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Weekly Contest #218
Sniffer Mr. Niffer agreed to grant this interview to KLML only under the proviso that his location not be revealed. His statements reflect the events that took place last June. OK so I’m a bit of a mutation myself, but I’m certainly no Germ. Germs, that’s where I come in. Phineas S. Niffer, one of a long line of Sniffers who, long ago, like the Turners and the Carpenters, changed our name to what we do--“Sniffer.” It’s my job to use my highly mutated olfactory apparatus to sniff out those scourges of humanity called Germs. Yes, lad...
Weekly Contest #134
Divine Justice The courtroom fell silent (or would have, if anyone had been present to make noise) as Master of the Universe entered and took his seat. His gavel fell with the thunder of a prairie storm and his robes swirled a blizzard as he settled into his giant throne. “Begin!” He commanded. The two plaintiffs rose as one, the huge head sticking out of the lush cloud floating almost as high as the bench. God spoke first. “MOTUS,” he began. “We’d like to argue our case as a” (brief hesitation) “…dialogue. If it plea...
Weekly Contest #118
Life in a Leaf I’d always been too tall, that’s the short of it. My mother liked to joke about how it felt to deliver me: like trying to suck in a piece of spaghetti that just keeps on coming and coming and coming until you know you can’t swallow it all. Except in reverse, of course. All through school, I towered over all the girls and most of the boys. Jokes like “Gee, I’d love to ask you out, but I can’t shout loud enough up there to ask you” and “Has anyone seen Lucy’s face lately?” got old pretty quickly, and I took re...
Weekly Contest #56
Behind the Masks Dierdre hated having to wear a mask for all the usual reasons, but, in addition, because the lower part of her face was her best attribute. She’d had one compliment after another for how her straight, narrow jaw emphasized her high cheekbones and made her look extra-intelligent. Maybe the best compliment was the one from Werner, who said, “Girl, that mouth just defines you! It’s like…etched or something!” Werner was a good, good friend and she wished things hadn’t turned out the way they did. Everyone began ...
Weekly Contest #55
Even the Chairs Have Hearts “Can you keep a secret?” The voice rasped like a saw on dry wood. “Rrrrghgr! It’s today!” My eyes shot open and my fists clenched under the covers. I was alone in the cabin, so there must be an intruder—but what kind of intruder makes lots of noise? There, the rasp came again. “Hey, listen up!” There was a thump and a skid. Then, softer, “Tell the table.” OK, this was a dream, no big deal. I pushed the covers away and headed into the bathroom, guided by the nightli...
Weekly Contest #53
Crossbreeze Atlanta was in the grip of a particularly blistering heatwave and attendant high humidity. If you dared walk outside, you’d lose your train of thought as the relentless churning of central air conditioners made you drip sweat. The insight that the South was saved by air conditioning isn’t mine, but I treasure it because you really can’t overstate the impact of cooling on the quality of life. In Georgia, 10% of household energy used is used for cooling, and 90% of the state’s residents use central air, that’s how n...
Weekly Contest #51
The Stars, My Friends If I move my head just a crick, just a tiny bit, I can see the night sky and that single star that always seems to find its way to me. I’m not enough of a taxonomist to bother finding out its name or when it’s brightest, but I sure do welcome its presence whenever it decides to show up. Guiding star? Not hardly: more like, my only friend. But that there are more stars up there, and after tonight, I’ll be able to see them. Once I remove the obstacle to seeing them, that is. It wasn’t that I’m tied ...
Weekly Contest #15
The Power of Words “Gracie,” said Mama, as she held out BearBear. “Who’s this?” Ooooh. Ooooh. Ooooh. GAAAH! I answered. Then I went limp and fell on my head. Mama picked me right up. “Oh, Baby Girl, “she said. “Are you OK?” She cuddled me on the couch. I like the couch. I said, Gaaah. Mama pulled a little on my hair. It felt good, like when that ant crawled around on my lip. Mama hadn’t liked that, though. Dad came into the living room. “Everything OK?” he asked. “I heard a ‘thump.”...
Shortlisted for Contest #11 ⭐️
Final diagnosis Grosse Pointe, Michigan, had long been famous as an enclave for the rich, but even fancy mansions look rundown when they front on streets lined with dirty snow. Roads were nowhere near as manicured in the 1990s as they are now, anyway, so I didn’t think twice about the slush as I parked my mother’s old Ford Fairlane next to a huge snowdrift in front of the turreted stone house I’d come to visit. I hoped it was the right place. Because of my errand, the house and its vast gray lawn reminded me of someone’s...
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