I AM YOU

The day has just started. I opened the window, made myself a coffee,

showered, put my favorite dress on and went out to meet my fiancé.

Life is such a blessing. What did I do to deserve it? In a world where a lot of

people suffer from illnesses, family issues, heartbreaks I found myself a lucky

one. I am a blonde, attractive woman. I just started my marketing company

and it works extremely well. I am an independent woman and at this moment I

think life gave me everything that I was always praying for. My fiancé is a

successful footballer. He is very loyal and careful. With small surprises he

always makes my day. For long lasting relationships details are crucial.

Forehead kisses, small notes left on the bedside table, favorite chocolate bars

and flowers. With these details love is being born over and over again. When

love is strong, there’s always something that wants to break it. There are so

many challenges, obstacles from the outside world.

Once love is exposed in front of everyone there are always some creatures

that want to make it bitter and complicated. But it’s important to understand it

as a tester and not as a fight. Don’t let dark rumors control your brain and

shadow your shine. When love is real you will hear another sound and ignore

all the other voices which are trying desperately to get to you. Knowledgeable

about all of that I am going to meet my fiancé.

Oh God, I love springs. The air simply smells different. You can smell

happiness and some kind of fear or excitement. It’s some mixed feeling and I

call it fearcitment. Funny, isn’t it? It’s different to explain how fresh spring air

wakes up some inner feeling which sleeps during the whole year, but spring. I

love that feeling! It’s some kind of positivity and hope. That is the right day to

go to sit on our favorite spot. Bench next to the lake! There is a tall maple tree.

With its magical leaves makes it even more spectacular. That is the spot

where my fiancé and I kissed for the first time. In that moment the world

disappeared, time stopped and emotions connected in different universes.

From that very moment I knew that my life would glow and light in different

dimensions. At that moment I knew this is where I belong. That was the piece

I was always looking for. We sat there and discussed our wedding plans. It’s

always exciting and funny, but never scary. I can’t wait to get married.

Suddenly, the day is getting colder. The sun is already going down. With him

time always flies. I will go home, make myself tea, watch some movie and

sleep. Tomorrow is a big day! I am going to pick a wedding dress. I will try my

best to sleep. Is that actually possible?A new day has arrived. I can hear through my window how strong rain drops

are fighting with my balcony fence. That’s the thing with spring. It’s always

unpredictable… so am I.

My phone started beeping and ringing. Over and over again. Strong rain wet

my floor. Wind is opening the windows. I am cold and shivering but not

because of the weather but because of what I saw on my phone screen. I

need to face reality and understand what makes me so successful in my

twenties. The way I look, I am a head turner. I finally checked my phone. My

fiancé sent me a picture and asked me how to explain it. There was a picture

of me, no clothes on. It was all around the internet. He told me that now he

understands why people stare at me. He asked me for honesty and if I could

say it at the beginning we could find a way to pass through that. Now it’s too

late. Lies are not truth's worst enemy, silence is. I was speechless. I couldn’t

say anything. At that moment my life stopped. I hung up the call without

saying anything. My family and friends called me too. Life is a constant

debate. You can know people for a lifetime and still not know anything about

them. I lost everything in one day. Loving and supporting fiancé, family, friends

and I guess my career too. Suddenly, my pictures were literally everywhere.

People were trying to reach out to me via Instagram. Offering me to do various

things for a certain price. Suddenly everything that I was, became gaslighted

with the picture that appeared on the internet. Sometimes lies are stronger

than the truth. I became everything that I never supported. How will I explain it

to my children tomorrow? The world we currently live in is way too different

than the world we grew up in. I didn’t even have the internet in my childhood

and now there’s so many things you can do through these small devices. It

made life easier but also more complicated. Via the internet you can build your

life, but ruin it too. Everything is public and not so many things can stay

hidden. Facing the reality my springs from that year didn’t smell like

fearcitment amymore, but only fear. I became old, tired and unexplained. The

world pictured me with different colors, pretty dark contrast. What was that…

the world, person or application itself. Who are you? What do you want? Is

virtual application managed by people or people are managed by virtual

application? How far can it go? How dangerous can it be? My ex fiancée met

someone else. He stopped playing football because of shame. I heard that he

is planning a family now. I let the silence speak and it destroyed me. In his

eyes I am, and I will always be a mistake. I will simply be a person who lied

about my actual career. He will never believe in my marketing business. He

simply thinks that I promote my body to get a comfortable lifestyle. If I ever

see him again what should I do? What should I say? Look at me! I look twenty

years older than I actually am. I started smoking. I am not living anymore, justexisting. How to prove innocence when there are physical proofs? Based on

what will people trust me? My words against the picture? I wouldn’t believe in

it. How can I explain that woman is not me? How to explain that the picture is

made up? How to explain it to my old fashioned parents who don’t even

believe in the internet yet? Someone used my ex fiancée’s fame to expose

such a lie. Simply like that my picture got viral. When people who admired me

before see me, they don’t see anything else but a fake internet article.

How can we fight against it? Is it possible to win the battle if you don’t know

who is fighting? Life used to be peaceful and calm. I remember times when I

used to come back from school and go to play with my friends. I remember my

father coming home from work and giving a kiss to my mum. Life used to be

simpler. Life used to be good. Marriages used to last. Nowadays somebody or

something is setting the etiquettes of behavior, relationships and marriages.

Unconsciously, we are following them. Unconsciously, we are getting annoyed

by our spouse’s behavior even if they didn’t do anything wrong. Somebody or

something is telling us how to live our lives. And following viral trends we are

convinced that we are doing it right.

We are convinced that we are happy. But are we truly happy? Are we truly

fine? And when is the right time to stop? Is there end or only constant

innovations? This story might not change the world. Maybe it will never reach

the right people. Maybe it will not be read by someone who can change it or

try to stop it. But it’s a small step to address big concerns. The world is already

good. Too much beauty ruins it, too much sugar doesn’t make coffee sweeter

anymore. As long as there is balance there is hope, there’s happiness, there’s

enjoyment