I want you to hear the world with me

When I was younger, I had a friend named Xinyi. We were neighbours. She used to jump over our fences and sneak into my backyard to play with me.

Well, it was nice.

Until this one day.

This one day.

My dad made us a tree house for us to play in so that we didn’t ruin our mother’s freshly planted vegetables. We were playing a board game in it. I then went down to get some water. The second I descended the ladder, the tree house came crashing down. It was entirely destroyed. Xinyi was hurt brutally; her head was bleeding. She went crying to her father, saying that I broke the tree house and she fell.

“No, I didn’t!” I argued, “It fell on its own!”

“Yes, you did!” She screamed, “You stepped onto the wood that Mr. Wang said not to!” She cried and cried. Her father rushed her to the hospital. And then, never saw her again. She had moved away.

My parents did often have conversations with her parents, but I never got to talk or even catch a glimpse of Xinyi.

“Ao, you’re gonna be late,” My mom said as I ate breakfast slowly. I was imagining how high school would be like. I took my bag and rushed down the street towards the school building. It was near my house, in the Minhang District; so, no problem at all.

I walked into the elite building, alone. I had friends in my middle school, but they weren’t here in this school anymore. But I still felt super excited. Maybe a neighbour of mine would be there? I wondered if I could make any friends.

7:30 a.m.

My class went to the library for ‘self studies.’ I could just wander around a shelf of books. The library smelt of wood.

“He-llo!” Came a voice. I turned around. A girl was standing there; short, squeaky, loud, and had two black braids.

“Hello?” I replied. This girl was in my class.

“What. Is. Your. Name?” She asked. Her words were broken and syllables weren’t clear, it felt like she had recently learnt how to speak.

“I’m Wang Ao,” I replied, “What’s your name?”

“Ao?” She spoke, “I. Am. Shin-yi. Nice. To. Meet. You. Can. We. Be. Friends?” I nodded.

“Even I had a friend with a similar name as yours,” I said, “Let’s study together.” She followed me quietly. We were reading chemistry books under the amber lights.

“Hey, could you explain me this?” I asked her. She didn’t respond. I asked her many times. Still no answer. She just focused on reading. Immersive reader, I guessed. I watched her eyes just tracing the lines of her book. The bell rang. It rang really loud.

“Let’s go, Shin-yi,” I said. She didn’t listen. Another girl arrived and kept her hand on her shoulder.

“Let’s go,” the girl said. Everyone was speaking very slowly for some reason.

Shin-yi followed the girl. I followed her. We headed to class, our boring classroom. I sat behind Shin-yi. Shortly after the first period, my eyes fell on her notebook. I gasped.

‘Yang Xinyi,’ was doodled. The same name, the same doodle drawn on my treehouse’s wall that broke seven years ago. I could confirm it; nobody drew better then her.

Xinyi…

Maybe this is why Xinyi wasn’t listening to me; she recognised me as the person who destroyed the tree house. I should have told her that I was sorry. I did step on the wood my dad warned not to. I did whisper apologies from behind, but she did not listen. I guessed she could never forgive me for that. She had a friend, Jin-Ya, who was exceptionally reliable. Jin-Ya was pretty and very promising. Her hair was like Xinyi’s, which made me think that I could use her to get to Xinyi.

“Excuse me,” I said, “Jin-Ya…” It was lunch time, and it was chaotic, so no one would listen to me. Not even Xinyi.

“Yes?”

“Xinyi,” I said, “It’s about Xinyi… I think I know her… What are her parents’ names?”

“Mr and Mrs. Yang?” Jin-Ya asked, “Li and Yu. Why?” The same parents’ names.

“Well,” I started, “When we were eight, we had a fight… so I want to make amends. But she won’t listen to me.”

“She would only listen to you if she could listen,” Jin-Ya said, sadly.

“What do you mean?” I asked. Jin-Ya looked as if she were about to cry.

“Xinyi is deaf,” she replied. I couldn’t believe that.

“But she talked to me,” I replied.

“She can lip read and speak,” Jin-Ya said, “Deaf people can speak but some just don’t want to, and some do…”

“Since how long is she like this?” I asked. Jin-Ya thought for a while.

“Ever since I first met her,” she said, “Seven years ago. When she joined my school, she was already — deaf.” I was utterly shocked. I caused Yang Xinyi’s life to be ruined.

Later, when I reached home, my mother was cooking dinner. The aroma of curry was tantalizing.

“Ao! How was your first day?” She asked, “How were your studies? Were they hard? Did you make some friends?”

“It was fine,” I replied, slumping onto the sofa, “I did make friends…”

“That’s nice,” Mom replied, “What’s their name?”

“Xi— Jin-Ya,” I replied. My mother would have been shocked if she found out Xinyi was in my class. She always wanted to hide Xinyi from me, ever since the accident.

“Just one?” She asked. She knew I was lying. I could not call Jin-Ya a friend, and I could not tell mom that I met Xinyi.

“Yes,” I said, “Mom, I have a question… What happened to Xinyi after the accident? Is she okay?”

“Xinyi’s alright,” Mom lied, “Her family moved away…”

“Did her injuries heal? Is she completely alright?” I asked, trying to spill the truth form her. Tears appeared in her eyes as I asked.

“I don’t want to tell you this,” said Mom, “Xinyi, she couldn’t heal properly… she’s deaf now… I knew you would be heartbroken—”

“It’s alright,” I said, “I understand. It is my fault… Dad said that if I stepped on that floorboard, the treehouse would break, and I stepped on it.” I left. I went to my room and sulked there.

I was sprawled on my bed when a notification came on my phone. A new video by a friend of mine. He used to be in my class in middle school. I watched the video. My eyes lit up. I found it.

“Jin-Ya! Jin-Ya!” I called.

“What?” she asked, “Why are you troubling me before school?”

“Tell me if I’m doing it right,” I said. Then I said a few things like ‘hello,’ ‘excuse me,’ ‘sorry,’ and a few other sentences in sign language.

“You learnt sign language over night?” Jin-Ya asked. I nodded.

“Well,” Jin-Ya started, “Xinyi might not like it that I told you that she was deaf, since she’s hiding from the entire class. And, since you are someone, she might not want to see again, it’s good to not reveal who you are. Just yet…”

“So… I cannot use sign language,” I said, “So that I don’t spill her secret. So how do I communicate?”

“I have an idea…”

“Jin-Ya! Jin-Ya!” Xinyi called. It was break time. She wanted to show her a new drawing. It was a picture of Shanghai. It was beautiful, of course Xinyi could draw the city so well.

“Xinyi, come with me please,” Jin-Ya said. I watched in a corner. I could hear what they were saying well.

“Ao liked your drawings a lot,” Jin-Ya said while talking in sign language, “He said that they were pretty. He also noticed that you were good at studying. He wanted you to tutor him.” Xinyi face dropped. She denied. She was desperate.

“But why?” Jin-Ya asked.

“He. Will. Know. I. Deaf,” Xinyi said. She was desperate to not get me next to her. Hey black braids swung right to left as she shook her head to say no. Jin-Ya walked back to me.

“It didn’t work,” she said, “Now you’ll never talk to her…”

“There might be more ways,” I said desperately, “I need to say sorry to her!” I looked at her with pleading eyes. She refused. She said that there was no hope.

“Jin-Ya, please!” I pleaded, “You know what to do…” After a lot of pleading, she agreed — reluctantly.

“I can,” She replied, “But she won’t come next to you.”

“Why not?” I asked, “Is it because she knows that I’m the one who killed her ears?”

“No,” She said, “She doesn’t want you to know she’s deaf… she doesn’t even remember you; I guess…” I felt sick. I couldn’t speak for a while.

“It’s fine though,” Jin-Ya tried to console me, “If she doesn’t remember you and that traumatic incident, you’re fine… Xinyi doesn’t even hold any grudges against you—”

“It’s not fine!” I said angrily, “I have done something wrong, and I must make amends! I stayed up till 3 a.m. to learn sign, just for her! And you say, I can’t even apologise to her? All I wish for is that she could hear this world me… But she can’t! At least, I can hear her voice.”

“Fine,” Jin-Ya said, “But you’re on your own now… I don’t want to destroy both of my friends’ happiness…”

“Are we friends?” I asked. She nodded. My heart did a happy dance. All I had to do was think of ways I could talk to Xinyi without making her sad.

It wasn’t that easy. I regret ever befriending Xinyi. If we weren’t such good friends, she would have been hearing all the beautiful sounds of Shanghai right now.

“Don’t sulk,” Jin-Ya said, “You know many ways to get to her… I’m trying to convince her too.”

“Why are you trying so hard?” I asked. Jin-Ya thought for a while. She was very silent. She opened her mouth then closed it.

“Xinyi wants something, and I’m helping her get it,” Jin-Ya said, “I can’t tell you that though…”

“Why not?” I asked, about to cry, “If she’s deaf, I’ll console her… I need to—”

“You can’t!” Jin-Ya snapped, “She has a problem if you — you — get to know she’s deaf! You know why? It’s because she likes you. I told her everything; everything you told me about your past. And you know what she said? She said she likes you, she said she doesn’t want you to know she’s deaf because she fears you’ll reject her!”

“Likes me? Me?” I gasped, bewildered. For all this time, I was believing that I was a villain. I couldn’t believe that Xinyi would like me.

“Of course, Ao,” Jin-Ya said, “She loves you. Even I like you. But, I won’t ever take this feeling as my own. It’s how Xinyi feels.” I couldn’t study in class.

“Xinyi,” Jin-Ya whispered, “Let’s walk home together with Ao.” Our teacher didn’t know sign, so she thought Jin-Ya was explaining her the topic. Xinyi nodded. Then I realised something. I liked Xinyi. I loved Xinyi. I wanted to hear the world with Xinyi. Would an apology be enough? I should have donated her my ears or saved enough money to gift her the finest quality hearing aids. But all I thought of was an apology?

The bell rang. It was time to go back home.

“Let’s go, Ao,” Jin-Ya said, “These minutes are valuable… If you reject her, I’ll kill— Are you okay?”

“Yes, just having a random thought,” I lied, “Let’s go.” We all walked home. Actually, we went to the metro station first. Xinyi and Jin-Ya often used the trains to get home, and I needed to help my mom at work, so I agreed to take the train with them. We boarded the train and zoomed away. The outside world was a blur.

“I’m sorry,” Jin-Ya said, “My mom is calling me.”

“You take a phone to school?” I asked. It was illegal.

“I have valid reasons and necessary permissions,” Jin-Ya said and went away to talk. Nobody was in the train except for us and few other students.

“Xinyi,” I tapped her shoulder, “Let’s talk.” I said it slow enough for her to understand. She nodded. Then I started muttering random things and asked her random stupid questions. And she just looked at me blankly, her face cutely interested in what I was saying. If only she could hear me, we would be talking normally.

“Ao,” she said, in her usual loud way, “I’m. Sorry. Do. Not. Hate. Me. I’m. Deaf.”

“No,” I said, “I’m sorry. I stepped on the wrong wood, and you got hurt…” I signed out every single word. Xinyi started to cry. Tears streamed down her cheeks like rivers.

“I. Forgive. You. Don’t. Say. Sorry,” Xinyi said, “I. Want. To. Be. Friend. You.” I nodded. She blushed.

“Okay,” I said, “Let’s be friends.” Xinyi nodded and wiped her tears.

“I. Like—”

“You,” I completed, “I love you. And I’m going to exchange and ear with you.” I again signed out every word. Xinyi shook her head and signed for ‘no, don’t’ repeatedly.

“People. Say. Bad. Thing. About. Me,” Xinyi said, “I. Don’t. Hear. I. Like. It.” She smiled.

“But what about good things?” I asked.

“I. Read. Lips,” Xinyi said, “I. Like. It. Jin-Ya. Is. Very. Good. To. Me. You. Are. My. Friend. I. Am. Happy.” I smiled. My loneliness, loneliness that I suffered for ten years, was wiped out with 16 words.

“Let’s jump over each other’s fences, again!” I said. Xinyi nodded. I stepped a little closer to her.

“What. Does. The. World. Sound. Like?” She asked, “How. Is. My. Voice?”

“Very beautiful,” I replied using sign language, “All sounds are very beautiful. Your voice is very beautiful. I want to hear the world with you. And I want you to hear the world with me.”