Human

Chloe was of two minds about things. On the one hand, she cared. She cared deeply about people and animals. She hated anything that caused suffering.

She spent much of her waking life avoiding anything causing any discomfort or pain. She felt guilty at killing a fly that wouldn’t leave her apartment. Countless Daddy Longlegs owed their lives to her rescuing them from drain traps.

She often felt she didn’t do enough.

But, despite her caring for Joel, more than anyone else she knew, she had to break up with him. She just couldn’t care anymore.

Being his girlfriend was too much. Too much worry. Too much need. Too much fretting. And not enough upside or time for herself. She couldn’t spend every moment ensuring Joel’s comfort, security and well-being. He wasn’t bubble wrapped. Not her baby.

He was a man. And a very needy one.

Joel was the sweetest guy Chloe had never known. He was the rare man in touch with his feelings. Able to be vulnerable, he could even cry. And sometimes, it was appropriate to the occasion.

Lived upstairs from him. He tracked Chloe’s schedule, her arrivals and departures. He had a knack for drawing her into his latest drama. Being a problem solver, Chloe didn’t realize what she’d gotten into. Not at first.

It wasn’t always a crisis with Joel. They watched movies and ate take-out. They teased and laughed together. They kissed sometimes. But mainly they talked. Joel called Chloe his girlfriend. Their time together brought them closer. Chloe once thought they might have a future together. It had felt right.

But for Chloe, managing the details began to resemble a full-time job. With no overtime pay.

Chloe knew her decision caused him pain. But she knew what she needed.

The tipping point came late one night. Chloe’s phone rang about 1am. Half asleep, she answered it. Once she realized, it was too late.

Joel needed Chloe. He needed rescuing.

From what, he wouldn’t say. He insisted, between sobs, that she come down to his place.

When she arrived, Joel had calmed. But the tension was palpable.

“What is it, Joel?”

“I got attacked. In my sleep. I woke up screaming.”

What attacked you?

He gave her a look. “Come and see.”

He led her to his bedroom. It was a bigger mess than usual. Her nickname for it, ‘the hamster cage,’ sounded tidy compared to the chaos on display.

“Joel… What happened?”

“I need protection. I can’t live under constant threat, Chloe.”

“From what?”

“I’m harassed. Challenged. Intimidated… Can’t sleep.”

Trying to comfort him, she hugged him.

“I’ll do what I can. We watch each other’s backs. Call the police?”

“I would. But no. Spiders are your best friends.”

“Spiders?”

“He came from your apartment.”

Chloe saw an unresolvable dilemma.

She said, “Where is it?”

“I got distracted letting you in. He was here a minute ago.”

“What did he look like?”

“A spider.”

“You saw it?”

“I was asleep. It marched right across my face.”

She couldn’t believe it. “In the dark?” He nodded. “Was it carrying a flashlight?”

“Now you’re mocking me. What girlfriend mocks their boyfriend’s terror?”

Chloe saw she couldn’t solve Joel’s problems for him. She cared but she was not Wonder Woman.

Becoming agitated, he said, “I have needs. You know that. Shouldn’t have to compete with a spider for your affection.” Reality hit him. Sobbing, he said, “You love spiders more than me.”

Chloe had to agree. But said nothing.

Joel continued. “You’re cold, Chloe. Heartless. I don’t recognize you. Are you even human?”

She steadied herself against the door. No one had ever said that to her.

She said, “Joel. I’m going up to sleep. I need to work in a few hours. Don’t call me again.”

His eyes bugged. “But…”

“But nothing. Look at this… You couldn’t even find your shoes in this mess. Let alone an imaginary spider. I need to sleep. Good night.”

She walked to his front door.

Joel called out. “I can’t believe you’re ditching me like this.”

Chloe left without answering.

She spent the rest of her night in restless, half sleep.

The following day, Chloe felt rattled and disoriented; both out of body and like she’d been hiding under a rock. Coffee didn’t help. Nothing helped. Breaking up felt out of character. It was surreal.

Was she a monster? Had she lost her humanity?

That night, Chloe went to a party. Music and dancing would clear her mind. It had to.

Walking out, past Joel’s apartment, she saw him watching her. She didn’t look his way. She was done.

~

The party was at Melody’s, a friend from high school. Feeling at home again, Chloe knew everyone. She didn’t feel alone.

Spending most of her time dancing, people walked by and waved ‘Hi.’ Chloe wanted to lose herself in the moment. This was what she needed.

After a few songs, she realized a guy was dancing with her. She thought he’d been dancing near her. But now she got that his gestures and grins were intended to draw her in.

It was Murph, the former football star from high school. They’d never spoken except for some low-level flirting back then. But apparently, tonight was her night.

Driven to prove himself, Murph had a reputation for getting whatever he wanted. He wasn’t one to ask for permission.

See it? Want it? Take it.

Murph’s world view synched well with his abilities as team captain and quarterback. But in his senior year, everything changed. In a late season game with another team, the Prairie Dogs, an unpredictable mishap took Murph out of the game. The injury ended his season and his promising football career. He never played again.

Not getting what he wanted was Murph’s biggest dragon. For years he obsessed over that single, life changing event. After that day on the field he had to start from scratch. He lost the promised football scholarship. Life became a struggle, not a victory parade.

This night, he appeared to have recovered from his injury. But inside, Murph still nursed the wounds. He hated feeling like the loser. But the way people looked at him, he couldn’t let go.

Distracted by Joel’s accusation, Chloe didn’t think about any of that. So what? It was Murph.

“Who’s that?” Murph was staring past her.

Chloe turned and saw Joel staring at them.

“Him? My neighbor.”

Oh…

“Why’s he here?”

She shrugged. “Friend of Melody’s? Maybe he followed me?”

“He your boyfriend?”

“No.”

Joel approached. He shouted over the music. “You with him?”

“Hi Joel. This is Murph. Haven’t seen him since high school.”

Joel nodded.

Murph said, “Wait. I know you. You went to West.”

Smirking, Joel raised his fist. “Go Prairie Dogs!”

Things moved so fast, no one agreed on what actually happened.

Murph sprang forward and grabbed Joel. Though fit, Joel was no match for the jock. Chloe tried to intervene, but Murph sloughed her off. She fell to the floor. Bystanders ran to her aid.

Someone yelled. “Take it outside.”

Joel and Murph each moved to help her. Still competing, they jostled.

Chloe shouted, “Back off! Both of you! Last thing I need is either of you.”

They stepped back and eyed each other warily.

Chloe wasn’t hurt. She stood and straightened her clothing.

She looked at Murph. “Big man! Think beating people proves anything? Grow up.”

Murph gestured in his defense but said nothing.

Joel leaned toward Chloe. “You tried to help me. You care.”

Chloe backed away from both men. “Stop following me. Now.”

She walked out. Melody and some other women followed Chloe to her car.

Chloe said, “Sorry about the chaos. Go back to the party. Too much fun, is all.”

Melody said, “Sure you’re, okay?”

Chloe demurred. “Yeah… Thanks… I’m okay. Hope you’re not hurt that I’m leaving… Stuff. You know?”

“Don’t worry about it. Not hurting anyone includes yourself, you know.”

Chloe held Melody’s gaze. She nodded. “So true… Need to remember that.”

Melody hugged her and then gave Chloe’s shoulder a gentle punch.

They laughed and hugged again.

Chloe got into her car and drove off.

She thought, I am human. Flawed? Yes. And human? Oh, yes.