THE "L" WORD

__ Don't Use the “L” Word__

“Why do you Americans always say that?” laughed my friend Irena from Denmark.

“Say what?” I countered even though I knew what she was talking about.

“I think that’s why you have such high divorce rates to say nothing about having the highest numbers of rape cases in the world.” Irena added matter of factly as only a Dane can do.

I can say that as I married into a Danish family. They look at everything in black and white, well maybe not all Danes but my in-laws certainly do.

I did start thinking about what she said and I have to agree as an American we do use the “L” word way too many times and it can get you in trouble. How many times have you heard someone say they “L”one of their myriad of purchases, Americans are big spenders on a lot of junk they don't really need. This stuff seems to always end up in basements or garages ready for the next yard sale. Europeans tend to only buy what they need and of a quality that lasts. I can’t think of a time that I saw a yard sale in Denmark. I know it sounds as if I’m being a little harsh on Americans but you have to agree about this buying frenzy we seem to have. I wonder if any of that will change with our now financially declining country.

My attitude about the “L” word has taken many years. There was a time that I felt that I saw it in action but it wasn’t a solitary word it seemed to be always contingent upon other factors.

A friend of mine had once said she wanted to have a child because she wanted to feel the emotion you heard mothers talk about. She did have a child eventually and after the baby popped out , after a difficult birth, she said the only thought that went through her head was “I would kill for this child”. She said it was a feeling she had never felt . As a woman not prone to any kind of violence she couldn’t believe she actually had voiced the word “kill”. Was this some sort of substitute for the “L” word? How many people have killed because of it, either another individual or for a strong belief.

We’ve inserted the word everywhere and for that reason I think it has lost its’ meaning. We use it to say things like “I “L” to go there or I “L” your dress or didn’t you just “L” that book. It has lost its power when we assign it to the mundane.

The worst possible of uses is when we assign it to relationships. We all remember that first time you thought you were in “L”. Yeech, what did we even know about that emotion. Well you know as well as I what we meant, we meant overactive hormones. The heart pulsing, our face flushed with excitement at meeting that person . It also helps if that person is someone others don,t approve of . That sounds weird but it adds a little excitement. You’re doing something others disapprove of so you “L” that misunderstood person even more. Your “L” is so strong you proclaim how you would climb the highest mountain, swim the deepest sea and all the other sayings that are written or sung about in its honor. Yes when my friend said she would kill I believe she was right as how many stories of jealous husbands and wives turn to murder. Jealously weighs in heavily with the “L” word.

You almost can’t blame people since we have been bombarded since we were small with the word in our movies and our books. Pride and Prejudice, Sex and the City, Gone with the Wind as just a couple of examples utilizing the “L” word but really they are just about the old hormones.

I recently finished a book about “Ethel Rosenberg” the ‘ reportedly’ Russian spy who was sent to the electric chair. There were really no hard facts that linked her to espionage except that she was married to a man who was a spy. This emotion that drove her to defend and protect him at the cost of her life I hate to believe was tied to the “L”. She had two young children and yet that was not enough for her, how twisted that word had become.

The word has been tied to causes and beliefs that try to give them a reason for believing in them. Take the Christian religion for one example. That God gave up his only son to die on the cross . I ask you for what? It is of course not just Christianity but probably every religion that has some mention of dying for their particular ideal. What better examples then what we see going on in the world today.

So often we hear of the “L” -hate relationship. One becomes so entangled with another they often do not see what is really going on. They refuse to see how destructive the other person is towards them . They want to believe that “L” conquers all but in their heart of hearts they know they shouldn’t be treated like that person is treating them. Their friends can point how destructive the other person is but they only see “L”. They will turn physically abusive relationships around saying they deserved to be hit. The abuse they take for some distorted perception of “L”. If people are fortunate enough to get out of the relationship and have a caring support group and maybe a good therapist they will hopefully begin to see what they did for “L”

But I go on and on when in fact I happen to believe in the word. I believe in it when I look at my husband of close to fifty years, my sweet golden retriever, and my family. I believe the trick is once you started to love yourself it becomes clearer as the song goes what “L” has to do with it.