? I’m calling in.” keying his mic, “Viper’s nest to base, scratch a bunch of enemies. ETA for back up? Over.”

Smitty responds, “ETA fifteen minutes, status report? Over.”

“Hey Chica, friends in fifteen, status report?”

“Ninety rounds, no injuries. I don’t think we need reinforcements.”

“I am not going CQB with this pig.” to the radio, “Five sixty for the sixty, ninety for the ten tee, no injuries. Over.”

“Viper’s nest, secure the airmen and wait. Out.”

Roger yells out, “Hey wingwipers, haul ass up here now!”

As the airmen are struggling to get to their feet Maria calls out, “Cover my ass partner.” before she rushes down the rocky slope to the airmen.

Drawing her Ka-Bar she cuts the cords binding their wrists, “Get your asses up that hill, double time ladies, we don’t have time to waste.”

When the airmen get close to the top of the hill Roger calls out, “Get under this tarp now.”

When the second pilot balks Maria kicks his feet out from under him, and shoves him under the tarp before she slithers in, “I told you to hurry.”

The airman wipes his hand across his face and stares at the blood, “You broke my nose.”

Maria shrugs, “I told you to get under cover, next time move faster.”

Roger chuckles, “You won’t be able to do shit like this if you retire.”

“Yeah yeah, it’s not like I plan on retiring any time soon white boy.”

The first airman introduces himself, “Hi, thanks for rescuing us, I’m Captain Powell, he’s Lieutenant Daniels.”

Roger shrugs, “That’s nice.” he keys his mic, “Viper’s Nest to base, wingwipers are secure. Over.”

Smitty replies, “Hold position and wait for reinforcements. Out.”

Roger turns to Maria, “We are on hurry up and wait yet again.”

She shakes her head, “Mierde.”

As they wait Maria and Roger continue to watch the gate and machine gun nest, but there is no sign of life at either place. Roger sighs, “This is boring and aggravating at the same time, I thought there would be more Gomers than that here.”

“Sometimes boredom is better than bullets flying at you.”

“Boredom can get you killed, you get lulled into letting your guard down. Remember what happened to Murphy? I ran into his spotter, Mickelson, in that dive bar in Venezuela, he told me Murph got bored, started zoning out and got bitten by a snake.”

Maria chuckles, “As toxic as Murph was I hope the snake survived.”

“We will never kn. Choppers!”

She shakes her head when she finally hears the helicopters, “How the fuck do you do that?”

He grins at her, “Do what?”

“Hear the ‘copters way before anyone else?”

“Either my hearing is better, or” he does his Doug Henning impression, “Iiit’s maaagiiiic.”

Roger moves to the edge of the tarp and trains his binoculars towards the noise, “Two Vipers and four Venoms.”

She looks and shakes her head, “They aren’t even visible yet.”

“They will be in about two minutes.”

When they come into view there are two gunships and four utility helicopters. Maria gawks at Roger, “No fuckin’ way! How did you know?”

He laughs, “The engine and main rotor noises are distinct.”

“Umm, if you say so white boy.”

As the Vipers establish a holding pattern each of the Venoms hover just above the ground and two fire teams jump out of each chopper. A captain gets out of the last chopper. With the thirty three men unloaded the helicopters land and shut down.

Roger rolls out from under the tarp, “Let’s go talk to the man.” Maria and the airmen follow him down.

Captain Mahoney looks the group up and down, “Who’s in charge here?”

Roger points at Maria, “She is.”

Mahoney points at the corpses, “What the fuck happened here? You were ordered to observe and report.”

Maria shrugs, “Shit happens, they were taking the airmen into the town, I made the call to not let that happen.”

“We WILL discuss this later, how long ago did this happen?”

“Fifteen maybe twenty minutes ago, we haven’t seen a Gomer since.”

Mahoney turns to Roger, “You need to reel her in, she’s a loose cannon.”

Roger laughs, “She outranks me, I’m just her observer. I’m not going to try and control her.”

Mahoney shakes his head, “You two babysit the airmen while we secure the town.”

Roger grins, “Okie dokie Pokey!”

Mahoney gets in his face, “That is not the proper response to a direct order soldier, when we get back to base your ass is mine.”

Maria giggles, “Oooh, kinky, can I watch?”

Roger tries to not laugh, “Oh no you don’t, this is a private date.”

Mahoney shakes a finger at the pair, “Mark my words, this is not over, you two are in deep shit and adding to the pile.” He stomps off and motions for the pilots to start engines.

Powell shakes his head, “Are you two crazy? He’s going to destroy your careers.”

Roger scratches his chin, “This makes what, four captains that tried to bust us?”

Maria counts on her fingers, “I think so, and don’t forget the major who annoyed you.”

Roger turns to Powell and points at the plane, “Can you fly that?”

Powell nods, “If it has wings I can fly it.”

“What say we head back to the world and have a beer?”

“I am not disobeying a direct order, so the answer is no.”

Maria laughs, “That pompous ass never gave you an order, just us.”

Daniels nods, “He never said a word to us, just these crayon eaters. A beer sounds good, but a whiskey sounds better.”

Roger grins, “The first two rounds are on me.”

Maria continues, “The next two rounds are on me.”

Daniels looks at the Marines, “Why aren’t you in the plane yet?”

Maria smiles slyly, “You didn’t announce our departure?”

“Let’s make like a tree and boogie!”

Roger taps Daniels on the shoulder, “We’re heading toUzbekistan. Keep it under the radar.”

Powell speaks up, “We might want to check the fuel, I don’t know the range of this plane, in fact I don’t even know what it is.”

In the cockpit Daniels turns on the main power switch, the tanks are just below half full. Hidden beneath a camouflage net is an old fuel truck. With the tanks full they all climb in the plane, Powell gets the engines running, and the plane off the ground.

During the flight Roger uses his satellite radio to arrange for a truck to meet them at the airport in Qarshi. After several hours of flight the plane touches down in Uzbekistan. Before the plane finishes taxiing a truck pulls alongside. With the plane secured the four transfer to an American plane bound for Ramstein Air Base in Germany.