A Day In the Life of a Vampire

A Day In The Life Of Some Vampire

My name is, well, I don’t have a name. I am a vampire and I live in Danville, Va.. My family wanted me to scare people like they do, but I don’t get much joy out of making humans scream and almost kill themselves running away. That’s what all the other monsters tell me to do, although I just want to play with them, even though I want to have some friends who will stick with me, but the feeling is not at all the least bit, “muslidge.” They don’t want to, “stick,” that’s unless the, “stick” is something they try to shoot me with from a bow. How I wish the only, “boe” they’d use is what the girls call their dates so that means all of the, “dates” I know of are those that get eaten by those people.

One day while I was flying over the huge metropolis of Danville, I saw my brothers roaring at some humans. They were each screaming and running like, if you’ll pardon the expression, “a monster was chasing after them.” Frankly, or Frankenstein, I don’t get what they think is so much fun about making other creatures scream, jump up in the air, make their hair stand up and their eyes bug out and break the world’s record for fastest human ever like the rest of my family does. I want to be friends with everybody in the world. Yet when I went to the blood bank on Thursday to make a withdrawal, the teller said all she was interested in was my deposit, not a withdrawel. When she asked me what my blood type was I told her, “I’m, oh, positive that,”

Then they sent me into another room before I could even finish my sentence. The doctors only had a. b. positive type blood and b. negative type blood. They liked to have starved me waiting on the right kind to come in.

When it finally arived, they tried to take me to the operating room, but I told the doctor I’d be fine if they would just give me some blood. That’s when he said, “Yes, yes that’s where we’re on our way to go right now. Everything will be fine in just a few minutes, you’ll see.”

As the nurse came into the room with a short needle and a thin hose connected to a gallon of what looked like to me delicious, red blood, I opened my mouth, waiting for her to give it to me. Yet to my horror, another doctor came in holding a needle with some medicine connected to it. When I asked her what she planned to do with that needle she was holding in her hand, she told me she wanted to put me to sleep so she could perform the operation. That was when I flipped out because I was not about to allow someone to stick that thing into my body. She said it would put me to sleep so they could do surgery on me which would save my life. Yet I told her she wasn’t about to stick me with that sharp needle, but then 4 really strong, burly men came in and held me down while that dude stuck that flipping thing into my arm, so I bit him in the neck and drank all his blood. By then, all the other people were screaming and running out of the operating room, except all I wanted was just a little snack to tide me over till my next meal, so I then had to bite 2 of those Candy Stripers to even feel full. They just kept on wanting me to lie down, but I told them it wasn’t bed-time for me yet since it was 12:19 a. m.. The moon was still shining bright which made me feel like going outside to work on my gorgeous moon-tan, although they didn’t understand.

When at last they finally released me to go home, I was beyond ecstatic. I flew home and was greeted by a flock of bats waiting for me to get home. My sons were really glad to see me since they wanted me to see them go play baseball. Actually, they wanted me to see them playing their favorite positions, “the ‘bat’-boys.” Their, “batting average” was even higher than mine was when I played. The thing that made me the most proud of all my sons was that they each needed glass. That’s because they were blind as a person. They were all quite valiant since they only came out at, “knight.” They all lived at the end of a, “dead-end street” which was right where they preferred to have their living quarters. My male pups have all grown up and moved away to start their own families, although I am quite proud to call each one of them my, “sun,” because they are pretty, “bright” boys. Hopefully they'll, “leave the nest” soon because they have been driving the Mrs. and me, “persony.” Hopefully they’ll find their mates and move out because they are not much help when it comes to their daily chores, in particular their, “cave- cleaning,” but sometimes it’s quite difficult to keep them out of their bellfries. Also away from the werewolves, even though I tell them to wear any kind of firs.

Another problem that irks me is the bed-arrangements.

It amazes me to think how some animals can lie down to do their sleeping. That would make all of their blood rush to their hine-quarters. It definitely does seem like that would be a comfortable way at the end of a hard night's work then just lie down right-side up and sleep. It would make the blood rish to their feet, further from their brain.

It’s also pretty rough trying to get enough sleep being a vampire, especially if you have a cold and that means you’re always, “coughin’ ” throughout the day. Sometimes we have to bite a priest’s neck in particular in order to get his, “robe”-atussen to stop doing that. Yet I can count the number of victims I’ve bitten this week on one wing. It’s quite difficult to be a vampire who’s not in Romania which is where all of my family originally came from. Sometimes when one of my young-uns are feeling quite bad about something, I’ll have to vamp them to come up. If that doesn’t work, I will have to tell them to, “ ‘vamp’-ier.” That usually will get them to feel better, especially if the ink will, “bleed” on the paper. At any rate, that is how things are in the life of a vampire. That’s better than trying to stay warm if you, “wear-wolf” to do it. Since I’m big and I’m bad, many people have referred to me as, “the big bad wolf,”

but it is still a lot better to be it than cry in. By, Cuz Roye.