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Weekly Contest #351
“You know you’re nuts.” Carpenter responded, “No, I’m not; you are! And what makes you say such a cruel thing?” “Let’s review this, shall we? Do you remember that century-old mesquite tree in your yard that the microburst tore down two years ago?” “Yeesss….” “Good. Do you remember you called an arborist out to cut it up and plane down the thickest twelve feet of it into six-inch thick slabs?Remember performing your carpentry magic and shaping those slabs to fit together to make a table? Does any of this ring a bell?” “Yeesss….” “Well, I’...
Weekly Contest #346
You know a Marley: Dickens’s miser, music’s Bob. That list goes on. However, you never came across my Marley. I know because he is not real. I mean, of course, he is real or I could not talk about him. But he is not real in the sense you could know him. Okay, okay, I get it. That is confusing and essentially useless information. Let me start over at sort of the beginning. “Captain, are you ready to go?” That is General Smith. He is the nice guy who leads our facility in our mission. Our mission. We teamed up with some crackpots on ...
Weekly Contest #345
“Yes, I hunt. Earlier this season, I shot a four-point buck at five hundred and seventy yards. That wasa good shot.” “How many were with you in your hunting party?” the interviewer asked. “Just me. I usually go up into the hills on Monday or Tuesday morning eight-ish. That gives me enough time to get back into the rough country by nightfall. I set up camp, get a decent night’s rest and get up the next morning early enough to scout before most things are up and moving.” The interviewer queried, “Seth, aren’t you concerned about sleeping ...
Weekly Contest #344
I don’t know how it happened; I was there, then I wasn’t. “Hey, Tony, did you see that?” “See what? I didn’t see anything,” Tony responded. “You’re driving; it flashed right in front of us. You really didn’t see anything at all?” Tony struck back with, “Are you having a stroke? You got some kind of weird brain thing going on? John Travolta had the same kind of weird thing happen to him in a movie several years ago. Is that what’s happening with you?” “I don’t think so. But I did see something flash by. Crap, did you see that one?” “Okay, th...
Weekly Contest #343
I can’t help it; that’s the way I’ve always been and the way I’ll be until my last breath. At least, that’s my plan. “Hey, Ralph, good morning! I’m here for my weekly abuse at your quite capable hands. I want you to get me all fit and muscular to impress my darling at home.” “Come on in, Mr. Trawick. You’re looking especially wimpy today. I’ll bet you didn’t do your homework.” Continuing our weekly banter, I informed my trainer, “Yes, I did my body weight rows with my TRX. Yes, I did three sets of ten every day. And I did my incline pushu...
Weekly Contest #341
“Holy crap! I thought you died! I mean, like, years ago. You look great for a really old dead girl.” That’s how it started. I was alone in my bedroom on my comfortable bed when something awakened me. A noise, a shift in the air, a variation in the light, I don’t know. In truth, it doesn’t matter. I was awake. Letitia was radiant and gorgeous standing in the corner looking at me. Who cares? I hadn’t seen her in years. That had a lot to do with her dying in a car wreck and me assisting the priest at her funeral. It was an open-casket ...
Weekly Contest #340
“So, how do I tell this? “I was about nine years old when it first happened. I was sitting on a couch at Jay Beaucamp’s combination parts store/mechanic shop/second hand goods store. My mother ran the second hand goods store and us kids stayed with her after school until either Dad got off work or Mother closed the store. If Dad got off work first, he’d come and wait for Mother to close the store, then we’d all go home. If Mother closed the store before Dad got there, Jay or one of his hired hands would take us all home in some beat-up o...
Weekly Contest #337
“Boo!” Sitting on Iliana’s memorial bench in Holy Hope Cemetery, lost in decades-old memories, I was startled by a woman’s voice behind me. I admit, I was spooked; no pun intended. I jumped straight up and whipped around and there she was!“Iliana, what are you doing here? You’re supposed to be dead!”“Well, that’s kind of rude! And guess what; I’m not dead…to you,” was her rather snotty reply.To get things straight, Iliana died two months ago. Localized social media, print news, her business news posting and website all proclaimed her gr...
Weekly Contest #336
“Dad, I’m calling the cops on you,” Jason stated over the phone.“What are you talking about? What do you think I did?” I asked.“I saw you, don’t deny it. And, if you’d do it to me, who else would you do it to? And what else do you do?” Jason went on.“You saw me do what? I haven’t been with you in days.”“You know. I saw you peeking in my window and as soon as Puppy started barking, you took off.”“Jason, you’re hallucinating. You live on the third floor. I don’t have a ladder that long.”“I’m not sure how you do it, but I saw you.“And I ...
Weekly Contest #335
“Who are you?” Taken aback by the stranger in my shared office, I was a bit brusque.“I’m Lily Smith; you must be John Smith. I started last week while you were still in Bali. I guess we’re office mates. I’m looking forward to working with you; I’m sure you’ll like my ways. I heard about you before I even came here.”“Cool! Funny, no relation, I’m sure. I didn’t mean to sound rude; I was just surprised. I’ve been in this office by myself for a few months and didn’t expect anyone. And thanks.“So, how are you? How’s the job so far? And...
Weekly Contest #332
Ellen and I moved to this subdivision somewhat more than a few years ago. It’s been long enough that we’ve seen families come, kids grow, families move away. Except our neighbors just to the south of us. That would be Elmer and Janine. Elmer and Janine became great friends of ours over time. Childless like us, we’d spend most Friday evenings barbecuing and playing gin rummy for pennies. Occasionally, we’d go camping up in the mountains across the valley together just for something to break up the routine. It gave Elmer and me an opportu...
Weekly Contest #331
“What’s this? Hey, Linda, look at this!” Smack dab in the middle of our footpath in the middle of our fifty acres, sat an anvil.“Wow, where do you think it came from?” she queried.“Honey, I don’t know. Maybe someone dropped it out of a plane or one of those choppers that skim way too low in the middle of the night.”“That’s nuts!” she retorted. “How could it land from that height and not leave a dent in the dirt? Remember gravity and the mass of objects and impact sites and all that engineering stuff? You’re still supposed to be an engi...
Weekly Contest #326
“What evil wrought thee?” Short, to the point, far from sweet, the question hung over the courtroom lifetimes ago.She couldn’t respond because the good people of town gagged her to prevent her utterances cursing anyone else.Her words only foretold events so people could prepare; they did not cause the troubles.No explanation convinced them. Thus, the trial.They tried to execute her, but nothing took. Fire, water, hemp; poison just made her choke and break out in hives. Drawing and quartering works only when a blade penetrates skin; swor...
Weekly Contest #322
“Mom and I are down at the hall setting up for the meal and fellowship after the burial. She saw the flower van coming up the hill to the church and I came up as fast as I could. I’m too late; I saw the van drive away just as I came around the corner of the church.” “No worries. The guy dropped off a bouquet and took off. It’s the one on the left of the altar. If you want to see it, you can come on up to the altar.” “Great, thanks! I need to get this stuff into the sacristy anyway.” She had several bags of unidentifiable shapes that m...
Weekly Contest #310
I’m ecstatic! The Rahway Book Club selection committee invited me to read at their June meeting. Me, Chuck Tompkins, a newly published poet. Who knew? The four ladies of the selection committee are the pillars of the Jersey artsy-fartsy community. Everyone defers to them. Everyone seeks them out for their approval and possible acceptance into their circle. As sycophantic as the next wannabe successful artist, I’m no exception. After their invitation, my excitement kept me awake for days! My career is about to be made. The critical wor...
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