Healing Requires a Sacrifice

Sitting on her favorite yellow suitcase and slowly pulling the zipper shut, Aubrey scanned the room for anything she may have forgotten. By six o’clock tomorrow morning, she would be driving to her 5-day solo escape. Shoes, extra blankets, notebooks, Simmy’s favorite toys – nope, everything was packed and ready to go. Even if she forgot something, she wouldn’t be gone that long. This is the break she desperately needed. Work, specifically her boss, Steven, had her at her wit’s end. Quitting her job would be the ultimate relief, but financially that wasn’t an option, so a mini trip would have to do.

Steven Clarke wasn’t the type of person to say no directly; he was a coward. Instead, he answered PTO requests verbally. First, he asked for a list of current tasks, followed by a typed coverage plan, and even if you prepared everything in advance, he would talk about loyalty and uneven work effort until you conceded. But not this time.

That morning, Aubrey listened to his speech as he walked her out of his office, down the hall to her cubicle, and watched him walk away satisfied he had shot her down again. Then, she logged on to her laptop and opened a drafted email to Steven and his boss, Mr. Thisby, that she’d prepared that morning. In the email, she referenced their talk, acknowledged how uncomfortable she was taking leave mid-week, and agreed with Steven that she could not serve the clients if she was burned out. She thanked him for his understanding and noted that she would follow up with her leave request shortly. Aubrey thought she cleverly scheduled the email to go out a few minutes before she would leave for the day so she would be clear of the office when Steven read it. She would later learn that editing a scheduled email resets the timer, and once you hit send, it is gone.

The next day, Aubrey opened her work laptop to make sure her plan worked.

Did Steven see it? Did he send her an angry email because she cc’d Thisby?

Aubrey’s heart sank. Steven had seen her email that afternoon and simply replied:

Have a great trip. Let’s chat when you get back.

-Steven

Biscuits. Why did I even open this laptop?!

“Now, I’ll be thinking about that until I get back”, she mumbled.

Looking down at her two-year-old Frenchton, she whined, “Why didn’t you stop me, Sims?”

Simmy, just happy to be alive and hear his name, panted loudly and danced around her feet.

“Alright, buddy, let’s go. That’s Tuesday’s problem. “

Still feeling like she’d forgotten something, she took one last glance around the apartment before heading to the car to begin their 7-hour journey to the Catskills mountains. She quietly prayed for a safe journey and that she would have a job when she got back. Aubrey started the car and realized what she had forgotten - gas. She immediately heard her dad’s voice echoing in her mind.

“You should never let your car go past a quarter tank. You’re a young woman, and you could be stuck in the middle of nowhere. Then what?”

Aubrey knew that saying, that’s what insurance is for would not have been the correct response to say to her African father, so she just nodded her head.

“Okay, so we’ll get gas first, and then we’re off on our road adventure.” She reassured Simmy, who was quietly growling, distracted by a bird in the tree next to her car.

“Aye,” she warned, “it’s outside. Leave it alone and mind your business.”

The drive had been fairly smooth, excluding Simmy getting sick and the flat tire 25 minutes after she left the gas station. She had been determined not to stop again until they were closer to the cabin. The further she drove into Pennsylvania, the less quaint it became and started to look like a long line of sundown towns. Gigantic billboards and roadside signs loudly declared their allegiance to the right-wing party. There was absolutely no reason to stop. Not if she wanted to live to tell the story. She kept her foot on the gas, hoping to make up for the time lost during the morning’s disappointments.

Less than an hour from the cabin, Aubrey pulled into a gas station and parked just under the camera at the shop’s entrance. She went inside to grab a few snacks, a bottle of wine, a new blanket, thanks to Simmy’s accident, and two one-gallon water jugs.

“You campin’ in the mountains?” a voice drawled behind her in the checkout line.

“No,” she nervously laughed, carefully looking over her shoulder at a middle-aged man with a sweat-stained trucker hat that had never seen soap and water, a blue and brown plaid shirt with short sleeves, revealing a sun-dried Confederate flag tattooed on his upper arm, and a worn pair of jeans matching the hat’s condition.

“I don’t camp.” Aubrey stuttered. “This is my car blanket - I’m just always cold. My dog was sick on my old one.”

“I thought that was a skinny girl’s problem. I always prefer curvy women myself, especially with exotic skin like yours. Didn’t think your people were made for cold weather.”

Aubrey stared at the cashier in disbelief, hoping for some support. She was completely unfazed.

“That’ll be $27.49.”

“Hmm, right…that always confuses my husband.” She emphasized her imaginary relation while she tapped her card on the terminal. “He doesn’t understand why I’m always so cold either. Have a great night!”

She nodded to the weird man and the apathetic store attendant and scurried back to her car.

The hell…?

Simmy was waiting for her in the car, excitedly panting with his paws and snout pressed to the open window. Thank God he’s too short to reach the top. I’m sure one day I’ll find him hanging on my window for dear life. She chuckled and, for a moment, forgot about the creepy guy. She loaded the snacks and water in the front seat, draped the new blanket over the backseat and threw out the old one. Looking around before pulling off, she spotted him, staring at her as he pumped gas into his car. When their eyes met, he winked, biting his bottom lip.

“Ugh…Now, I’m going to be sick too, Sims.”

Her nervous smile melted into disgust as she noticed a woman in the front passenger seat, occasionally turning to hand out snacks to little faces and reaching hands in the back seat.

“Meanwhile, he has an entire family…and a skinny wife” she said, rolling her eyes.

Aubrey suddenly felt the urge to get back on the highway as soon as possible.

She made a mental note of his blue SUV, license plate and a 2028 election sticker on the back of its rear window. She found herself checking her rear-view mirror more often as she sped away. She had the feeling more could go wrong and wanted to get into that cabin before daylight faded away.

Girl, you are scaring yourself. There’s no way he’s following you.

Shaking her head, she glanced up at the mirror one more time, and a cold chill flashed down her spine, into her arms and legs. Her throat tightened. A blue SUV was right behind her. It might not have been him, but it was high enough that she couldn’t quite make out the driver and too close to see the license plate. Aubrey’s first thought was to find an exit.

And what? Die?! No, bad idea.

She tried slowing down, hoping the SUV would get annoyed and change lanes. It did not. The blue SUV matched her speed and slowed down as well.

Get off my tail!

She sped up until she saw a gap between two cars in the right lane and darted in. The blue SUV flew by her, taking the next exit.

Maybe I was driving too slowly, and this driver was impatient. Or maybe it was him messing with me.

Aubrey turned the music up until she drowned out her thoughts. Only 10 more minutes to go.

The Cabins at Mirror Lake were twelve tiny homes on a secluded, wooded property in the Eastern Catskills. Each cabin was a few feet from the gorgeous lake at its center and had a large window wall facing the woods. Given the cabin’s compact size, guests were encouraged to spend more time outdoors. The nearest town was an hour away, and the Wi-Fi was spotty at best, but that’s what she needed. No temptation to work, no binge-watching her favorite K-drama, just a tech detox while she enjoyed nature. She couldn’t wait to stare up at the stars or watch the sun rise.

 Aubrey spent so much of her day doing seventeen things at once; she looked forward to being lazy and alone, excluding Simmy, of course, who was nudging her for his dinner.

“Are you hungry, buddy?”

After that terrifying ride down, she needed to find her peace of mind again. There were kayaks for rent, trails to hike, and a large hammock waiting for her and Simmy. Aubrey let out a massive sigh: she was finally here!

After sending her obligatory “safe arrival” texts, Aubrey took Simmy on his evening stroll around the lake, reviewing her plan for her stay.

Tomorrow, I’ll sleep in, make breakfast and kayak around the lake. Maybe later I can try one of these trails. If it’s too difficult, I’ll blame the dog. On Sunday, the company is hosting a sunrise yoga class, and I definitely want to do that. And for the last day, I could –

“Well, I guess this ain’t technically campin’.”

You have GOT to be kidding me.

Aubrey whipped around, yanking poor Simmy from the rock he was very interested in. She was half-relieved when she saw a woman standing with the creepy guy but seeing her tucked under his arm made Aubrey’s chest tighten.

Some women are just as crazy as their men.

“Oh, hi, again.”

“Hi”, the woman piped up. A thin arm shot out toward Aubrey, hand extended.

“I’m Melissa.”

“Hi, Melissa. I’m Shannon, nice to meet you.”

Curling her arm back and pointing a thumb at the guy, Melissa asked, “You know Tyler?”

“No. I don’t.” Aubrey said, staring only at Melissa.

“Nah, babe, she was at the gas station. She’s always cold, just like you. That’s all we talked about.”

Aubrey raised her left eyebrow but said nothing.

“Oh, okay.” Melissa chirped, squeezing out a fake laugh. “Nice to meet you, Shannon! Say hi if you see us.”

“Yeah, no. Bye.”

Aubrey charged toward her cabin, planning to lock herself in until the next day, when Simmy’s whines reminded her that he hadn’t used the bathroom yet. Plus, she didn’t want Tyler (or Melissa) to see which cabin she was staying in, so she walked back towards the lake. Her eye caught the glowing lights from the other cabins. It was getting darker outside. At least, she wasn’t completely alone.

Settling in for the night, Aubrey pulled out her journal and recalled the day’s “adventure”. She wrote about forgetting to get gas, Simmy throwing up as if he’d never been in a car before, of course, Tyler. Closing her journal, Aubrey wondered how close she was to losing her life that night.

Reaching for the window shade, Aubrey paused, thinking she heard voices across the lake and didn’t want to seem nosy. She hoped it was Melissa giving Tyler a piece of her mind. Maybe some twenty-something-year-olds are having a good time. Annoyed that her trip didn’t start the way she had hoped, Aubrey clicked the light and kept the window shade lowered, leaving stars hidden for one more night.

The following days were better. Aubrey walked Simmy early in the morning and went back to sleep until ten o’clock. She made grilled cheese sandwiches with jammy onions for lunch and a breakfast spread for dinner. This is the part of adulting I’ve missed!

It had been almost six years since she had done anything for herself. Her half-filled sketchbook was forgotten under her bed. Her once elaborate drawings were reduced to random doodles on the edges of pages while Steven talked everyone’s ear off.

The activities guide mentioned a hidden waterfall at the end of a moderately difficult hike. Even though Aubrey was concerned about walking alone, she needed a few reference photos for her sketches and decided to go anyway.

On Friday, she and Simmy explored the property, beginning with the troll path. A local artist had carved figures with large faces and varied expressions into a row of trees, lining the dirt road.

Definitely not creepy.

A walking path split from the main road, curving around the staff housing and leading deeper into the forest. Aubrey spent 45 minutes hiking before she realized she was confidently walking up the mountain toward the waterfall, not the light walk she planned.

I guess the waterfall is happening today then.

After an hour, Aubrey found herself in a clearing facing the cascading waterfall, surrounded by a crescent of medium and large boulders. She found the perfect boulder with a flat top and pulled herself up to sit. She exhaled and closed her eyes.

This is bliss.

Maybe it was the steady crash of the water plummeting into the pool below, or the exhaustion from her hike, but she felt her body melt into the stone, like unzipping a tight dress after a long night out. With that release came the tears. She was happy to be there, yet so angry at how far she was from the person she imagined ten years ago. Her joy and optimism had all been worn down, abandoned like her sketchbook. She missed being outside. She missed fun with friends. She missed being creative. She lowered her head, pulling her knees into her chest, and sobbed.

 That night, Aubrey sat on her bed, back against the wall, her head resting on the window. She curled around her new sketchbook, recreating a pencil drawing of Simmy with his favorite pebble at the waterfall. Aubrey raised the window shade as she worked. She was so focused on getting the light and shadows just right that she didn’t notice a figure wearing a sweat-stained trucker hat, watching her through the trees.

After a couple of hours, Aubrey heard a woman yell, “the last time!", doors slamming shut, and something splashing in the lake. She lowered the shade and went to take a shower. As she changed into her PJs, she noticed the voices had stopped, but she heard an axe thumping against a stump.

Aubrey figured the pre-chopped wood cost less than the fine for chopping one of their trees, so who would risk it? I guess I wouldn’t pay for the wood pile either if I knew how to chop wood.

Now she heard her mom’s voice, “Goat’s luck is different from sheep’s luck, Aubrey. Remember that.”

Aubrey made a note to try out her firepit too (with wood purchased from the rental company) before she left on Tuesday.

By Sunday evening, she had almost forgotten about her eventful ride down, Tyler, and the crazy driver. As she scrolled through photos of the lake and selfies from her kayaking session that afternoon, Aubrey felt a little of her old self coming back.

“Aw, I look so cute when I’m having fun.”

She kept sketching by the open window and later watched the stars dance above the trees, leaving the shade up all night.

Humming as she cooked her breakfast the next day, Aubrey realized she hadn’t seen much of Tyler since the first night. She did see Melissa at sunrise yoga, and Aubrey noticed she looked more relaxed before the class had even started. They both waved awkwardly and stayed on opposite ends.

 Fair enough.

On her last night, Aubrey fulfilled her promise to use the firepit and make s’mores, celebrating her time here. She was so glad she took the time off - sort of. Just as Steven’s angry face materialized in her mind, she heard the pebbles crunch and slide as a shadow walked towards her. Aubrey froze.

“Hello?”

“Hi Shannon,” a perky voice called out, “it’s Melissa.”

“Girl, it’s – you need to announce yourself!” Aubrey laughed, then stopped abruptly. “Yourselves.”

“Sorry, this is Tyler. I don’t think you’ve met,” Melissa gestured to the man beside her, who looked nothing like the man she met at the gas station.

“Hello…Tyler.”

“Hun,” Melissa continued, “this is Shannon. I met her a couple of days ago.

“Nice to meet you, Shannon. You need help getting this fire going?”

“I do, actually, thanks.”

“Gotcha.” The other Tyler tore open the fire-starting kit and went to work.

What the hell is happening right now?

“Um, I’m making s’mores, Melissa, if you wanted to bring the kids over.”

Melissa smiled slowly. “Aw, thank you. The kids aren’t with me – us. We dropped them off at their grandparents before coming here.”

“Then, let’s forget the s’mores. How about wine?” Aubrey said, walking back to the cabin.

“Yes, wait- is that them?” Melissa laughed, pointing at the two bottles under the chair.

“It sure is!”

“All set, ladies.” The other Tyler brushed his hands against his jeans. “I’m gonna head back and let you enjoy your wine time.”

“Thanks, babe.”

“Yep…thanks, Tyler.”

The other Tyler paused, stared proudly at the fire, then at Melissa, and walked to their cabin.

Melissa’s smile faded, and her eyes blinked as she found the words.

“So, that’s - I don’t want you to think…”

Summoned by the silence, Simmy appeared next to Melissa, sniffing her muddy shoes. Aubrey picked him up and noticed the tan line around Melissa’s ring finger.

She lifted both bottles. “Red or White?”

“Red, please,” Melissa said quietly.

Aubrey shrugged, handed her the bottle, and tapped them together.

“To new beginnings,” she cheered.

Melissa smiled. “To a safe journey home.”