The Sorrow is Not Mine. It is Yours!

This story contains details of sexual violence, physical violence and suicide.

 I regret I never fought back sooner.

I regret he was ever born, that I was ever born

I regret I never killed him!

You do not know my story. Why should you? You do not know me. And after you have read my story, you will wish too that I had never been born! Because I know everyone. I know everything. I see it all. I hear it all. I know it all.

***

For I am the dust your shoes kick up on a dry day, making you cough, filling your

throat. I am the uninvited wasp at your family picnic that you swat and comes back

for revenge! The sharp wind that stings your eyes and makes them run. The leaves

that block your gutters and cover your garden. Everything about nature that annoys

the hell out of you on a daily basis…Is down to me!

***

In the beginning I was born the illegitimate daughter of Apollo. My mother wrapped

me in a blanket, put me in a basket, and left me in the shade of an elder tree.

She knew the spirit of the tree would watch over me, protect me, as she was unable

to. I grew up in that forest, at one with the magical, wondrous creatures that

inhabited it. I ran with the hares and the wolves. I climbed trees with squirrels and

bears. I swam in pools and rivers with otters and fish. I even once tried to fly with

the birds and the dragon flies. That did not end well!  

***

I did as I pleased. I was feral. And I loved every second of it. The open skies, the

weather changes, the seasons were all mine to revel in. So, I did. One thing I loved

more than anything, was to stand in the summer rain and feel the warm silver

droplets on my skin. Covering my body, cleansing my soul. The tears of the Gods!

It had been raining that day. The day everything changed.

I lived in a cave. I needed safe shelter and somewhere to hide from those that may

wish me harm. My life had been idyllic. It had been safe. Until it was not!

***

I smelt him before I saw him

Heard him before he heard me

I knew how to be silent

He did not

Tearing at branches

Destroying the undergrowth

Trampling down small creatures

He had no respect

He showed no remorse

He just invaded

Then he found me

Because I wanted him to

I wanted to face this disruption

This… whatever it was

He was tall and dark, looked strong

Stronger than me

But I did not care. I was defiant

Stood my ground.

Would not move

His eyes blazed

Judging me

Undressing me

I did not realise that I was beautiful

There are no mirrors in the forest

I had seen someone in the rock pool as I washed

It scared me.

I swirled the water with my hand

She vanished

I stood high up on a rock

Watching him closely

Then something told me to run

So, I ran and I ran

He chased me down

Held me tightly, spitefully

Hurt me more than a thousand hornet stings

I shivered in fear

Curled up in a ball by my elder tree

He laughed at me

‘I am your brother are you not pleased to see me?’

***

I know what you are thinking

I could have run faster

Beat him off. Called for help

Who would hear me, deep in the forest?

I feel your judgement

Pitying me with your shallow breaths

Narrowing your eyes to see through me

Listening to the beat of my heart

And I am ashamed

But he returned. Again, and again

Each time he took more and more

Until there was nothing left

I wanted to leave, to be safe

But I had nowhere to go, nowhere to run

So, I invited the viper to my breast

I caressed it and held it tight

I meant it no harm, it knew that

But I wanted it to harm me, again and again

I kissed its head gently

It struck like a bargain

Of my own making

The snake slithered away. Left me to die

***

Hades and Persephone welcomed me

Cared for me, loved me

But the dark was so black

The cold was so cold

No forests to run through

No creatures to play with

No rain and no sky

They knew I was sad

So, they set me a riddle

If I could solve it, I could leave

‘I fly without wings. I cry without eyes. Wherever I go, darkness flies. What am I?’

I knew what this was.

Too easy!

A cloud!

I was free to go

But I was sad again

For the first time in my life

I had been loved

Persephone cried.

Her tears a vast pool that sparkled in the darkness

***

I returned to the forest and my abandoned cave

I could run with my friends again.

Bathe in the pools

Watch the birds soar

And then he came back

Tried to take what was not his again

But now, I fought back

I scratched out an eye.

I pulled out his hair

I kicked and I kicked him.

Then I left him to suffer, and hopefully, to die

The crow had been watching me.

A spy for a God.

Cawing its lament, it flew back to Apollo

I had made the Gods angry.

They had been blind to my fate.

I was not as important as the son of a God

Apollo sent a wolf for his son.

Not for his daughter.

Not for me

Apollo the light bringer, driver of the sun.

The God of music.

The skilled archer

The father who punished me.

Banished me

I became what I am now

The silent fury

Wreaking havoc on those who deserve it

And sometimes, those who do not

It depends how I feel on the day

And if you have upset me

Or not!