Under The Blanket of Deep Blue

The wind howled vigorously, and waves clashed against jagged rocks just above the coastline, sparring like the angry men in bars. Myler stood next to me, peering off into the void of the seemingly endless ocean, while my gaze was still stuck on his features.

“Did you expect this?” He broke the frozen silence that had hung between us for a while, despite the belligerent waves that slapped the shore.

“Not at all.” I answered quickly, looking away to the terrain below us. The night sky was so bright, pelting down like an artificial sky projector, the ones I was used to seeing in the city. Nobody told me the real thing would be just as good. I was able to make out the small shape of my legs and feet.

Silence arose again, and Myler didn’t say anything for another moment. But once he did, I glanced back up to him, this time his eyes met mine. “It’s all so far,” He suggests, “I like it this way.” A prominent nod of his head, like he was reassuring his statement, making sure I let it immerse my thoughts.

“It is nice, I suppose.” He knew I wasn’t fond of being away from the city, because that’s where I was raised, and I was taught that out here, out in this evidently perpetual world, was dangerous.

A nudge to my shoulder. “Come on, you know it’s intriguing.” He said with a grin across his face.

I wanted to explain it to him, even if a part of me knew he understood. Even if he understood that I felt out of place being out in this giant world. “I guess I feel like,” I pause, “Like a fish out of water.” My hand beckons forward, pointing out in the distance. A grimace welcomes across my face.

“Ah, I see what ya did.” He chuckled.

“But on serious terms, that is actually how I feel. It just feels so wrong. I feel like I was… Made to stay in the city. It’s familiar, and out here is just the opposite.” That grimace wipes from my face.

“I’ve known this, you don’t have to explain. And if the only reason you’re trying to, is for advice, sorry, but I don’t have any for you. I understand how you feel, I don’t understand what makes you feel that way.” Myler shook his head.

That hurt a little, but it didn’t affect me, after all, it made sense. A long, audible exhale. I noticed the way that the ocean exhilarated Myler. What he said earlier was true, it did intrigue me. It was secretive. Dark. Eerily beautiful. I never dared to enter, for what the blanket of deep blue could hide. Minutes later, Myler starts unbuttoning his blouse.

“What are you doing, Myler?!”

“What does it look like? I’m getting in.”

“It’s the dead of night! Are you crazy? And– you don’t even know what’s out there!” The tone of my worry seemed to kill his excitement.

“No, Ev, you don’t know what’s out there.” His words sliced whatever empathy I had for him. I had never seen him so rude. He always took my worry into thought, soaking up the fact he actually had someone caring for him. I knew he didn’t receive much care from others growing up. Maybe I had finally unlocked that level for him, where he became independent, but to an amount that’s, well, unhealthy.

I didn’t respond to that quite yet, only because I haven’t decided what to say. Maybe I shouldn’t. Maybe I should just let him do what he wants. What he thinks isn’t dangerous.

“I’m sorry. Go out there if you want, just, come back in one.” I snicker. A smile found my face. Though it may have sounded like a joke, a piece of me was being serious, because he was right, I don’t know what’s out there.

He gave an awkward smile back. “Of course.”

He continued, this time I just watched him struggle to unbutton the last two buttons on his blouse. Though the air loosened between us, things were still awkward. A sigh left my mouth.

“I can take it.” I offered to hold his blouse.

“Yes, please.” He handed it to me. It was soft, nothing like how I imagined that texture to feel. “Thank you.” He utters, and I nod ‘you’re welcome’.

I watched him get knee-deep in the water. It looked cold, it probably was. I catch sight of the way his presence disturbed the pattern the waves had originally clashed in.

“Don’t go far, please.” I take a step forward as his silhouette becomes harder to see underneath the night sky.

He ignores my request, but nonetheless I knew he’d probably do what I say. He most likely wasn’t thinking of going far anyways. My eyes never left him. Not a quick glance away, barely even a blink. My eyes scan over his sinewy frame, I could make out the shadows of his bare back, and how lean he really was.

“Is it cold?” I shout, careful to not be too loud, even knowing that we’re so far away not another soul could hear us.

“Actually, no, you should come in!” He shouted, louder than I.

Before I immediately responded with a plain no, I actually considered it. I trusted him. I knew that if anything were to happen, he’d be there; he always was.

“I- I don’t know.” I was honest, I didn’t. Maybe. Probably not.

“Come on! If it was dangerous, something would have come for me already. Either way, if something did come for you, you know I’d protect you from it!” Myler shouted, even louder this time. To be honest, it tempted me. Maybe it was him that made me want to do it. Maybe it was it, itself. I still didn’t know. I sat down his blouse and placed a part of the collar below where he took his shoes off, so it didn’t blow away.

“I’ll do it.” It seemed like my response didn’t exactly just surprise myself, but him too. He turned, I could tell he was shocked, even if I couldn’t make out every expression on his face like I usually observed.

“Really?” He said with a laugh.

“Yes.”

I took my time retreating the clothes off my body, taking in the freeing feeling. It felt unfamiliar, but in some way it also felt right. I amble toward the murky water, the salty smell pervading my senses. My feet finally met the water. Myler was wrong, the water was cold. Not exactly the kind of cold that makes you scramble back and squeal, but the kind that tells you it needs your warmth.

I then continue. Untrusting. The water looked completely black, it swallowed my legs up to my mid thigh and I stopped.

“Myler, come here. Please. I- I can’t see anything.” The sand felt different being submerged in the water. It scared me, to be honest. It felt gross.

“Alright, I’m right here.” His voice is gentle.

I felt his hands corrupt my arms that lay to my side, taking them and guiding me forward. He stood behind me to my left, taller. I could feel his breath on my shoulders. The water was now waist deep, and every step only got deeper.

“I think I want to stop here, Myler.”

“Okay, okay.” I felt his warm hands abandon my arms.

Being able to forget how much I vowed to never let myself be in danger– this was actually really nice. Now that I was able to soak in the sensation and smell of the salty water, I could see why Myler argued. The ocean is inviting, and for my first time being out of the city to do something crazy like this, I wonder what else lies out there. Waiting. Inviting.