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Weekly Contest #299
TRUE STORYApologies to the Brothers Grimm and Walt Disney CHAPTER I Hey. Dopey’s the name. Well, that’s what the guys call me. It’s not my real name. My real name is Matthew. Matt for short. Matt Shlumph. Yes, you heard right, that’s Shlumph, as in the sound water makes in your gumboots or wellingtons when you’re walking. So how did I come to be called Dopey? I don’t want to bore you with the details... so I won’t. Suffice it to say I was abandoned as a youngster and adopted into the Dwarf household, located over the seven jewelled hills and...
Weekly Contest #198
“What was that!?” My question was prompted by a high-pitched blood curdling sound that disturbed the peace of the night air.“Moose?” suggested Ryan Colquhoun, one of the three roommates I was bunked with in our tent.“Doesn’t sound like any moose I’ve ever heard,” said Cory Bush.“That’s for sure,” added Grant Lewis. My name is Tim Forsyth, a grade 12 student at Pattison High School, Vancouver, Canada. I and fifteen of my classmates, under the watchful care of four of our teachers, had taken the ferry across to Vancouver Island, departing...
Weekly Contest #197
“Jesus, I would like to ask you some questions, if I may.”“Certainly.”“First, are you God?”“Why do you ask that?”“Because it’s a common belief among many who claim to be Christians.”“But is that what the Bible actually reveals about me?”“I don’t know.”“Well, let’s examine what I myself said in Scripture, yes?”“Sure.”“Do you have a Bible handy?”“No.”“Ipad?”“Yes.”“Wifi?”“Yes.”“Okay. If you go to biblegateway.com you could select the NKJVersion to look up what I said to Mary Magdelene after my resurrection. It’s recorded at John 20:17. What do ...
Weekly Contest #194
THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNELI entered the room, greeting my factory supervisor, sales manager, office clerk come secretary, and my accountant, Callum Bridges. They returned the greeting as I sat at the end of the table.“Right off the bat I want to say that it’s time for us to bite the bullet and face the facts,” I said. “We can pretend that things will improve if we keep our heads in the clouds but, at the end of the day, we need to call a spade a spade and face the music. It’s hardly brain surgery. Our backs are against the wall. Pric...
Weekly Contest #193
COOKIE CALAMITY“You want them for this afternoon?”“If it’s not too much trouble.”“I’ll be a bit pushed for time.”“I’d really appreciate it and so would our members. To be truthful, I sort of let slip to some of them yesterday afternoon that I would ask you to bake your famous peanut cookies for our afternoon tea today and their enthusiasm for that idea was pretty overwhelming.”“Oh. How come you didn’t ’phone me yesterday?”“Yes, sorry about that. I had an emergency with one of my horses and it kind of slipped my mind.”“All right. I’ll get ont...
Weekly Contest #186
WHEN YOU GET TO MY AGE “Morning.” “Good morning, how are you today?” “Bordering on absolutely brilliant.” “Good for you. Me too.” “In that case good for you, too.” “Thank you. Anywhere I can direct you to today?” “Well, when you get to my age it’s always handy to know where the toilets are.” “Sure. They’re that way at the end of the store.” “Just as well I went before I came, then.” “Oh! Okay. Anywhere else I can direct you to?” “My wife says that pests are attacking her roses but I swear it’s not me.” “Oh! Ha ha. Pest control is in aisle 1...
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