Fallen Puzzle Piece

Trigger Warning: This is mostly to be safe but it does reference suicide at the end but it is not explicit.

The fire had gone down at their small camp, only set up for the night before the team was back up and walking once again. They’d been walking for hours at a time, trying to go slow enough to not disturb the formally human but also go fast enough to not be the last to the city, make it more likely to get help.

Lauren had lost hope in that shortly after the start of the apocalypse about a month ago.

Everyone else was still hopeful that they could go into the city and actually get to help, get to other people who knew what was going on. People who were better equipped to get them back to normal. Much better equipped then a handful of girls in their early twenties, one still a teenager, whose only weapons were their hockey sticks, the bottom of their ice skates, and whatever self defense things some of her team mates had brought with them.

Despite the fact that the fire was mostly embers at this point, Lauren couldn’t get herself to go to bed. Much too busy staring into the leftover fire, legs pulled up to her chest, to be tired. Lucky that she’d packed her warmest hoodie when coming. Now deeper into winter, it was starting to freeze. Almost certainly about to snow.

While most hoodies weren’t exactly the best thing for snow, this one was built for the rink. Lighter but warm, something that didn’t get in her way on the ice but also kept her warm in the first half of practice. Before she was dripping sweat and had to take it off. She was just glad that she didn’t leave it with Eleanor. Eleanor had wanted to keep it, this being their first real time apart, even in high school. Keep something to remember her by.

On the other hand, now so far apart, maybe it would have been nice to leave Eleanor with something to remind her of Lauren.

Lauren put her hands in her pocket as a gust of wind burrowed its way through the holes in her hoodie, making her shiver. Feeling the crumpled piece of paper already in her pocket. The one she’d looked at and played with so much since the end of the world. As the wind calmed down once more, she couldn’t help herself but bring the picture out of her pocket once more.

The picture was taken almost a year ago and much before the virus. Eleanor had slipped it into her hands when they’d hugged in front of the school bus. Lauren had laughed at how hard they’d hugged at the time, like they wouldn’t be seeing each other in a few more days. Now she wished she had held her even closer.

“For when you miss me,” Eleanor had said when they’d pulled away. A soft smile on her face. Lauren had laughed but tucked the picture in her pocket anyways.

It was one that she herself had taken, although it was normally Eleanor who took the pictures of either of them. Not even just because she was better at it, although she very much was, but because she was the one to remember to do so. But she hadn’t been able to help it. The snow had been falling just perfectly and landing in her almost black straightened hair and across her dark brown skin. She’d pushed some of her hair behind her ear as a gust of wind came that sent it flying along with her pink long coat.

The picture had been her lock screen for a while, matching Eleanor’s from that same day. Although Lauren still thought she looked terrible in that picture, one of her right in the middle of throwing a snow ball. Neither of them fully realizing what the other was doing. They’d laughed at it right after.

“Pretty girl,” Coach said, making Lauren jump out of her skin as she turned towards the older woman. Normally her blonde hair was cut right at her chin but it had grown out rather quickly, now at her shoulders. None of them mentioned it knowing how she felt about it, “Your girlfriend?”

“What no!” Lauren said, voice loud and making some of her team mates shuffle but none of them woke up. Coach raised an eye brow, mouth turning into a thin frown. Making Lauren’s eyes widen as she realized how it came off, “Oh no I mean, Eleanor’s my twin. I am gay just not—” she trailed off as Coach nodded.

“It’s fine, I get it.” she said, taking a pause before continuing, “she back in the city?”

“Yes,” Lauren said with no hesitation, getting yet another eye brow raise.

“You guys talk since then?” She asked, a curious lilt to her voice. The phone towers had already gone down, most people getting little service if any at all.

“No,” Lauren’s green eyes, those that matched her sisters, moved back to the embers that remained of the fire, “but I know. Obviously twin sense isn’t real but I just know she’s alive. And she wouldn’t be going anywhere to far away from the city.”

Coach gave her the look of pity that Lauren had expected. Making it clear that she didn’t agree. She didn’t say anything about it.

At this point, most people assumed their family was gone, even if they hoped they were wrong. And those that did received the same look of pity. By now most of them were looking to find other survivors and help against the undead. Figuring that the city would be the best case for finding more people in their situation.

But Lauren wasn’t like them. Knew in her heart that her sister wasn’t dead. Couldn’t be dead. Continuing to play with the picture in her hand, not looking at it, sure that her sister looked a little different now. Probably looked more like Lauren, like the identical twins they were. Not having access to her hair straightener and turning her hair curlier then she normally wore it. Her clothes, similar to Lauren’s, would be scuffed up and maybe even ripped. She just hoped her sister was warm and safe wherever she was hiding out. Or even maybe trying to make her way to Lauren as well.

“Ya sure about that?” Coach asked, just solidifying everything she’d thought. But that didn’t change Lauren’s own thoughts about anything. Nod sure and left no room for questions.

“Yes, I know she’s still alive somewhere out there,” Lauren looked up from the fire, off towards the city.

All the lights that would normally be on at this time of night were gone. Electricity no longer working even this shortly after everything had shut down. Even if Lauren couldn’t see her, she was sure Eleanor was somewhere there, worrying herself about Lauren just the same way she was doing. But sure that Lauren was alive just the same. The two clinging to that knowledge that they both knew the other was alive.

Even if they didn’t have any evidence to really tell themselves that it was true. Lauren wouldn’t let anyone convince her that she was wrong and she was sure her twin was thinking the exact same.

“So which of you is older?” Coach asked, probably sensing that there was no way that she was going to get Lauren to say anything other then what she’d already said.

Lauren looked over, eye brows scrunched together, frown coming over her face, “We’re the same age, we’re twins.”

Silence came over the two of them, Coach giving her the same look that everyone did, that same mixture of confusion and shock.

Eventually Coach said, “Well yeah but one of you has to be older?”

“Neither of us knows,” they had known at some point. But each of them had tried their best to forget it. Either yelling (Lauren) or crying (Eleanor) when someone had asked, had insisted that they be told which of them was older. Eventually people stopped asking, letting it slip from both twins minds easily. Stomping down the idea that they were anything but the exact same age.

Any of the thoughts in Coach’s mind weren’t vocalized, leaving them in silence once again. Both watching as the fire, which had been fighting for its life, finally bite the bullet, finally going out. Leaving them all in darkness, not even the lights of the city to light up the same patch of forest they happened to be in. The moon wasn’t in the sky right now.

Lauren brought her hands up to wrap her hoodie around her further, trying to keep the small amount of warmth she’d gotten from the dregs of the fire for as long as possible.

“You should get to bed kid,” Coach eventually said, reaching up to pat her on the back. Or at least intending to pat her on the back, feeling a lot more intense then she was sure it was meant to be. Lauren’s face scrunched slightly.

“I tried that already,” she sighed. She’d always slept worse when away from Eleanor, had been sleeping pretty shitty even before the zombies showed up. Knowing that it was even worse when she didn’t know what had happened to her. Even if she knew that her twin was alive, she still didn’t know how safe she was. Sure that miles away Eleanor was having the same problem.

The last time they’d had this problem was in 7th grade, given their own rooms for the first time. Forced to sleep a room apart and having trouble adjusting to it. After that, Eleanor came with her to all of her games, no matter how far away they were. Easier as they got older and her sister got a license and could drive herself and didn’t have to rely on their parents, both surprisingly happy with driving her to the games no matter what else was happening. The only reason she hadn’t gone to this one was because she’d had some chemistry test that was extremely important to her grade.

Now it was almost laughable that something like that would drive them apart. Now that things like grades mattered so little. All that money wasted for a degree her sister would probably never use.

Coach nodded slowly, staring back into the fire. Making it pretty clear she wasn’t being left alone right now. Lauren was fine with it as long as the silence continued to stay between them.

Mind once again wandering to her sister in said silence. Feeling like a part of her was missing, but sure that missing piece was still there, somewhere she couldn’t get to right now. Fallen on the floor or under a couch, a piece you needed but couldn’t just see right away. But sure that if she just looked, she’d find her. Knowing the puzzle was so close to being finished if only they could be reunited.

As the moments past, Lauren could feel herself getting less and less tired somehow. All of it sucked out of her. Just hoping that it meant Eleanor was getting better sleep than she was, even if she doubted it.

“You should at least try to sleep again,” Coach said with a sigh, “I’ll stay up for a little bit longer just to make sure everything’s fine. The other girls need their captain in the best state now more then ever.”

Lauren sighed herself, nodding. Hands coming up to her knees to push herself up. Knowing there wasn’t really any reason to stay over here without the fire going. Although she was still sure that she wasn’t getting to sleep anytime soon.

“Night Coach.”

“Night kid,” even though she couldn’t see it, Lauren knew the look that followed her. The combination of pity and sadness that had come over her coach’s face earlier when talking about her sister. The look she was sure to get a lot until they either found her sister or she knew they wouldn’t find each other again in this life.

Although they would find each other rather quickly in that case. Both knowing there wasn’t a real way they could live without the other. The only thing keeping her going at this moment being the knowledge that her sister was still alive even if not by her side.

The day she lost that was the day she lost herself. Either becoming one of the living dead she saw all day as they made their way into the city, or food for them.